"Home, crappy, home", Dean muttered when we got inside the motel room.

It had been a day since Pamela's death and we hadn't exactly been so nice to each other.

I had kind of yelled at them for fifteen minutes for bringing Pamela into this, while Dean was pissed at Sam for having contact with Ruby (which I was too, but) and Sam was pissed at me for not protecting Pamela.

Well, I kind of had had a hard time since I had been freaking unconscious when they had attacked her.

I turned on the light since I was the last one in, and guess who were inside?

Mr. Grumpy and Cas.

"Winchester, Winchester and Winchester", Uriel said.

But something was wrong I noticed. Usually, Uriel was behind Cas like he was an assistant. This time, it was the opposite.

"Are you serious?" I groaned.

"You are needed", he said.

Dean and I looked at him like 'WTF'.

"Needed? We just came back from needed", I snapped.

"Mind your tone with me", Uriel warned.

"No, you mind your fucking tone with us", I growled and took a step toward him with rage burning in my chest like fire.

"We just got back from Pamela's funeral", Sam said and held me back from hitting Uriel, but Dean seemed to be as angry as me.

"Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela. Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times", Dean said with a low and angry voice.

Cas looked at me with some guilt before he looked away again.

And I had no idea what to do. I felt so angry for being dragged into this again after Pamela's funeral, just for one fucking seal.

"She died to save one of your precious little seals. So maybe you could leave us alone and not use us like puppets for five fucking minutes!" I kind of yelled and felt a lot of my anger disappearing with those words.

"We raised you two from Hell for our purposes", Uriel replied calmly.

"Yeah, what were those again? What exactly do you want from us?" Dean demanded.

"Start with gratitude", Uriel responded.

"Oh, that will be easy", I muttered sarcastically and glared at Uriel.

"Dean, Abigail, we know this is difficult to understand", Cas said.

"And we… don't care", Uriel said firmly, which made Cas fall silent and continue stare into the wall.

Something was wrong, really wrong. This wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Now, seven angels have been murdered. All of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight", Uriel informed us.

"Demon? How are they doing it?" Dean asked.

"We don't know."

"I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it? I mean, a demon with juice enough to ice angels has to be out of our league, right?" Sam said.

Ugh, he's too kind towards him, I thought annoyed.

"We can handle the demon ourselves, thank you very much", Uriel said to him.

Uriel might be a dick, but he had some humor. I had to admit that.

"Once we find whoever it is", Cas added.

Uriel glanced slightly Cas before I broke the silence.

"So you need our help to hunt some demons?" I asked and directed the question at Cas.

"Not quite", he said and moved closer, making me be able to see his lovely eyes better.

Why did they have to be so freaking blue?

"We have Alistair."

"Great. He should be able to name your trigger man", Dean replied.

"But he won't talk. Alistair's will is strong. We've arrived at an impasse", Cas said.

"He's like a black belt in torture. I mean, you guys are out of his league", Dean said, which I kind of agreed with him.

"That's why we've come to his two students. You happen to be the most qualified interrogators we've got", Uriel said.

I groaned slightly, while I was freaked out on the inside. I didn't want to do this. Hell was bad enough, and get to torture on Earth? Not my rodeo. What if I would be like I had been down there?

"Dean, Abigail, you're our best hope", Cas said.

"No", I said harshly and kept my body from shaking.

I sure as hell didn't want to show weakness in front of Uriel.

"No. You can't ask us to do this, Cas", I pleaded and looked him in the eye.

He met my eyes with guilt and sadness before Uriel stepped even closer and made Cas hide his emotions quickly.

"Who said anything about asking?"

I met Sam's eyes before I could hear sound of wings, and Sam was gone. Instead, I found myself was staring at Alistair, who was bound some strange devil's trap.

He had a new vessel, it seemed like. Poor guy who had to contain that son of a bitch.

"This devil's trap is old Enchain. He's bound completely", Cas informed us both.

"Fascinating, where's the door?" I asked and walked away, Dean following me.

I was not going to torture, not again.

"Where are you going?" Cas asked us.

"Hitching a ride to California", I told.

Suddenly, Uriel appeared right in front of us. Wow, I really hated that power.

"Angels are dying, girl", he said.

I huffed.

"Everyone dies nowadays. And I don't care how mighty you are, you're not making us do this", I growled.

"This is too much to ask, I know, but we have to ask it", Cas said and walked over to us.

We were actually so close, I was sure that I could just stand on my tiptoes and a bit more, and our lips were going to touch. But I didn't do any of that.

One: My brother and Uriel.

Two: Just no.

"We wanna talk to Cas, alone", Dean said and looked at Uriel.

Gotta love my brother.

"I think I'll go seek revelation. We might have some further orders", Uriel said after a quiet second.

"Take some fries with you", I said.

