A/N: Sorry this took longer than expected to get updated. The story hit a crossroads here (in my mind anyway) and I had to spend a few days arguing with myself to see which road I wanted to take to get to were I want to go. So, after a day or two of frustration, I finally just sat on the computer and wrote. And I was cautiously pleased with what came out. I hope you guys like it as well. As always, thanks so much to all those who read, favorite, alert and review. I am sending you imaginary brownies as we speak. Next chapter should be up sometime before next weekend. No promises though, cause my b-day is fast approaching. :D

Chapter Twenty Six

Home. I'm going home. I like home. Home is where Baron is and where Elijah is and where Boss and Ziva and Probie and Abby and everyone can see me without having to go somewhere else besides my home. My home has my blue room with my pillow and my bed and my movies and all my food.

But before I can go home Boss has to come. Boss is with the doctors who fixed my head, even though Boss said I wasn't broke.

They made it hurt really bad for awhile but now it doesn't hurt all the time. I have to wear my blue helmet though, just in case.

But that's okay. My hair is gone again, which is really really sad cause I spent a long time growing it but Abby says my hair is like a weed, even though I don't think it's very green. My hair is brown sometimes and sometimes it's blonde. It changes lots of times. Boss' is just gray though which is good cause I don't want his to change.

He needs to stay the same. I like him cause he always stays the same.

I want to scratch my head but I can't cause of my helmet. But itches.

A lot.

"Blue. You're not Boss," Tony scowled when an older man walked through the doorway. He was wearing a nice suit, not that Tony particularly noticed, but he walked forward and set his hand on Tony's shoulder like Boss always did, "Black. Who are you?"

"You don't remember me Tony?" the man asked, a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. His face was wrinkly like Boss' but in different places, "I'm a secret remember?"

Tony looked at the man for a long moment, trying to remember. He was having a hard time though cause his head was starting to hurt.

"Hurt. Surprise. Sal?" Tony asked, his tone unsure but a smile slowly forming on his face as he remembered exactly who the man before him was, "Secret. Yes. Quiet. A secret. Ssshh. I remember."

"I'm glad you remember Tony," Sal smiled kindly.

Tony remembered Sal now. Sal was really nice. And he was always with his dad. But Sal was talking so Tony squinted at Sal, trying to catch his words. Sal talked a little funny but that was cause Sal didn't talk like Boss did all the time. He talked in another language and that was why his mouth sometimes said words funny.

"Hi Sal," Tony smiled cause he felt bad for forgetting Sal. Sal was someone he knew when he was really smaller…no, smaller wasn't the right word…little. Younger. That was it. Tony knew Sal since he was younger, like, when he was a little kid.

Sal smiled back at Tony, "You're dad wanted to come Tony. But he couldn't make it. But I have to tell you something really important okay? You promise not to tell anyone?"

Tony bit his lip and closed his eyes. A promise was important. If he said yes, he was gonna have to make sure he never broke it.

"Kay," Tony whispered and opened his eyes, looking at Sal. Sal had hair that was darker than his own brown hair and he head specks of gray in it that reminded Tony of the color Boss' hair was. But Sal wasn't like Boss even though he was nice to Tony.

"Okay Tony," Sal said, tapping Tony's knee to make sure the younger man was looking at him. When he had made eye contact with Tony, Sal smiled before leaning in and whispering in Tony's ear.

Tony listened quietly to the promise before nodding again, his eyes watering up as he worked hard to keep from crying.

"Hey, no crying," Sal wiped the tears away with the silk handkerchief he took out of his pocket, "You just wait and I promise I'll be back."

"But I don't want you to have to leave," Tony whispered, "Why do you have to leave?

"I'll be back Tony," Sal said again, not answering Tony's question. Tony didn't seem to notice.

"And Dad too?" Tony bit his lip and looked at the door as if someone was standing there.

"And Dad too," Sal nodded before looking at the clock on the wall, "I have to go now Tony. Be good."

Tony nodded and watched as his friend walked out of the room. He started crying again and tried to wipe the tears away but he couldn't cause even his good hand was shaking so bad he couldn't bring it to his face to take the wetness away.

Awhile later, Tony didn't know how long, Boss walked in.

