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CHAPTER 20.
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"Nooooooooo! Please don't. Please." Hermione shrieked.
She screamed some unintelligible words and was thrashing about violently when a stunned Fred ran into her room.
"Hermione ? Hermione ? What's ..." He trailed off when he saw she was still sleeping but had clutched her covers tightly in her fists and her bed sheet was almost completely crumpled. She was still screaming in bouts and copious tears ran from her closed eyes.
Fred immediately went by her side and realised she was having a nightmare of some kind.
It must be really bad, he thought. She looks worse than she did today when I came home.
He decided to wake her up this instant to save her from the bad dream.
"Mione, love. It's all right. You're here with me. You're safe love. Wake up will you?" he gently coaxed her.
She was still clutching her covers, knuckles white and her night suit drenched with perspiration. Her forehead was glistening with sweat and her hair had matted against it. Her face was streaked with tears.
Fred's heart ripped apart for the second time in 12 hours when he saw her like this.
He couldn't understand what had gone wrong now. They had come back from a perfect evening together. He'd even succeeded in making her laugh and dance. They had chatted for some time happily after returning, before saying goodnight and retiring for the night.
She seemed more at peace and was thankful to Fred for all what he had done in the day. So when he saw her so disturbed in her sleep, he was worried she was dreaming about her parents again.
This will be harder than I thought. Fred thought.
Sighing, and lovingly moving aside her hair and dabbing her forehead dry, he pulled her up till she was semi sitting and tried waking her again.
She had stopped thrashing about and her screams had turned into whimpers and in between she kept saying please and stop it and it's a fake it's a fake.
Fred had no idea what she was dreaming about but he had to wake her up. Rocking her gently, he tried waking her up again.
He hugged her tight and whispered her name again and again before she calmed down a bit and her erratic breathing started to slow down.
"Harry?" she whispered.
"No Mione, it's Fred. You had a nightmare?" He said.
Still holding him, Hermione sat up straighter and leaned in more into him to hug him tighter.
She had started sobbing again and was saying "she's come back. She's come back." into his shirt.
"Sshh love. Who's come back? It's just you and me here."
He conjured some water in a nearby glass and held it to her. "Here, have some water. You'll feel better."
Hermione refused to let go. Fred was rubbing soothing circles on her back and whispering calming words in her ears but still held on tightly.
After a few minutes, she seemed to have realised that it was George's flat and currently she and Fred were alone here and safe.
She slowly sipped the water that Fred had offered her and closed her eyes tiredly and rested her head against the head board of the bed.
"You must be so tired of me." She said after a few minutes.
"I'm worried Hermione. I've never seen you like this before today. And I don't know if anyone has. I'm worried because it's not healthy and you've been dealing with this on your own." Fred said, lacing his fingers with hers.
"I never meant you to see me today in the afternoon. But now I'm glad you did. But tonight. I don't know." She trailed off to take a deep breath and steady her breathing. Her eyes were dampening up again and she took another sip of the water.
"Tonight. Again I'm really sorry Fred. I woke you up. I don't know how I forgot the silencing charm on my room." She said.
"For what do you need a silencing charm on your room? And if you had one how the hell would I know you were having a nightmare? You were a wreck Hermione. I didn't know what to do, how to wake you." He said.
"Precisely for the same reason Fred. I didn't want to disturb you with my screams." She said.
"Hermione," he said, looking serious. "Do you put a charm every night on your room?"
She looked at him with eyes that were tired and begged for sleep and nodded.
"How often do you get these nightmares?" He asked, worry etched in his blue eyes.
She looked away from him and started playing with the edge of her covers.
"Hermione?" He asked again.
She sighed but still continued to look down. "Twice, sometimes thrice a week."
Thrice a week. That was every other day. And if her nightmares were anything like what he had seen tonight, he didn't know what she did to get out of them if nobody knew about it.
"Since when?" He asked.
She was quiet again.
"Since how long, love?" He asked her gently taking her hand in his.
"Since... Since... The war." She choked.
Fred took a deep intake of breath. 4 years. 4 years since she had been having these nightmares. And the loss of her parents. How was this woman holding up? Who was she? If anyone else had been in her place, they would've destroyed themselves. Not that she was damaging herself any less, but she woke up every day and faced the world as if there was nothing wrong with it. Fred didn't know if pretending that everything was alright and dealing with it alone without telling anyone was better or succumbing to a breakdown was better.
Either way, he was not going to let her do this alone now. He knew about her parents and somehow today he knew about her very frequent nightmares. He'd seen her at her worst and he told himself that she would never feel so terrible again. Not if he could help it. Ever.
She looked up to see a pained expression on Fred. Her heart warmed at the worry his face held for her.
