Prompt: If only I'd known then what I know now! (Write in first person…)
Character: Burt Hummel
Word Count: 558
Date: November 14, 2012
Seeing your child hurt is one of the hardest things a parent can go through, and seeing Kurt torn between forgiveness and fear nearly broke my heart. If only I'd known then what I know now, I would have given Blaine more of the attention he so desperately needed. I would have made sure he knew that he mattered, not just to Kurt, but to me.
Kurt and I walked together in Battery Park, the Christmas lights glowing as a light snow fell on a cool night. I'd never realized how beautiful New York could be, but Kurt was right; it was a city full of magic.
I hoped the magic could help my kids take that first step again. They were just not the same without one another.
If I'd known then what I know now, I would have done a better job of showing Kurt how much work went into a relationship. I would have taught him that love is earned, not given freely. That it takes attention and care. That taking it for granted was the surest way of losing it.
We sat on a bench by the frozen pond and watched children and families and couples all skate hand in hand. Some fell only to give up. Some reached a hand and supported one another. And some skated by, seemingly without a care in the world.
I'd always taught Kurt to reach a hand, but never had I told him what to do when it burned him.
"I'm sorry, Kurt," I confessed with a heavy heart. "I don't think I gave you all the tools you needed to handle this."
"What if he does it again Dad?" Kurt asked me, his fear caught in his voice.
"What if he doesn't?" I retorted. I turned and placed a comforting hand on his knee, wishing as always that this was as easy to fix as the scrapes from falling of his bicycle had been so many years ago. Kurt looked at me, his eyes so much older than those days, but still searching for me to have all the answers. "There are an infinite number of what ifs in a relationship, but we can't tell the future, Kurt. I couldn't have known that my time with your mother would have been cut short, but if I had known then what I know now, I still would not have changed a single second with her."
"So what do I do?" Kurt asked.
He rested his head on my shoulder, and held my hand. It struck me in that moment how I'd do anything to stop my child's pain but nothing to prevent my own, because without it, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I realized, I had to let him go. This was part of him growing up, and I couldn't get in the way.
"This is your life son, your future," I told him. "So the only question to ask yourself is can you imagine it without him."
We sat like that for a while, in silence, listening to the sounds of joy and laughter and Christmas music surround us. I had no idea what was going on in Kurt's head, but I was pretty certain that whatever he chose would be the right choice for him. After all, he had his mother's smarts.