Part One

Chapter Thirteen

A phone ringing wakes us up. Somehow I've ended up on top of Peeta, pinning him down to the bed. He's like an oven and I'm sweaty from the contact. I lift my head and look for the phone but Peeta's arm shoots out and grabs it off of the nightstand. He answers without opening his eyes.

"Mmpf?"

I don't need to be on the phone to hear the conversation from the other end.

"Just what the fuck is going on, man? Rye told me that Katniss is back in town and that she came to see you? Jesus Christ, Peeta—."

I touch my forehead to Peeta's chest before pushing with my arms and maneuvering off of him. It is going to be hard enough dealing with the dynamic between the two of us…dealing with everyone else could be a massive roadblock. He grips my hand and shakes it between us, trying to get my attention. A gentle, reassuring smile crosses his lips and I squeeze his hand before heading to the bathroom.

The face in the mirror looks peaceful, minus the marks on my cheek from lying on Peeta's chest. I slept like the dead and I feel completely rested for the first time in a long time. Not exactly calm, but that's to be expected.

The pizza boxes in the kitchen need to be tossed, but I'm anxious to know how this call—and subsequent conversations—will impact Peeta. During the night things always seem so uncomplicated. My feelings haven't shifted even a tiny bit, but you never know how the light of day will affect someone else. Will Peeta second-guess his decision? Will the opinions of our friends and his family sway his choice to leave? How have those relationships changed since I left?

"Where'd you go?"

I jump a bit. "Gah!" He chuckles and leans against the counter, waiting for an answer. "Nowhere. I just needed to use the bathroom."

"I mean in your head. You've been staring at that box for a while. Where'd you go?"

I have a feeling that I'll be laying it all out there from now on. "We have so much to relearn. To catch up on. Do, um, things look different to you in the morning? I mean—."

"Did I change my mind?"

"Did you?" Please say no, please say no.

"Gale's pissed. My family is upset. But no, I haven't changed my mind."

I smile. The sacrifice of his decision isn't lost on me. Neither is the weight of it. "We're going to do this?" He smiles back and opens his arms, motioning for me to come closer. I burrow into his chest, feeling his heart beating under my ear.

"We should probably start with breakfast, no?" He looks down at me and I look up, nodding. Some things never change, and for once I am grateful.

…

We walk to Marigold Kitchen30, not saying much on the way. A waitress seats us in a booth before bringing us coffee and taking our order. Peeta looks at me over his mug and says, "Where do we even begin?"

"I know what you mean. I don't think we get a road map for this one." I reach over the table and offer my hand. He rubs his thumb over my palm and sighs.

"In some ways, I feel like I don't know you. In other ways, you're still Katniss."

"We have time to figure it out. It's sort of nice, not being on anyone else's watch, you know?"

"Have you met anyone?" Peeta is blushing and shakes his head. "Don't answer that. What I mean is, what have you been doing?"

"I've been trying to figure my life out," I say with a smile. "It's incredibly slow-going. So in between bouts of trying to figure it out, I've gotten a job and rescued my Uncle Haymitch from an episode of 'Hoarders.'" I squeeze his hand, hoping that the gesture is reassuring. "And no, I haven't met anyone. I was never looking for anyone. Prim asked me the same thing and I skewered her."

"I just needed to know."

I nod. It's a fair question. "And you?"

"Of course not. You've got to know that, Katniss." He looks down at our hands and continues, "I've been busy with PT and the bakery. And I've…uh, I've been talking to a counselor about some things."

I must have a questioning look on my face because he quickly says, "Someday I'll talk to you about it. Not today."

"How are you, um, physically?" Aside from the cane, I haven't noticed much else.

"Alright. It took a while to get used to and I still trip up every once in awhile, but the prosthesis makes getting around a hell of a lot easier. Everything else has pretty much healed up." He gets shifty again. "It's, um, not the same. Under the clothes."

"Peeta, I'm so sorry I wasn't there," I whisper. After squeezing his hand he looks up again. There will never be enough apologies for my absence. I will never live it down, but I will be there from now on. That I promise myself.

"I wish you had been." There's a silence that I want to fill with anything, but I know that this will be one of the many times when words won't help. I need to accept what I did and Peeta has the right to feel anger, disappointment or whatever else creeps into his heart. "I'm trying to come to terms with it. I am." He squeezes back.

