A Kiss that I Kept:
A few weeks after the Avengers pulled together to kick Loki way the hell out of Manhattan, S.H.I.E.L.D. recruits one Pepper Potts. It's the logical choice, really, seeing as apparently Tony's girlfriend is the only one with any prayer of keeping him in line, she's already passed security clearances and she is easily one of the most capable people on Earth. To Fury, Natasha coldly re-states her impression of Ms. Potts, and supports the recruitment. To Clint, Natasha swears a blue streak in three separate languages and then goes to the gym for some hardcore super-spy sparring.
A few months later, Fury decides it's most convenient from a practical perspective, as well as in terms of publicity, to house all the Avengers in the same place. If nothing else, the superheroes should be able to at least keep each other in some kind of line. Natasha points out security risks. Fury points out that they're goddamn superheroes and of course their quarters will have the best security systems available to man, woman, or Asgardian. So arms are twisted, and they all move in to Stark Tower. This time, Natasha and Clint get drunk. It isn't easy, but they're really quite dedicated when they have a goal in mind.
Which is why Pepper runs into Natasha at 2:00 am on a Wednesday morning. Natasha is sitting on one of the communal kitchen counters when Pepper turns on the lights.
"Natalie! Sorry, Natasha. You nearly scared the crap out of me."
"Sorry." Natasha's mouth curves into a half-smile, her legs swinging off the counter ledge. Pepper is wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt, her hair rumpled and her eyes blurry with sleep. Natasha thinks she looks beautiful, and her gut clenches, forcing her to look away.
"What're you doing up?" Pepper asks as she makes her way to the fridge, pouring herself some orange juice.
"Could ask the same of you." Pepper looks at her sideways.
"I was thirsty. You, on the other hand, were sitting in the kitchen with the lights off, not eating or drinking anything, at two in the morning. How concerned should I be?"
"Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to run off and do anything rash that may cause property damage or a media relations nightmare." Pepper laughs for a moment before going quiet again, walking around the counter to place a hand on Natasha's knee.
"That's not why I asked, you know." there is a pause that, for once, is unintentional on Natasha's part, and perhaps that's why it feels so tense. Natasha tells herself this, anyway. Pepper continues, "When we worked at Stark Industries, when you were Natalie, I...I did not consider you a friend, first because I was angry at Tony, and then because you were my subordinate. And I know we haven't seen much of each other lately, but...I liked Natalie Rushman, and...I think I'll like you even more, if you give me a chance."
Natasha can barely breathe, can barely think. One part of her knows that she has to stay away from Pepper, because if she doesn't it'll only break someone's heart, most likely hers, but another part wants so badly to be close to this woman, whatever the cost. Finally, she answers by way of saying. "I have nightmares of Russia. That's why I'm up."
She knows, by Pepper's smile, by the mug of hot chocolate that is thrust in her hands five minutes later, that Pepper understands what she meant.
Another three months pass and now there are two people Natasha trust. She and Pepper watch movies together in the middle of the night, they go shopping and get drinks together and wander aimlessly through museums. They laugh and talk and tell secrets. They comfort each other in dark hours of the morning, when Natasha wakes from a nightmare that leaves her with a lingering desire to be alert, when Pepper dreams of Tony almost dying, twice now. Natasha wishes Tony weren't such a monumental idiot, for Pepper's sake, but try as she might she can't hate the man. He's a bit of an asshole, yes, but underneath all that he's a good human being. And Pepper loves him, so...that's points in his favor. Meanwhile Natasha ignores the way her heart rate literally doubles when Pepper smiles, ignores the tingling feeling when Pepper touches her. And if they sit too close together, or hold hands as they go off and explore the world, if Pepper lays with her head in Natasha's lap and lets Natasha run her fingers through her long, red-blonde hair, well, that's okay because that's what friends do, right? Natasha doesn't exactly know. She's observed a lot of friends before, but until Clint hadn't actually had any friends, and she knows girls interact differently with each other, and all this is totally normal. Right? She can do self-delusion. She's good at it.
Until one night, when they're coming home late. They've been out dancing together, ballroom dancing. Turns out they're both more than proficient at waltzing and swing and even salsa. Blessedly, the tango was not involved. But they're walking back to Stark Towers-which Pepper normally isn't allowed to do without security trailing her, but tonight she's with Natasha, so that's not an issue-and they're still high on music and adrenaline, dancing down the sidewalk, Pepper nearly trips on a sidewalk crack, and Natasha pulls her in to prevent her from falling. There they are, lit only by the moon and a dying streetlamp, faces inches apart, Pepper's hands on Natasha's shoulders, Natasha's arms around Pepper's waist. Slowly, painfully slowly, Pepper raises her hand to Natasha's face, and then, without thought, they're kissing. It's slow, deep and painful with want, and when they finally break apart, Pepper's breathing is heavy, her checks are red. Her head falls to Natasha's shoulders.
"Shit." Pepper whispers, muffled by Natasha's coat. "Oh shit." Natasha just holds her, pretends the world isn't falling apart, but it is. She can't delude herself any more.
There is no hangover the next morning because they weren't drunk, but Pepper won't meet Natasha's eyes, and somehow that hurts more. That night the entire Avenger's crew watches Mean Girls together, but for once Natasha isn't paying attention to Steve's reaction or Clint's snide comments or Bruce's corrections, she isn't paying attention to the movie. Instead she notices how Tony has his armed wrapped around Pepper, how he nuzzles her neck, and she notices how this is more painful to her than a knife wound to the belly (she would know). She excuses herself early, ignores the quizzical look Clint gives her, and goes to bed.
That night she dreams of kissing Pepper.