I then spent some days alone, just trying to not think about Joshua's words, Thaddeus, or anything at all. Wondering why I even had hoped Dad to help us. He was God, after all. Or else he'd have come and fixed this already.
That was my living, until Sam called me about something important. Dean was gone, gone to say yes to Michael.
And, I could understand why Dean was doing it. He was desperate, and perhaps, so was I.
«Sending someone a candy-gram?» Sam asked Dean when I had zapped us there.
«How'd you find me?» Dean questioned.
«You're going to kill yourself, right? It's not too hard to figure out the stops on the Farewell Tour. How's Lisa doing, anyways?»
«I'm not going to kill myself», Dean stated.
«Yeah? Well, saying yes to Michael is kind of the same shit. Dean, come on! You can't do this» I said.
«Oh yeah? Then why did Joshua say that you were desperate. Don't lie, Abby. You're thinking the same thing, aren't you?»
I widened my eyes, but I didn't protest.
«Just…please. Not now. Bobby is working on something», Sam pleaded (maybe to me too).
«Oh, really? What?» Dean demanded.
Sam didn't answer. Instead, he looked at Dean with his puppy eyes.
«You got nothing and you know it.»
«You know we have to stop you», Sam stated quietly.
«Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You're not all hopped up on demon blood this time» Dean reminded him.
«Maybe so. But we've got some help», Sam replied.
Just in that second Dean turned, Cas appeared and knocked him out with his mojo.
Dean fell down on the floor with a loud thump, fast asleep.
«Yeah, no, this is good. Really. You know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight's when the magic happens», Dean muttered as Sam, Bobby and I were looking in the books for something, or someone except Michael which/whom could stop Lucifer.
Over and over again, I knew an answer, but it was stupid, and desperate. But then again, weren't we that?
«You ain't helpin'», Bobby said annoyed.
«Yeah, well, why don't you let me get out of your hair, then?» Dean wondered.
«What the hell happened to you?»
«Reality happened. Nuclear's the only option we have left. Michael can ice the devil, save a boatload of people», Dean stated.
«Not all of them», I remind and flipped a page, the feeling that it could be the only way still nagged inside me.
No! Stop, you idiot!
«We gotta think of something else», Bobby told Dean.
«Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say. But if Lucifer burns this mother down, and I coulda done something about it, guess what? That's on me », Dean stated.
«You can't give up, son», Bobby said.
Dean looked down on the floor and laughed coldly.
«You're not my father. And you ain't in my shoes», he replied.
I glared at Dean angrily. Bobby had lost his ability to walk because he loved Dean so much. And this was how Dean thanked him? By throwing it back into his face?
Bobby didn't answer.
Instead, he took out a gun, looking at it thoughtfully for a second, before he put it on the desk. He then pulled out a bullet from his front pocket and held it up, making all of us look at it slightly uneasily.
"What is that?» Dean demanded and eyed the bullet suspiciously.
«That's the round that I mean to put through my skull», Bobby told us all simply and but the bullet on the desk beside the gun.
My eyes fell on Bobby, my insides getting cold. Would he kill himself? Now? What?
«Every morning, I look at it. I think, 'Maybe today's the day I flip the lights out.' But I don't do it. I never do it. You know why? Because I promised you I wouldn't give up!»
Suddenly, Cas let out a sound and held his face in his hands and it really looked like he was in pain. Angel radio?
I rose quickly and rushed to his side, holding my hands on him gently.
«What happened?» I asked him.
«Was it… angel radio?»
«Something's happening», Cas said and flew away.
I stared at the spot where he'd been standing, before I sat down on a chair and let my wings brush the floor. Of course, neither of those who were standing in the same room couldn't see them.
Should I say yes? Or should I keep fighting a fight no one of us knew how to win without his help? Would I sacrifice the world, to make the rest of it a better place?
Or would I fight for the whole world, with the threat that all of it would be completely destroyed, hanging over my head?
«Help!» Cas said when he came back with a dirty boy.
«Guys!» Bobby shouted at us while Cas put the him on the couch.
I stepped forward and froze.
Was my brother that desperate, so desperate he'd use him instead of Dean?
«Who is it?» Bobby wondered and eyed us confused.
«That's our brother», Sam whispered while I couldn't get out a sound.
«Wait a minute. Your brother? Adam?»
I nodded and looked at Cas worriedly.
«Cas, what the hell?» Dean demanded as Cas put two bloody angel blades on the table.
«Angel ,» he only said, making me shake my head slowly.
He really was desperate now, I thought.
«We need to hide him. Cas?» I said and looked at him and Adam.
He nodded slowly and put his hand on Adam's chest, carving in the Enochian warding sigil on his ribs. The second he'd begun, Adam snapped his eyes open and rose into sitting position immediately.
