We actually did a commercial where Sam had genital herpes. And I had to admit, it was quite funny. But everything that was funny was his expression.
Sam opened the door and we both entered the motel room, and the applause began. I hated fake applauses, so annoying.
"Hey there. What's happening?" Dean said while a huge sandwich was on the table.
Please don't say that he is going to eat it, I thought horrified. That thing was over a feet tall.
"Nothing, ya know. Just the end of the world", I said and put on a fake smile.
Fake laugher again. Sam then eyed the sandwich before he said:
"You're gonna need a bigger mouth."
And of course, laugher, again.
Couldn't it just shut the hell up?
Dean looked at Sam like 'I know, right?'
"Hey, uh, have you done your research yet?" Sam asked him.
Dean eyed us like he had been busted. Dear goodness, what the hell had he done?
"Oh, yeah. All kinds of research. All night", Dean lied and looked away embarrassed.
"Mmh? Right", I said sarcastically before the bathroom door opened, and out walked a woman in only bikini.
And from the audience or whatever, wolf whistles could be heard.
"Oh, Dean… We have some more research to do", she purred seductively.
I rolled my eyes and looked at my embarrassed oldest brother.
"Dean", Sam and I scolded him sternly before folding our arms over our chests.
Dean then looked into an invisible camera.
"Son of a bitch!" he cursed, which sounded hilarious.
I shook my head as the audience laugh and went to the woman Dean had apparently banged.
For a quick second, I wondered if he actually had had sex with her.
"I'm so sorry, but we have some work to do", I excused and led away the woman toward the door.
"But we did do work! In depth", the woman replied and looked at Dean while saying that.
"Okay, I don't wanna hear anymore", I responded and shut the door after her.
"How long do we have to keep doing this?" I asked through my teeth before putting on a very bad fake smile.
"I don't know. Maybe forever? We might die in here", Sam suggested, which earned him some laughs.
"How was that funny? Vultures", Dean muttered while they kept laughing.
The door opened and revealed Cas in minor injuries on his face.
"What happened, Cas?" I said worriedly and hurried to his side.
"I don't have much time", he said and sounded stressed, like something was
after him.
"What happened?" Sam wondered and gestured to his injuries.
"I got out."
"From where?" Dean asked, but Cas ignored him.
"Listen to me. Something is not right. This thing is much more powerful than it should be", he told, which made me raise my eyebrow.
"The Trickster?" I questioned.
"If it is a trickster", Cas stated.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked.
All of sudden, Cas was thrown against the wall, which worried me. What hell could throw an angel like that with its mind?
I hurried to Cas as the Trickster jumped through the door dramatically.
"Hello!" he said loudly before I saw that Cas' mouth was duct taped, just like mine had been a few weeks ago.
And he looked cute in that, to be honest. With his blue puppy eyes…
"Thank you. Thank you, ladies."
"Hi, Castiel!" he then said cheerfully as Cas glared at him shocked.
He then gestured with his hand, which made Cas vanish and me to let out a short cry.
"You know him?" Sam asked.
"Where is he?" I demanded angrily.
He had hurt Cas, probably twice now. But Sam had a point, how could the Trickster know about his name?
"Relax, he'll live… Maybe", the Trickster told, which made me almost lunge myself at him.
And I would have, if not for my brothers, who held me back.
If he hurt Cas again…
"If you hurt Cas, then I swear, I will shove a fucking stake up in your ass!" I snarled before I ripped myself free from my brothers' grip, but didn't attack him.
"You know what? I'm so done with this shit. I get it!"
"Get what, mini angel?" he smirked and probably referred to the game show thing.
"Play our roles, right? That's the fucking game?"
"That's half the game", the Trickster stated.
"What's the other half?" Sam wondered.
"Play your roles out there", he said and gestured to 'outside'.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean questioned.
"Oh, you know. Sam starring as Lucifer. Dean starring as Michael. And Abigail starring as their dance partner. Your celebrity death match. Play your roles", he told, making me gag.
"You want us to say yes to those idiots?" I snorted skeptically.
