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CHAPTER 37.
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"Harry ... I ..." Hermione started but stopped after thinking.
"No Hermione. It's either a yes or a no. I understand that most things aren't black or white and almost always a grey exists in many scenarios, but from where I'm standing right now, it's either a yes or a no." Harry stated emphatically.
Hermione sat down at the edge of her bed and ran her hands through her hair pensively.
Thank Merlin Ginny's not done my hair yet. Else she would have had my skin for messing it up so, she thought.
"Hermione?" Harry asked again.
She looked up at him with a thoughtful expression. Harry noticed that there was no denial nor was there any acceptance in her facial expression. There wasn't irritation at his suggestion either. Usually Hermione would have shown one of those feelings.
"It's okay Hermione. Do you love him?" Harry asked again.
"I never stopped loving him Harry." Hermione said in a low but firm voice.
Even though he had prepared himself to hear the affirmative, the tone and strength of Hermione's voice took him by surprise.
"You never..." Harry started.
"I always loved Draco, Harry. Since school. He was my first love. And that is kind of hard to forget or let go." Hermione said gently. She looked up at him and locked her eyes to his. "I've loved him since. And to answer your question truthfully, yes I still love him."
Harry nodded mutely, taking a seat next to Hermione. "So... You and Malfoy .."
Hermione shook her head. "No. There was nothing like 'me and Malfoy'." She explained. "I'm merely telling you I loved him. And I still do."
"But Ron?" Harry asked confused.
Hermione's eyes filled with pain that only a single name could produce. "I loved him too. You should know that. But that came much later."
Harry sat there as if in shock. He knew Hermione was in love with Malfoy now. But he could have never imagined that she always had been in love with him since the beginning. Imagining her loving anyone else but Ron during their school days was some shock. But then again, learning that she was best buddies with Draco Malfoy had been no less than a shock either. If one thought of it in that manner, it shouldn't have been so surprising.
"Harry?" Hermione said gently. "I truly loved Ron. I don't know how it's even possible to love two people at the same time but it was true. I wasn't cheating or being unfair to him. I never compromised on my feelings with him. You should know that." She pleaded.
"I'm not accusing you of that Mione. I've seen you with Ron. It's impossible to believe you could have loved two people at one time. You and Ron loved each other so much. I'm just... I'm just... I'm sorry Mione, that you had to go through such turmoil. I'm sure choosing wouldn't have been easy. But it's you. And you always do the right thing." Harry said kindly.
Hermione's face morphed into a relieved smile as she hugged Harry. Harry was her best friend and brother. She never needed to articulate much in front of him. He always knew how she felt and she felt understood with him around.
"Thanks Harry. You don't know how much that means to me. I didn't have any control over my feelings but that didn't stop me from feeling guilty every day. I felt guilty for being with Ron when I still loved Draco. And I felt guilty for loving Draco while I was with Ron. I was a mess. At one point I felt the only way I could right it all was by being with neither of them." Hermione said. "And then Ron proposed. And I thought I would naturally say no. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. And marrying him made me so happy. I still felt guilty but I tried pushing my extra feelings behind to start a new life with Ron. And when I couldn't be happier, Ron... Ron..."
Hermione had started choking up by now. Words that hadn't been said earlier but thought many times started spilling out. She was so relieved that she finally had someone to talk to about this. Keeping this in her for so long had been stifling.
"Sshh Hermione." Harry said as he hugged her tight and rubbed her back. "It's okay. It's okay to miss him. You're entitled to miss him. It wasn't your fault."
"I don't know Harry. He probably deserved someone whole. Someone who would have loved him fully and not shared the feelings. Someone who could have given him his baby in time... Maybe he wasn't happy..."
"Don't you for one moment think he could have been happier with anyone besides you Hermione." Harry admonished her lovingly. "You gave him all you could. It's not your fault he died before you both could have children."
"I'm not good enough for either of them Harry." Hermione said quietly. "I can't offer anything in entirety to them and they deserve much more than that."
"Malfoy loves you Hermione. A blind person would be able to see that. You deserve a second chance. This is fate giving you that chance Hermione." Harry stressed.
Hermione shook her head. "We lost our chance long back Harry. And I'm not bitter about it. I wasn't then and I'm not now. I'm not going to ruin Draco's life too by trying to become a part of it."
"Hermione don't be silly. That's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth.. Please .." Harry said.
Hermione raised her hand signalling him to stop. "Please Harry, I know you love me and it's difficult for you to process what I'm saying about myself but I really don't want to discuss this." She said with an air of finality.
