"Dean, Abigail, did you listen to a word I said?" Bobby questioned annoyed while I stared blankly at the ceiling.
It wasn't that I hated Sam, I just felt betrayed and hurt, like a never healing stab wound. A wound which kept pumping out misery and ache, always reminding me of what Sam had said.
'You don't know me, none of you do. You never did. And you never will.'
How could I call him after what he had done? But mostly, I was frightened. Frightened to even think about calling him. It was enough with everything now, calling him felt like jumping down in the Pit again.
"Yeah, I heard you", Dean muttered.
"I'm not calling him", we said on the same time.
I didn't know exactly how Dean felt about this, but I was sure it felt like it felt for me, even worse, since it was him who had had to take the fight and not me.
But why not me? Because I was a coward. That was what I was.
"Don't make me get my gun."
"We are damn near kickoff for Armageddon. Don't you think we have a bigger fish for the moment?" Dean snapped irritated.
"I know you're pissed or hurt. I'm not making apologizes for he's done, but he's your—"
"Blood. Our blood, it's that what you were going to say?" Dean said coldly.
"He's your brother, and he's drowning."
I sighed.
"Bobby, we have tried everything to help him, and look what happened", I said and gestured with my hand.
"So try again", Bobby responded like it was obvious.
But it was easy for him to say, he hadn't been there, seeing the rottenness in Sam's eyes, feeling the un-pure thing radiating off him.
" It's too late", Dean said and started to walk away.
"There's no such thing—"
"No! Damn it! No. We've got to face the facts. Sam never wanted to be a part of this family. He hated this life growing up, ran away to Stanford the first chance he got. Now it's like déjà vu all over again. I am sick and tired of chasing after him. Screw him, he can do what he wants", Dean snapped and sat down beside me.
"You don't mean that", Bobby said while my feelings just swum around, hard to explain but nothing good.
"Yes, I do, Bobby", Dean said lowly.
"Sam is gone. He's gone. I have no idea if he's our brother anymore, if he ever wanted to be", I mumbled.
Where I got the words from, I had no idea. They just… came out.
Bobby started to breathe heavier before he turned around and dragged down all the things on his desk in a single swipe.
I looked up baffled and slightly terrified, I had never seen Bobby that angry before, or maybe when he threatened to shoot Dad.
"You stupid, stupid, sons of bitches!" he snarled at us furiously, making us stand up stunned.
"Well, boohoo! I am sorry your feelings are hurt, princesses. Are you two under the impression that family is supposed to make you feel good— bake you an apple pie maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable, that's why they're family!"
"I told him: 'you walk out that door, don't come back', and he walked out anyway. That was his choice!" Dean growled, while I just stared at them both, emotionally constipated if you said it like that.
Because, what could I say?
"You sound like a whiny brat", Bobby muttered.
Dean started to walk away while I walked toward the wall and leaned against it, arms crossed.
"No, you sound like your dad. Let me tell you somethin'. Your Dad was a coward", he stated.
Dean turned and looked at him skeptically.
"Our Dad was a lot of things, Bobby, but a coward?"
"He rather pushed Sam away than reached out to him. That don't strike me as brave. You two are better persons than your daddy ever was. So you do all of us a favor, don't be him", Bobby almost begged.
I opened my mouth to say anything, when I realized I had nothing to say against it. Bobby was right, it was wrong to push our brother away, and still, we'd done it.
Frustrated, I covered my face in my hands and let out a deep sigh, before I took away my hands and noticed that Dean and I were in a huge white room while paintings and statutes, you name it.
The place looked like it had sprung to life from a book about antique places.
"Wow", I breathed out and went to see the painting of the Archangels.
They looked quite pompous there, and they probably were it in real life too, I thought slightly amused.
"Hello, Dean, Abigail", a familiar voice said.
I turned and saw Cas stand behind us a few feet.
"It's almost time", he said and didn't look so happy about it.
I widened my eyes slightly but nodded, this was it. We were going to kill Lilith.
How beautiful this room was, I had no idea what to do. To do something, just something, I looked at the pompous Archangels (minus Lucifer) again and tried to remember who they were again. Michael was obvious, the pompous of the pompous, Raphael, Gabriel and, of course the star creator, Jophiel.
She looked too pompous and snobby for her own sake.
"Abby, look at this", Dean said wearily.
I turned and looked at the former empty table, which was now filled with beer, cheeseburgers and of course, salty French fried with BBQ seasoning. Carefully, we neared it before Dean lifted up a bottle and eyed it.
"Hello, you two", another familiar voice said.
We turned and saw Zachariah stand in the room with Cas behind him.
