"Ready to accept?" Alistair asked while I was a bloody mess, almost literally.
My stomach was torn up, so my organs, insides, everything was goo. I couldn't see anything, it was just a dark nothing, not strange at all, since they had turned my eyeballs into jelly.
The air with the smell of blood, salty and copper was thick and felt like water in my throat.
It all was too much, this was worse than any pain I ever felt before this. And all I wanted was it to end. Thirty years, almost thirty years I had been here. One of the worst things was also that I sometimes could hear my brother scream somewhere. But I didn't want to torture, I still wanted to be human.
My eyes (eyelids) narrowed before I said the answer I had said the last years in Hell.
"You can take your offer, and shove it right up in your ass", I growled.
I could hear Alistair chuckle slightly.
"Very well, but you will regret it. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Hello Dean", I could hear a voice say above me.
I opened my eyes to see Cas sitting on the bed, on my leg.
He really didn't know about personal space.
"What were you dreaming of?" he asked him.
"Puppies and rainbows, probably. Hello, Cas. You're sitting on me", I stated and rubbed my eyes.
Cas looked down on me slightly surprised expression.
"My apologies", he excused before he moved from my leg quickly and awkwardly.
"What? Do you get your freak on by watching other people sleep? What do you want?" Dean wondered annoyed.
"Listen to me. You have to stop it", he told gravely.
"Stop what?" I asked.
Cas didn't answer. Instead, he touched Dean's forehead with his fingers, and Dean vanished. I let out a small cry of surprise.
"What the hell did you do?" I exclaimed alarmed as Cas rose.
"I sent him back", he simply replied.
I raised my eyebrow confused. And what did he mean with 'back'? Some explanation, perhaps?
"Back? Where?"
"1973."
I flew up from the bed (I ignored the fact that I only wore a tank top and no pants) and stared at Cas horrified. I could swear on that Cas sometimes glanced down on second base. That just made me… a bit uncomfortable.
"And he's supposed to do what there?" I demanded.
"Learn the past", Cas answered.
I stared at him weirdly before I opened my mouth.
"And that means…?"
Cas looked at me before he disappeared.
Annoyed and worried, I wanted to be awake when Dean came back.
But I was so tired, my eyelids almost dropped, which they did unfortunately.
Blood. Screams. Pain. Agony. Over and over again. Why couldn't it stop? Why didn't it end? I wanted to die again, I would do anything for that. Except the fact that I already was dead.
Why couldn't they feel some sympathy for me? Couldn't they hear my screams, see my tears, hearing me beg for mercy.
I tried to struggle, anything to avoid the small sharp blade that was heading for my forehead. And when it did touch my skin, my head exploded, it felt like it was splitting in two.
An inhuman howl tore itself out from my throat and made me feel the taste of blood on my tongue. If I just couldn't feel anything, then all this would have been much more better.
Someone forcefully opened my eye before a needle stabbed it and started to twist. I screamed as warm thick blood ran down my face and made the hair damp and sticky against my temples.
Make it stop, make it STOP!
I woke up hyperventilating, searching for something that wasn't blood, wasn't pain. I cried out over and over again. I could still feel the sensation of burning skin getting ripped off everywhere on my body, acid burning in my eyes.
"Abigail!" a voice yelled loudly.
I couldn't figure out who that was, it was like I was blind again. The only thing I could see was my body torn and bloody, the sharp metal of a scalpel, Alistair laughing.
I could now feel the sensation of warm and whole skin pressed on my hand, not agony. This skin was real, not blood, not Alistair, this.
The darkness from Hell started to fade, I could now see the motel room. I shut my eyes hard, before I opened them and found Cas sit on the bed with messy hair and a worried look.
"Abigail, are you okay?" he asked gently.
I nodded slowly and noticed a long and deep scratch in his face, from the corner of his right eye and ended under the left cheekbone. It had already started to heal, but still. I was quite sure that it had been my fault.
