A.N.: Hello my beautiful readers! So I know I haven't updated, thanks so much for being patient with me! I had some pretty heavy things happen to me and it took me a long time to get writing again. I actually had half this chapter done for a while so please forgive me if this seems a little choppy! I wanted to make one thing clear for you, from this point on this story is going to go a bit…well…more than a bit…INSANE! Its gonna get a little fast from here so I hope your ready for the ride! Lol I already got this story's sequel in the works so don't be sad when this one ends! This is only the beginning guys!
"Its not about how hard you hit…it about how hard you can get hit and keep going forward."
Blank eyes stared at a crumbling wall, nothing had changed, nothing was different, and nothing had happened to change his world, as he knew it. But Harry knew he was changed. Something inside of him had snapped today, something had broken and something inside of him was…wrong. The realization had been slowly creeping up on him without any coaxing on his part. It had dwelled in the deep dark abyss of his mind and had festered there.
It might have started that day in the Ice Cream store, it may have been a little after that but it had been there…waiting for this moment to come to surface. It had been waiting for him to break, to step over that line between madness and brilliance. He had done that today and now it was as if something inside of him had died. All because it would never be enough for him. No matter how much he made them suffer, no matter if he burned down the world down around him and saw every last Muggle die. None of it was enough. Not for him. It just…wouldn't compare to what he had been through.
They had stolen more than a childhood from him, more than his innocence and more than his sanity. His 'Parents' had taken more than that from him and no matter how he struck out at them it would never be enough. It was because they had stolen from him before he had even known it was there. They had stolen any chance he could have had of feeling, REALLY FEELING, true lasting happiness. He had suffered in silence while they had moved on with their lives, he had been beat, broken, tossed aside while they had started a new family.
They had forgotten him; they had lived, loved, and been happy, smiled, played, cried, laughed, truly lived while he had been forced into a half-life. He wasn't dead, but he wasn't truly living either. They had taken that from him, taken any chance he had at living a normal life because he sincerely didn't know how to do so anymore. He didn't know how to laugh, he didn't know how to smile right, he didn't know how to love, he didn't know how to be happy and it was their entire fault.
The Dursleys' may have been the Monster Makers but his 'family' they were the human destroyers. Nothing he could do to them could ever compare to what he had been through…what he was going through. Simply for the fact that they knew these things, they knew what it is to love, to live, and even if he took these things away from them they would remember them. If he took away their happiness, took their smiles, took their laughs, took their love, and even if he took their lives they still had it at one point. Even if he took all these things, they had had them to take in the first place. He didn't have theses things; no one could take them because he had never possessed them in the first place.
So…it would never be enough because they would have something to cling to…something to remember when only the echoes of theses things remain. Their memories would insure that even if he destroyed those things later, they would still have them, in memories, in a smile of a stranger, in the glow of the moon, in the echo of what had been. Things like that don't just go away because they were taken at some point. They knew them and so they knew how to get them back. Even if he took their very lives it wouldn't be enough, the suffering would not be the same and he would remain the same.
He was a dead thing, something that knew not how to love, that didn't know how to live, and welcomed death at his door. Harry saw the world as it was, not as they wanted it to be, and so he knew that life found ways to beat you down. Every chance it had it would hit you, and it would keep on hitting you until you were on your knees before it, broken. Harry had learned that early enough in life that he had come to accept it, life was not all rainbows and smiles like the light would have you believe.
It was hurt, it took a lot of blood and at the end of the day you had to decide if you were going to stay on your knees or if you were going to stand up for another hit. Harry was beginning to realize it didn't matter how hard he hit back, life continued to hit him harder and here he was back on his knees. His blank eyes seemed to freeze at the thought; he was on his knees because he finally acknowledged his revenge was never going to be enough for him. However, he had been on his knees before, life had never been kind to him and he already knew it was a savage place. The question now was, was he willing to let this beat him? Did he want to give into this madness and this deadening inside of him?
His emerald eyes sparked with life at the thought, and gained fire as he got up from his listless stupor to stand tall. No, no he would not allow this nor anything else keep him down. Harry scowled angrily into thin air as if he was challenging fate, this would not beat him, he would get up from his knees and he would keep taking hits. This wouldn't be the end of him; he had things to do, and goals to accomplish! Harry knew now it wasn't about how many hits he threw back, it wasn't about getting some revenge from his 'parents' and it wasn't even about ridding the world of its Muggle infestation. No, it was about him trying to keep moving forward.
It was not about how many hits he shot back at the world, no it was about how many hits he could take from the world and keep going forward. Harry was not going to allow anything to hold him down, not his insanity, not his 'family', not the light and definitely not the world. He was stronger than that, Harry was stronger than this, and he wasn't going to fall apart because it wasn't even. If burning down the world wouldn't be enough to satisfy him…he would still see it burn. He would watch it burn and from the ashes would raise something new.
What that something was he knew not. Harry did know one thing though, it was time to get past this, it was time to stop wallowing in self-pity, it was pathetic and below him. He was strong, stronger than this, he would own this insanity and he would own this unsatisfaction with life. Suddenly feeling better than he had since he had stepped into this decaying castle Harry found he was enthused with new purpose. He felt powerful once more and with a wave of a hand the crumbling ruin that he had made his room was whole once more…just as he wished he could be.
----------------------------x previously during tournament x-------------------------------
Alucard stirred from his slumber as he felt a tugging on his blood and very suddenly his eyes snapped open to glow in the darkness of his room. His wicked smile stretched across his face and he pushed on the pulling of his blood. He chuckled in satisfaction when he felt the steady drawing on him that could only be from his little one. It would seem that the blood he had forced on his little one was finally taking affect. It had been dormant up until now, and it appeared that at the moment Tristen was bloodthirsty enough to draw on it subconsciously.
