"I would love to tell you the whole story, but I've sworn to secrecy. Matthew agreed with me, that you should know. Yet he also agrees it's not time, I think he would rather be the one to tell you." Nick was being a bit evasive in my book.
I was getting tired of people telling me that there was something they needed to tell me, and then they never tell me what it is. I finally decided to give up my curiosity, "So what you're saying is, you want to tell me something, but you can't." He nodded, seeming slightly saddened. "It's okay, I don't mind." I said with a smile.
Nick smiled back at me, "You're the best." He said, as he tightened his grip on my hand.
I felt like we had grown apart in the last year or so. We used to run around everywhere together, but now I am having trouble just coming up with something to say. I felt sick at the thought of us separating.
"Nick…" I hoped my expression showed what I needed to say to him, because my voice was failing me.
He moved slowly to sit closer to me; his arms went around my shoulders. At first, I tensed, but as I felt the warmth radiating off his body, I literally melted. I slumped against his side, and buried my face in his chest.
"What's the matter?" He asked after some time.
I sighed, "I just missed you while you were gone. And I realized that we aren't fitting together like we used to, something has changed between us." I felt him nod, and then he leaned his head on top of mine.
"I see." Was all he said, his tone suggested he was holding something back.
I was suddenly aware of how ridged he was, I hadn't noticed it before. I pulled away from him, but kept a firm hold on his hand. I studied his face, he glanced at me, then found a sudden interest in a wayward string from my tunic. He was definitely trying to hide something from me.
"What is it?" I asked.
His expression became very concentrated, as if he was trying to keep me out of his mind. "Nicholas Jackson, you tell me what's bothering you this instant." I cried playfully.
My smile faded as he looked up at me, his eyes were pained, and his lips were drawn down.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
The intensity of the pain in his voice surprised me. "What do you mean?" I asked, frightened.
"Rachel, you are the most wonderful woman in the world. You deserve someone far better than me, I'm truly sorry for what I'm about to do." I suddenly was afraid he was going to leave me. My insides began to tighten, and my hand held on to Nick's tighter than I thought possible. My eyes slid shut to block any tears and I braced myself for his words of goodbye. However, they didn't come.
I was suddenly feeling his lips on mine, his arms were wrapping around my waist and neck. I had an initial moment of shock before my lips started moving with his. My hands went to the back of his neck, securing him to me.
Every feeling of sadness I had ever associated with Nick washed away, as I realized that he must love me. He began pulling away, but I stopped him by slightly leaning on him, knocking him on his back, and falling with him.
He chuckled against my lips, and pulled me closer.
I would have kissed him forever if he had let me. However, something snapped a twig behind us, and he gently rolled me off his chest. I didn't care what was in the woods, it wouldn't hurt us, and so I didn't bother even looking in the direction of the noise. I watched Nick's face instead. He was smiling at me, but then he glanced up behind me and his face darkened.
I turned around and found Andrew standing at the edge of the trees, he was staring at Nick, a look of anger etched into his face.
I was wondering how long he had been standing there, when he looked at me and said, "Could I speak to you for a moment Rachel?" I looked to Nick, he had wiped all emotion off his face in the time I was looking away.
"I'll be right back." I told him, and then I stood and followed Andrew.
He walked several yards away from Nick. Farther than necessary, I thought.
"What was that?" He asked. I couldn't judge his thoughts, he was turned away from me, and his tone was fairly level.
I wasn't sure what to expect. One thing I had seen in the last few weeks was that Andrew got ticked off very easily, so I decided I should tread carefully, "Nick kissed me." I saw too late that this was not what I was supposed to say.
He spun around, "HE kissed YOU? That wasn't what I was seeing, seems to me you were doing an awful lot of kissing yourself." I wasn't sure what the problem was. Why would Andrew care if I kissed Nick or not? My heart did a weird little flutter as I remembered how close Nick had been.
"Yes, that's true. Why is it that it matters to you?" I asked slowly, like talking to a child.
He walked over to me and took my hand, "Because, I love you." I gasped; I had never, even in my wildest dreams thought that those words would ever come out of Andrews' mouth. My mind swam, and I couldn't think of anything to say.
"I didn't know it was coming, I only fully realized how deep I felt for you as I watched you lying there, almost drained of life. I've learned to love you, you have a quality that can't be found in anyone else."