«Where am I?» he exclaimed while panting of exhaustion.
Was after all his first time coming back from the dead.
«It's okay. Just relax, you are safe», Sam said calmly.
«Who the hell are you?» he demanded.
«Adam, please don't freak out, but… We're your siblings», I explained slowly.
«It's the truth. John Winchester was our father, too. See, I'm Sam—» he began before Adam interrupted him.
«Yeah, and I'm sure that's Dean and Abigail. I know who you are. They warned me about you», he told.
While Sam and Dean looked confused, I sighed.
«Let me guess: Angels? They told you that we were bad and we can't be trusted?» I guessed.
«Yeah, so can you tell me where the hell Zachariah is?» he said.
I glanced at Cas slightly.
«How about I take you to the bathroom first?» I suggested.
Adam shrugged and let me lead him to the shower.
«Alright, so… I've got some clothes from Dean, I'm pretty sure you're around the same size. Just tell me if you need something else», I told and handed him the clothes.
«Thanks. Just so you know, you don't have to wash me up or anything. I'm fine now», he said, making me roll my eyes.
«We can say that if you want. I don't want to not hurt your pride.»
«So why don't you just tell us everything? Start from the beginning», Dean said to Adam.
He was silent for a moment, before he spoke.
«Well, I was dead and in Heaven. 'Cept it—it uh, kinda looked like my prom and I was making out with this girl, her name was Kristin McGee—» he began.
«Yeah, that sounds like Heaven. Did you get to third base?» Dean wondered and smirked, making me clear my throat.
«Don't listen to what he said. Keep telling», I said.
«Well, these…these angels, they popped out of nowhere, and they tell me that I—I'm chosen.»
I raised my eyebrow. Michael was really becoming desperate, or if it was Zachariah.
«For what exactly?» I asked, just to be sure.
«To save the world», he replied.
«And how are you going to save the world? Did they tell you that?» I questioned.
«Oh, me and some Archangel are going to kill the Devil», he replied.
And, he was desperate.
«What Archangel?» Dean asked stunned.
«Michael. I'm his uh, sword or vessel or something, I don't know.»
«Well, that's insane» Dean stated.
I shook my head patiently.
«Not really. It can work. Adam's still Sam's brother and Dad's son», I explained.
«Well you gotta be kidding me», Dean muttered.
«Why would they do this?» Sam wondered.
«Maybe they're desperate. Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them», Cas said.
«Alright, you know what? Blow me, Cas», Dean snapped.
«He's taken», I said, trying tom lighten the mood, which went to hell.
«Look, no way. After everything that's happened? All that crap about destiny? Suddenly the angels have a Plan B? Does that smell right to anybody?» Sam wondered.
I shrugged slightly. He was right, it did feel suspicious when I thought about it. But what could we do?
«You know this has been a really moving family reunion, but uh, I got a thing, so—» Adam began and rose.
«Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no. Sit down. Just listen, okay? Please», Sam pleaded.
«It's unbelievable» Adam stated but sat down.
«Now, Adam…the angels are lying to you. They're full of crap», Sam said.
«Yeah, I don't think so», he replied.
«Really? Why not?»
«Um, 'cause they're angels.»
I rolled my eyes and watched Sam persuade Adam to not go. Which, eventually did happen.
«Maybe Michael and me fighting against Lucifer might be the only option left. Dad won't do anything. And my little brother, I could free him with joining.»
Cas widened his eyes as he took a step closer to me.
"What happened to you? You can't say that. Not you or Dean», he said hurt, his blue eyes showing betrayal.
"What else can we do?» I replied quietly.
Suddenly, Cas shoved me roughly against the wall, his eyes gone almost completely dark.
«I rebelled for you! Lost everything I had for this! Everything, because I love you! I have loved you ever since you stood up for that town! And before that, I admired you, for millions of years. For this? So you can give yourself over to them! I believed in you, Jophiel!» he growled, his face barely an inch from mine.
I flinched at him calling me by my angelic name and looked away, not being able to meet his face filled with rage.
«Don't look away from me!» he snarled and used his hand to firmly but not too hurtfully to make me meet his eyes.
«You once told me that this was worth dying for, because it was the right thing.
I'm telling you the same thing. Don't give up», he said before he released me from his grip and walked away.
I staggered slightly as his grip had been the only thing keeping me up. But what else could we do? What other option would we have?
After Cas had beaten up Dean to a bloody pulp, and Adam had disappeared, we decided that we were going to find the angels' location and save our brother, with the help of Dean. I was really worried that at least one of us would say yes. Me pledging my loyalty to Michael? Sure, no one would at least not jump into my bones. But the last thing I wanted was Dean possessed.
«Where the hell are we?» Dean wondered when Cas and I zapped him and Sam to California, where the beautiful room was located. The last time and place I had been inside there as an angel, had been in Jerusalem, when the Romans had been freaking everywhere.