"You're looking fit, both of you", he complimented.
We both stared at them before Dean put the bottle back.
"How about this? The suite life of Zach and Cas", he joked.
Zachariah looked down on the floor puzzled and looked up at us again. I raised my eyebrow, not him either? What was it with angels and pop culture?
"It's a… never mind", he said, making me smirk somewhat.
"What is this? Where the hell are we?" I asked and gestured to everything in this room.
"Call it a greenroom. We're close in of the grand finale here. I want to keep you safe before showtime. Try a burger or some fries. They're your favorites. From that sea shack in Delaware. You were eleven and seven, I think", he said and offered me a box of fries and Dean a burger.
I shook my head.
"I'm not hungry", Dean muttered.
"No?" he said before he put them away.
"How about Ginger from season 2 Gilligan Island? Her you have a thing for, don't you?"
Dean considered it.
"Tempting. Weird", he responded.
"We throw in Marie Ann for free", Zachariah suggested.
"No, you're not gonna tempt my brother with some girls, here. We want to know the plan", I said and imagined terrified Sam using his powers to kill Lilith and turning into a demon.
"Let us worry about that. We want you two focused, relaxed", Zachariah replied.
"Well, I'm about to get pissed and leave, so start talking, sucker", I sneered annoyed.
Zachariah sighed and went behind us slowly.
"All the seals have fallen, except one", he said seriously.
"Wow, way to keep your image as protectors", I muttered.
"You think sarcasm is appropriate, do you? Considering… you started all this", he respond and turned so he met our faces.
I pressed my jaws together and held a straight face, while on the inside, I felt anger. Low blow, dude.
"The last seal… it'll be different", Zachariah explained and patted my shoulder on his way back to Cas, who looked extremely stiff.
"Why?" I wondered and turned to look at the two angels.
"Because Lilith has to break it. She's the only one who can. Tomorrow night, midnight."
"Where?" Dean demanded.
"We're working on it."
"Well, work harder", Dean said.
"We're doing our job, you two just make sure you do yours", Zachariah replied.
"Yeah, and what is that exactly? I will be the one who stops her. How? The knife?" Dean questioned skeptically.
"And what am I going to do? Sit on a bench and cheer while Dean guts her?" I said.
"All in good time", he just responded.
"Isn't now a good time?" Dean asked bothered.
"Have faith."
"In what? In you? Right, just give us a reason why and we will put our faith in you", I snorted.
Zachariah's 'friendly' expression left his face when he neared us.
"Because you swore your obedience. So obey", he said coldly.
I raised my chin while I looked at him coldly, before I looked at Cas with my gaze much softer. He met my eyes for a moment before he looked down on the floor again.
Something was wrong. And what the hell did he mean with that only Lilith could break the seal? Her blood? Her eyes? Her tendency of using little girls as meatsuits and creeping us out?
Zachariah and Cas left while Dean and I just were. What else could we do?
I fiddled with my phone, wondering if I would send Sam a message or not.
"Oh, I'll do it", I muttered and thought about Bobby when I called him.
"It's Sam, leave me a message."
I sighed before I began.
"Hey, Sam. Listen… I'm not mad at you for what happened. Or well, yeah, I am since I watched you and Dean… you know. This last year, I'm sorry for not being your twin as we always used to. You know, with not telling you about Hell and all that… I could have told you that, that you could talk to me whenever you wanted and about everything. I'm sorry for that. But we're family and we all stick together. I love you, Sammy", I said slowly before I hung up and sat down in a couch which suddenly materialized from nothing.
I closed my eyes for a minute and slept for an hour or two, that was before Dean of course tilted the statuette of a female angel.
"Seriously?" I muttered.
Dean shrugged.
"What else can I do here? If you haven't noticed, we don't exactly have a pool table or something", Dean said.
"You asked to see me", Cas said, who had suddenly appeared.
I rose up and walked closer to Cas and Dean.
"Yeah, uh, I need something", Dean said.
"Anything you wish", Cas replied, sounding like a slave, which he perhaps was.
"I need you to take us to Sam", Dean ordered.
"Why?"
"I gotta talk to him about", Dean responded.
"What's that?" Cas asked.
"The B.M. I took this morning, what is it to you? Just, make it snappy", Dean said, making me roll me eyes.
"I don't think that's wise", Cas said and looked away.
"Well, I didn't ask for your opinion", Dean replied.
"Have you forgotten what happened last time you met?"
I shook my head slightly annoyed.
"Of course we haven't, and that's why we want you to take us there", I responded.
"Look, just five minutes with him and we will do whatever you say. Please."