Before I knew it, he was on one knee. "Rachel Elizabeth Tremont, daughter of Prince David Tremont, would you do me the honor of taking my hand in marriage?" What? None of that sentence made any sense.
I had a million thoughts run through my mind, but only a few stuck out;
First, my father was not a prince.
Second, my last name is not and never has been Tremont.
Lastly, I love Nick… not Andrew.
He saw my expression, and said softly, "It would be better for you to marry me." I felt a pang as I remembered Nick's earlier words. "You deserve someone far better than me, I'm truly sorry for what I'm about to do." He had apologized for kissing me.
"I wasn't planning on asking you so soon, but when I saw you kissing Nick…" He sighed, "I- I just can't lose you." He said.
When I started shaking my head no, he did the unthinkable.
He kissed me.
It wasn't like any of the kisses I had shared with Nick it had more force, don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad. It just wasn't from someone I loved.
I was so shocked at him kissing me that I couldn't move for about ten seconds. My mind was screaming at my limbs to move, but nothing happened. It was only when he pressed his tongue against my bottom lip that my legs and arms started functioning again. My hands went to his chest and I shoved, my feet moved at the same time, and I stepped away from him.
He stepped with me though, then took my hand and pressed it against his cheek. "I love you so much."
I pulled my hand away from him, and took a few steps back. He watched me cautiously.
I then turned, and simply walked away.
"Wait, Rachel!" Andrew called after me.
My feet started moving faster at his voice, and I was soon at a full run. I needed to get away from him. I knew I would be faster, so he wouldn't be able to catch me, I was glad of my special ability that came with being in the forest.
I broke through the trees where Nick was waiting. I almost stopped there, but when I first saw sadness in Nick's eyes, then heard Andrew running after me, I ran in the direction of home.
Safe, reliable home.
I burst through the front door and hurried past Matthew and Bell and into my bedroom. I locked my door, and collapsed against it. I wanted to cry, to let my confusion out through tears. But my eyes stayed dry.
I sat silently thinking about both of the men that were in the forest with me today. Everything that I am gravitated towards Nick. But there was something nagging at me, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something vital.
I went over every fiber of my life, everything that made me who I am today. I searched, looking for the thing that was bothering me. But I came up short.
Both Bell and Matthew tried making me come out, but I ignored them.
I sat there so long that the sun had gone down when I finally came out of my internal searching.
I stood up, tried to collect myself, and went in search of Matthew. I found him, but his company surprised me.
I stepped into the living room to find Matthew, Andrew, and Nick, all sitting around having conversation with each other.
They all looked up when I shifted uncomfortably. Nick stood and offered me his seat, I didn't take it. I turned to Matthew and said, "Could you come with me for a walk?"
Matthew thought about it, then said, "No, I have some pressing matters to attend to. But I'm sure these gentlemen would be happy to accompany you." He said this in what could only be described as a jolly tone.
I glared at him. How could he do that to me? If he knew what had happened in the woods he would not have proposed such an absurd idea. "I... I don't think it necessary-"
I was interrupted by Matthew, "Nonsense, you will go with them, I believe you all have some things to sort out." He said as he looked around the room pointedly. So Matthew did know then. I made a mental note to get Matthew back for this later.
Andrew made a move to get my shawl, but Nick was there already, wrapping it around my shoulders.
I had a realization, "Matthew, where is Bell? I think I'm going to ask her to come with us." Moans escaped from both Nick and Andrew's mouths. I wondered what they had against her.
I'm afraid that I hadn't paid very much attention to her for a long while. But whenever we had been together, she was either talking nonstop, or trying to kill me in my sleep. "I find her company rather nice." I said, defending my friend.
"It's not her company, it's the way she acts like a love sick fool when Nick is around. I mean she's my sister and all, but it's the most annoying thing ever." Andrew said in disgust.
"Not only that, she's been following me about like a lost puppy!" Nick agreed.
"She's at the Jackson house, looking for Nick no doubt." Matthew told me with a grin.
"Thank you." I said gratefully. I wasn't sure that I was going to take her with us, the thought of watching another girl swoon over Nick made me feel sick… and slightly jealous.
It was a nice night, the wind was softly blowing, and the moon was large and bright.