«Van Nuys, California», I informed.
«Where's the beautiful room?» Dean questioned.
«In there», Cas said and nodded at the old factory near us.
«The beautiful room is in an abandoned muffler factory in Van Nuys, California?» Dean asked surprised and looked at me confused.
I shrugged lightly.
«Where'd you think it was?» Cas asked him.
«I—I don't know. Jupiter? A blade of grass? Not Van Nuys.»
I chuckled slightly amused at Dean's surprised expression.
«If it makes you feel better, it was once in a public bathroom, the time when no one had invented the ones with water.»
Sam rolled his eyes at my comment, but the corners of his mouth went slightly up.
«Tell me again why you don't just grab Adam and shazam the hell out of there», he instead said.
«Because there are at least six angels in there», Cas replied simply.
«So? You're fast», Dean commented.
«They're faster», Cas and I said on the same time while I tried to catch his gaze.
But, either Cas ignored me, or he just didn't see, because he was busy with removing his blue tie.
"I'll clear them out. You three grab the boy. This is our only chance», he informed.
I frowned suspiciously at him.
«Cas, you can't do this alone. I'll go with you», I stated and took out the angel blade.
He turned and looked me in the eyes before Cas sighed and nodded slowly.
«Fine», he replied emotionlessly and began to wrap the tie around his hand.
«Whoa, wait. You're gonna take on six angels? I mean, you're half angel, barely, and you're just, well, one angel», Dean protested.
«Yes», Cas said.
«Isn't that suicide?»
«Maybe it is for me. But then I won't have to watch you fail. I'm sorry, Dean. I don't have the same faith in you two that Sam has», he told.
Cas then slowly took out a box cutter out from his trench coat and pulled the blade up, making me widen my eyes. What the hell was he supposed to do with that thing?
«What the hell are you gonna do with that?» Sam wondered while Cas gave me a grim expression.
A tight feeling began to grow in me as I watched him unbutton the shirt more and more, until it was completely open and was hanging loosely against his chest.
«You're insane. That's never been done before. We don't even know the consequences of this", I exclaimed freaked out while Sam and Dean still didn't got it.
«Okay, angel wiki. What is he going to do, exactly?» Dean questioned and pointed at him and the cutter.
«He's going to use himself as a wall for a banishing sigil», I muttered and shot Cas a 'are you insane' look.
«It's our only chance», Cas responded simply and swiftly cut into his skin to create the banishing sigil.
"I don't like this", I mumbled to him, which he of course ignored.
I looked down slightly upset, before took a deep breath, cleaning myself from anxiousness.
«Okay, let's do this.»
When we first came in, the building looked empty. Of course, it wasn't , or else the angelic power from the smaller house inside wouldn't pour out.
That was it, there was Adam.
Suddenly, two angels attacked from behind, where tried to stab me in the shoulder, but missed. I spun around and kicked him in the gut, which made him stagger. The kick didn't last very long, but enough for me to fly behind him and stab him in the back, right where his heart was.
I backed away from the dead angel toward Cas, looking into the darkness, which revealed four more angels, all wielding a blade.
Don't do anything, wait, I said to myself while we watched the angels like a prey watching its attackers.
Cas turned his head and nodded at me reassuringly. I bit my teeth nervously together as he and I dropped our blades in ''surrender''.
«What are you waiting for? Come on», Cas taunted.
And for some reason, despite his 'warning', they all ran at us with their weapons ready. In that second, that small little second, Cas ripped off his shirt and pressed his palm on the sigil, creating a pure white light which felt like a huge wall coming at me in high speed.
The sigil's power knocked me away, sending me flying in the building while the other angel disappeared, along with Cas.
As I rose up from the ground, my body felt sore, like I had run two miles in a few seconds. I groaned in pain, but waited for Dean to come in.
«Where's Cas?» he wondered and stared at the spot where the two angels laid dead.
I shook my head slowly and pointed the place where we'd been.
«The sigil, it blew him away too», I replied and carefully opened the door, revealing the beautiful room, which looked kind of the same, as it always had looked like.
My eyes searched the room, looking for a certain someone, whom I found lying on the floor, his mouth covered in his own blood.
«Adam», I said and ran to his side, trying to wake him up.
He opened his eyes and looked at both of stunned, like we had been the angels of mercy. Such an irony…
«You came for me», he said breathlessly as Dean and I helped him up.
«Yeah, well, you're family», Dean replied.
«It's a trap», he warned.
I gave him dry smile and said:
«When isn't it a trap?»
«Please. Did you really think it would be that easy?» Zachariah spoke up.
I glared at the younger angel while I could see Sam come behind him. Almost, almost….
«Did you?» Dean replied as Sam came at him with the blade, which Zachariah easily parried and sent him flying into the wall.