Cas looked at us for a moment before he answered.
"No", he said.
I raised my eyebrow suspiciously.
"Are we trapped here?"
"You can go wherever you want", Cas reassured us.
I slammed my hands together.
"Wonderful, then take us to Sam", I said, but knowing that we wouldn't.
"Except there", Cas replied.
"I want to take a walk with Dean", I stated.
"And I'll go with you", Cas said.
I sighed, if this hadn't been for not trying to see Sam, I would have taken the chance immediately.
"Alone", Dean added.
"No."
I looked him even more annoyed before I went past him.
"You know what, Cas? Screw this, I'm leaving", I said and headed for the door.
"Through what door?"
I turned and looked at him confused before I turned back and saw that the door was totally gone, like it never had been there, along with Cas. I hated angel mojo, sometimes.
"Damn it!" I growled before I grabbed something that looked like an antique and very old vase, and threw it against the wall.
After an hour of throwing some metal thingie, Zachariah told us about that they never wanted to stop the Apocalypse in the first place. That son of a bitch.
He then told us that we still played some big role in this shit even if it was the Apocalypse.
According to him, we were going to stop Lucifer. And that made me think, how the hell were we going to stop Lucifer?
The worst was that they had deceived Cas, kind of all angels, that it had been God they had taken orders from, when he in fact was gone. Just, gone.
I tried to call Sam a million times, with no effect. The signal was dead on high level.
"You can't reach him, Abigail. You're outside your coverage zone", Cas explained.
"What are you going to do with Sam?" I asked coldly without turning to look at him.
Couldn't he do anything about this? Anything? I knew what had happened up there, but a big part of it was because of him believing in God. And God wasn't the boss, and probably hadn't been for a good while.
"Nothing. He's going to do it to himself", Cas answered rather shortly.
I frowned thoughtfullt.
"And with that, you mean?" I asked.
Cas was silent and looked down.
"Oh, right, right, got to toe the company line", Dean replied acidly.
"Why are you here, Cas?" I asked quietly.
"We've been through much together, we three", Cas said and locked eyes with me.
And the second we did, it felt like we couldn't look away. His eyes were like two blue magnets, lovely and unable to not look at.
"And I just wanted to say that I'm sorry it ended like this."
I teared away my eyes from his, it would happen. Sam was going to either die, or become something he wasn't. And we couldn't do a single thing to stop this.
"Sorry?" Dean echoed dangerously.
It was silent for a moment, before Dean punched Cas in the face, making him just turn his face while Dean seemed to have hurt his hand.
Pro tip: Do not punch angels in the face, you get more hurt than them.
"It's Armageddon, Cas. You need a bigger word than 'sorry'", he scolded with his back turned against Cas.
"Try to understand. This is long foretold. This is your—"
"Destiny? Is that what they're telling you? Can't you see, it's just a way to control everyone in Heaven, you poor stupid sucker! God's not even here, he left us! You know what's real? People, families - that's real. And you're just gonna watch them all burn?!" I almost yelled at him, tears burning in my eyes.
But I didn't let them fall, not this time.
"What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam", Cas said and walked much closer to us.
I buried my nails into my hands before I looked at him with a look harder than stone.
Loving him or not, I couldn't just let Sam become this. And in paradise, angels would rule the whole shit and with that, sayonara freedom.
"You can take your peace... and shove it up your ass. Because I'll take the pain and I'll take the everything crappy that has happened in my goddamnded life. Hell, I'll even take Sam as a blood junkie. It's a lot better than being some bitch in Paradise! This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it!"
Cas turned away, but I grabbed his arm and turned him so he could me my face.
"Don't you dare look away from me, Castiel!" I screamed right up in his face, something that made him flinch.
If it was because of me using his full name or me screaming, I had no idea.
"You knew about this, you were going to warn me about everything, before they did what they did to you. So help me now, please."
Cas took a deep breath before he looked in my eyes.
"What would you have me do?"
"Take us to Sam. We can stop this before it's too late", Dean told.
"I do that, we all will be hunted. We will all be killed."
I took a deep breath.
"If this isn't something worth dying for, then what is? This is it, Castiel. This is the right thing", I begged.
Cas looked down and shook his head. I closed my eyes betrayed and stopped the tears from dropping before I snorted halfheartedly.
"You spineless, disgusting, son of a bitch", I whispered.
"What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done", I said before my voice broke and leaned against the wall with my hand working as support.
"Abigail…" Cas started, his voice full of hurt.
"We're done", I repeated more clearly.
The sound of wings was heard, and I knew he was gone.