Uriel chuckled amused.

"This one won't quit, will she? I think I'm started to like you, girl", he said before he disappeared.

I turned back to Cas, who seemed to be slightly more relaxed than with Uriel.

"You guys don't walk enough. Seriously, you're gonna get flabby", I complained, making Dean smirk and Cas to look at me confused.

I sighed, a bit amused actually. Cas, Cas, Cas.

"You know, I think Mr. Junk-less has a better sense of humor than you do", I said and smiled.

"Uriel is the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone", Cas said.

I rolled my eyes, but agreed.

"What's going on Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" Dean asked.

"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies", Cas said.

I tilted my head.

"Your sympathies?"

"I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You two. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. The can impair my judgement", Cas said, his eyes on me.

I looked down, not wanting to meet him in the eyes.

It was kind of my fault, if I just hadn't been so selfish with talking with him like he was a human.

"Well, tell Uriel, or whoever… you do to want us doing this. Trust me", Dean said.

I looked up at Cas, who didn't look at Dean. I could feel the warmth radiating from Cas, and all I wanted was to touch him. I just wanted to go back to the moment when I learned him about hugs.

"Wanted? No. But I've been told we needed", Cas said.

"You ask us to open that door and walk through— you will not like what walks back up", Dean said.

I swallowed but nodded slightly. This could mean that I might be suck in the episodes again, or worse, I'd become what I almost became one year.

"For what is worth, I would give anything not having you do this", Cas said.

"So, we'll need some tools", Dean said.

After been given some instructions, Dean walked away to get them, which made us two alone.

I pressed my eyes shut and felt a tear roll down. God, I had started to become such a cry baby. Before Hell, I almost never cried.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked.

I nodded and was about to wipe the tear away, when Cas pressed his thumb gently against my cheek and wiped it away softly.

I blinked surprised. Cas wasn't the one who was expert at human things, but he was amazing at this.

"How did you learn that?" I asked, and felt a bit stupid for saying that.

Cas smiled a bit.

"I have watched humans do that when someone is sad", he said.

I smiled too and touched his hand before I tried to stand on my very, very tiptoes, before I could feel Cas' warm breath on my lips. Everything in me screamed at me, to do it. And I couldn't not agree on what they said.

Cas looked at me, slightly surprised but actually not confused, which I was glad for. I leaned in and just in that moment, right when I was about the press my lips on his, to feel his lips on mine, just that tiny moment, Dean walked in with a rolling table.

"Abigail, I'm— oh", he said and stopped and looked at us.

Blushing as crazy, I sank back in my normal position and took awkwardly a step back from Cas.

Never kiss someone when your brother is a room away from you.

"Sorry", Dean said, not so sorry before I opened the door so he could came inside with the table.

After some hours trying to torture Alistair out the information out of him (which didn't go well), I injected his eye with holy water mixed with salt, which made he scream actually. And God, even though I hated the fact of torturing, I enjoyed torturing Alistair.

Just the fact that we were actually doing it made me grin happily, which scared me.

"Something caught up in my throat. I think it's my throat", Alistair said while coughing up salt and blood.

"Oh, that's sad. Because, me and my bro, we've just started", I said.

"It was supposed to be your father. He was supposed to bring it on. But in the end, it was you two. Or, actually, it was little Abby here, but it was Dean we wanted", he said.

"Bring what on?" Dean asked.

"Every night, the same offer, you remember? Same as your father. And finally, little sweet Abby said 'sign me up' and then pulled up her big brother. Oh, the first time you picked my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch, that was the first seal", he said.

My gut turned and I got the feeling that I wanted to throw up. It was my fault, not only did Dean have to torture people, I also was the reason that the first seal was broken in the first place.

"You're lying", Dean denied, holding a salted blade in his hand.

"'And it is written, that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in Hell. As he breaks, so shall it break'", he quoted.

"We had to break the first seal before the others. The only way to get the dominos to fall, right? Top of the one in the frontal line. When we win, when we bring on the Apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you two, Dean and Abigail Winchester."

I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes, not wanting to know any more.

"Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie about that. It's kind of, religious art of thing to me."

"No, I don't think you're lying. But even if the demons do win, you won't be there to see it", Dean said and we both turned, only to find Alistair out from his chains.

I froze, how the hell did he got free?

"You should talk to the plumber about pipes", he commented before he struck down Dean and kicked me in the gut, making me stagger while gasping for air.

He grabbed us in the throat (after hitting us multiple times of course) and lifted us up against the devil's trap.

"You've got a lot to learn. So I'll see you, back in class, bright and early, Monday morning", he said while I started to see black spots.

Suddenly, Cas stabbed him in the chest, which made him drop us. But unfortunately, he didn't die.

"Well, almost. Looks like God is on my side today", he said.