She smiled weakly and said, "it's better Fred. Earlier I used to have them every day. Sometimes every time I closed my eyes. It was all I could ever dream of. But it's better now. And since shifting here, I go days without having it. I don't know today how and I guess I was so spent and tired from today I forgot to put the charm and maybe that's why also I had the nightmare ..." She rambled, trying to alleviate Fred's anxiety.
She was touched that he cared so deeply. But she was also mentally kicking herself for forgetting the silencing charm. Now he's going to think I'm a complete nut case. She sighed.
"You shouldn't be having them at all Hermione. It's been a long time since the war. It's over. We're all safe. Why do you still have the nightmares? And how have you not told anyone? Why do you want to fight everything alone?" He asked.
"It's ... It's nothing Fred. Just a very bad dream. And why spoil others' sleep over a stupid dream?" She said.
"You looked like you were being tortured Mione. It didn't look like a simple dream." Fred said.
Hermione blanched again and Fred felt her grip tighten around his fingers.
"What was it about Mione?" He asked her softly.
Her tears had started falling again and Fred scooped her in his arms and they were replaying the afternoon. She snuggled into him and he kept his arms wrapped around her, rubbing her arms soothingly.
"It's ok if you don't want to talk about it." He said.
She nodded and her right hand was fingering a scar on her left forearm.
Fred thought it must be one of the battle scars. He had many on his back too, from the impact of the wall.
He lifted her left forearm and gently ran his fingers across the scar.
A silent tear fell over it. Hermione was crying softly now.
Fred looked closer at the scar. It was different. He raised her forearm so he could get a better look and he gasped.
"Hermione !" He breathed.
She felt his hold tighten around her forearm, almost painful.
"Who. Did. This. ?" He asked , rage palpable in his voice.
It was the first time he had seen this on her arm. She must be concealing it every day, he thought.
He was boiling with anger and if he already didn't have a terrified Hermione sitting next to him, he would've probably punched through a wall till he found and punched the person who had carved 'mud blood' so ruthlessly into her arm.
"Malfoy manor." She whispered. "The night we got caught by snatchers. Bellatrix. She.. She..." Hermione grew silent.
"That bitch!", Fred hissed, almost sorry that his mother had finished Bellatrix off in the battle. How he would love to have her blood on his hands.
"They put Harry and Ron in the dungeon below while Bellatrix decided to have fun with the mudblood", Hermione said almost emotionlessly.
"She saw the sword of Gryffindor in my hand and wanted to know how I happened to have it. When I didn't tell her, she .." Hermione swallowed before continuing, "she used Crucio on me. Many times."
Fred couldn't hold himself any longer. He was shaking with rage. And now it was Hermione who was holding his hand and running her thumb over his hand trying to calm him down.
"I kept telling her it was fake. But she didn't believe me. She alternated between using the Cruciatus on me and carving this on my arm. I felt myself slipping away and then Harry and Ron came with Dobby."
"I still dream about her torturing me sometimes. Even though I know she's gone. But she's still there here." Hermione said pointing a finger at her temple.
She was much calmer now but the same could not be said about Fred.
He was seething as he pulled her into a tight hug. He didn't know if the hug was for her benefit or his, because he surely felt better knowing that Hermione was feeling fine enough to talk about it.
"I'm so sorry Mione. I had no idea. You live with so much every single day. I don't know how you cope. And all along I've been calling you boring and not fun and tried pranking you and tried to make your life miserable in school. I'm so sorry Hermione. I really am. I had no idea. I feel so stupid for joking around all along when you had your own internal demons to fight. I'm so sorry." He said, his eyes glistening.
"Fred." She said painfully.
She held his arms in her hands and looked him in the eye. He still looked down. She tipped his chin with her index finger and made him look up. He looked so pained that she almost didn't recognize him.
The Fred she was used to seeing always had a grin plastered to his face. Or at least a smirk. The pained expression that she saw on him broke her heart.
And it's all because of me. Because he worries so much about me. She thought sadly. She was so overwhelmed by the care and emotion he showed over her. But at the same, him being so sad because of her killed her.
"If you didn't do the things you did Fred then you wouldn't be Fred Weasley." She said. "Your goal to spread a smile on people's faces really works. If I didn't have you and George on my case, I'd be thinking about sad things all the time. The kids and my work makes me happy. And your products and your pranks make me smile too. They infuriate me no doubt, but that's a better emotion than fear and sadness, right?" She asked sincerely.
"And I'm only telling you this once, and if you repeat it I will blatantly deny saying it, but when I'm alone I do take the liberty to enjoy and laugh at your pranks. Even if they were played on me." She said smiling.
Fred managed a weak smile.
"Oi!" She said. "I thought you were supposed to comfort me and make me feel better. And here I am doing that to you. You totally stole my thunder." She pouted.
Now he laughed genuinely.
