A/N: I apologize for the delay. Hopefully, this chapter will make up for it. No promises when the next one will be up, but I'm hoping soon. As always, thank you to all who read and review this story. You do not realize what your kind words do to brighten my day. Thank you.

Chapter Thirty Four

Finally, my surprise and secret is here.

It was forever, cause it felt that way, and lots of times I got worried cause I didn't think that Boss would like my surprise very much.

Even my Dad, when I first told him about the secret and the surprise I wanted to do, even he didn't want to do it.

But it's not bad. At least I don't think it's bad. Ziva told me when I was first thinking about it that if it didn't make my inside feel bad that it probably wasn't bad.

And even though I'm not always right about a lot of the stuff, I think I'm right about this.

At least I hope so.

Boss came again to see me yesterday. It was nice, having him come over. Dad stayed inside cause Dad was sick and I couldn't give him a hug then cause he was sick but that's okay because Boss came over yesterday and tomorrow I get to see Probie, Abby and everyone else again.

I haven't seen them in awhile, and I really missed them. I told my Dad that, that I missed them a lot and that is why Boss is gonna pick me up tomorrow and we are going to go see a movie I think.

Even Baron misses them too, but that's okay.

First I get to have my secret, which isn't a secret anymore I don't think cause my Dad knows about it but it's still making my insides go all funny. It's how I felt the first time I ever went with my Dad, even though I love him and know that it's okay. But it is sorta a secret still I think cause Boss doesn't know about it and I don't think I want to tell him.

I have to get ready though for the secret that I couldn't tell anyone about because I still don't think Boss would have liked it. But my dad said yes and today is the day I get to finally have my surprise that isn't a secret anymore cause the day is here on the calendar in the kitchen.

And my stomach his going in circles but I can't wait for lunchtime.

Tony paced the door and Senior, who was sitting at the kitchen table drinking some warm tea for his raw throat, shook his head.

"Junior, Sal said he would be back by 12:30. What time is it?"

Tony paused his pacing and looked up at the clock, squinting as he thought of the hands and what numbers they meant.

"12:12." Tony said finally.

Senior nodded, "What does it mean when the big hand is on the 12?"

Tony looked blank for a moment before he laughed, "Zero zero!"

Senior smiled as well, knowing he could not resist being happy when his son smiled like that, "So what time is it?"

"Twelve zero zero."

"Good job Junior," Senior smiled, taking another sip of his tea.

"Dad, my name is Tony," Tony tried to hide his giggles, "Blue. Zero zero zero."

"Why don't you come and sit down then Junior? I don't want you to get tired."

"Zero zero. I'm not tired. I already took a nap. And remember? I'm suppose to walk more cause that's what I have to do to get better."

"I remember Junior," Senior nodded, "Would you mind then helping your old man make some more tea?"

"Who is my old man?" Tony blinked and looked around slowly, "I don't have one!"

Senior laughed, "Me, Tony."

This time Tony laughed, a rich laugh that reminded Senior so much of his son when he had been a little boy, before his wife and Tony's mother had died, "Dad, you are not old."

"I believe so son," Senior said, standing slowly. His joints ached, and not just from the flu that he was finally recovering from. He was not as young as he used to be, and his body reminded him of that every day now it seemed.

"No dad," Tony scowled, coming over and putting a hand on his dad's arm, "Zero zero. You're not."

Senior looked up at his son, remembering a time when Tony had looked up to him. When had Tony gone through his last growth spurt? Sometime around the time Senior decided that his son was an inconvenience probably.

Oh how foolish he had been, not to treasure the time he had with his son.

Tomorrow, he had always thought, I will call him tomorrow.

And then the night of the accident, the last time Senior had talked with his son before the head injury that had almost killed him.

How many tomorrows had he wasted, thinking that he would have all the time in the world to spend with his son? And now, especially now, had he wasted too much time? Was it too late?

"Alright Tony," Senior said, placing a gently hand on Tony's check, hoping to take the worry out of Junior's eyes away, "It's alright."

"You're not old. Old people," Tony's face scrunched up and Senior could see the worry turn into panic, "Old people, they-they-"

"Junior," Senior said, pulling his son into a gently hug, "There'll be none of that now. You don't worry about me son, I promise Tony, no matter what happens, everything will be okay."

"I don't want you to leave," Tony said, pushing his face into the crook of Senior's neck, "Zero zero. I don't want you too Dad."

"Tony, everyone has to die son. Just like all the names inside your blue helmet," Senior said, wishing he could promise to stay with Tony forever.

"Blue. I don't want to write your name there Dad," Tony whispered, the tears that were no doubt threatening to fall evident in his voice.

"I know son," Senior said and gently patted Tony's back, using his other hand to fix Tony's wayward hair.

Senior let a few quiet moments pass before he gently pushed Tony backward.

