A/N:
*Hides in box of shame*
I know, it's been like forever since I've updated ;_; I'm sorry...Please forgive me! Well, here goes an extra long chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd, n Eddy or any of its characters. This story is of my own original thoughts inspired by music!
It had been roughly 2 weeks...maybe, Double D had lost count of the days. He had hardly left his room and all his things were still mostly packed away in the moving boxes.
He couldn't find it in himself to get up. The ravenette didn't want to be home, not in Peach Creek at least. He often asked himself how he managed to get sucked back in and why he wasn't still in London. Edd needed to leave, because he didn't want to risk running into him again. That was the last thing he wanted so, he stayed home, hardly ever leaving his room, except to use the bathroom and get food. He didn't even bother eating in the dining room, what was the point now. Edd was ready to live out the rest of his days locked away in his bedroom, like he did before, except now it was different. The ravenette was no longer a child, but a fully grown adult with responsibilities. Yes, he could ignore them for now, but school would start soon and he hadn't planned anything, let alone visited his old high school that was going to be his new place of employment.
It was nearly noon, Double D could tell by the lack of shadows under the tree in his front lawn. He got up from under his blanket nest and stretched until he heard his neck and back let out a series loud pops. The genius walked across the hall to the bathroom and pushed the door open. He stood in front of the small sink and let the warm water run over his hands for a bit, as his hands tended to be colder than the rest of his body, and then he wet his face as he looked in the mirror; he had avoided it rather well until now. Edd could see immediately that he looked significantly more pale, there were dark circles under his eyes, his cheeks looked more hollow than usual, what little facial hair he could grow was now very visible, and his hair...well, his hair looked absolutely horrendous. When was the last time he had showered? He couldn't remember.
The ravenette decided he should probably shower today and that would be all he would do for the rest of the day. Edd turned on the shower as hot as he could take it and began to undress. He only noticed how awful he smelled once he removed his clothes and threw them in the hamper. Why did he let himself get this bad? It was by his choice after all, he could have gone about making his life normal again, but no, his body decided to lock itself up. His mind was worse off, especially when he slept as his dreams were made up of memories that twisted into nightmares. And the star of the show...well, as much as he tried to not think about him awake, his subconscious made sure he was there while he slept. Never would he feel relieved when he awoke, always gasping to breathe.
He drowned almost every night and suffocated everyday.
Edd knew he had panicked that night, but it was for the best, at least that's what he told himself. There was no way anything good could come from pursuing a relationship again. It was all over for them. He thought the redhead had definitely moved on with his life by now, there was absolutely no way he could have been holding on this whole time. Right? Surely not.
But...
But then there was that letter and the redhead said it was still true. And the jacket...why did he give him that jacket? Why did he even accept it? Now it was just sitting there on his desk...taunting him, reminding him of when they had been together.
He climbed into the shower and pulled the curtain closed. Letting the water run over him, he started to feel his emotions emerge to the front of his mind. He wasn't ready to feel those things again. But before he realized it he heard someone scream that name. He didn't want to hear it, not that name. He couldn't say it, but he did. He had screamed that forbidden name and as the realization hit him again he allowed the name to escape his lips a second time and echo off the walls. He absolutely hated to admit it, but he had made a horrible mistake. The redhead loved him...he still loved him, he had never stopped, but the genius had pushed him away. Again. And if Edd was being completely honest with himself he knew he had never stopped thinking about the redhead since he left Peach Creek. He had never stopped loving him. No matter how much he told himself it was better this way, his thoughts always went back to the summer and how great it had all been. No one ever came close to making him feel like Kevin had.
Not a single person could match up to the redhead's passion that he loved so much. No one was as completely stubborn and hardheaded as him, no looked as good on a bike as he did, no one had eyes as green and lush and as full of life as a tropical rain forest, no one had fiery locks that rivaled the sun's rays, no one could hold him like he had and felt as warm and safe as he had made him feel, and no one, absolutely no one loved him like Kevin had. There wasn't a person in the world that came close. As much as he had tried to love Austin, the London native with the shining blue eyes, he should have known better than to let him in like he had. But Austin had been his first friend in London and he was so eager to get over the redhead he had left behind. It was all for naught though. Now the real question was, how was he going to fix this? The ravenette wondered if it was too late to explain himself to the redhead the way he deserved.
