A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and kind words. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story. :) And because I like causing Tony anguish... :)
Chapter Eight
Sometimes, I get things confused. Boss says it's like my brain works too hard and it gets tired and can't keep everything in its right place. It happens sometimes but when it's happening, I don't think it's happening and sometimes, Boss has to talk to me about it cause I'm confused and I can't sort it out.
Boss says it happens when I get frustrated, or when something different is happening. It also happens when my brain is trying to remember something even though I'm not trying.
I forgot a lot of different things when I hurt my head, and a lot of the stuff I don't remember anymore. I didn't forget everything though, cause when I first woke up I knew who Boss was even though other people called him different names. But I knew he was Boss so it didn't matter even though when I first woke up my mouth didn't work right so I couldn't tell him I knew who he was.
I also remembered my family before I was with Boss, even though I don't remember a lot about them. I remember my mom and I know she's dead but it doesn't make me very sad because I don't remember a lot of things about her.
My dad's the same way though I remember always calling him "father" or "sir". I remember that he has big hands and a scary voice when he's mad but other than that, I don't remember anything else about him.
I remembered Abby and Ducky when I woke up too, but not Probie, Ziva or Jimmy. I remembered their faces and that I knew them though, but not their names and I think it made them sad when I first woke up. But I remembered Kate.
She died, and I don't remember how. I want to ask someone, but I don't want to make anyone else sad about it because when I remember Kate it sometimes makes me sad.
I remember the rain though, and how it rained and how sometimes I would go outside and sit in the rain.
Boss says that it was raining the night I got in my accident but I don't remember my accident at all.
But I've heard Abby ask Boss tons of times if I remember why I was out in my car, driving. It was raining really bad that night, Abby said, and even though she's never asked me, I heard her ask Boss why I was in my car because no one ever figured out why I was at the place I was and not at my apartment sleeping.
I got real sad when I heard her ask that not because she didn't ask me but because even if she did ask me I wouldn't be able to help because I don't remember.
"Tony?" Gibbs squeezed Tony's shoulder and gave his back a gentle rub, "Come on Tony. It's time for breakfast."
In usually Tony fashion, the young man simply mumbled something indecipherable and tried to drop back into sleep.
Gibbs huffed in amusement and pulled off Tony's covers. Tony cried out in shock and opened his eyes, glancing around as his eyes slowly focused on his room before landing on Gibbs.
"There you go," Gibbs gave a small smirk, "I made breakfast already you sleepy head. Everyone's coming over to eat with us today. So you have to get up and get ready."
"Uh?" Tony slowly put his feet over the side of the bed and sat up. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with his good hand and looked around for a moment, gaining his bearings before speaking again, "Abby?"
"Yeah, Abby's coming. So is Probie, Ziva, Jimmy and Ducky. And they're going to be here soon and you're not even dressed."
Tony glanced down at his sleep shirt and his boxers, "Sleep. Oh. I should get ready huh?"
"I'll say," Gibbs laughed and helped Tony take off his braces then stretch the bad limbs before helping the unsteady boy towards the bathroom. Tony turned on the faucet like Gibbs had taught him and Gibbs helped him take his shirt off. After that, Gibbs checked the shampoo and soap levels on the dispenser they had installed for Tony's benefit and walked out, closing the door gently behind him so Tony could take a shower.
About ten minutes later Gibbs heard the shower turn off. About five minutes after that, Tony walked back down the hall to his room, a towel wrapped firmly around his waist. Gibbs walked back into Tony's room a few seconds after Tony himself had arrived.
"I can't get my shirt on Boss," Tony said, turning and holding out the offending piece of clothing.
"I don't mind helping you Tony," Gibbs stood and helped Tony get his arms, especially his bad left arm, and head through the appropriate holes, "There. You okay to get down the stairs by yourself when you're all ready?"
Tony bit his lip slightly and flexed his bad hand, "Stairs. Bad down. Yeah Boss. It's a good day."
"Alright then," Boss ruffled Tony's damp hair affectionately. Tony hadn't put his helmet on yet and this mildly surprised Gibbs because Tony rarely walked anywhere without it, "Don't forget your helmet before you come down."
For a moment, there seemed to be a look of horror on Tony's face but as quickly as it had come, Tony's face morphed into a brief smile, "Blue. Right Boss."
"See you down in a bit," Gibbs said before walking out.
About five minutes after Gibbs had descended the stairs, there was a knock at the front door. Now that Tony stayed with him, Gibbs locked the door and kept it lock at all times, mainly to keep them safe and also to make sure Tony didn't wander out of the house.
"Gibbs!" Abby smiled and gave Gibbs one of her standard hugs. After Abby made her way in, Ducky and Jimmy walked in behind here.
"Good morning Jethro," Ducky said, giving his friend his normal greeting, "Ziva and Timothy were just behind us so they will arrive shortly. And where is young Tony at this hour?"
Gibbs shook Jimmy's hand in greeting before answering Ducky's question, "He's upstairs, getting dressed. He should be down in a few minutes."