I couldn't catch up more than that. All I could hear was a high pitched sound, which sometimes went to becoming whispers, then the sound again.

But I could still see Cas and Alistair fighting. Even if I knew he couldn't kill Cas by that method, I winced when he pulled Cas into a piece of metal into his throat or back. I started to breathe faster when I saw how Cas grip went limp and how his eyes and mouth started to glow.

I tried to stand up to help Cas, but I could do was crawling closer and closer to them. For every second, Cas started to glow even more. Just then, I reached to him, trying stop Alistair— he was flung away, away from Cas.

Cas slid down the wall, which made it easier for me trying to help him. We helped each other up, me leaning against him for support. But what could I do to help? All I could do was watching my brother torture Alistair with his mind. And it was horrifying.

For just a moment, but I could still see Sam turning until something inhuman… And it scared the shit out of me.

Sam lowered his hand and said something I couldn't hear, with the voices and the high pitched sound in my head. Sam said something again and raised his hand. Suddenly, Alistair started to glow, like demons did when they died, and he slumped down without moving again. I stared at Sam frightened before I limped over to Dean, who was unconscious.

The voices in my head faded and I could hear everything around me again.

I tried to find some pulse in Dean, which I thankfully found, but it was low, too low.

"We have to take him to a hospital. Now!" I demanded.

Sam and I sat besides each other while watching Dean lie down in the bed at the hospital, breathing quite slow. Sam had told me about what Alistair had said and that made me frustrated. Dean had been mortally wounded for nothing. All those hours… for nothing.

The pain in me started to miraculously fade so it only felt like a very very hard workout training. I had no idea why it was like that, but I didn't care a shit. All I could think about was that it felt like déjà vu, Dean lying in a hospital bed with tubes down his throat.

I could suddenly see a man in a trench coat and realized that it was Cas. Everything felt so blurry. How did the devil's trap not work? Who was killing the angels? And why hadn't Cas healed him? We followed him out to the corridor.

"Sam, Abi—" he started.

"Go in there and heal him", we both demanded, Sam sounding a hell of a lot more angry.

"Miracle, now!"

"I can't", he said.

"What do you mean can't?" I questioned.

"You and Uriel put him there—" Sam growled.

"No."

"— because you can't keep a simple devil's trap together."

"I don't know what happened. The trap.. it shouldn't have broken. I'm sorry", Cas apologized and sounded like he meant it.

"This whole thing was pointless. You understand that? The demons aren't doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers", Sam snapped.

"Perhaps, Alistair was lying", Cas hoped, but it sounded false.

"No, he wasn't."

I looked at him and shook my head sadly before I went back to Dean with Sam.

"How did you do it?" I asked quietly him while I held Dean's hand.

It had been hours but still, he wasn't waking up.

"Do what?" Sam asked.

I huffed halfheartedly.

"Don't be stupid. How did you kill Alistair that easily when you couldn't exorcise him at first?"

Sam shrugged.

"I don't know, Abby. Maybe my powers are growing", he said, but I could see he was lying, somehow.

But I didn't want to fight, not after everything.

"Okay, I just wondered… I'm going to get some sleep, I think. Call me if something happens with him", I just said and rose.

I gently kissed Dean on the forehead before I kissed Sam's too before I took the car and drove back to the motel.

I fell asleep the second I touched the bed. And I didn't dream at all, which was comforting.

When I later woke up, I found Cas sitting on my bed, looking worn out, at least mentally. I sat up straight and looked at him worried.

"What happened?" I asked and nodded at him.

"Uriel's dead", he said and sounded a bit sad over it.

I raised my eyebrow. I had never liked him, but still. He had been Cas' brother, sort of.

"Why? What was it?"

"He disobeyed. Wanting Lucifer to rise and killed the angels who refused to stand behind him", he said.

I nodded understandingly before I remembered something.

"Was it true? What Alistair said? With Dean torturing in Hell, did it break the first seal?" I asked.

Cas looked down, not answering for a moment.

"Yes, it is true. We were sent to save you before it happened, but we're too late", he said.

"But why saving us then? We'd already broken it, then why save us?"

"Because it says that the Righteous man will stop it", he responded.

I closed my eyes for a moment.

" That doesn't explain why I'm here and not down there. I'm not the Righteous man and it was my fault that Dean broke the seal in the first place. I'm not even useful in this crap! If I hadn't been so goddamn selfish…"

Cas looked at me sadly.

" It wasn't your fault—"

" Yes, it is! Don't lie" I exclaimed.

" If I hadn't been so weak and let myself torture, the seal would've been saved and we wouldn't be in this crap. Why didn't you leave me as punishment?" I said and felt my view swim.

It was my fault… I didn't deserve to be saved… My fault…

" Don't ever say that again", Cas said harshly.

" You should have left me", I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks.

" You should have left me to rot."