Harry looked defeated. He sighed and stood up. "Okay. I'll send Ginny in. You probably should get ready if we need to reach there in time."
Hermione nodded.
As Harry was leaving, he turned back. Leaning against the door, he looked at Hermione who had raised her head in his direction now.
"He's in love with you, you know. And he seems lost without you. You may not think it but at this point, you both are right for each other." Harry said and left before Hermione could gather her wits and say anything.
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"Shameful." Draco said shaking his head in mock consternation. "Ones own hospital charity ball and you're so late. Tsk tsk."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh give it a rest. Just because the invite say 7 pm onwards doesn't mean we should reach at dot 7."
"Some Healer." Draco murmured under his breath.
"Want to say something?" Hermione piped.
Draco shook his head, smirking.
"All this grand waste. I thought only wizards in England were pretentious about such balls and functions. Apparently it's everywhere." Hermione complained. "If they want to donate money, just do it! Why the show?"
"Oh Hermione." Ginny laughed. "Just enjoy the music and food. We can argue about the waste of resources later." She said as she eyed the champagne but distastefully picked the cherry iced tea.
"Hermione!" A loud excited voice called from the door.
Hermione turned to look in the direction and found Katherine, arm in arm with Matt, looking very excited. She quickly extricated herself from her boyfriend and made a beeline towards Hermione and Ginny, while Draco was introducing Matt to Harry.
"You look wonderful Katherine!" Hermione said truthfully.
"Thanks Hermione. But just look at you. This dress looks even more gorgeous on you today." Katherine gushed.
"Doesn't it?" Ginny spoke up as she picked some honeyed shrimp that was being passed. "And to think she almost didn't wear it. Thank Godric I sent Harry in time."
Katherine laughed. "Harry?"
"Don't tell him I told you. But Harry's quite the fashion expert." Ginny whispered.
"Ginny!" Harry said indignantly. "Not in public!"
"Oh hush." Ginny said. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"Let's dance. They are starting up the band." Katherine said enthusiastically.
Hermione started to make an excuse when Draco slid his arm into hers and whispered into her ear, "Shall we?"
Hermione looked at him irked, "do we really need to?"
"Humour me?" He asked uncharacteristically sweetly.
Hermione melted at the pleading look on his face. There were very rare occasions when Hermione could resist Draco, and this wasn't one of the moments. Especially after a recap of the most buried moments they had shared together in school, the equally buried memories had become fresh again and it was all Hermione could do to not envelope him and never let him go. But she had to keep herself in check. Just like she had all those years ago and so had he.
But one dance wouldn't be so bad, would it?
She smiled and put her hand in his offered one.
He gave her a dazzling smile that lit up his face and his eyes and Hermione couldn't help but replay Harry's parting words to her in her mind. Could it be true? Harry had very convincingly said that Draco loved her. But how could he be so sure when she herself wasn't sure. Things that had transpired years ago and were bygones were being refreshed again and it had started creating turmoil in her mind.
But seeing the look on Draco's face started pushing her worries away as she glided effortlessly thanks to Draco leading her perfectly. She felt totally comfortable being in such close proximity to him.
"At the risk of stating the obvious, I want to say something." Draco murmured into her ear as he twirled her.
Hermione raised her eyebrows at him questioningly.
"You look stunning." He said slowly, maintaining eye contact with her. "And it's not the outfit or anything. It's You." He said, still looking at her piercingly.
Hermione blushed furiously and lowered her gaze. She couldn't keep eye contact as the heat crept up her neck. She tried hard not smile despite herself.
"I can't decide if you looked more gorgeous the night of the Yule Ball or now." He continued.
Hermione closed in the slight distance so that she could rest her chin on his collar bone. If he was being so generous with compliments, then she didn't want him to see the pleased embarrassment on her face.
She laughed to hide her embarrassment. "Draco, that was almost a decade ago. Surely, I've grown a bit since then."
"Maybe." Draco said deep in thought. "But what does beauty have to do with age? You looked beyond beautiful that night. As do you now." He added.
Hermione cleared her throat. "Okay enough about all that now." She said trying to change the subject that made her uncomfortable. "So tell me," she asked grinning. "How's it going with Harry? I heard you had fun shopping for the tuxedo dress robes." She smirked.
Draco groaned and hung his head low on her shoulder. "Way to kill the mood." He murmured to himself.
"Sorry?" Hermione asked.