All three of them gave a concerned look up the stairs as if they had all recently acquired x-ray vision.
"He'll be okay Bossman?" Abby asked, saying the thing all three of them had been thinking.
"He'll be okay Abby," Gibbs gave the young forensic scientist a reassuring smile, "It's a good day today. He'll be just fine."
"If you say so Gibbs," Abby gave one more look up the stairs before following the rest of the group in the kitchen.
Just then Ziva and McGee arrived, Ziva closing and locking the door behind her as the pair made their way through the front door.
Gibbs greeted his agents in turn, before directing them to the kitchen where breakfast was ready. With a final glance up towards Tony's room, Gibbs walked through the door into the kitchen.
"Hey Tony," everyone greeted when the person everyone had been talking about finally made his way into the kitchen about ten minutes later.
Tony glanced around as his bit his lip nervously, before offering a lopsided smile in return to their greeting.
He was wearing a simple NCIS t-shirt and sweat pants, along with his ever present blue helmet. Upon reaching the table, he sat down carefully in his spot. After receiving a gentle shoulder tap from Gibbs, Tony reached up and removed his helmet, setting it on the table beside his plate.
It was quiet for awhile after that, everyone eating and not wanting to disrupt the comfortable silence that had descended on them. It was the first time that they were sitting around a table, together and whole.
It was Abby, who finally broke the silence, unable to contain herself any longer, "Tony," Abby paused momentarily, and waited for her friend to make eye contact with her. When Tony didn't glance up from his food, Abby reached across the table and gentle laid her hand on his arm before repeated his name. Gibbs had told them about touch, and how it was the only sense that hadn't been disturbed by Tony's brain injury and because of that, it was also the one most easily used to grab or acquire his attention.
"Stairs. Book. Up. Blue. Abby?" Tony said after swallowing a mouthful of food, a smile plastered on his face. Gibbs noticed that he always tended to smile when the forensic scientist was around.
"So G-Boss here tells me that you might be getting a dog," Abby corrected herself. For whatever reason, Tony knew Gibbs by "Boss" and often got confused when anyone would refer to him by any other title.
"Like Sam or Rex," Tony carefully nodded. Boss had told him that it might take awhile to find the right dog to adopt from the shelter but Tony didn't mind waiting cause he knew that sometimes things took a long time. Like it had taken him a long time to leave the hospital and come home.
"Maybe like Sam," Gibbs said, and waited for Tony to turn and look at him, "But maybe like the other dogs we looked at on the computer, remember?"
Tony scrunched his eyebrows in thought, trying to remember what Gibbs was talking about.
"Remember? Some of the dogs are different kinds of dogs. They might not look like Sam or Rex," Gibbs prompted. Tony had been initially put off at the chance of not getting a dog like the Labrador they had met in North Carolina or the Golden Retriever they had met in the hospital.
"Dogs. Long time. Oh, yeah," Tony said quietly as he adverted his gaze from everyone at the table, embarrassed that they were here when he forgot something, "I remember that."
"That's cool Tony," McGee spoke now and because he spoke Tony did the polite thing and turned and faced him like Boss said to do when someone started talking, "I have a dog that isn't a Labrador and he's pretty neat. Would you like to meet him?"
Tony raised his eyebrows in amazement, then smiled, "Polite. You have a dog now too Probie?"
McGee smiled and nodded and he felt his heart give a little jolt of excitement before slowing back down to its normal rate. The tone had reminded him, probably had reminded everyone, of the Tony before the accident.
"Yeah, his name's Jethro," McGee went to reach for a picture of his dog but stopped when he saw the expression on Tony's face.
"Are you alright Tony?" Ziva asked kindly as she laid her hand gently on his bad hand, "Does your head hurt?"
When Tony didn't answer and instead brought his good hand to rub his forehead, both Ducky and Gibbs stood up in concern. Everyone could see Tony's face pinch up in pain as he rubbed his forehead harder and harder, as if hoping to ease the pain that had come upon his so suddenly.
"Tony," Gibbs said, reaching over and grabbing one of Tony's medications, hoping to stop the headache before it progressed to anything greater, "Take this one. I'm going to go grab the other one from upstairs."
Ducky had backed away towards the door, giving Gibbs and his young ward some room. Ziva, Abby, Palmer and McGee had also stood, standing behind Tony hoping that their friend was okay.
Tony glanced up at his caregiver before slowly looking around at everyone else in the room. Suddenly, a look off absolute horror crossed over his face.
"Blue. Leave. NO!" he yelled, throwing the pills Gibbs had placed in his hand to the ground, "No, you-you can't."
Gibbs pulled up, shocked and worried at the amount of pain, fear, determination and even anger Tony's voice held. Even before the accident, Tony had always had an easy going personality. It was what made him a good interrogator and a great senior field agent on Gibbs team. Since he had woken from the coma, Tony had only gotten mad a handful of times and that had been more frustration then anger.
"Tony, I'm going to get the medicine that stops the bad headaches, you've taken it before remember? I have to go upstairs to get them," Gibbs said calmly. Tony had never had a problem taking his meds before. Was it the presences of his friends that had put Tony on edge?