"Hells yeah. Let's light this candle!"
"Are you nuts? The world will freaking end!" I burst out.
"Yeah? And whose fault is that? Who was responsible for breaking the first seal?Who popped Lucifer out of the box? Hm? Look, it's started. You started it. It can't be stopped. So let's get it over with!" he told.
"Heaven, Hell, which side are you on?" I questioned coldly while glaring at the Trickster.
That sucker, bringing up Sam and killing Lilith..
"I'm not on either side", he stated.
"Yeah, right. You're grabbing ankle for Michael or Lucifer. Which one is it?" Dean
questioned.
"You listen to me, you arrogant dick. I don't work for either of those S.O.B.s. Believe me."
But Dean didn't seem to buy it, not from I could read from his face.
"Oh, you're somebody's bitch", Dean stated.
The Trickster's smile disappeared as he shoved Dean harshly against the door and looked more dangerous than any monster I had seen. With Sam and I tensed, ready to attack if he hurt Dean.
"Don't you ever, ever presume to know what I am", he hissed.
He changed his grip, which made us relax a bit, definitely not entirely.
"Now listen very closely. Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you" he demanded, his voice breaking slightly.
"And if we don't?" Sam asked.
"Then you'll stay here in TV Land. Forever. Three hundred channels and, uh, nothing's on", he smirked and snapped his fingers.
Suddenly, we were standing by a crime scene and Sam and Dean were wearing sunglasses, at night. And I was wearing kind of the same thing I wore as a FBI agent, except that my blouse was blue and also was wearing sunglasses.
"Oh, come on", Dean groaned irritated as the cameras flashed to take pictures of the body.
"So, what do you think?" one officer questioned.
"What do I think? I think go screw yourself, that's what I think", Dean snapped at him, which made me put my hand on his arm and glare slightly at him.
"Can you give us a sec?" I wondered.
The officer nodded and turned back to the crime scene.
"Dean, you gotta calm down", I said lowly.
"Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night", Dean exclaimed and yanked them off before he continued.
"You know who does that? No-talent douchebags. I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop show and you wanna know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There's like three hundred of them on television and they're all the freaking same. It's, ooh, plane crashed here—oh, shut up!"
Sam turned and looked at the crime scene and took off his glasses too. And me, not wanting to be alone with glasses, took mine off too.
"Hey. Check out sweet tooth over there", he told and nodded toward the officer, who was sucking on a lollipop.
"That's him?" I asked.
"Just, um, follow my lead", Sam stated and started to go to the body in a extremely cheesy way while putting on the glasses.
I swore that he watched CSI Miami. But unfortunately, we had to do the same thing.
"You, uh, you okay?" the officer asked us when we stood by the corpse.
"Yeah. What do we got?" Dean questioned and sounded quite funny.
"Well, aside from the ligature marks around his neck, he has what appears to be a roll of quarters jammed down his throat", he informed as he kneeled over the body,
We took off our glasses to see the wounds better.
And man, that was the most normal way a person been murdered by. Was a long time I had seen that kind of kill.
"Well I say, jackpot", Sam told gravely, which I almost started to laugh over.
The officer snorted amused before he started to wave around with his lollipop over the corpse, which was full of ants. Nice, dude, I thought disgusted.
"Also, there is a stab wound to the lower abdomen and full of ants there", he added and put the lollipop back in his mouth.
Disgusting.
Dean grabbed a stick and poked the hole hole and got blood on it.
Smart there, Dean, I thought and smiled slightly.
"Well I say, no guts, no glory", he responded and put on the glasses.
"Well I say… antastic", I joked seriously and put on the glasses and tried to look cheesy cool.
"Get that guy a Tums", Sam said and put on his glasses.
"Gutter ball", Dean said, making the officer laugh really hard.
"Good one, guys."
Dean walked up behind and stabbed him in his chest.
Seemed like the guy got a… heart attack.
The officer fell down on the ground, when another started to laugh smugly.
Then, the other one morphed into the Trickster, who still laughed.
"You've got the wrong guy, idiots", he announced.
"Did we?" Dean questioned before Sam stabbed him in the back.