When he had forced his blood into his little one that night it had never been in the intent to turn him, no for that to happen his blood had to be taken willingly. His blood instead acted differently within his little one, it would heal most injuries somewhat, it would extent his life, and it would serve as a marker to other vampires. It would not turn him into a vampire, just give him some vampiric attributes now that it had activated.
He was one of the last from the purest line, one of the first, and so his blood affected people differently than the less pure vampires walking about. For example, if he gave his blood to a willing precipitant than they would become Vampire and be under his control. They would feel compelled to follow his will, never oppose him and to call him Master. However, if he granted his blood to them once more after the change they would be free of him and have their own wills once more.
In his little one's case his forcibly given, so his blood affect him differently, instead of changing he remained the same and of his own will. Still, in times of great emotional or mental stress his blood would activate within the vessel (i.e. Tristen) causing him to take on some of his personality. His little one would become bloodthirsty, craving to kill not necessarily drink, and take on some of his features. If he continued to tap into his blood due to stress on his body than for a short time his little one could gain some of his features, such as his red eyes or a pair of fangs.
Now, if his blood went dormant again these changes wouldn't take place but there would still be an affect left on his Tristen. He would feel drawn to him more; to seek him out and even on some level Tristen would desire him. There would be a craving for his company too, it would not be too bad but still it would be enough. He had plans for his little one; he had been contemplating the various ways to tie Tristen to him since he had come to realize he could not last long without the divine taste of his blood.
His goal was to get his little one to willing take some of his blood, so that he would turn but this would change him differently than the rest. It was because he had forcible given Tristen his blood the first time when he took his blood the second time there would be a bond formed between them. No matter how many times Tristen took his blood after that he would not be freed of him like the rest. It would mean that his little one would finally be his for all of eternity, it didn't really matter much to Alucard that this was not what Tristen wanted.
Alucard was a selfish creature, who would not be after centuries of self-indulgence? He could not think past his need for Tristen's blood and body. He did not think past his own desires, Alucard could never understand why it was the Tristen wished to die. For all these things Alucard could not understand, so in turn he was unable to understand the one he desired above all else and this was the reason he overlooked the consequences of his actions. Should his plan succeed, Tristen would no doubt despise the one whom stole his eternal rest from him. Alucard could not see this, so he felt no remorse pushing on his forced connection with the boy and in doing so he broke Tristen in a way beyond repair.
The madness that had dwelled in Tristen had been contained tirelessly by Tristen to keep himself from hurting the ones he did not wish to harm. It had strained him in many things, made him prone to acting strangely and it was the reason that while he could be cold he was still very gentle. He had done this by pushing down most of his madness, releasing it only in controlled environments set up by him and directed to things he cared not for. This had worked for years but it had taken its toll on him in more ways than most knew.
Alucard pushed him to far; it shattered his control, forcing him to act more brutally in public to prevent himself from striking out at someone. It made him too weak to stop the thoughts that had been plaguing him from the beginning and in turn it forced him to confront a very deep dark truth that he had been hiding from. While this would eventually forced him to grow stronger in order to overcome this obstacle to reach his goals it also unleashed something else entirely. His insanity, which had been so well controlled before had now broken lose and the consequences of this have yet to be seen. One thing was for certain; everything Tristen did from this point on would be touched by his insanity and the pure chaos that dwelled within him.
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Hermione didn't understand, and if there was one thing in the world she hated it was, not understanding something. She had always been the bookworm, the know-it-all, and she had never once minded the fact she was the social outcast. Even at Hogwarts, a place she had thought would be full of strange accepting people she had been the pariah no one dared to befriend. At least that was how it had been until her second year and Suzie Forester had come along.
Suzie was kind, courageous, smart, and very outgoing. Hermione often wondered why she had not ended up in Griffindor instead of Ravenclaw. Suzie had sought her out, befriended her and in doing so Hermione had gained a place in life for the first time. She had been grateful, so grateful, that she was no longer alone and had some friends to share her life with that she had never once questioned Suzie's eccentrics. Suzie talked endlessly of the brother, no one had met and how awe-inspiring he had been.
She had talked so endlessly of him, Hermione had, without meaning to, begun to believe that there was a mysterious boy out there who was above all others. She had even begun to idealize him in a way, after all someone had to be truly special to gain such devotion from such a beautifully pure girl. Hermione had believed her until she had laid her eyes on Tristen, until she had spent time in his company. Tristen was so cold, he was such a contradiction, he was almost cruel and yet he had a flock of followers whom were as devoted as Suzie was to him.
For a while she had suspected magic to be the reason behind his following because they seemed to be devoted to him in a way that seemed almost unnatural. However, every test she did, every spell she cast, none of it reversed the affects and their reaction to him never changed. Eventually Hermione had come to accept that it wasn't magic that bound these people to the cold but caring Tristen Winter. So she had set about trying to study them, to study him in order to find out the reason why they cared for him so.
Yet everything he did gave no indication to why they seemed to worship him and every little thing he did. After his display in the first task she even wondered why they had no fear of him. They didn't behave like toadies, they didn't follow him out of fear or some misguided thought that by being near they could be great themselves. No, they were well and truly in love with everything he did. And Hermione for the life of her could not figure out why.
There was nothing he did that she saw that could evoke such feeling from them. He was kind, she gave him that, he never treated them cruelly, nor did he flaunt his power over him like some would be inclined to but he was just so cold. His eyes were as hard as the emeralds they resembled, cold, hard, jaded, and when he had them upon her Hermione felt as if her inside would freeze. He was a polite boy, courteous even, but she had watched him around people.