"Alright then. Today is a very important day and I don't want you to be sad son. Aren't you excited?"

Tony bit his lip and nodded, wiping the tears off his checked, "Zero. Blue. Secret secret secret surprise."

"Exactly," Senior said, using his fingers to fix Tony's hair once more, "Are you ready? I think I see Sal coming up the driveway."

"Now?" Tony immediately brightened up. A moment like this was too great to be smothered by the rain cloud that had threatened to drench Tony's mood.

"Go see," Senior smiled. He had had his reservations about this meeting, but Tony, his sweet Tony who was too much like his mother Senior practically could see her when he looked at their son, had a heart that was full of gold.

And enough forgiveness to save even the most lost causes.

Including Senior himself.

The day of Zach Lewis's 19th birthday had been the worse day of his life. And that was saying something, considering he had gotten kicked out of the only house he had ever known on his 18th birthday.

Life in the foster care system was rough, though Zach wasn't using that as an excuse. Life in general was rough and considering Zach hadn't seen his little brother in four months made his 18th birthday all that more awful.

But on his 19th birthday, Zach had gotten his first DWI.

The second had come soon after that, as Zach feel into a spiral of hopelessness. He had lost his job, the day of his second DWI, and with no family, no support system to think of, Zach had gone to the nearest bar and gotten as drunk as he possible could with a fake ID and all the money he had in his wallet.

Rent was due the next week but it didn't matter. With no job, Zach would be evicted eventually, especially with a DWI on his record.

The night of the second DWI, Zach had totaled the twelve year old car he had bought off his neighbor three months prior.

After that, he had spent some time in a work release program sponsored through MADD, and he had promised, he had swore with all his heart that it would be the last time.

The day he turned 21, Zach had gotten the call.

His younger brother, his Sammy, his only family left in the world, had been killed in a drive by shooting.

He probably had stuck out like a sore thumb, the police officer had said, a white kid hanging out with the wrong kind of crowd.

Zach hadn't been able to handle that. Sammy was only 14, two years away from being old enough to leave the foster house he was in and come live with Zach. They were going to get out of Virginia, travel to Texas or Montana or someplace where they could live and be okay.

Zach had spent that night in jail, having been taken there after he had lost his mind and attacked the police officer out of extreme grief.

The charges would probably be dropped they said, emotional distress, they said. We can't have you attacking police officers though, they said.

Zach had walked home, his license still suspended for another two months. It was part of the MADD program, and Zach knew that having his license suspended for three years was one of the best things that had happened to him.

After he had bailed himself out of jail, something awful had happened.

One moment he had been sitting at his house, bawling his eyes out, and the next he had been in the back of a police car.

"You probably killed someone tonight son," the officer kept saying, shaking his head and offering no explanation.

It had taken Zach a whole day to realize what he had done, what he had possibly become.

He had almost killed someone.

He had hit them so hard they were probably going to die.

He was a murderer, just like that person was who had killed his Sammy.

Had he robbed someone of a brother? A son? A husband?

What had he done?

Zach had spent a month in jail, waiting to find if the person he had hit while driveing drunk lived or died.

When the word finally came though him via his court appointed lawyer, Zach had cried so hard had had puked.

The man he hit would live.

It wasn't till later, until Zach's sentencing when the man's family, Anthony Dinozzo's family came and testified at his trial, that Zach realized that he had done something unforgivable.

Anthony DiNozzo would live, he learned, but he would have extensive brain damage.

He would never be the same man again.

Zach had been sentenced to two years in prison to be followed by five years probation.

He would never be able to have a license again.

The eight months he had spent in the prison had almost broken him. He had kept his nose clean though, and he had been able to leave prison with a GED and a trade.

Being a mechanic was awful, considering he would never be able to legally drive again, but it was a good profession and it paid enough for him to rent a one room apartment and take the bus to and from work.

He had joined the local AA chapter and had also increased his volunteer hours at MADD.

But no matter what he did, he still felt as if he didn't deserve to be alive.

He had walked away from that crash with a split lip.

And he had hurt another human being so bad that their life would never be the same again.

He was worthless, a piece of trash.

He wanted to kill himself, almost every day, but he always stopped himself because what did it matter? Killing himself would not change anything. Killing himself would not bring Sammy back, would not change what he had done to Anthony DiNozzo and to his family.

Some days, he was glad all his family was dead. At least that way they didn't have to be ashamed of him.

It was in the winter when he had received the letter.

When he first seen the name on the envelope, he had feared the worse.

Because he deserved it. He deserved to spend the rest of his life locked away in a hole, with no light and no human contact. To be sued and forced to live in poverty for the rest of his life.

But then Zach had read the letter. Had read it and reread it until he had it memorized.

What kind of person was this, to ask for this? To want… to want…

But that letter had come months ago.

And now Zach was in the back of a car, driving to a house in the middle of Virginia, to visit the man whose life he had destroyed. He was able to visit the man now that he was no longer on the ankle monitoring system.