As he fell down on the ground, we were zapped back to the warehouse, where we originally had been.
"Seems like it's over, guys", I stated, feeling worried about Cas, shouldn't he be here?
"Have you seen Sam?" I wondered as I put on my jacket.
Dean shook his head and waved with his phone, implying that he was trying to call him.
"Sam. It's me. Where the hell did you go?" he said to the phone as we got into the car, with me sitting shotgun.
"Dean? Abigail?" Sam's voice said, but he didn't said in the backseat and his voice sounded a bit odd, like he was talking through a radio.
"Sam? Where are you?" I wondered and looked around.
"I don't know."
I then noticed how the red light flashed as Sam talked. This… this was just too much Knight Rider.
"Oh crap. I don't think we killed the Trickster", Sam swore, as he realized that he was the Impala.
"Okay, stake didn't work. So, what, this is another trick?" Dean asked when we were on the road, sitting in Sam.
Okay… that came out weird.
"I don't know. Maybe the stake didn't work because it's not a trickster?" Sam stated, which made me think.
"What do you mean?" Dean asked.
"You heard Cas. He said this thing was too powerful to be a trickster", Sam continued.
"Did you notice how the Trickster knew Cas' name, and when he got pissed at Dean for bringing up the two dicks?" I wondered.
Dean nodded while I tried to figure it out.
Stake, no effect. Knowing Cas, weird. Getting pissed because of the two oldest Archangels. You never got that angry, unless they were talking about their own….
"Shit", I said and widened my eyes.
"What?" Sam and Dean asked me.
"I know what we're dealing with. We'll need some holy vinaigrette", I told.
"Perhaps the Trickster knows something about us", I stated while Dean poured the oil in a circle.
"What do you mean?"
I shrugged.
"You know, being the Weapon, why I can resist some of the angel mojo, why you are the vessels."
"Guess we'll find out", Dean mumbled as he hid the oil in the trunk, which was Sam's ass.
"Dean?"
"What?"
"That, uh, feels really uncomfortable", Sam muttered, making me snicker.
Come on, Dean had touched his butt before, as a baby.
Dean rolled his eyes and shut the trunk not that hard.
"Ow. You sure this is gonna work?" Sam asked.
I held up my hands like 'no idea' before I answered.
"No, but that's our only option."
I took a few steps forward before I cupped my hands around my mouth and began to shout to the sky.
"Alright! Fine! We'll do it!"
It was silent.
"Should I honk?" Sam asked, which made me roll my eyes.
Suddenly, the Trickster appeared from nowhere and went to Sam.
"Wow. Sam. Get a load of the rims on you", he joked.
"Eat me", Sam muttered.
The Trickster let out a whistle before he turned to us.
Please, let our theory be right I begged.
"Okay, boys and mini angel. Ready to go quietly?" he questioned.
"Um, not until Sam has his hair back, along with a set of feet and hands", I ordered.
"What's the difference? Satan's going to ride his ass one way or another", he replied, which earned him an annoyed glare from both me and Dean, and probably Sam, if he had had eyes.
He rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. The red lights went out and Sam stepped out of the car and looked a bit relieved over being flesh and blood again.
"Happy?"
"Tell me one thing. Why didn't the stake kill you?" Dean wondered.
"I am the Trickster", he replied.
"Or maybe you're not."
Sam light a lighter and dropped it on the ground, making the oil ignite and create a ring of holy fire around the perhaps angel.
"Maybe, you've always been angel", I stated and watched the flames dance around him.
The Trickster looked at me skeptically before he laughed a laugh that sounded fake, like he tried to hide it, from us, and perhaps from himself.
"A what? Somebody slip a mickey in your power shake, little girl?" he wondered.
I raised my eyebrow.
"Sure, jump out through the fire without dying and we will call it our mistake", I said and gestured like 'be my guest'.
The Trickster laughed before he realized that he was busted. The scene changed and we were back in the warehouse.
He then started to clap his hands slowly.
"Well played, guys. Well played. Where'd you get the holy oil?" he questioned.