Edd leaned his head against the wall of the shower and let the water run over him for a moment and then he heard a loud thud at the door. Then came a voice, it wasn't quite loud enough for him to pick out who the voice belonged to. So he called out, "Who's there?" His voice not as confident as he had hoped.
There was the voice again and this time he could hear that it belonged to a female, "Eddward, honey is that you in there?" called the voice, more loudly than before, that belonged to his mother Isabel.
He leaned back on the wall and sighed before he called back out, "Yes, mother. I'm here. I'll be out in a moment."
"Oh, thank god. I wasn't sure if was you. Well, we can talk once you're decent. Your father and I need to speak to you about something important," she called back through the door.
So, they did come home afterall. He sighed loudly as he poured his shampoo into his hand and began to wash himself. He just wanted to be left alone now, he wasn't ready to talk to anyone, especially them. Edd wondered as he rinsed if he should tell them about his relationship with Kevin, or rather the relationship he used to have with Kevin, seeing as how he couldn't possibly say where they stood now, and besides he never got to tell them 8 years ago when they were supposed to visit. He remembered vividly what had transpired that week. Double D had spent several days preparing the house for them and was going to introduce Kevin as his boyfriend to them, but the day came and went. They didn't show. He wondered why he had got his hopes up for their supposed arrival, he should have known better-they only came about half the time they said they would anyways. He knew that, but he ignored it because he was so excited to introduce Kevin. It was a whole week later when they called and apologized about not having arrived.
Looking back on the incident reminded him that that was why he had made the decision to not let Kevin know where he was going to go to school. By July that summer when Edd realized he loved the redhead he had changed his mind about telling Kevin his school plans and decided that by the end of the summer he was going to ask Kevin if he wanted to continue their relationship long distance. But after what his parents had done he thought it was better to leave the redhead in the wind and continue his life as he had planned and hoped the redhead would do the same.
Edd reached for a towel as he stepped out of the shower and secured it around his waist. He looked over at the mirror above the sink; he looked a little better. There was at least some color in his cheeks again, but that was mostly from the steam in the room. His hair looked better and he certainly smelled better now, he started to feel a little bit more like himself again.
He grabbed the edges of the sink as he tried to gather his composure. His parents were likely downstairs waiting to speak to him about whatever they thought was important that they had to discuss it with him. He figured they were probably going to reprimand him about the condition of the house; he had not picked up after himself since he got back and most of his things were still in boxes scattered about the house and garage. He didn't want to deal with the lecture, he needed to figure out how he was going to get to Kevin, and at least apologize to him and if he would let him explain himself about 8 years ago and the other night. Edd had never seen the redhead look so defeated and hurt, and he wondered what had Kevin looked like that morning when he woke up to a letter telling him goodbye. He tried to shake the thoughts from his head as he started to feel tears threatening to pour out. He couldn't let himself think about the past and the mistakes he had made with the redhead, no, he needed to think about what laid ahead and how he was going to fix it all.
Double D pushed the door to the bathroom open and made his way across the hall to his room. As soon as he had stepped inside he closed the door behind him and locked it. He was glad he had some clean clothes to change into, considering he really hadn't bothered with changing since that night, only having changed two or three times. Edd wasn't sure exactly what he was going to tell his parents or how he was even going to approach the subject of Kevin. He figured he should at least find out what they wanted to tell him before he went ahead and poured his heart out to them. He knows he hadn't been particularly close with his parents, not that they had done anything to bridge the gap either, but it was in fact a two-way street, he should at least try. Nothing would hurt in trying to communicate with them, give them a glimpse into his life, show them what they had been missing since he was a kid. He knew he would never forget their absence in his life, but he wanted to move on from it. Maybe, just maybe they felt the same too. He certainly hadn't expected to see them now, after over 8 years of not seeing them and then they suddenly showed up at home like they said they would when they called a few days ago. Edd could only think maybe they were trying.
About 6 months after he left for school he had noticed that they were calling him more frequently than they had before, he tried to brush it off thinking they were maybe a little concerned because he was no longer stateside and within reach. But the conversations were always friendly and seemed more genuine. They never asked anything too personal, but consistently inquired about his well being; telling them he was "just fine" didn't seem to suffice. It was like they were half expecting him to reveal some devastating news or something, so Double D just ignored it. Maybe they were trying now. It's not like pushing people away was doing him any good at this point in his life, if history had anything to say about that.