He never touched anyone voluntarily, and if the occasion called for contact he kept himself back to keep touching to the minimum. It was really amazing how he seemed to float down the halls of the school as if nothing could reach him. He was graceful and if one wasn't looking for it one would not see how he avoided touch so. She had studied him long enough that she had noted the way he turned before someone could graze his side when he walked or the way he only allowed Suzie to hold his hand. Even his little group of followers got the bare minimum of touching that would be considered casual. He avoided contact with everyone else like the plague.
Besides that, he was just so…distant, his face always looked so serene, so calm but that didn't change the fact that it was also blank. He showed no emotion, it was like he was a robot going through the motions of life but not living in it. He was strange, cold; kind, distant and so contradicting it gave her a headache thinking of it. And he was such a hard puzzle that she found herself lost…she just couldn't understand what it was about him that had caused the people that surrounded him to be so devoted to him.
She was going to find out today, if she couldn't figure this out on her own then she was going to have to resort to just directly asking one of them. Not Suzie, she would not understand why Hermione needed to know. Cleo was the one she'd approach, as she seemed the most calm and welcoming out of all the intimidating flock that followed Tristen around. She woke early and made her way to where the Noctiluca students were staying. Hermione had followed Suzie enough to know where it was and she knocked on the portrait waiting for someone to answer.
Gabriel was the one who answered, she had considered asking him but he was just too quiet for her tastes. "Hello, is Cleo here still?" He nodded slightly a curious look on his face but he didn't ask her reasons for being here so early. "Would you get her for me?" He paused, as if thinking over her request, and finally he nodded slowly before retreating back behind the portrait. Hermione fidgeted nervously as she waited for her salvation from the headache that was the "Tristen Mystery".
A few minutes later she heard some whispers from behind the Portrait but she couldn't distinguish anything before it opened to reveal a very curious looking Cleo. Hermione had liked Cleo from the start even though the color of her eyes was a bit disturbing but you had to get used to see the great girl she really was. Hermione smiled hesitantly, "Cleo could I talk to you alone for a moment?" "Sure," she replied before stepping out of the portrait hole closing it behind her as she did.
"Umm, this way lets take a short walk," Hermione said trying hard to hide her anxiety. She really didn't know how her questions would be received mostly because Cleo was so devoted to Tristen as all that followed him around. However, she seemed very kind and understanding so Hermione was hopeful she wouldn't be insulted. "The reason I wanted to talk to you is I have some questions I need to ask you…" "Go on." "Well plainly I don't understand why you and everyone really are so fixated on this Tristen Winter? To me he just seems so cold and I find your loyalty to him baffling."
Cleo stared steadily at Hermione as if she was waiting for something more, "Is that all? You just want to know what it is about the Prince that holds us to him so?" Hermione nodded her head furiously, half embarrassed and half expecting. "Well, I don't know what to say, really I have no idea how to explain it to you in a way you'd accept…" Cleo looked off and absentmindedly started to head back to the Noctiluca dorms.
"What can I tell you that you can't see already?" Cleo sighed, and then she brightened and started to nod excitedly to herself. "Yes, that's perfect!" she grabbed Hermione's hand before she could even protest she was being dragged bodily into their dorms. She led her down the hall and past the curious stares from the others to a very ordinary looking door. Cleo knocked lightly like she was nervous on how she would be greeted but she shouldn't have been.
Tristen opened the door looking as serene and perfect as he always did. He had that same expression on his face, like the world couldn't touch him and it disturbed Hermione as much as it always did. "Yes Cleo," his voice was soft, like a caress and it made Hermione shiver inside. "My Prince, I would ask that you help Hermione as you've helped me." Her voice was subdued and solemn like she was asking for a great favor.
He looked at Hermione then, really looked, his eyes like shards of glass and just as cutting with his intensity. Hermione felt like shrinking into herself and disappearing if only to escape those eyes. Then just like that they went back to the jaded cold emerald that she had come to expect from him. He looked at Cleo and nodded, he stepped aside to allow entrance to his room. Hermione didn't want to move, she was scared, and she didn't know what the hell was happening. Cleo was insistent though and pushed her through his door forcefully.
Hermione heard the door click shut behind her and turned to find Cleo had not followed her in, she was alone…with Tristen. He calmly walked towards her, she was frozen she couldn't make her legs work. He reached her and just stood there before her for a minute, just staring. Then he started to circle her, studying her, it reminded her terribly of the sharks she saw on an animal documentary when she was younger.
Then he did something totally unexpected, he took her hand gently in his and lead her to a chair beside his bed and sat her down with equal gentleness. She was quite dazed by the turn of events and it just kept getting stranger. He slid a smooth soft hand down her cheek and cupped her chin forcing her to meet his eyes. They were still jaded and cold, however, they had a shine to them that drew her in almost like an allusion of warmth that could have been there.
"You know you're a very beautiful girl," he said silkily, his voice soft, soothing, and this time it didn't disturb her. "Such a shame to have your beauty trapped where the world cannot see it as I do," his hand left her chin but she couldn't take her gaze away from him. He waved his hand and a small case flew from somewhere to his awaiting hand. Hermione was so enchanted with him at that moment that she didn't even register the use of wandless magic.
"I'll have to fix that, you are beautiful why not share that fact with the world. You have a brilliance about you Hermione that needs to be shared, you are sharp, sharper than the rest of these fools attending this dying school," he took a container from the case and tilted her head back. He circled around her and then began to gently work something into her hair, nimble fingers running through her hair relaxing her so much she felt her eyes drift shut.
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The girl, Hermione, had fallen asleep during his ministrations and Harry didn't feel like waking her any time soon. It would be easier this way, without her able to consciously or subconsciously fighting him. He would make her beautiful, it was like shining a rough diamond, easier than most people would assume.