"Well, you might say we pulled it out of Sam's ass", Dean replied, making both me and Sam look at him like 'seriously, dude?"
"Where'd I screw up?"
"You didn't. Nobody gets the jump on Cas like you did", Sam told.
"It was mostly how you talked about the Apocalypse", I stated.
"Meaning?"
"Well, call it personal experience, but no one gets that angry unless it's about their own family", I told him.
"So which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy, or Douchey?" Sam interrogated.
"Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel", he said slowly.
I widened my eyes, an Archangel? What was next? Seeing Jesus on a tortilla?
"Gabriel? The Archangel?" I questioned.
"Guilty", Gabriel admitted.
From nothing, the angelic power hit me like a tsunami. And it was just sightly weaker than Raphael's had been.
"Okay, Gabriel. How does an Archangel become a trickster?" Dean asked.
"My own private witness protection. I skipped out of Heaven, had a face transplant, carved out my own little corner of the world. Till you three screwed it all up", he accused and pointed at us.
"What did Daddy say when you ran off and joined the pagans?" Dean continued.
"Daddy doesn't say anything about anything", Gabriel replied.
"What happened? Why did you leave Heaven?" I questioned.
"Do you blame him? I mean, his brothers are heavyweight douchenozzles", Dean answered.
Gabriel glared at him with so much venom I slightly feared Dean would faint.
"Shut your cakehole. You don't know anything about my family. I love my father, my siblings. Love them. But watching them turn on each other? Tear at each other's throats? I couldn't bear it! Okay? So I left. And now it's happening all over again", Gabriel said, his eyes locked at mine the whole time.
"Then help us stop it", Sam said.
"It can't be stopped", Gabriel stated, still looking at me.
"You wanna see the end of the world?" Dean snapped.
"I want it to be over! I have to sit back and watch my own siblings kill each other thanks to you! Heaven, Hell, I don't care who wins, I just want it to be over!"
"It doesn't have to be like that. There has to be some way to, to pull the plug", Sam protested, making Gabriel laugh with no trace of amusement in his voice.
"You do not know my family. What you call the Apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this, because this isn't about a war. It's about three siblings who loved each other, and betrayed each other. You'd think you'd be able to relate", Gabriel stated.
I widened my eyes…
"What are you talking about?" Sam asked.
"You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels and why Abigail is the Weapon? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father. Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. And, of course, Abigail, the youngest, in the middle of the crossfire. You were born to this. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in Heaven, so it must be on Earth. One brother has to kill the other, with their sister at one side", Gabriel explained, which made me pale enormously.
No…
"What the hell are you saying?" Dean asked.
"Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you three. Always. You know it too, little sister", he said.
"Abigail, what is he talking about?" Dean demanded while I grabbed Sam's arm to not fall.
From one second to another, my necklace started to burn hot, sending out the same sound as an angel, saying the same thing over and over again.
Who are you?
I grabbed the heart and tried to yank it off, but it was stuck like it was glued onto my palm. The voices started to say more, demanding it harder and harder. My head felt it was going to explode. My body burned like fire and ice on the same time, and I had no idea how much more I could take.
"Abby!" my brothers shouted and tried to rip off the necklace, but in vain.
"The necklace! Open it!" Gabriel yelled and looked at me worried, or at least, that's what I believed I saw.
Black spots started to invade my vision, making everything more blurrier and darker.
"Now!"
"Ol Bolape A Turbs De Elo!" I cried out by instinct.
I am the Beauty of God!
The necklace stopped its chanting and opened up into two outspread wings.
An invisible force rushed out from it, like the wind, and suddenly, I knew.
Twenty-six years, it had been so many years ago since I had put everything inside that little jewelry. After such a long time, yet short, I hadn't known. But now, I was finally whole.
I rose with steady legs and looked at Gabriel the same way I had looked at him for so many years ago.
"I remember everything."
My voice came out, clear as a bell, sounding more calm and controlled than it had sounded in so long time.
"So… you are an…" Dean began and looked at me with widened eyes.
I nodded.
"Yes, I'm an angel. I'm the Archangel Jophiel."