Part One
Chapter Five
"I'm late."
"What's that?" He looked up from his canvas to the loveseat where I was (unsuccessfully) trying to read.
"Peeta, I'm late. My period. I'm never late, and I'm officially two weeks late."
Neither one of us said anything for a few moments; Peeta just looked at the floor from where he sat. "Okay—."
"No, not okay. This is not okay. I can't do this. I won't do this."
"Katniss, breathe. Let's get a test and find out if this is something we even have to tackle."
How did I not think to walk to Walgreens and buy a stupid test? Women buy them every damn day. I put my book down. "I'll go now."
"Of course. We'll go now."
Two pee tests later and I was "unofficially" not pregnant, but I insisted on biking to University Health Services to make sure. Peeta came with me and was the doting boyfriend, assuring me that he would be there for me. I knew that, but his words eased my mind. Of course he would be there. When was he ever not there?
I was told I'd know the "official" answer two days later. We stopped at Babcock Hall17 for ice cream and walked our bikes back through campus and up State Street, quietly talking about what this event could have meant. Peeta had always wanted children, but neither of us had planned on being parents this soon. Or at least I hadn't. I told him that I hadn't ever given a serious thought to kids; that they weren't something I thought of as a part of my life.
"Do you love me, Katniss?"
"You know I do."
"Say it."
"Peeta," I laughed. "I love you."
"I love you, too." He got quiet. "I will always love you. I will always want to be with you. It's always only been you. You know that, right? I mean, you feel the same way?"
"Where is this coming from? Of course I want to be with you."
"Then let's get married. Marry me. And don't say we're too young. I've loved you for years and everyone expects it. I love you."
"Peeta, I don't think that this is the best time—."
"No, don't you see? This isn't about the right time. This is about you and me. We love each other, so timing is irrelevant."
We stopped at the front door of our building and he pulled me in for a kiss. "At least think about it." I nodded. Each of us hefted our bikes onto our shoulders before walking up the two flights of stairs, ending that seemingly never-ending day where we started it just hours earlier.
I later stood in the kitchen chopping vegetables and chicken for sir fry. Did I want to marry Peeta? I had told Peeta I loved him more times than I could possibly count, and his love for me wasn't something I ever questioned. Not once. But marriage? I was only twenty! I hadn't really seen or done anything outside of Madison, anything outside of this relationship. True, I couldn't envision a life without Peeta, just as I couldn't envision a life outside of the one I had.
But was that because I was utterly content, or because I didn't know any better?
Was there a difference?
Later that night we went to bed, thoroughly exhausted from the emotional day. Despite the heat, I cuddled with Peeta like I always did, lazily running my fingertips across his arms and feeling the few coarse hairs there. He started humming some song that I couldn't place and I breathed on his neck.
"Peeta?"
"Mmm?"
"I'll marry you."
…
I wake up and am disoriented. Where am I? Oh. Prim's room has always looked like something has imploded and I'm currently in the middle of that chaos. What time is it?
I look toward the nightstand and grab my phone. It's 8:40 a.m. and I have seven missed calls. I fall back onto the pillows and silently swear, realizing that I've slept through a whole evening of visiting hours and haven't been around to grieve with the Mellarks. Shit. Shit shit shit.
Beep. "Katniss, it's Rye. Were you going to come back tonight? Mom thought you were. Call me."
Beep. "Katniss. Gale. Where are you?"
Beep. "Katniss, it's Mom. I hope you're trying to get some rest. Listen, Peeta's really starting to come around and his vitals are strong. If anything changes, I'll let you know."
Beep. "This is Charles, and I'm calling on behalf of the University of Wisconsin-Madison College Democrats…"
Beep. "Katniss, fuck! Answer your phone! Why aren't you here? You should be here!"
I hit the home button and ignore the rest, swinging my feet off of the bed and making my way toward the bathroom. I need a shower and I need some food. I also need to get to the hospital. Selfish bitch.
By the time I round the corner on the seventh floor, I know I'm in trouble. Gale stands alone, his face contorted with rage. He grabs my arm and yanks me to the waiting room, shutting the door before letting loose. That'll bruise.
"God! Where the fuck were you?! Did you just space out and forget that Peeta was here, you know, fighting for his damn life? He needs you, Katniss. You! Did you have somewhere better to be? Is it too fucking much to ask you to be here for Peeta?!"
I wrench my arm away. "I fell asleep! I'm sorry! I'm here now, and I'll stay here. Don't you dare assume you know what this is like for me Gale."
"What it's like for you? You?! Peeta's been wracking his brain, trying to figure you out for months. Months! And now he's here without a fucking leg, still worried about you. He woke up and asked about you. He found out about the amputation without you. He wanted to know if you were coming! Should your fiancée even have to ask that damn question?!"
He might as well have slapped me. I'd deserve it, too. But I don't have an answer so I leave the room and shut the door, leaving Gale to fume some more. I hesitate for a split second outside of room 705 but walk in and take in the scene. Peeta's parents are near his bed and look up, eying me sadly (warily?) from where they sit. I ignore the look of disappointment and walk to Peeta's side, leaning over and whispering his name.
"Peeta."
His blue eyes flutter open and focus on my face, a million questions reflected on his own. Where were you? Are you okay? Can you still love me? Will you stay with me? Stay with me, please stay with me, please…
"Hi." I seriously have never sounded like such an insincere asshole in my life.
"Katniss…"
"Shhh. Don't say…I mean, don't exert yourself. The doctors said that you needed to stay calm, okay? Zen. Chill."
"I love you."
"I know. I'm here."
I look at Peeta—really look—and see that he must have been tended to a bit more. He's a little less covered in iodine and dried blood, his hair has been brushed and there might be a tube or monitor missing. I look lower and the blanket again confirms what I—what Peeta—now know.
"My leg…"
"Shhh. Just sleep. I'm here."
"Kiss me?"
I lean in and peck his lips before kissing his cheek. I see the confusion in his eyes, but he quickly closes them. I don't know if he's truly sleeping or just blocking out his thoughts. Maybe he's blocking out my face.
Chapter Five Notes
17. Babcock Hall. The UW has a working dairy/creamery on campus (for that matter, you can see the cows from University Ave.) and sells it's ice cream here, as well as a few other spots on campus.