"I'm here now." Saying that sounds insignificant. Of course I'm ecstatic that Peeta is coming with me, but I'm not naïve in thinking that the road ahead of us will be perfectly paved. Johanna said it would be worth it. I'm somehow confident of that.

The waitress brings us our plates and we spend the remainder of the meal mapping out the logistics of the journey back. I had assumed we'd fly, but Peeta needs the freedom of his own transportation and insists on driving us in his new-ish pickup, the other having been totaled in the accident. I want to bring a few more things from the apartment but Peeta "just wants to bring the necessities," which for him means clothing, toiletries and every single sheet of paper, canvas, marker, pencil, tube of paint, brush, portfolio, box of charcoals, sketchbook and his Mac. I hope that the change of scenery inspires him in ways that both can and cannot be expressed on paper.

Peeta wipes his mouth and leans back. "What about a job?"

"What about it? You can take your time and see how you feel, what you find. We've got a place to stay for now—."

"Sure, but you'll be working, right?"

"Most days, yes."

"I need to do something." Peeta sounds almost desperate and I am clearly not following. He sighs, "I don't want to fall into our old pattern and I need to keep busy… independently of you. It's part of the counseling. The 'new me' if you will."

"I understand. We'll find something that you'll like." Maybe something artsy in Noho, or even a bakery if he wants to keep up with that. "I can ask some people at work before we even leave." He looks a little more confident and asks me about my coworkers. Laughing I say, "I think that's best experienced in person."

"I need to get some things from my parents' place, but almost everything is at the apartment. I also need to make arrangements for my PT to continue out there. What are you doing for the rest of the day?"

"I should call my mother," I say. "Prim and I were going to catch up while I pack. Did you know that she and Rory were a thing?"

We get up to pay the bill. "Ha! I've known that for months…they're cute together. Gale approves."

Ah, Gale…it's my turn to get shifty. "Peeta, how are we going to deal with everyone else?"

He takes a deep breath and slowly releases it, resting his hand on the small of my back. "To be honest, I'm not sure there's much that we can do on either side, and for once, I really don't care. Katniss, we can spend time worrying about them or we can attempt to fix us. The best thing we can do is end up proving everyone wrong."

I sign the receipt and turn to fully face Peeta with a smile. "I like the sound of that."

"What, giving everyone the finger?"

"That and proving everyone wrong."

…

Prim is older. She looks older and acts older and I've missed it. "Prim?"

"Hmm?" She's rolling shirts. Apparently they fit better in a suitcase when rolled…who knew?

"Are you okay? You know, with just you and Mom?"

She looks up and cocks her head to the side like a puppy. "Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You've dealt with this on your own for a while. Since I went to school, really. I never thought to ask if you were doing alright." The role of older sister sort of expired and I completely missed it.

"Katniss, your guilt complex is showing." She laughs and I can't help but smile. "I'm fine. Really. Mom's been a little better, and you being at school actually gave me a chance to figure some things out on my own. Test my own wings instead of riding your coattails. No offense."

"None taken. I'm proud of you. I hope you know that."

"Thanks. I'm proud of you, too. I'll miss you, but I'm excited you're doing this with Peeta. It's kind of a chance to start over without all of the baggage."

"I don't know about that. The baggage is still there, but I hope that a new space will help us see through some of the murkiness. We're kind of playing it by ear."

"I know this sounds crazy, but I can see the change in you. There's a little spark again. Maybe Peeta will find his again, too."

I sit back on my heels to look at Prim. "How has he been?"

Prim sighs and looks me straight in the eye. "I love you both, but it's not my story to tell. Peeta has to tell you himself."

…

Peeta brings Annie to the apartment to say hi (and goodbye), which I'm thrilled about. Annie's quiet, steady friendship is one that I genuinely appreciate and her understanding of the inner workings of Peeta and I isn't laced with judgment.

While Peeta is packing up his art supplies, she follows me into the bedroom and sits on the bed as I roll some of Peeta's clothes. "I've missed you, but I can see what Amherst has done for you. How are things?"

I smile. "Good." I look across the apartment into Peeta's art room and amend that. "Very good. I don't feel like a huge shift has taken place or anything, but I feel calmer…like I'm ready to tackle everything with a level head."

"And what does that mean for the two of you?"

"I know how I feel. I'm not certain where Peeta is exactly, but for the first time in a long time I feel like we're doing something because we want to, not because we feel obligation over love, if that makes sense."