Harry wasn't all to sure why he was doing this other than the fact that Cleo asked it of him, He thought maybe it was because he needed to know if he could handle this still. If he could control himself, she was so vulnerable sitting there slumped into the chair…it wouldn't take much at all to end her.
He reached out with his fingertips and slid them along her exposed neck gently…barely grazing her skin. His fingers traced over her artery, no it wouldn't take much at all…just a little cut and all that pretty blood would flow right out. He could imagine it now, it flowing down her neck, thick and heavy soaking into her clothes to pool at her feet. Really she would look so beautiful with her face drained of blood, starkly white, blood gathered at her feet like velvety red rose petals.
Yes, it wouldn't take much at all one little nip and he could settle that monster in him for a time. Just as he was about to summon the magic to end her Harry managed to stop, managed to think and he drew away from her. He gulped at the air as if he was drowning, his hands were shaking with the effort to stop, Harry squeezed his eyes shut.
He didn't think it would be this hard, Harry looked to the girl sleeping in his chair and wondered if she knew just how close to death she had come, if she would ever know. Oh, Harry knew she saw the monster in him…Hermione was amazingly insightful she saw the monster when everyone else saw the prince.
Harry smiled wickedly at the thought and his hands went around his middle tightening in his effort to keep himself in control. As much as he desired to hurt something, to make someone else bleed and scream for him he would not allow himself to do so here. This girl was a witch, she was like him, she deserved to live and he would not take her life from her. He could not allow the monster inside of him out and in a desperate move to gain control Harry went to his mirror.
The enchantments that had been on it had bothered him, so he stripped it down; now his mirror was just a normal mirror in his room. Harry hated hearing the vain reflection come to life, talking, making comments, to him a reflection was very personal something not to be meddled with. But as he gazed at himself in the mirror he could not see the prince everyone else saw, he saw the beast that laid in wait within him.
Hypnotized by it Harry had an insane impulse he quickly gave into, "Mirror, Mirror, heart of black, Can you see the things I lack?" He reached out to touch the cold surface of it caressing his reflections cheek, it was frozen, "I suffer silent, still and cold; Thinking of things of old." His smile was frozen too, sharp like broken glass, it reflected the shattered pieces of him. "Blood runs deep and I must confess, Only then can I find a semblance of happiness," His emerald eyes grew glazed as he stared at the mirror, seeing the beast lurking there moving under his skin.
"Blood soaked hands I must hide, With the monster I keep inside," One hand went to cover where his heart should be and Harry imagined it was as cold…lifeless as the mirror reflection before him. His other hand did not leave the mirrors surface, it looked as if there were two of him, "Mirror, Mirror, Can't you see? What this reflection does to me?" Harry imagined for a moment that there was two of him, one the beast hungering for chaos, the other the Prince trying so hard to slay the beast.
The question was which one was he? Was he the beast he saw reflected in the mirror, yearning to see everything and everyone burning down? Or was he the Prince, trying to slay the beast? Which one? "Fire burn and ashes pile, How did I become so Vile?" When he could no longer stand to see his own face any longer he turned his back on the mirror. He leaned heavily back onto it, feeling the cold seep into him through his clothes.
"For now I know a truth so rough, This will never be enough," Harry shut his eyes, trying to come to grips with himself. "Blood flowed deep and ashes fly high, I will never reach the sky…". Slowly he was managing to gain control of himself. "Heavens gates wont open for me," his face was back to his serene pose, he turned back for a moment and just caught his reflection as he was walking back to Hermione.
Quietly he whispered to himself as he went back to shining a rough diamond, "Oh, Mirror, Mirror can't you see; What this reflection does to me?"
--------------x--------------
When Hermione woke she was only slightly unnerved to see Tristen's face in close proximity to her own, only slightly because his face was as serene and perfect as always. "You're as beautiful now as you ever will be," she imagined he would be smiling had he been a normal person. Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she glanced around searching for one so she might see herself.
However, she found it odd that there were no mirrors in Tristen's room, not one, and for some reason that sent a shiver up her back. He held his hand out to her and Hermione was more than stunned. From what she knew of him, Tristen did not like to be touched or get touched by anyone for any extended period of time. Still, it made her feel special knowing this and Hermione took his offered hand.
He didn't like people touching him but he wanted to touch her…it made Hermione feel somewhat proud. He led her to the hallway where a large mirror hung proudly, oddly she found it wasn't enchanted but the thought slipped her mind when she caught a glimpse of herself. She almost didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. Hermione just couldn't truly believe she was staring at herself in the mirror. The girl before her was so…pretty, her hair looked like ringlets of spun caramel, her skin looked flawlessly soft, her eyebrows elegantly arched and her lips were full and pouting.
It took her breath away, then Tristen leaned down and whispered in her ear, "This is the true you, this is the beauty I will show the world today." His breath was cool on her ear and Hermione couldn't stop the blush from creeping onto her cheeks. He took her arm and linked it with his and started to lead her down the hall to the dormitory exit. All his little followers were waiting for him and let him pass with a bit of reverence she hadn't seen before.
They exited first and then the rest followed them down to the Great hall. Hermione was nervous, she didn't recognize the girl in the mirror and she still felt like the ugly duckling. So it almost made her heart stop when they entered the hall and every eye turned on them. Tristen looked as calm as ever, so she strived to do the same and it was not as easy as he made it look. Hermione had a new respect for him then, because she really didn't realize how hard it was to keep her face calm.