Edd held his breath as looked down at his clothes. He was wearing his favorite pair of blue jeans with a comfortable dark blue t-shirt and his grey cardigan. He adjusted his beanie on his head as he opened his bedroom door, he turned down the hall that led to the stairs and hesitated at the top, trying to gather his thoughts before he began his descent.
Before he was halfway down the stairs he could see his parents waiting for him at the bottom. His father had his arms around his mother's shoulders, in a rather caring fashion he wasn't used to seeing. His parents looked relatively the same from the last time he saw them, they just looked older and had more grey hair. His dad's once rich soft brown locks were now sandy and slightly dull due to the grey and white he now had. His father's face was faintly more wrinkled, but otherwise he still looked like his father. Now his mother, well she looked radiant still, but the worry lines in her forehead were more distinct. Her hair wasn't greyed like his father's, but Edd figured she likely colored her jet black hair to hide it. He would be lying if he said he hadn't missed them after all this time. They were still his parents. Despite everything.
When he stepped off the last stair he found himself being smothered in his mother's arms.
"Oh, Eddward! Oh, honey, it's been too long. We are so sorry dear!" she proclaimed behind choked sobs and tears as she squeezed the life out of her only son.
"Dear, let him breathe. Maybe you should explain yourself first, before you start crying out apologies," Robert said matter of factly, attempting to pull his wife off of Edd.
"Right, ahem, sorry. We should probably explain ourselves first," she said, quickly wiping the tears from her cheeks.
Edd looked up at his parents, who were sharing a knowing look between each other, as he tried to put the pieces together as to what his parents could honestly be going on about.
"Mother, Father?" he asked, trying to meet their gaze.
Isabel spoke first as she met her son's puzzled expression with her own concerned eyes, "Eddward, dear, you should probably take a seat. We have a lot to discuss."
Eddward sat in the loveseat facing the sofa his parents currently occupied. His mother was holding her hands and his father's hands in her lap as she rubbed her thumbs over the top of his hands before looking up at him again and then back over to meet Edd's eyes.
"What's this all about?" he said, trying not to panic. He knew this was something serious, he just couldn't figure out what.
This time Robert answered his son, his voice cool and calm, "Eddward, son. We need to talk about Kevin."
There was no way his father just said that, not that name. He must have heard him wrong. They didn't know about Kevin, he was just a neighbor that grew up with him as far as they knew. That's all he had ever led them on to believe.
Edd cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brows, "I apologize, I don't think I quite caught what you said father. Could you repeat that, please?"
"I think you heard me correctly the first time," his father said, "but I'll repeat myself. We are here to talk to you about Kevin, the boy that used to live across the street."
He tried to comprehend what they could possibly have to talk to him about concerning Kevin. "What is there to discuss? I don't understand father," he said, still utterly oblivious to the fact that they might actually know.
Isabel spoke up this time, it appeared she was still on the verge of tears, "I think you know what we are getting at," she paused as she looked at her son who still hadn't caught on, "Eddward, honey, we know everything. We know about your relationship with Kevin."
It seemed the whole world came crashing down on him as his heart fell from its place in his chest to his stomach. His eyes went wide as his parents gave him a knowing glance. Edd struggled to find his voice at first, "B-b-but how? H-how do you know? I...I never told you. You n-never came home that summer," he said, struggling to formulate coherent sentences.
"He told us," Isabel stated.
"I'm sorry, but what on earth are you talking about? When and how could he have told you?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. When did his parents talk to Kevin? How had Kevin talked to them? What exactly has happened since he left home?
Robert spoke softly, attempting to calm Edd's nerves, "The summer after your freshman year of college. We found him passed out in your room and-"
"WHAT!?" he squeaked, before clearing his throat, "I'm sorry. Ahem, what are you talking about? W-w-why was he here? What h-happened?"
"I realize this is a bit of a shock to you, but we need you to calm down and stop interrupting if want to know what happened," Isabel said, shooting her son a pointed look, "Just relax. Deep breaths. Your father and I will explain everything."