Zach prayed Anthony DiNozzo killed him.

At least that way, it could all mean something.

Tony didn't understand a lot of things. He knew that.

He knew that before, before everything happened that things were different. He knew that he lived by himself in a place with lots of stairs, and that he didn't need his Boss or Baron and that he didn't have to ever wear a blue helmet to keep his head safe.

He knew that things worked better then, that he didn't need help and that he didn't talk funny.

He knew these things. And he knew that he had gotten into an accident that had made his head go to fast.

He knew that the accident wasn't his fault, that someone had hit him.

And he knew that like an accident, everyone got hurt.

When he had hurt Boss once, it had been an accident. He hadn't meant to hit Boss in the face, but Tony had been scared and he had smacked Boss in the face so hard Boss had blood coming out of his nose.

Tony had felt awful, and he had cried and cried, at least until Boss explained something.

Tony hadn't meant to hurt him. It was an accident, Boss had said and he forgave Tony for what he did cause it was an accident and it was okay.

Tony had felt so much better after that that he had cried because it had made his insides so much better.

Tony knew what forgiving meant. He remember that before the accident that his dad didn't always come when Tony wanted him too. He remembered that lots of times he had been scared and sad and he had wanted his dad and his dad hadn't come.

He remembered seeing his dad and being sad but Tony remembered that he loved his dad.

And just like Boss said it was okay, he forgave his dad too for not being okay all the time.

But then Tony had started thinking.

An accident had happened when Tony's head had gone too fast.

Who told the other person that it was okay, that it was an accident?

Did anyone tell him that? Did anyone make him feel okay after he did something wrong? Because even though Tony knew it was the other person's fault, that he had been driving in a car when he shouldn't have, that didn't mean that the other person had wanted to hit Tony.

It had been an accident.

And Tony hadn't even seen the other person.

But that was going to change, as soon as Sal stopped the car. They had to wait forever, cause the other man who had hit him was in trouble and when you're in trouble you can't visit anyone you wanted to. He had to in a "radius" cause he wore a thing around his ankle that didn't let him go anywhere.

But not anymore. Now, the other man, Zach, could come see him so Tony could tell him.

Tony wanted to hurry over but his dad touched his arm like he always did when Tony was moving too fast.

Slow down, the touch said, I don't want you to get hurt.

Tony smiled at his dad and looked back and took a deep breath.

When the door opened, Tony smiled and hoped all his words came out right.

"Hi Zach," Tony said. The guy walked up to him and Tony smiled cause he was just Tony's height which was good cause that meant Tony didn't have to look up or down to talk to him.

Zach was a boy still, Tony thought. He was smaller…no, younger than even Elijah, and Elijah was young. Tony couldn't see any smile lines on his face like he could with Boss and his dad. Even Probie, and Probie was small too, Probie had more lines then him.

"Zach," Tony said again. Because Zach had been in the accident too and maybe his brain had been going too fast then.

"Um, Mr. DiNozzo," Zach said.

Tony looked at his dad. Why was Zach talking to his dad? Tony was talking.

"My name is Tony," Tony said, leaning closer and saying it loud, in case Zach couldn't hear right.

"Tony," Zach said, his shoulders down.

Tony frowned. Why was Zach scared? Tony would not hurt him. No one would hurt him.

"Zach," Tony said again, touching him on the arm to tell him to slow down. Maybe Zach was moving so fast that he couldn't understand what Tony was trying to say.

"Mr. DiNozzo-I uh, Tony, I don't, I don't know what to say- I," Zach's voice cracked like Tony's did when he was scared.

Tony bit his lip and took a step forward, slow to make sure he didn't scare Zach.

"It's okay Zach," Tony said, just like he had practiced lots and lots of times. He wanted to get it right, to make sure it did it right just in case Zach didn't understand. He wanted to say it again and again so Zach never felt as bad as Tony did ever again, "I forgive you. It's okay."

And Tony started to cry too, when Zach couldn't hold in his sadness any longer.

"I forgive you."

The secret surprise came today.

And it was nice.

Zach was not like how I thought he would be. He was sad, really really sad, that I know that it's not nice to be sad all the time.

Zach was the one that hit me, that was the one that caused the accident that made my brain and my head go to fast.

But Zach got hurt too I think, in different ways than I did. He got hurt on the inside, where his heart is.

He was so sad, he cried and cried until my legs got tired and I couldn't stand anymore.

He cried so much I cried with him, and I think that made him sad too but that's okay.

Zach promised to come back after I told him he could come back, and I hope he does.

I don't think he believes me, when I told him I forgive him.

But that's okay.

I'll keep telling him till he does and till the sadness goes away.

I can do it.

I can do it for Zach who isn't my secret anymore.

Maybe, instead of a secret, Zach can be my friend.