Everyone was staring openly at her now; it made her uncomfortable in the highest degree. "They are staring at your beauty Hermione, they are consumed by it, why not smile for them?" Tristen said in that silky smooth voice. Hermione managed a weak smile that turned real when a boy stumbled all over himself cause of her. Tristen took her to their table and had her sit at his side. He even made up her plate for her and set it before her.
As she ate she thought of Tristen, and the feeling he had invoked within her with a simple makeover. He had made her beautiful, and she felt so much more confident sitting next to him. She felt important, confident, beautiful, and terribly out of place all at the same time. Hermione just didn't understand why such a simple thing was effecting her so profoundly, after all Tristen had not changed, he was not warmer nor was he any kinder. Yet, she found herself looking beyond what she saw on the surface, and maybe she was imagining it but she felt Tristen valued her.
As she trailed beside him that day it was suddenly staggering how different it was being a part of this group than being on the outside looking in. There was a calm, quiet, connection they all shared that could only be felt when you were a part of it. Tristen treated everyone the same, no one was singled out, no one was left out, and for once she felt as if she belonged. Tristen was amazing to be near, there was just this unspeakable quality that he had that drew in anyone he set his sights on.
-----------------x----------------
Harry wondered if he could keep it together, all day it was a challenge, keeping his face serene and detached when all he wanted to do was unleash hell. He wanted to tear apart everyone he saw, he wanted to bring this crumbling castle down, he wanted to make someone scream long and loud for him. If he had another run-in with his biological parents that day he didn't know if he could restrain himself from killing them.
And they deserved far worse than what death would give them, the only thing that helped in any miniscule way was concentrating on converting Hermione. While she was by far below his usual required level of skills one should never dismiss a pawn when presented with one. She could turn out to be a very useful spy, or at worst convenient canon fodder. So as they walked to the first of the classes presented by Noctiluca he contemplated how he could use his newest tool to his highest advantage.
The Headmistress was waiting for them outside with about half the school on the grounds with them, the Noctiluca students stayed off to one side wanting to remain separate from them. Harry wasn't sure what they would teach these novices about magic because anything worth knowing was far above their level as far as he could tell. Except for maybe Suzie but that was just because he had taught her magic long before the 'professors' here could screw it up.
Seline, the Headmistress, was standing on a raised podium looking as composed and perfect as the day they had arrived at the horrid castle. Her hair was in a tight updo, and her version of their uniform made her stand out with its flowing skirt. Harry sensed her magic in the air and immediately focused her attention in on her making sure his group did so also.
"May I have your attention please," Seline's sonorous voice sounded across the field and everyone's focus was captured right away. "Before I begin I thought it would be wise to let everyone know a little bit more about our school so that one can understand just how hard it is to keep up with our curriculum and why I will be teaching certain things during these Noctiluca sessions."
"To be considered for enrollment as a Noctiluca student one must have certain qualities that are hard to find these days, first, all our students have to have a certain grasp of their own magic before they even commence learning. What this means to our students is that they have performed a feat of recognizable, controlled magic before the age of nine or ten." There was a murmur through the crowd and one muggle-born muttered fairly loudly that it was a school for purebloods then.
Seline heard this and Harry saw a flicker in her eyes, she barely controlled her urge to scowl at the said provoker. "However, this does not mean that all our students are purebloods, quite the opposite really. Miss Winter, if you would be so kind as to come forward please." Madeline smiled at Harry as she made her way to the front, though she did cast a cautious eye to Hermione.
"Miss Winter is one of our best and brightest senior students. A fully accredited Potion Master at age twelve, and the honored student of her year. What most do not know is that Miss Winter here was born in the Muggle world and did not even know of the Magical World until her representative came to test her."
"Now before you interrupt do remember that I said the first thing one of our students must do to become eligible for enrollment is perform a controlled feat of magic. I'm sure everyone here is aware of accidental magic? Yes? Good, Madeline here had performed plenty of these 'accidental' feats but what makes her a prime example of what Noctiluca is all about is the same thing that made her able to join our esteemed school."
She turned to Madeline and smiled just a bit at her, "Dear, if you would show our esteemed trail students what you did to gain our attention?" Seline smirked a bit as she eyed the collected Professors, especially Dumbeldore, and Madeline flashed the collected audience a obliging smiled. "My pleasure Headmistress," Madeline bowed her head and stepped a ways from Seline taking a deep breath as she did so.
Madeline's eyes caught Severus' as she took another breath and extended her arms forward. Her welcoming smile turned wicked as a strong lilac colored flame suddenly ignited in her hands. It was mesmerizing, the flame danced up her arms and Madeline laughed, as it appeared as if she had literally caught flame. The sight of her was awe inspiring, her hair floated up around her laced with flame becoming almost as if flame itself.
There was a collective gasp from everyone but the Noctiluca student's whom had seen such sights regularly. Still, the sight was no less impressive to them and a proud gleam appeared in many of their eyes. Snape was captivated, he couldn't look away from Madeline, she just took his breath away. "Miss Winter first displayed this ability when she was very young and from her talent with this skill she began to control the magic inside of her. What makes this so impressive is she was born of the Muggle world, with no prior knowledge of Magic. So you see Noctiluca isn't just a school for the magically aware, it is a school that recognizes Potential."
Seline nodded to Madeline and her flames went out as she nodded to Seline walking off the podium a moment later. Everyone's attention was laid rapt on Seline now and she couldn't hold in her smirk. "So now one can see the difference between accidental magic and a controlled feat. Our students' all performed something similar which made them adequate for consideration, however, this is not the only thing we require."
"This is what leads us to the second thing essential to being accepted as one of our students, awareness. I can see some of you are confused as I have just finished saying that awareness of the Magical world was not a requirement. Which is absolutely true, one does not need to know of the Magical world but of magic itself. You see, every one of us has magic inside of us, a core; it is the very thing that makes us what we are. It is vital that our students have an awareness of magic, even if they do not know exactly what it is they are aware of."