"I… Your face", I said lowly with guilt gnawing in my gut.
"It's okay. Angels heal fast", he told and gently stroke away my hair.
"I saw… I saw.." I whispered before my voice faded over and over again.
I took a very deep breath before I tried to talk again.
"I saw Hell again."
Cas' eyes were locked on mine, full of concern. I had seen those eyes be filled with anger from yesterday, but not concern. And definitely not hearing him almost shout.
I didn't know why I told him this, I barely knew him. But somehow, something with him made me trust him.
"I believe that you have post traumatic stress disorder. It happens to a human when something traumatic happens in her life", he explained and tilted his head slightly.
"I'm quite sure Hell counts as a traumatic experience", I muttered.
"It does."
Once again, angels didn't understand sarcasm.
Suddenly, Dean popped into existence while looking a bit sad. He then seemed to think about other things since he was staring at us.
"What are you doing with my sister?" he demanded alarmed.
"It's okay, Dean. I had a problem and Cas helped me with it", I told and touched my temples.
Dean looked at me one last time worried before he looked at Cas, who was now sitting beside me.
"I couldn't stop it. She still made the deal. She still died in nursery, didn't she?" he said.
I widened my eyes. He had seen Her?
"Do you mean Mom?"
Dean nodded and told me what he had seen.
How Mom had made the deal with Yellow Eyes to bring back Dad, the fact that Sam had demon blood inside him, which explained why he had seen visions.
"But why not me then?" I asked, almost whispering.
Dean shrugged.
"Dunno, perhaps he didn't have time."
Also he told me the reason why Dean was named Dean and Sam Sam. After that, he looked quite guilty.
"Don't be too hard to yourself. You couldn't stopped it", Cas said with the same tone he almost always used.
"What?" Dean said and rose.
"Destiny can't be changed", Cas continued and rose.
"All the roads lead to the same destiny."
"Then why did you send me back?" he almost whispered to him.
"For the truth. Now you know everything we do", he told.
"What do you mean?" I asked him and put on a pair of jeans.
Cas turned his head towards Sam's bed, which was empty. How could I have missed it? I felt like the biggest idiot of all time.
"Where's Sam?" Dean asked me.
I shook my head and said:
"I don't know."
"We know what Azazel did to your brother. But what we don't know is why. Or what his endgame is. He went to great lengths to cover that up", Cas answered.
I tried to swallow the big lump in my throat. What if something had happened to him?
"Where is he?" I demanded.
425 Waterman", he said.
I quickly grabbed my blue flannel shirt and put in over my tank top. Took my jacket, my gun, another gun, Ruby's knife, anything that I could need.
"Your brother is heading down a dangerous road and we are not sure where it leads. So stop it, or we will", he warned.
When we made it to where Cas had given us the direction, the first thing we saw was Sam pulling out a demon from its vessel, with his mind.
Sammy, you said you weren't doing this, I thought betrayed.
We watched him untie the empty vessel, while some girl was watching him satisfied. That is the same girl he had been sleeping with, I thought annoyed.
An act?
When Sam and the woman was about to get out the man from there, we opened the door and revealed ourselves.
"Want to explain what the hell is going on here?" Dean demanded.
"Dean, Abby, hold on, okay? Just let me—" Sam said desperately, before I interrupted.
"You're gonna say 'Let me explain'. How are you going to explain this?" I wondered and gestured with my hand.
" How about this? Why don't you start with who she is and what hell she is doing here?" Dean snapped.
Sam looked down before he turned his head towards the girl, who looked like she recognized us.
"Good to see you again, Dean, Abby", she told and smiled.
It was only my family who called me Abby. And also… no.. It couldn't be…
"Ruby? Is that Ruby?" Dean asked.
Sam nodded slightly.
Suddenly, my vision went red and I suddenly and raised the knife and slammed her into the wall, trying to stab her. That bitch, what the hell had she done with Sam?
"No!"