"Nothing nothing." Draco said patronisingly. "I really can't understand how that man became the saviour of the Wizarding World." He said shaking his head in denial.
"Draco!" Hermione chastised him.
"No seriously!" Draco protested. "He rejected 3 robes I selected for myself and picked my robe for me." He said exasperated.
Hermione laughed. "What are you complaining about? You look good. You should be thanking Harry."
"I look good?" Draco asked disbelievingly. "Just good? This," he said gesturing at his body, "isn't just good Granger! It's fantastic! Need I remind you about the time when I was voted best looking Quidditch player in Europe?"
Hermione laughed out loud. "And to think I almost forgot how modest you were too."
"I'm sorry about earlier." He said sheepishly.
"About..?" She asked looking confused.
"Being a git and refusing to come with you here." He said apologetically. "I mean, i don't know what came over me. All of fourth year i was dying to take you to the ball and now... Now when i had the chance, i just behaved like a complete prat."
Hermione laughed. "Don't be silly. You were a child back then." She joked. "Of course you wanted to take a pretty girl to the Ball with you."
Draco looked at her, shocked by what she had just said. "Who are you and what have you done to my Hermione?"
She blushed at the mention of 'my Hermione'. "I'm joking. I know it's boring to be here.I didn't want to either.. But Ginny really did."
"You're not joking." He said seriously. "You are pretty. Beautiful in fact. Pretty does no justice."
"Draco..." She said warningly.
"Ssshh. Just let it be. Accept my true compliment graciously." He said.
She smiled to hide her clear embarrassment and rested her chin on his chest. "I'm glad you came though."
"Me too." He said softly.
The songs continued to play and they continued to dance. Without a break.
Hermione felt Harry tap on her shoulder. She turned and saw a knowing smirk on his face. She grimaced inwardly.
"If you're not opposed to me stealing your partner, Malfoy" Harry said "may I have one dance with my dear friend?"
Draco grudgingly handed Hermione to Harry.
"Oh don't look so gloomy Malfoy." Ginny said as she took Hermione's place. "I'm not a bad dance partner."
Draco smiled inspite of himself. He would never admit it to Hermione that he actually enjoyed the company of the Potter's. Even Harry. But Ginny was so entertaining that he couldn't help but actually have fun with her.
She behaved so casual with him as if they had always been friends. It was like she had never known the Draco Malfoy of Hogwarts and was completely starting fresh. Her ability to compartmentalise her relationships and to forgive and move on astounded him. He would have never thought that he would find a likely friend in a Weasley, let alone weaslette.
He smiled a genuine smile. "I can't believe Potter managed to keep his hands off you enough to dance with Hermione." He said as he turned her.
"Oh Harry and Hermione is something I don't want to even start with." Ginny said airily. "I may be his wife but Hermione holds a very special place in his heart. There's no separating them that way."
Draco nodded. "I know where you come from. I felt that often in school too. Surprisingly though, I was never jealous of it." He said before he could stop himself.
"Jealous huh?" Ginny said devilishly. "Now why in the world would you be jealous? She was best friends with you too. Enough to lie and sneak around."
"I mean. You know teenagers." Draco scoffed. "We all were possessive at that age."
"You've loved her since Hogwarts!" Ginny whistled. "Wow!"
Draco looked thoroughly embarrassed by now. "Ginny ... Please. Come on now. What's with the interrogation?"
"No I just..." Ginny said.
"Look. Forget what I said okay? It was a long time ago and I messed it up. I'm glad she's still my friend. I don't want to ruin anything now." Draco said earnestly.
Ginny looked at him with understanding. "Draco, nothing is messed up. She loves you too. I can feel it. Well, of course i became aware of your feelings for her first but now that i've met her, im certain she feels the same for you."
"You knew how I felt about her?" Draco asked incredulously. "Since when?"
"Ever since she fled and you offered to look for her." Ginny said confidently.
Draco's eyes grew slightly wide."Since then? Was it that obvious?"
"Well, maybe not to many, but I always catch these things." Ginny answered with a smirk. "So are you going to tell her or not?"
Draco sighed. "Its more complicated than you think Ginny."
"If you're worried about Ron then.."
Draco cut her off in the middle before she could say anything further. "Its not about him. Well, maybe in minuscule proportions, but not entirely. There are other things too."
Ginny took a deep breath. "Do you love her the same way you did in school?"
"More if its possible." He said without missing a beat.
"Then you'll find a way to make it work." Ginny said with full confidence.
"How can you be so sure?" He asked.
"I just am." She replied.
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