"The reason for this I'm afraid I cannot divulge as it is a part of our entrance examination and a school secret as it were…" she smiled a bit smugly at Albus' disappointed eyes. "What I will be teaching everyone today is a lesson every one of our first years learn right when they begin at our academy. In fact, it is one of the first things they are tested on and is compulsorily to master by second year."
"I'm sure everyone is sufficiently curious now so I wont delay the beginning of our lesson any longer. What we will be learning today is how to be aware of your sore and how to fully connect with it." At this a brave girl from Hogwarts raised her hand, "Yes dear," Seline said. "But Headmistress I don't understand aren't we already connected to our core? I mean we all know we're magically, right? So we all know our core?"
"Ah, a good question and I am happy you had the courage to ask as I'm sure quite a few people are thinking the same. You see being aware of magic and that you're magical is one thing. Being fully connected to your core is another. I think the best way to display this is a demonstration as I did before. Lets see, who would be the best to showcase the meaning I want to get across…yes, Mr. Winter would you please join me up here?"
Harry froze as all eyes turned to him and he bit back the urge to curse everyone's eyes slashed. He nodded anyway and made his way begrudged to what he was quickly seeing as a stage not a raised platform. His Headmistress obviously wasn't pulling any stops, Seline wanted to show her school's power while leaving the essentials a remaining mystery. Harry couldn't decide if he admired her audacity or resented it.
When he made his way onto the 'stage' Seline shot him a look, almost as if in apology, but Harry could understand her even if he hated it. "Now dears what Tristen is about to do is very difficult and takes training so don't get any ideas from this. I simply want you to understand the difference I'm talking about he is uncommonly good at this exercise so do try not to be intimidated." Seline gave him a nod to go ahead.
Surprisingly to the gathered audience Harry sat cross-legged down on the stage and just closed his eyes. For the first few minutes that looked like all he was doing, rather anti-climatic after the last one caught on fire. However, just as their attention started to drift Harry started to glow green and with that there was a pressure in the air. The pressure just got heavier and Harry went from glowing to shining with an almost blinding light.
A stillness went over the crowd as Harry began to levitate off the ground and his entire being seemed to float. "What Tristen is doing is not a spell, trick, or anything of the sort. He is so connected to the magic inside of him at this very moment that his magic has manifested itself in this way. Now everyone is different, some when they connect to their cores they spark, some the wind picks up around them, some don't have anything manifest at all they just feel stronger for it. The point is that being fully connected to your core and KNOWING that you have a core is different."
"Tristen you may stop now," Harry returned to his spot by his entourage with a sort of relief because he wasn't sure how in control he was then. "Now, we'll begin our lesson slowly if everyone would take a seat," everyone was only too eager to sit down. A few even fell in their zeal to get the lesson started. "Close your eyes and just listen to the sound of my voice, deep breaths now. In. Out. In. Out. Now imagine your floating in a sea of color, you are calm and relaxed. Now just keep that feeling for a while, no cares, no worries, just yourself in a world all your own."
"I want you to remember to keep in this state but now I also want you to recall what it feels like to perform magic. Don't think of performing it with a wand remember it's just you, floating, and the feel of making something wonderful happen. Deep breathes, once you have that feeling I want you to hold that to you, keep your calm but don't let go of that feeling either. Its alright if you can't grasp this the first time, just keep trying…" And so it went on for almost an hour, Seline, giving instructions gently to her audience while they just sat and listened to her soft voice.
For the first lesson it went rather smoother than even the Headmistress expected but Seline thought that was probably due to the awesome impact her students had on them. When the first hour was up she drew them out of their meditative states, "Now I'm sure plenty of you want to continue on but I would advise against using this technique any more today. As you are not used to this and there is a danger of becoming magically exhausted if one is not cautious."
There was some grumbling but in the end everyone pulled out of practicing to find that while they felt amazing they were also startlingly tired as well. Like they'd stretched a cramped muscle after running ten miles, it curious but not unexpected result considering they were not used to the exercise. Seline encouraged them to get up and stretch their legs a bit before she moved on to the next and last lesson of the day.
"Now that everyone has had a chance to move around a bit I'd like all those who know how to play an instrument to raise their hands and everyone who does not know how to please sit." Her mouth pinched fractionally when a more than half the collected students sat down. When Seline factored out her own pupils she was more then disappointed at the number that was left and she had to stop a sigh from slipping out.
"A shame, well, I guess there is nothing I can do about that…I had hoped there would be more of you so I could get into a bit of casting before our teaching rotation ended but I guess all I can do is give you a bit of the theory instead of any practical. Such a shame that," Seline tried to refrain from grumbling in disgust. "What I had planned to get a bit into was some light musical casting but since most of you don't know how to play…"
Clark Potter couldn't help but scoff at that, fairly loudly too, and when everyone's attention suddenly focused in on him he couldn't stop himself from saying, "Like that is all that impressive anyway." It didn't escape Harry's notice or anyone else for that matter that he was one of the ones sitting down. A hard gleam lit up Seline's eyes at his words, it pricked at her pride and made some righteous indignation flare up in her belly. Not to mention it angered more than a few of the Noctiluca students as well, since one of the academy's prides and joys was the fact they had continued to teach how to cast spells using music.
It angered her just enough to make her act a bit rashly, since he had not only insulted her, her students, and her school but also her magic as well. "Perhaps I should show you just how very…what was it? Oh yes…impressive casting can be through the musical medium." She turned her sharp eyes on Harry and his group. "Logan, Leon, Alex, Tristen, if you would be so kind," she said a bit bitingly gesturing toward the stage. They wasted no time gathering there, "Usually when one casts using Music it is best to do so alone as if you are not in prefect harmony with the others playing/casting alongside you the results can be…well lets just say it isn't pleasant and leave it at that."
