A hearty thank you to;
My Bad Addiction
MaronTodai
bookworm1519
gimarkley2013
Angel N Darkness
cutiepiehp
SaruDM
n3rdwagg
Jewelies
Desa Gibbons
Dramionelover345
LadySarahj
witchnimbus23
KodeV - The 400th Reviewer! Wooot!
KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun
igenac
slsilver
LyndahJune
Daisy Seary
lil lizzz
mihika
echizenochi
Violet Harrison
Cheypielaughs
EslaeClarius
Deep is desire not love
For all the amazing feedback and getting this story to 400 !
100+ people have this story as one of their favourites now! I'm very kicked!
Thank you all for reviewing and putting it on favourites! 3
.
.
.
CHAPTER 39.
.
.
Draco Malfoy's POV :
.
.
.
I arranged the pillows under my elbow again so that I could continue looking at the woman I had fallen in love with almost a decade ago and never fallen out of love with.
She looked breathtaking. More than she ever had, if that was even possible. My chest tightened with the thought that this could never be my reality. I could spend hours every night looking at her instead of sleeping, just looking at her, the geography of her face, her body, her being with me. And all I had was tonight.
At some point, we had moved into my room and she had fallen asleep before me. Which wasn't surprising, given how exhausted she was, emotionally and otherwise.
I was too, but I was too high strung to actually fall asleep. I couldn't believe that Hermione Granger was sleeping next to me. Her body radiated warmth and a feeling of being home. Even though this was completely new for me, I had imagined waking up to her for years and somehow having her where she was right now, close beside me; seemed like the most natural thing in the whole world.
When we started out I was scared out of my wits. I wanted it so badly and didn't want it at the same time. If I hadn't looked into her eyes when I had tried to stop her, I'd be alone right now. And she would probably be at her flat,in her room, alone too. I will never know how that would have turned out. Stopping her at that time, even though it seemed responsible, could be misconstrued as rejection and I didn't want to push her more into the vulnerable abyss she had created. Either way, there would be consequences.
I can't get myself to regret what I've done. Although; when we wake tomorrow, I'm sure there will be a point when I will be wishing I could turn back time and do things differently. I'm certain of it. Not because I feel I've exploited the situation, not because she might feel I exploited her weakness, but because I know Hermione Granger, and I know how her mind works.
Even though she wasn't inebriated last night, she was in an emotionally vulnerable place. Her impulses then were not necessarily what she would normally act upon. And she did just that. The mental admonishment and guilt trip she will put herself through will be excruciating to watch. I'm certain she won't say anything to me nor will she want to discuss it or blame me but she will bear it all herself and it'll eventually eat her.
I sighed and ran my hands through my hair and pulled it till I felt my roots groan against my scalp. I sat up straight; it was pointless even trying to go to bed now. The duvet ran a little lower and exposed her bare shoulder as a result of me trying to sit up. Luckily it was warm and that didn't wake her up.
I looked over at her for possibly the thousandth time that night. Her makeup was gone before the night was over due to her crying and her hair was nothing like how it had been at the Ball.
That would be thanks to me. But if it were possible, her wild mane that fanned the pillow and just a little bit of her forehead, had never looked so good before. It was out of the confines of the delicate hairdo that Ginny had helped her with and was now all over, asserting itself proudly, just like Hermione Granger would do.
I decided I liked her hair this way better. It reminded me of the person she had been. I tentatively ran my fingers through her locks. They didn't let me run my hand smoothly of course, but nonetheless, I loved the feeling of her soft waves.
Hermione mumbled something incoherent in her sleep and her features relaxed as she attempted a lazy smile before turning her side, to face me now.
I froze mid action. I don't know why, but what I was doing made me feel guilty. Like I wasn't supposed to.
Which was ridiculous really. After the events of last night, I shouldn't be feeling guilty for running my hand through her hair. It was irrational, I know, but my heart picked up pace and waited for the inevitable to take place.
I expected her to wake up and the unpleasantness to begin right away. I knew it was coming. There was no denying that. I didn't want to pretend that this one incident would pave way for what I had dreamed of since years. So I was conditioning myself for the worse.
But luckily, she just mumbled some more, smiled a bit more and surprisingly, snuggled into my torso a little more before wrapping her now free hand over my waist and continuing her slumber.
I laughed nervously and exhaled the breath that I had subconsciously started holding when she had moved.
Feeling a little bolder, I linked my fingers with hers and relished the feeling of her hand in mine.
I closed my eyes and imagined myself with her, like this, every day of my remaining life. I would give anything for it to become a reality.
But right now, this moment was perfect and I was trying to hold it as close to me as I could, probably emboss the memory of it in my brain.
I opened my eyes and looked at her. Again.
She looked so much at ease, so free while she slept. I almost laughed out loud at the irony. Here I was, worrying my usually uncaring head about all that had happened while she slept peacefully as if it was the most natural incident in the world.
As long as it lasted.
Tomorrow would come and erase all the comforts of tonight. I couldn't say I was ready for it, because face it; it wasn't only Hermione's peace of mind at stake but also our friendship.
Over the years, our friendship had survived a lot; hate, prejudice,cowardice, familial opposition, lies and betrayal,lack of faith, but this was something that hadn't been tested.
And to be honest, I was practically out of my mind worrying about the impact this would have on our , what had not killed us in the past had only made us stronger, but what if this was the breaking point?
I continued to look at her. For some reason, the innocently content and carefree look on her face did nothing to abate my concerns.
On the contrary, I feared the contrasting feelings she would be going through when she would realise what had transpired.
Of course she was present when it all happened. She initiated it, she was aware, she was sober. But that didn't mean she wouldn't regret it. I know she will. And although I don't regret it one bit right now, the sad thing is, I know I will too when tomorrow comes. And not because the light of dawn puts things in a different perspective, but because it will put things in a different perspective for her. And it will pain her and she'll want to go through it all on her own. And that will pain me. That is why I will regret it.
Also, maybe a small part of me wants to believe that she acted the way she did out of love; like that would be wishful thinking.I would have wanted our first time to be romantic and mutual, but it was impulsive and in the moment. That would be the only other regret.
Sweet Salazar, i've turned sappy! I bet you're rolling in your grave, Lucius. But i cant help it. You tried plenty to drive her away from me but it only caused me to fall 're long gone, but i'm still no closer to having her than I was when you were alive.
But tonight, while it lasts, I'm going to soak every second of it, like my sleeping Hermione here.
I resumed my sleeping position and pulled her closer to me, memorizing every aspect of how her body felt against mine. Because that's what they would always be; a memory.
Right now, The morning can wait and so can the inevitable.
.
.
.