"Hey, we're about ready-" Boss paused when he caught sight of Tony. He hurried over, setting the discharge papers down on the table before he got to Tony, "Tony, what's wrong?"

Tony didn't say anything, but instead he bit his lip. He couldn't tell Boss cause that would be telling the secret.

"Why you crying bud?" Gibbs asked, using his thumb to wipe the tears away, "Is your head hurting?"

Tony shook his head but then flinched when his head started to hurt, "Owww."

Gibbs watched Tony carefully, looking to see if Tony was going to have a migraine. He had had a few after the surgery but in the past couple of days, they had all but disappeared. Not knowing for sure what was causing Tony's distress, Gibbs sighed and gently brought Tony in for a hug.

"I know it hurts Tony, but remember what Dr. Clarke said? It's gonna hurt but just for a little bit. If it's hurting that bad though, I need to go get a nurse okay? Maybe you should stay here one more day, just in case," Gibbs would prefer having Tony at home but if was too soon for him to come home, then Gibbs knew it would do more harm than good to have Tony home, "Do you need me to go get a nurse?"

"No-no hurt," Tony let out a deep shaky breath, "Blue. Ouch. Secret. Shhh. I wanna go home Boss. Please."

"Alright then," Gibbs gently massaged Tony's bad arm, working the tense muscle loose again, "Let's go home."

"Kay," Tony nodded and took another deep breath, "Baron. Stairs. Home."

Gibbs nodded, a bit concerned that something more than a slight headache was what was causing Tony to cry. Gibbs didn't push the issue though, knowing that the younger man would tell him when he was ready, "We'll go home."

Tony agreed once more before gently touching Gibbs' arm.

"What's the matter Tony?"

"Blue. Can we get freeze brain first?"

Gibbs smiled, "Yeah Tony. Let's go get some ice cream."

Being back home after his surgery reminded Tony of the first time he had come home a long time ago. It was different this time though, cause he had Baron and Elijah and he knew where the stairs where and he knew what happened to Kate.

Sal and Dad had promised him, and they had kept their promise.

But that didn't mean it had to make him really sad. It was what he remember from before that made him sad, kinda like what Tony had remembered long ago the nightmare of the night where it had been raining and he had been with Abby.

He didn't want to tell Boss that he knew because it would probably make him sad. But Baron wouldn't tell anyone.

"Stay. Baron, you never leave," Tony pressed his face into his dog's beautiful brushed coat. Elijah had given Baron a bath and had brushed him. He was all nice and clean and Baron smelled like home.

Tony was laying down cause his head hurt but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the tears from falling when he thought of before.

"Kate. I miss before Baron," Tony whispered and rubbed his dog's head. Baron didn't move but Tony could feel Baron breathe as his chest went up and down, up and down.

"Let's take a nap," Tony told his dog who seemed to agree with Tony, the German Shepherd letting out a sigh of contentment. It was quiet for awhile before Tony talked again, unable to keep the words inside.

"Baron," Tony closed his eyes, "I wanna tell Boss the secret. But I think…I don't think he'll like it. I can't remember if he liked him from before. If I could remember, I think…" Tony quietly ran his fingers through Baron's lush coat.

"Secret. I promised though," Tony continued, "Boss said not to break promises. So I shouldn't. But I don't know. Is it ever okay to break promises?"

Baron stayed silent, which Tony knew he would. He wished though he could talk to someone about it, someone that wouldn't tell anyone about anything.

"Blue. Kate didn't die cause she was sick Baron," Tony bit his lip, suddenly changing the subject cause of the memory that he had remembered when he was at the hospital, the one he didn't want to tell anyone about, "But I knew that, I think. You know those nightmares?"

"Boom," Tony whispered and closed his eyes again, hoping he'd go to bed with no more nightmares.

Gibbs quietly played a game of Gin Rummy with Elijah, the young man being the only one Gibbs had ever met to actually give him a run for his money.

Well anyone other than Tony. But that had been over a year ago.

"Gibbs?" Elijah asked, "Are you still planning on having Christmas?"

Scratching the stubble that he had neglected to shave for the past three or four days, Gibbs sighed, "I lost track of the days and didn't even realize it was the 23th until earlier today when I was giving Tony his meds. We could, I suppose, though it will be hard to get a tree and I haven't been able to get Tony anything, other than what I already made him."