"The group you see before me is an exception to this as they have enough experience with this that there is no danger here. Since they can cast together however, their casting will be even more than it would should they do so alone." Seline stepped off the 'stage' and gestured for them to begin. They understood what she wanted from them and silently they began to prepare themselves.
Logan crossed his arms, his hands sparked a bit while two drumsticks appeared in his hands. More sparks danced around his feet as a drum set appeared along with his seat as he made to sit down. Leon held his hands at an angle, flames ignited in the air between his hands and a guitar appeared. Alex smirked darkly and turned to the side as a black smoke trailed down his hands and a base guitar appeared. Harry just ran a hand down his throat swaying a bit as he did so and his violin just faded into being in his hands.
Enraptured by the just the summoning of their instruments no one spoke, nervously awaiting for what was going to happen next. Harry moved a bit to the front with Leon and Alex at a bit of an angle behind him. Alex began strumming a bit, Harry soon joined him playing simple notes, and there was a whispering everyone on edge. Then suddenly Logan and Leon joined in powerfully making some jump.
They continued like that for a bit and then everyone was stunned when Harry began to sing. Harry's eyes were shadowed by his hair making it all seem that much more haunting.
And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you
And this who I am when I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me
Everyone, well except for the Noctiluca students, was tense waiting to see what was going to happen.
Breath your life into me
I can't feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breath your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breath into me
Slowly, one by one, everyone who wasn't from Noctiluca began to stand up. Some realized with horror that they could not control this at all.
And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge
And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground
And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain
And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away
Eventually everyone, including the foreign Professors, was standing. Some tried to scream only to find out they could not, and it only caused more panic to set in as they realized they could not do anything. They just hung there like broken puppets. Some tried to struggle, some had tears falling from their eyes, but no one could do anything to break away from it.
Breath your life into me
I can't feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breath your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breath into me
Then they began a broken dance, it was like some horrible nightmare. A few adults drew chilling similarities to the Imperius curse to what was happening but they also realized it was much worse. Since they knew what was going on but could not stop it, they felt powerless, unable to even scream out their frustrations. All they could to was follow the music, do as it commanded and dance a broken looking dance.
Breath your life into me
I can't feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breath your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breath into me
Gradually, one by one they found their pace on the floor sitting once more and with horrified eyes they watched them end the song. All the while the shock of not being able to fight it at all set in.
Breath your life into me
I'm falling
Falling faster
Breath your life into me
Falling, falling
Falling
Breath into me
When the song ended Harry left so quickly it took everyone a long while to realize he was gone. He left behind a huge mess, but Harry could not stay there. He had not meant to do that to them, Harry had intended to show them an elaborate illusion or something like that. The point was he hadn't meant to take it that far, he had meant to cast something harmless but impressive.
However, the moment he had went to sing everything he had been trying to hard to hold back leaked through. He wanted to kill them all he had just barely managed to hold himself back. The words to his song had paralleled his life to much and in the end he had to leave or he would give into that beast.
He felt like he was suffocating, Harry it felt like he was breaking again and there was nothing holding him to the earth. With shaking hands Harry drew out the diary, he needed Tom, he needed blood and screaming and destruction too. Harry couldn't allow his monster out so he tried to focus everything on Tom.
Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. He could think straight and he was so far gone he couldn't even summon a quill. He slit his finger instead writing in his own blood.
Help HELP, I can't Tom, I can't control it! TOM
I'm here, I'm here, you are safe Harry, I'm here, and I'll always be here.
Tom…I need you, I need to control it but I can't I can't, need someone to scream for me! I can't
I understand Harry, I understand, Where are you?
Forest…Hogwarts…need
Go a bit further in, and then I can help you.
Ok…
Harry gritted his teeth leaving his hand bleeding on the dairy, he needed to hurt someone, he needed to kill something, and he needed it so much he almost couldn't walk. He had to cut at his own hands to keep focused enough to continue moving, at that moment he would have given anything…even his life…just to scream.
Somehow he managed to make it into the very heart of the forest, he collapsed on the ground panting afterward. His eyes were bloodshot and crazed as he used his blooded hands to write to his Tom.
I'm here…can't much longer Tom
Don't worry; I'll take care of you.
It felt like something was sucking the life from him, he couldn't move and slowly a phantom like apparition appeared before him. It was a young man, a bit older than him; he was the most entrancing thing Harry had ever laid eyes on. Though he looked familiar Harry was too far gone to remember where he had seen this man before.
Harry was limp as the phantom knelled beside him feeling surprisingly solid as he picked Harry up to place him in his lap. Harry could still see through him but he was getting clearer as Harry himself felt colder. "Cold…" Harry said weakly. "Yes, I know I cannot do this for long Harry, but I can be here for you for just a little while."
The weak smile was unexpected but Harry was too far-gone to care much about it as he smiled up at the man holding him. "Tom…" Tome placed a finger on his lips, "Shh, don't talk we don't have much time." And with that Tom placed his lips on Harry's effectively silencing him.
His only thought as his vision became fuzzier was how good it felt, it was how he had imagined coming home would feel and he savored it even as he fell into oblivion. Tom pulled back sadly caressing Harry's face, "Soon," he said as he began to fade once more, "soon you will be mine and I will not let you go…soon." Harry fell gently to the ground, his hands healed, and on a blanket of fresh moss. It was all Tom had managed to do in his short time out of the diary.