I walked in front of Nick and Andrew, trying to put some distance between us. My mind wandered off, I strolled aimlessly around the town, not bothering to keep track of where we were, and I knew Nick would be able to lead me back home.
I only stopped when I realized that I was in front of my old house, the one that I had lived in before my father died. I hadn't gone back to it since Matthew took me in. No one had lived in it since then, and I was positive that all my fathers' things would be right where I had left them.
My feet started moving towards the gate, I finally felt ready to face my father's death, after so many years.
I was pulled to a stop by a pressure on my arm. I turned to Nick, his eyes held concern, "Are you sure?" He asked gently.
"I need to do this." I said definitely.
He nodded. Then turning towards the house he said, "Do you want us to come with you?"
I nodded, and started walking up the path to the door. I had my hand on the knob, I felt Nick standing behind me, and I reached for his hand.
I pushed open the door, revealing a dark interior. "Do you have your matches?" I asked Nick. He put a box in my hand, and I moved to the candleholder I knew would be on a table to my left. I struck the wooden match a few times before it took, the light flooded our side of the room. There was furniture covered with white sheets, and old portraits of my parents and grandparents were on the walls.
Andrew wasn't in the room, I noticed, "Andrew stayed outside, he said this was your business and he didn't want to intrude." Nick said as he saw me looking around for him.
"That was sweet of him." I replied. I picked the candle up and lit one of the wall mounts, and one more portable candle. Then I handed one to Nick and continued on up the stairs with mine in my hand. I went straight to my father's room, the place I knew would be the hardest.
I lit another candle by the door and yanked the white sheet off my father's desk, coughing as dust tried to crowd my lungs.
As I looked around, I realized that I had nothing from my father. Other than a house full of bittersweet memories, I wanted something that I could keep with me forever, something that resembled my father's bravery, and love. I looked in the closet, but decided trying to keep his clothes would be silly. The desk had nothing of value, just some old papers.
My eyes landed on the trunk at the bottom of the bed, I tried the lid but it was stuck, "Nick, could you come help me?" I called.
He appeared beside me as I tried once more to open the maple trunk. It finally gave way when Nick added his strength to mine. The trunk smelled strongly of my father. In the corner was a spilled bottle of his cologne, I smiled and picked it up.
My dad's old hunting jacket was at the top of the trunk, it still smelled like him, I could even see him walking out the door in it. I decided that that was the keepsake I was looking for.
"Rachel, look at this." The whispered words brought me back to the present.
Nick pulled out something long and narrow, it was carefully wrapped in a red velvet cloth. He pulled the cloth away, revealing an intricate leather scabbard embellished with red jewels. The candle light flickered off the rubies making them dance in a stunning way.
"I don't remember this." I whispered.
Nick tugged on a leather cord at the hilt of the sword, and slowly pulled the scabbard away.
Ominous, beautiful, threatening, magnificent, sinister, elegant, powerful. None of those words could even begin to describe the sword before me. It was coal black, but it reflected the light just like a silver sword would have.
I could somehow tell it was my father's sword, even though I had never seen it before. It portrayed my father so much, it felt as if he was right there with me in that room.
Nick abruptly slid the sheath back on, and stood up with it. I looked up at him, confused, then I stood slowly, along with my father's jacket and cologne.
"Are you ready to go?" Nick asked with his back to me.
"Yes." I said as I smelled what was left of the cologne.
Nick rewrapped the sword in the velvet and began putting it back in the trunk. "No, Nick lets take it back, there's something about it… I'm not sure what it is, I just feel like I need that sword." I tried making him understand.
He reluctantly nodded, then carried it for me as we left the house.
When we stepped outside, we were greeted by an interesting sight; all three Redmonds were standing with Andrew, talking.
"Rachel, Nick, It's so nice to see both of you again!" Beatrice cried, but her eyes were glued to Nick.
I glanced at Nick to see his reaction to her, he was smiling. That was the worst thing he could have been doing.
I felt my jealous side coming out, "Hello, Beatrice, Mrs. Redmond, Jonathan, how are you?" I asked as I went to Jonathan for a hug. He placed a playful brotherly kiss on the top of my head, I wasn't sure exactly when we had gotten close enough to hug each other without awkwardness, but I was perfectly comfortable around him. Maybe it was when I had told him I was in love with Nick.