The moment I was about to gut and end Ruby's pathetic life, Sam grabbed me from behind and tried to drag me away from her. I kicked him away as Ruby grabbed me and pushed me into the wall with her hand around my throat. I tried to kick her, anything, but the bitch's grip just grew tighter.
"Ruby, stop", Sam ordered.
For a moment, I believed that she would kill me. But apparently, she listened and let go of me, her eyes filled with loathe. We had never liked each other, we didn't and would never do.
"Such an obedient bitch, huh?" I growled.
Ruby looked me in the eyes and I knew that she would kill me.
"Ruby", Sam pleaded.
"Ruby. He's hurt. Go."
She glared at me again before she backed off and helped up the man.
"And where do you think you're going?" I snapped and glared at her, which Dean also did.
"E.R, unless you want to go another round first", she told and left.
I looked at Sam one more time, betrayed and hurt, before both Dean stormed out and I followed.
The next day, Dean and I were packing. I couldn't believe it, he had been with that thing again. Without telling us. And now he was using his mojo to pull out demons. And I was quite sure he could do some more mojo if he wished. I didn't want to leave Sam, but if that was his choice, then so be it.
"Dean, Abby, what are you doing? What are— Are you leaving?" he asked.
"You don't need me, or Abby. You and Ruby go and fight demons", Dean said without looking at him.
"Abby", Sam begged.
I shook my head slowly, but looked at him sadly.
"I don't want to be with her, and you know that", I just said.
"Hold on. Dean, come on, guys", Sam said as we started to leave.
Dean suddenly turned and gave him a right hook. I winced but didn't try to stop him.
"You satisfied?" Sam asked before Dean punched him again.
"I guess not."
"Do you even know how far off the reservation you gone? How far from human?" Dean said angrily.
"I'm just exorcising demons", Sam defended himself.
"With your mind, Sam!" I exclaimed.
"What else can you you do?" Dean asked.
"I can send them back to Hell. It only works with demons and that's it", Sam told.
Dean grabbed Sam in the shirt and almost pushed him back, while I did nothing.
"What else can you do?" he shouted at Sam.
"I told you!" Sam exclaimed.
"And I have every reason to believe that", Dean said bitterly.
"Look, I should have said something. I'm sorry, Dean, Abby. But try the other side here."
"Sam, I don't understand, what other side? All I can see is you working with a demon", I stated.
"I'm pulling out demons out of innocent people", Sam said.
"Use the knife!" Dean yelled.
"The knife kills the victim. What I do, most of the survive. Look, I saved more people in the last five months than we saved in a year", Sam explained, almost like he was desperate.
"Is that what she wants you to think? Kind of the way she tricked you into using your powers. It'll get worse, until you can't control it and innocent people die because of you", I said and almost whispered the last sentence.
"I'm not gonna let it go too far", Sam protested.
Dean turned and threw a lamp into the wall. Any second, one of them could start fighting, and as the youngest sister who often didn't fight with any of my brothers, it felt like my responsibility to prevent it.
Even if I sometimes chose sides myself, or didn't do a shit. At all.
"It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't know you, I would want to hunt you. And so would other hunters", Dean said.
I widened my eyes, I couldn't believe what Dean had said. Even with everything Sam done, I would never be able to say that, much less do it.
"You were gone. I was here. I had to keep fighting without you two", Sam mumbled, his voice thick and his eyes had gone shiny, along with Dean's.
"But what I'm doing, it works."
"Then tell us. If it's so terrific, then why'd you lie about to me? To Abby? Why did an angel tell us to stop you?"
"What?" Sam asked stunned.
"Cas said that if we didn't stop you, he will. You know what that means, Sam? That means God doesn't want you doing this. So are you just gonna stand there and tell us everything is good?" Dean said.
We all went silent, until Sam's cell phone started to ring. It turned out that an old hunter friend named Travis needed help with a Rugaru, which later ate him, after he'd tried to kill the monster's wife. Something I found extremely stupid to do. But I never had liked Travis that much, anyway.