Gibbs had made Tony a beautiful shelf, one that had enough shelves to hold all his movies. Tony had gotten it earlier this month because Gibbs hadn't wanted to make his ward wait for Christmas just to put his movies somewhere.

"Well," Elijah said, picking up a three from the discard pile before laying down a Queen, "My mom has a tree. And both of your presents wrapped and ready. And I would be honored if you two came for Christmas. I know your father is coming down for New Years but my brothers would love to meet you guys."

Very much touched by Elijah's offer, Gibbs looked at the man he had hired to be Tony's aid. Somehow Gibbs had ended up working with some of the kindest people on earth. Gibbs was glad that Elijah was one of them.

"I'll have to ask Tony in the morning," Gibbs said before smirking and picking up the Queen.

"Crap," Elijah said, working the tally in his head. Gibbs had already picked up a King and 10 of that same suit. If any of the cards Gibbs had picked up had been the Jack or Ace, Elijah was pretty sure he better be ready to place his cards down soon.

"Shouldn't have done that," Gibbs said around his smile. He reorganized his cards once before knocking.

"Dang it," Elijah set his cards down.

And Gibbs was just about to start adding the points when both men heard the scream from upstairs.

Tony closed his eyes tighter, wanting the picture to go away. Before, it had always been flashes like the camera made when Abby took his picture like she liked to do all the time.

Then Tony had remembered, but he only knew the words and what they meant. He remembered boom. Shot. Dead.

But he hadn't remembered seeing it. Until now.

It was bad. Bad, bad bad.

And it wasn't going away like a hurt did after it came. Normally a hurt came, it hurt and then Gibbs rubbed it away and it was gone.

But this wasn't going away. And Tony was rubbing his head and his face and everything but it wasn't going away. It kept coming and coming.

Red. Boom.

It was all over his face. Red, red red. It was hot, like it was burning his skin. Cause it was…it was…

Kate. Boom. Red. Dead.

Tony closed his eyes tighter and covered his ears. It was a bad dream. If it was a bad dream then it would go away. He just had to wake up.

Wake up.

Baron?

Someone was licking his face.

"Stop. Baron?" Tony opened his eyes slowly, afraid that he would see the nightmare again. But when he opened his eyes, all he saw was his dog, wagging his tail and licking his face.

"Lick. Baron, you're too close," Tony whispered. It was then that he felt someone else in the room. Two someones.

"Boss? Elijah?" Tony turned his head but kept his fingers buried in Baron's thick dark coat. If the nightmare was over he didn't want to fall back asleep and see it again.

"Tony," Boss said fast like he had too many to words to say at once, "Tony, what happened?"

Tony shook his head. He didn't know what to say and even if he could he didn't want to and he didn't think he could say the right thing without saying all the bad things too.

"Tony, are you alright? Are you hurt?" Gibbs quickly check Tony over, running his hands over Tony's arms and torso to look for any cuts, bruises or breaks, "Tony, what hurts?"

Tony bit his lip before he placed his good hand over his chest. He left his hand there for a moment before he shook his head, bit his lip harder and placed his hand on his face.

"Tony?" Gibbs asked, bewildered at what Tony was trying to tell him.

"Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom," Tony finally said in-between his panted breaths, "I-I. Boom Boss. We were on the top of the high place Boss and boom went the gun and boom…" Tony trailed off and started to rub his face, "Boom went Ka—boom went…went," Tony tried to finish his sentence but couldn't. He looked at Boss, tears already falling from his eyes. He hoped Boss understood what he was trying to say.

Cause he couldn't say anything anymore.

But Boss must have known cause Tony was sure Boss was hugging him and there was more wetness on his checks but that was okay.

He wouldn't tell anyone that Boss had to cry sometimes. Which was good. Cause he really needed to cry with Boss right now.

Cause it hurt.

Boom.

I had a nightmare.

A memory.

I don't like it cause it's like a bad movie. That plays when I don't want it to and I can't make it stop like I could if it was on the TV. I would use the remote and hit the big STOP button to make it stop. But I can't here.

Elijah is making me some warm milk and Boss is staying with me and Baron but if I don't close my eyes, it won't be back.

I had a nightmare.

A memory.

And I don't want another one ever again.