"Well I comforted you twice today. It's only fair you do it once at least." He joked, tickling her sides.
If he didn't know before then he certainly did now. Hermione Granger was extremely ticklish. And after having discovered that, Fred Weasley couldn't not take advantage of the fact.
He mercilessly tickled her till she was thrashing about for the second time that night, but this time the room was filled with laughter and threats to kill Fred the first chance she got.
Her bedspread was totally out of place by now and her covers were wedged between 4 pairs of legs.
She somehow landed on her back on the bed and Fred was attacking her sides and she was breathless. Unknown to both of them, Fred had assumed a more comfortable position to attack her and was almost straddling her waist. He was supporting his own weight so as to not completely sit on her and Hermione took advantage of that position and totally flipped him till he fell over on her side and she had gripped both his hands in her small ones and they were facing each other, breathless.
He could almost feel her warm, ragged breaths as she huffed and puffed, trying to catch her breath.
Fred had stopped struggling against her hold and her hands to limped against his. She smiled at him and he continued to look at her from the close vicinity they had adopted.
All he could think of at this moment was how much he wanted to just close the distance and put her hair behind her ears, hold her face in his hands and kiss her.
Kiss her into oblivion. So she would forget all the pain, all memories and everything that ever made her cry. His need to hold her close and hug her tight till she forgot her demons was superseded by the urge to just kiss her sorrows away.
He knew the hugs wouldn't be enough now. But something at the back of his head prevented him from acting his thoughts, he gently held a side of her face with his now free hand and kissed her forehead.
She leaned toward him and their foreheads touched.
"I'm sorry you have so much to deal with Hermione. I don't know what I can do to make this better but I do know that I'll try everything I can so you don't have to be alone. Don't even say a word." He stopped her before she could refuse.
"I'm not getting tired of you. Neither am I going to leave you alone. You may have made the decision to keep this all to yourself but I won't keep myself away from you when you're like this. If you weren't so tired and fragile today, would've yelled at you for coping with this on your own and silencing your room. What were you thinking?" Fred said.
She smiled up at him, hating herself for being the cause of his worry but still glad at the support he offered by just being there.
"I don't want to cause any disturbance." She said quietly.
"Let others' take care of you for once ,Hermione." He said exasperatedly."You care for everyone. You were by Harry's side throughout school, you did their homework, made them study, even stuck by Harry when Ron left him. You babysit for everyone and do so much for everybody. You deserve to be taken care of too, Mione. Imagine if Harry,Ron,Ginny and Luna come to know what you've been living with ever since the war was over, how bad they'll feel. They are your friends and they have the right to smother you with their care." He said sincerely.
She was slightly damp eyed now. She had not told anyone anything for the same reason. Her friends were fiercely protective her, as she was of them. They were family. She didn't want to unnecessarily burden them.
Harry had finally gotten an opportunity to be 'just Harry' after the war and she didn't want to be a constant reminder of those days.
"It's your decision if you want to tell them or not. But me, I'm with you. Whether you want or not." Fred said determinedly.
She smiled at him. Knowing full well that when a Weasley twin made up his mind there was no turning around.
"Thank you. For everything. There's no one more I'd rather have to comfort me." She said fondly. "Especially when that someone bakes too well for his own good."
Fred's laughter filled the room and soon both of them were laughing.
Hermione fell asleep soon after. She still had her arm around his waist and her face was buried in Fred's chest. She looked peaceful and Fred was sure that this was the last nightmare for tonight.
He was gently rubbing her back and enjoying the feel of having this amazing witch in his arms.
He wanted to so badly kiss her pain away. And that night he acknowledged what he had subconsciously known for some time. That he loved her. He was in love with Hermione Granger.
It was easy to love her. She was so real. So passionate. And so bloody organised for her own good. She kept him guessing and on his toes all the time.
She was beautiful and she didn't need anything to complement her. Her smile and sheer genuineness lifted his spirits in a way he couldn't even begin to fathom.
At dinner last night, he thought he would have needed to be reminded to breathe. She simply took his breath away. And it wasn't only because she was well dressed.
She took his breath away anyway. Even in her weakest moments, she was gorgeous to him. All he wanted to do was to never let her go.
He realised it was easy to love Hermione when she was just Hermione. But when he saw her so broken, so tormented he realised how in love he was with her when her pain became his pain. And he couldn't bear to see her thus.
That's when he knew he wanted to laugh with her but he also wanted to cry with her. He wanted to be the one to make her laugh and the one who wiped her tears. He wanted to be the one responsible for making sure she never had tears in her eyes again.
He didn't know how or why he felt this way, but with Hermione sleeping peacefully beside him and his dawning realisation hitting him more and more, he couldn't help but smile like an idiot and think 'I love her. I love Hermione.' Before falling asleep next to her.
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