I realized then that three men had kissed me in one day and I blushed.
When we pulled away from each other, we found all eyes on us. I inwardly cringed at the troubled look on Nick's face. Mrs. Redmond's expression was complete shock, Beatrice's was slight surprise but mostly delight, and Andrew's was hate.
I smiled, "We were just out for a walk, and we're going back your way, why don't we walk together?" I asked, I needed to talk to Jonathan, and I didn't think I could do that without a distraction for Andrew and Nick.
Everyone seemed to pair off automatically, Mrs. Redmond and Andrew were in a deep conversation at the front of our line, Beatrice was glued to Nick's arm behind them, Jonathan and I brought up ther rear.
The reason I had wanted to talk to Jonathan, was that he was the only one that hadn't hinted he knew about the secrets Matthew had been keeping from me.
I began to tell him everything that had happened that day, and I didn't leave anything out.
About a fourth of the way home, Nick started getting suspicious of us, he kept looking back at us with these expressions that only he could get away with. I decideed that he needed more of a distraction, I hoped that Bell was still at the Jackson house, we were passing by it right as Nick was looking back for the hundredth time. I told Jonathan to stay there, then I ran inside and came out being dragged along by Bell, she was excited to be walking by Nick I guess.
She was soon talking Nick's ear off, so I felt more at ease talking to Jonathan. I finished the story by the time we reached my house. He looked at me thoughtfully, then said, "It's getting late. Do you want to go for a longer walk alone? Or do you want me to come back tomorrow so we can talk?"
"I won't be able to sleep at all if I have all these thoughts crowding my mind anyway, so let's go for that walk." I decided quickly. I hurried inside, to explain to Matthew where I was going to be and to drop off my father's stuff, then I said goodbye to the rest of our group.
Nick watched Jonathan and me closely as I said goodbye. I wished that I could explain to him why I was with Jonathan and not him.
They left Bell at my house, and Andrew and Nick took the Redmond women home, since I was stealing Jonathan from them.
When we were finally alone and walking down the street, Jonathan started trying to help me sort out my mess.
"How long have they been acting like they have a secret?" He asked.
"For as long as I can remember really, but I've only really noticed it in the last year."
"What do you think they're hiding from you?"
"I don't know, none of it really points in a sensible direction."
"So maybe it isn't something sensible, maybe it's something completely outrageous. I know they love you Rachel, and I'm sure that whatever reason they are hiding this from you is a good one. I bet they are just trying to keep you safe." He said it all very softly. "Now, what is the most outrageous thing you can think of that they would try to protect you from?" He asked with a smile as he cast a sideways glance at me.
"The most outrageous thing they would try protecting me from? What about you? Andrew seemed to think you were dangerous to me somehow." I said teasingly.
"Yes, that was… curious." He said as he raised his right brow.
I laughed, "I think I finally understand what it was about."
"What's that?"
"Me." I said simply.
"Ah, yes. Attraction can do strange things to people." Jonathan said.
"I know." I said with a tired sigh.
The silence carried as we both thought about things.
Then suddenly he stopped walking, I looked at him, his face showed shock, but it also showed he was trying to calculate something.
"What is it?" I asked. "What's wrong?"
"I- I think I figured it out."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, getting worried.
"What were Andrew's exact words when he was proposing?" He asked urgently.
"Umm, I think he said something like-"
"No, Rachel, I need the exact words. Not 'something like'." He said, his voice was rising, like he was nervous or something.
"Okay, he said, "Rachel Elizabeth Tremont, daughter of Prince David Tremont, would you do me the honor of taking my hand in marriage?" I was thinking at the time that none of that sentence made any sense at all." I told him.
"Rachel, I've figured out what the outrageous thing is." I urged him on with a nod. "You're a princess!" He cried.
I stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing, "Jonathan, I think you need some sleep. That idea is extremely outrageous."
"Rachel." His tone was serious. "Think about it, everything is fitting together, and it looks an awful lot like you, your highness, are royalty."
"Okay, I'll consider the possibility, but I really think your imagination is running wild." I told him.
"That's all I wanted, I think my job is done here. You want to head on back?" He asked.
"Wait a minute, you still aren't finished solving all my problems." I said with a smile.