But instead of comforting Tony, Gibbs' words only seemed to agitate the former agent all the more, "No, you, stop-I," Tony looked around at everyone in the room. No one else seemed to see the emergency of the situation.
"Tony, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong," Gibbs asked, still using the same calm soothing voice he always used with Tony now even though he himself was worried at Tony's sudden change in demeanor.
"Blue. Stairs. Gone. You're gonna leave," Tony cried, using his good arm to reach out and grab Gibbs' sleeve, "You can't leave Boss, not yet. Not to Mexico cause I can't go there by myself. Please Boss, I didn't mean it, I'll do it better, I'll try-I-I-just please don't leave."
The weight of Tony's words crashed down on all of them, especially Gibbs. As Tony started to get better and better, he was regaining some of the memories that he had lost due to the accident. Sometimes though, instead of just remembering an incident, Tony would get the past confused with the present situation he was in. He knew that Tony had forgotten his "leave of absence" and now, for Tony to remember it in such an awful way, to even think that Gibbs would leave again, tore at the very center of Gibbs' heart.
"Tony, I'm not going anywhere," Gibbs reassured, trying to calm Tony down. Now that he knew what was wrong, he hoped he could calm Tony down quickly.
"Mexico. Gone. GONE. That's what you said last time but you still left-you did. You're gonna l-l-leave!" Tony's voice still held that same desperate plea as his breath hitched with worry, "But you can't! You'll do. No, no, NO."
It was in that moment that Gibbs realized that this was what Tony probably thought the first time Gibbs had upped and "retired", though his agent had never said anything about the incident.
"Tony, look at me," Gibbs put both hands on the sides of Tony's face, directing his roaming, nervous gaze so that they were looking face to face, "Now Tony, I know it's really loud and fast in your head okay, but you have to listen. You won't understand if you don't listen remember?"
Tony seemed to calm somewhat but his gaze still held the look of a corner, frightened animal.
"You listening Tony?" Gibbs asked again, using his thumb to wipe away the tears that slowly fell from Tony's eyes.
"Quiet. Quiet. S-slow. I'm-I'm listening Boss," Tony's voice cracked slightly but Gibbs knew he was working hard to make his words understandable.
Gibbs mind flashed back to another time at that familiar phrase but using all the resolve he had left, Gibbs focused on the situation at hand, "I'm not leaving Tony, never again. I promise I will not leave you."
"Leave. My six?" Tony's voiced cracked around another sob that had gotten past Tony's self-control and Gibbs quickly nodded.
"I got your six, always," Gibbs comforted.
His words were soft but they were certain, something Gibbs hoped Tony could hear.
"Promise?" Tony whispered, as if he were afraid of the answer.
"I promise Tony," Gibbs reassured once more.
Sure enough, the message seemed to get thorough to Tony who had been moments away from becoming inconsolable. Tony let out a sigh of relief and let the tears fall unchecked from his eyes.
"Slow. What happened Boss?" Tony mumbled, resting his head against Gibbs' shoulder.
Boss smelled like safe. Tony knew Boss would keep him safe.
"You got confused Tony, but it's alright," Gibbs answered. Tony often couldn't recognize when he had mixed a memory with the present and was almost always confused after the incident was over.
"Safe. Sorry Boss," Tony whispered, his voice slightly muffled by Gibbs' t-shirt.
"Nothing to be sorry for Tony," Gibbs said in return as he felt Tony's hot tears soak through his USMC shirt, "And besides, what do I say about saying sorry?"
"Stay. Sign of weakness Boss," Tony said again, this time, laughing softly at their own joke.
Gibbs laughed too, and squeezed Tony's shoulder.
I'm remembering more and more stuff from before my accident. Today, I remembered that Boss left somewhere once and that I was really sad when he left.
Afterwards, I was really scared again but Boss gave me this necklace that he wears. It has dog tags on it and it has his name on them and he said that he gave them to me so I wouldn't worry about him leaving anywhere. His name is hard to read cause it doesn't look like normal words on pieces of paper but I don't mind because I know there Boss' and I just have to feel the bumps that his name makes and I'm okay with that.
I have a bracelet that I have to wear all the time too, kinda like how Boss always wore his necklace. It has my name on it and Boss' number on it. Boss says it says that I have the seizures and that I have lung problems. He says it also has the name of the pills I take. It's silver and has a red cross on one side and it looks really nice and I don't mind wearing it because I don't remember the names of the pills I take and Boss said that if anything ever happens, the doctors have to know the names.
It's called an I.D. bracelet and I wear it on my bad hand because I put it on in the morning and I can only use my good hand to put it on and also cause it doesn't get in the way there. I know when I'm having a really bad day because I will have it on my good hand because that meant that Boss had to put it on and he always puts it on my good hand.
Boss gave it to me the first day I got home and when I first got it, I always forgot to put it on and Boss always had to put it on.
But I remember to put it on now, and I remember to wear my blue helmet to keep my head safe.
And now I remember that even though Boss left, he came back and that he always keeps his promises.