Tom couldn't stay out of the journal very long for fear of killing Harry, but he savored that brief moment he had got to hold Harry in his arms. When Harry woke the moon was high in the sky and the diary was lying innocently in his hand. It was cold, but Harry couldn't seem to make himself move an inch.
There was a weight on him, he had almost lost it today; he had almost everything in that moment and it scared him that he didn't care one bit. It scared him that he regretted not killing every last one of them; the hunger was still there but not as unmanageable as before. For a still moment he just laid there wondering if he should get up at all, he watched the clouds roll in and cover the sky. Still, he did not move.
What was he going to do? How could he complete his goals let alone the tournament tasks when he couldn't control himself anymore? That was the question so he remained lying there, too many question, not enough answers and that need to hear someone scream itching in his veins. What was he going to do?
He could not think of an answer, he could not even bring up the will to move from where he was lying on the cold unforgiving ground. So with the lack of anything else to do Harry brought out the puzzle box from his pocket. He might as well do something while he was lying there lost in this, maybe it would help him to focus on something else for a minute.
Harry studied the box in the fading light and silently worked it out in his head. Pushing one hidden piece in a certain way he managed to activate it. The box grew hot to the touch and flew up just above his head. A light enveloped the cube as Harry heard a terrible screeching. He knew what to do right away and cast a water bubble around the box and soon the screeching became a song.
Come seek us where our voices sound
We cannot sing above the ground
Two hours long you'll have to look
To discover what we took
We hide them in plain sight
And you'll despair from our flight
In seeking you'll never know
You should have looked above the glow
We lure you in, so you can't find
What it is you've left behind
The waters' deep holds the secret
We are the ones who keep it
The question is can you see
What the mirror keeps from thee
Two hours long you'll have to look
To discover what we took
In seeking things you have left
You discover the creature's theft
Flame hot and gold cold
Can you defeat the ones of old?
It took Harry a full hour to understand and when he did he shot up in both shock and rage. Harry wasn't entirely sure what they wanted to take from him but whatever it was it would be in great danger. Harry didn't know which was worse, knowing or not knowing what was coming. He doubted anyone else could see what the task had in store for the champions of this tournament.
He took deep breaths trying to calm himself and he picked up the diary holding it tightly to his chest. No one knew of it so he was certain it would not be taken but he would cast extra protection around it anyway. He would send out some letters to his allies also, to begin prepping them for a war. He didn't know how he was going to manage himself and Harry was not all that certain he could control his urges during this next task so a war was very likely.
Still the thought sent a thrill threw him, he needed it. More than he thought he did and his special project was almost done if he didn't sleep this week he could finish it he was sure. However, it also meant he would need to create a doppelganger so that he could be away without anyone noticing. Madeline might but he would just explain it to her…Harry was certain she would understand.
There was so much to do, so little time, but Harry was confident he could do it. He would do it. No one took from him, no one, and if this task was anything like he thought it was then something was sure to happen. Harry's eyes glowed in the darkness, and a sort of dead look entered them.
Harry knew some thing were certain, time was running out, so little time. Then it hit him, Time, he needed time, and in a flash he was up standing rigid. Time was easy enough to get, but could he do it all? Yes, he wouldn't even need to waste his effort on the doppelganger if it all worked out. There would be effects from it he was sure, some side effects from using something so powerful for as long as he needed it but Harry was almost certain it was worth it.
Now all that was left was to plan, to plan and prepare. A storm was coming, and Harry couldn't wait to see it break against the earth. As if to echo his thoughts the sky opened up with a roar of thunder and lightening. As he turned his face up to let the rain wash over him Harry was very nearly vibrating with it all. It was all coming together for him again, he could see his path again, and with a hiss Harry began to spark.
His power thundered with the storm above, calling out to it and with the crack of lightening Harry disappeared from the forest. His plan was underway, his pawns were falling into place, and everything that was not broken would break. His last thought before he put everything in motion that would shake the very foundations of the world was… "I think it time Tom and I meet face to face."
A.N.: Hello my lovelies!! So the song is Breath into me by Red I highly recommend listening to it while picturing what you just read it much more powerful that way! Lol So I have had some complaints about how I ask for reviews, honestly, what are writers but story tellers is it weird that they want some feed back? I feel I show tell you the only reason I'm writing this story is because I wanted to see this get done! I had looked and looked for a story like mine for a while and no one I saw really wrote it so I said one day, "Fuck it I'll write the damn thing!" I just wanted to see it done. You see I run across a lot of stories where Harry is dark but frankly really isn't.
I mean how many of us read those stories that start off great, dark, twisted and delicious; however somewhere along the way Harry grows a conscious and is more gray than DARK. Then there are the ones that he's (hell I'll just say it) a freaking pussy! They make the dark seem light and the light seem idiotic. I wanted a story that was demented all the way through! One where Harry finishes what he started, and is actually all around a fucked up person. So that's what I began to write as a pet project of sorts. Then it grew into this! So beware my lovely readers, its only gonna get more messed up from here on. Some people couldn't stomach what has happened before, I admit I've had some PM's that were like 'WTF' cause of how Harry handles himself.
Also I wanted to address some questions in this ridiculously long Author's note! Lol (Sorry about this ^_^;) Some people want to know why Harry's so bible, i.e. Muggle book, obsessed, well frankly muggles fascinate him as much as they disgust him. The bible while very, well, Muggle is also used worldwide. Harry read it once (obviously) and if you remember he was struck by the book Paradise Lost in the first chapter. The point is that Harry is consumed by 'evil' and basically wants to bring hell to earth because he cannot know heaven. He's emotionally crippled, so yeah, any other questions you guys have I'll try to PM you the answers so don't be afraid to ask! R&R! LOVE you all
P.S. I hope this is worth the wait!