He thought for a moment, "Well, I think you should just talk to Matthew, don't let him wiggle out of it. And for your relationship issues… leave those lovey dovey boys for a more mature, less emotional man." He said as he flexed his muscles, and deepened his voice.
We both looked at each other for a moment, then broke out laughing.
After we contained ourselves, he said, "Seriously though, just do what your heart tells you to. I know, it sounds foolish, but I think it's the best advice I can give."
He walked me home and we talked of things that didn't matter a bit, that was the best part of my day, talking about something that didn't matter.
We got to my house around midnight, the lateness surprised me, it hadn't seemed like we had talked that long. Jonathan went in with me, he said he wanted to apologize to Matthew for keeping me so late, I told him it wasn't necessary, but he insisted.
I opened the door and noticed all the lights were still on, so Matthew was surely still awake.
"Matthew?" I called.
"In here." His voice came from the living room.
I found him sitting across from Nick, apparently he had come back after taking the women home.
I paused in the doorway, and Jonathan accidentally bumped into me because of the sudden stop. "Sorry." He apologized, before stepping around me and sitting himself down on the same couch as Nick. "I didn't get a chance to talk with you earlier Nick. How have you been? Rachel told me you went off to that big war?" Jonathan asked.
"It's been a while Jonathan. Yes, I went to the war, and almost got killed a few times, I even have the scars to prove it." Nick seemed to relax some, but I tensed at his words. I hadn't even thought to ask about the war, so many other things had been crowding my mind.
Images of swords clashing and blood being spilled flashed though my head.
I was pulled out of my gory thoughts by Jonathan's low whistle. I looked up to find Nick sitting with his shirt off, his was back to me. If I had a weaker stomach I certainly would have either thrown up, or passed out at the pink mutilation across Nick's back.
I suddenly felt as if it was my scar, I could feel pain searing in a sharp line across my back. I gasped aloud and had to look away, they all three turned towards me. I felt tears coming, I had not even considered Nick getting hurt.
I closed my eyes, trying to fight the tears, when that failed I turned and rushed to the kitchen.
I sat against one of the cabinets, shoulders shaking, tears streaming down my face and neck, soaking the front of my shirt.
Every time I felt like I was almost under control, blood would flash across my vision, then I would see Nick's scar.
I didn't even hear any footsteps, but soon a strong arm was wrapping around my shoulder, pulling me to a chest. I didn't fight, I wasn't sure who it was, but I hugged back anyway. I needed to just be held at that moment.
Nick's voice was the one that came, and my arms tightened around him as soon as it did. "I'm sorry." His voice was strong, yet it was soothing and gentle too.
"What..." I had a second where I couldn't talk, "What for?" I finally got out.
"Everything." He moaned. "I'm sorry that you had to see that scar, I'm sorry I wasn't able to write while I was gone, I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything when I had the chance, I'm sorry that I'll never be good enough for you, I'm sorry you're hurting, I'm sorry I lied, I'm sorry I kissed you, I'm sorry that I have a secret, and I'm sincerely sorry that I… I love you."
I couldn't breath, due to both how tight he was holding me, and the fact that he had just told me he loved me.
"I love you too." I whispered.
He pulled away, seeing if I was serious or if I was just saying it without thinking.
So it was sitting on the kitchen floor that we first confessed our love for each other.
He slowly lowered his lips to mine. That kiss was by far the best of them all, because we weren't hiding any love from each other.
It was my stomach that interrupted us then, as it growled. I started pulling away, but this time it was him who stopped me. He did much the same thing I did that morning, but he was pushing me up against the cabinet so that I couldn't get away.
I smiled and kissed him back patiently, the second time my stomach protested, he let me go with a sigh.
I smiled sheepishly, "I haven't had a thing to eat all day."
"Well, we can't have you starving on my watch." He said, before grazing my lips with his.
I ate quickly, I really couldn't help how fast I ate, and I was famished.
We moved to the living room when I was finished, and found that Jonathan had gone home and Matthew had gone to bed. They had left the lamp burning, so I sat on the couch beside Nick. We talked for a few more hours, it wasn't the same as when we were younger, but I liked it better this way.
I fell asleep with my head on Nick's shoulder, as I closed my eyes I briefly wondered if I had done that before, it felt like dejavu.