Annie's beautiful face breaks into a grin and she reaches to hug me. "It makes perfect sense."

…

My phone vibrates and I look at the screen. A text from Rye.

Rye: You destroyed my brother.

My eyes begin to pool. I know.

Rye: I hate you for that, you know.

I don't blame you.

Rye: You don't deserve him. Don't fuck with him again.

I won't. I promise.

Rye: Make sure you don't.

…

Prim volunteers to take Annie home, promising to stop by before we head out. I lock the door and turn to face Peeta, who is standing in the middle of the apartment, his hands in his pockets.

"I suppose I should have asked if it was alright to stay here. After last night—."

"I want you to stay…if you want to, I mean."

He chuckles. "How long do you think it will take for us to get over this awkwardness and just be ourselves again?"

I laugh along and walk toward him, "Well, I'm guessing I'll be on my best behavior for awhile, so maybe things will calm down once one of us does something completely ridiculous." I hug him reassuringly. "Like pick up and move to another state."

"Or like this?" He cups his hand at the back of my head and angles me up to connect our lips. The melting in my heart startles me and I wrap my arms around him, reciprocating the kiss. I missed this. In fact, now that I'm kissing him, I can admit that I've craved it. I have the teenage urge to ask him if he felt that spark, too, but decide against it. We both sigh and cradle each other close, simply listening to the breaths between us and not labeling the gesture as anything other than what it is: a kiss.

…

"You'll come visit, right?" Prim and Annie stand on the sidewalk, handing Peeta boxes and bags.

"We plan on it! I can't let you keep Uncle Haymitch all to yourself." Prim and I laugh, knowing that Haymitch's crankiness will only increase with the added number of visitors. Poor Peeta.

"Why do I get the feeling that Haymitch is going to make life interesting?" Peeta wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to him.

I squeeze his side and laugh, "He'll keep you on your toes. We'll probably have to spend the ride quizzing you on home distilling. Are you up for it?"

"I'm coming, aren't I?" He releases his hold and walks to the bed of the truck, making sure that everything is secure. That's when I notice another couple walking toward us, only I wasn't aware that they were a couple until now: Gale and Madge. I whisper Peeta's name to get his attention. He straightens up and gives a wave.

"So you're going? Just like that?" It's not a question; it's an accusation. Gale keeps some space between us and Madge stands at his side offering me a small, embarrassed smile that might have gone unnoticed had I not been avoiding looking at Gale.

"No, not 'just like that.' Of all people, you know I need to do this."

"I know you have people here that worry about you." He looks at me and continues, "Who were there for you through all of this. You're going to up and leave that for some bitch who ran the first opportunity she got?!"

Before I can register the pain of his words Peeta has stepped forward and drilled Gale with a punch to the jaw. There's a collective gasp as Gale staggers back and spits blood, eventually touching his face in disbelief. I bring my hand to Peeta's side and he takes it, gripping my fingers painfully. Madge reaches for Gale's shoulder but he shrugs her off, pointing right at me. "I never want to see your face again." He turns to point at Peeta. "Done. Don't fucking come crying to me when she screws you over again." With that, he walks away and Madge follows.

Peeta is breathing heavily but manages to sound calm. "We should get going." I nod and turn to face Prim and Annie, both of whom are shocked by what they just saw and heard. Prim and I hug for a long time, promising to keep in touch. She'll be coming out over spring break, maybe with Rory.

"Let me know when you get your acceptance letter, okay?"

"Of course. Love you, Katniss."

I turn to Annie and she hugs me close, whispering "Just go with it, Katniss. Whatever it is, just go with it." I look into her eyes and see the sincerity. It's reassuring.

With the goodbyes taken care of we get into the truck and take one last look at 24 N. Webster. Peeta and I wave and he puts the truck in drive, making left turns to get around the square before taking the right onto East Wash. We're stopped at a light and I loosen my seatbelt to lean over and hug him, pouring reassurance, confidence and trust into it. A horn blows at the green light and he pecks my lips before pressing on the gas.

In the mirrors we can see the capitol building. Home is now behind us.

Chapter Thirteen Notes

30. Marigold Kitchen. Great spot on the capitol square, specializing in local, seasonal food.

End Part One

Author's Note: so that's Part One. Thank you for reading, alerting, reviewing, messaging and encouraging. I'm a little over halfway finished with Part Two...if you're so inclined, stay tuned!