«No!» I exclaimed and took a step forward while Dean held on to Adam.
But the seraph being Zachariah, held up a hand and stopped me in the tracks, like compact air.
«You know what I've learned from this experience? Patience», he said calmly and made Adam cough up blood.
«Let him go, you son of a bitch», I growled while still fighting against the invisible wall helplessly.
«I mean, I thought I was downsized for sure. And for us, a firing...pretty damn literal, you definitely know that. But I should have trusted your big brother. It's all playing out like he said...You, me, your hemorrhaging brothers», he said and waved at Sam's direction.
Sam immediately began to spit out blood, something that made my eyes flicker back and forth to my brothers.
I knew the way to save them, but could it be another one too?
«You're finally ready, right? You know there's no other choice. There's never been a choice. You should know it, boss», he said and smirked smugly.
«Stop it. Stop it right now!» Dean demanded and looked at our brothers in panic.
«In exchange for what?»
«Damn it, Zachariah. Stop it, please. I'll do it.»
«I'm sorry. What was that?»
«Okay, yes. The answer is yes» Dean whispered.
Zachariah still didn't look satisfied before he turned his gaze to me, whom had almost slumped down against the invisible wall. If I didn't say yes, then Sam and Adam would die. And they were my brothers, it was my responsibility to protect them. Even if I had to pledge my loyalty to Michael…
"Yes, I say yes", I mumbled defeated
«No!» Sam choked out in horrification.
I met Sam's gaze, and felt my heart break into pieces. My Sammy, my big brother, he'd believed in me, believed in both Dean and I. Meeting his eyes full of betrayal was like stabbing myself. Could I really let Sammy down? After everything we'd been through?
None of us did anything, it was like the time had stopped. The seraph just stared at us smugly while I just wanted to crumble down on the floor and cry.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Call my brother down here and get this over with!" I half shrieked at him frustrated.
«How do I know you're not lying?» Zachariah questioned and glanced at all of us.
«Do I look like I'm lying? Does it look like Dean lies?» I questioned and looked him in the eyes.
With him not answering, I took a step back and began to call on Michael.
"I am ready, brother", I whispered in Enochian.
Zachariah smiled at us both satisfied before he turned around and began to chant in Enochian too.
"Your servant has prepared your Sword."
I closed my eyes for moment. He would come down and I would stare into my older brother's eyes and find Michael in those green eyes instead of Dean.
The image of Michael in Dean's vessel and the fact that Sam had believed in us, made me realize one thing: I wouldn't do it.
Cas had fallen for this, Bobby had lost his ability to walk, everything would have been vain if I said yes to Michael.
"He's coming», Zachariah said.
«Of course, I have a few conditions», Dean added suddenly.
«What?» Zachariah said confused.
«The few people whose safety you have to guarantee before Dean or I say yes», I continued on his sentence.
I was now really happy over the fact that Dean didn't show any surprise on his face.
«Sure, fine. Make a list», the seraph muttered.
«But most of all… Michael can't have us until he disintegrates you», Dean said, making me smirk.
I watched Dean screwing with Zachariah until he stabbed him in the head, killing him off after a year with him on our asses.
The whole room began to shake violently as Michael began to appear in the room, his voice piercing Sam's ears.
«Sam!» I yelled and helped him up while Adam stood frozen, looking the the white light that was everywhere.
"Pledge your loyalty to me, sister. It's time now."
"No", I hissed in Enochian while running for the exit.
He and I pushed our way through the door as Dean came behind us, but not Adam.
«Dean!» Adam shouted on the other side while Dean with no luck tried to open the door.
«Hold on! We'll get you out. Just hold on. Adam! Can you hear me?!» he screamed.
I ran to the door and tried to open too, but just like any normal human being, I burned my hand immensely on the doorknob.
But suddenly, the power and light faded and I knew Adam was gone.
«Adam? »
«You think Adam's okay?» Sam wondered.
«No, not really. And not Cas either. But we'll find them», I promised and looked out through the window.
«So….» Sam began.
«'So' what? » Dean asked confused
«I saw your eyes. You two were totally rockin' the 'yes' back there. So, what changed your minds?»
«Honestly? The damnedest thing. I mean, the world's ending. The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you and all I can think about is, 'this stupid son of a bitch brought me here.' I just didn't want to let you down», he told.
I smiled slightly and leaned forward.
"Pretty much the same thing, actually", I replied.
«You didn't. You almost did. But you didn't», Sam added and smiled too.
«I owe you an apology», Dean began.
«No, man. No, you don't», Sam protested.
«Just… let me say this. I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you're grown-up enough to find faith in me… The both of you, the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way», Dean said.
I nodded and felt a new spark of hope light up inside me.
«Sounds good to me.»