Chapter 2: Horrible Mistake

The weeks after Gale's departure are pure agony.

I should have known he would be reaped. The odds are never in my favor, never in anyone's favor!

It was only small comfort that I was one of the first to say goodbye to him, though I barely got even that. Gale only had time to instruct me in snares to use, how to journey on feeding our families - and to kiss me one last time - before the Peacekeepers came to drag me out.

At first, I sob into my pillow every night, my insides constricted with tears. Then, something else invades me: nausea.

I think nothing of it at first, believing I have contracted just a bad stomach bug from someone in town. Seam people are always ailed with some form of sickness. But when it happens again and again with increasing regularity until I am throwing up after every rapidly rarer meal (any game has proved elusive since my world turned upside down), a horrid thought strikes me. I think back to the night I spent with Gale in the woods, just before the Reaping. Oh, God, no! I can't be…. can I?

Being the daughter of a Healer and former apothecary, I could always ask my mother for a test at no extra cost to myself. I quickly rule this out as foolhardy. There may be no monetary cost, but the cost of my mother understading immediately why I would be asking her is too much to bear. And even if she asked why, I couldn't lie to her.

So, I go with the second-best option. I may not be able to lie to my mother, but I can lie to the apothecary in the Merchant district.

The shop run by my maternal grandfather closed long ago, not long after his passing. I don't remember anything about the man; I was a toddler at the time, Prim not born yet. So when I ask for a pregnancy test from the new, younger apothecary, I have no qualms about lying and saying it is for a patient of my mother's and we are all out of stock. He does not ask questions, simply hands it to me, in exchange for one bushel of fresh strawberries. I walk home with the test in my pocket, returning quickly to my room before locking the thing in a desk drawer and waiting for an opening.

It comes the next day when Mother and Prim have to see to a patient on the other side of town. As soon as they have left, I grab the test, lock myself in my bathroom, and read the instructions. I pee on the stick, before placing it on the floor, far away from me as if it is diseased. And now I wait.

More than the required five minutes have passed before I will myself to have a look. And what I see sends my world crashing down.

I am pregnant. With the baby's father fighting for his life in the Hunger Games.

By the time Prim and Mother come home, I have proven unable to stop the wailing, and they find me in the bathroom. I have no choice but to tell them, and they console me, letting me cry my eyes out even as they begin their own sobs of grief. All the while, Mother asks, "Why, Katniss? Why?"

I cannot tell her. It is too hard for me to put into words, and I have never been very talented at verbal communication anyway. So, all Mother asks after we have calmed ourselves down enough is, "So…. what are you going to do?"

That answer is surprisingly easy. "I will have the baby. Gale deserves to leave something of a legacy behind. Especially if….. he dies. Even if…. he'll never know his child." I am about to start another round of hysterical crying, I know it, but Mother saves me.

"And if he wins?"

I have given less thought to this scenario. Simply, because it seems impossible. District 12 has only had a pathetic two Victors in 73 years, with the last win happening nearly a quarter-century ago. With those statistics, Gale's chances this year are next to zero.

But not exactly zero. If, by some miracle, he did win…..

I gulp. "I'll…. marry him. The baby deserves a full, loving family. And Gale has always wanted to be married and have kids." Those have not been my wants - fear of what children meant, especially in this world, has always held me back. But, if Gale emerged victorious, he would need someone to support him and help him cope with what happened in the arena. Therefore, I will sacrifice my wants and needs for his.

All that can be done now is to watch and wait. To see if Gale's and my child will grow up with a father, or without one.