Edd couldn't speak, so he nodded as his parents filled him in on all things Kevin that had transpired in his home while he was away. How they found him completely shattered that first summer he had been away, how they helped Kevin stand on his feet again, how they gave him a place in their home, how they opened themselves up to Kevin, how he had taken care of their home, how the redhead became their second son, how they loved Kevin while Edd was away, and how the redhead and his mother were basically family now.
He found out his mother was planning on retiring early so she could stay home and his father, well he was going to be taking a new position that allowed him to do more work away from the office and thus, having the freedom to spend more time with his family. They wanted to start fresh now that he was going to be in Peach Creek, they wanted to make up to their son, and all they asked was for Edd to give them a chance again at being the parents they should have been all along.
Double D was dumbfounded. After all these years, they just didn't know how to approach their son and ask for forgiveness for their absentee parenting style. Several long months of counseling, after they discovered Kevin that summer morning, they came to the conclusion that they just needed to ask for it and take it from there one step at a time. So, Isabel and Robert waited for their son to return home to get the chance to start anew. They came to a silent agreement that they wouldn't ask for their son to come home, because they had faith that he would stop running and come to his senses eventually.
"So, this whole time he was here, waiting for me to come home? He never tried to move on, not even once?" the ravenette asked, still struggling to wrap his head around everything his parents just told him about their arrangement with the redhead.
"No, his love for you never wavered, Eddward. You should count yourself lucky, it's not very often you come across someone that dedicated to you," Robert said.
"And you're both okay with this?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't we be? I mean, sure at first the whole situation was little awkward and confusing, but Kevin has this way about him that just...hmm, how would you describe it, honey?" Isabel paused for a minute with her hand on her chin and her index finger over her lips as she stared at the ceiling before she had that 'ah-ha' moment, "I've got it. Kevin just has this way about him that makes you like him. He's...he's charismatic, it's hard not to love him, and he's just an all around good kid, Eddward honey."
Edd stared at his mother with his mouth open, he simply could not grasp what his mother just said, "W-what I mean is, neither of you care...that Kevin is male? And I'm male. You see what I'm getting at here right?"
"Son, we are more than okay with this. If anything, we're upset that you never felt comfortable enough to tell us before," Robert said, giving Isabel's hand a gentle squeeze as he shift his eyes from their son to her and then back to Edd, "We regret not being there for you, but we can't change the past and there's no use going on about it, that's not why we're all here, well it's partly why we're here. I digress, let's just move forward from here on out, as a family. But before I forget, you have something to go do don't you, Eddward?"
"What're you talking about father?"
Isabel answered before Robert could open his mouth to speak, "We spoke to Kevin about a week ago and he told us he ran into you. He told us about your dinner," her voice dipped a little in the embarrassment she could feel coming from Edd's expression, "Kevin wasn't very forthcoming with all the details, I'm sure, but he told us that dinner ended on a rather bitter note. We haven't spoken to him much since then, but we figured we should come home a little early this month to see if we could all make amends."
He just stared at his parents. It seemed that they had a rather close relationship with Kevin, a relationship in which they spoke on a regular basis and they talked about the details of the redhead's personal life. Edd couldn't help but feel just a little jealous about this.
Robert spoke again, stirring Edd from his swirling thoughts, "You see son, we come home about once a month now, and every last Sunday of the month we have dinner with Kevin and his mother, so I think you have until then to set things right with him."
"But I don't think he ever wants to speak to me again after the way I acted at dinner," Edd said, sounding rather mournful.
"You never know until you try. Why don't you go see him?" his mother said as she moved to stand next to her son, placing her hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him.
Edd looked up at his mother with tears in his eyes, "But mother, what should I say to him?" he inhaled deeply struggling to keep his breathing even as he spoke, "Th-there are no words to justify my actions, especially after all these years a-and the other night, I was...I treated him terribly. I hurt him, mother, I know I did. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. How do I fix this mess I've made?"
"Don't say anything, just show him what I know you're feeling in here," she pointed to his heart and then his forehead, "and here. And if you have to speak, just tell him the truth."
"You owe him and yourself at least that much," Robert said attempting to offer his son a warm smile, "and we will be here waiting for you, no matter the outcome, but I'm sure things will go more smoothly if you don't let that big brain of yours get in the way."
The ravenette looked up at both his parents, who were now standing in front of him. He stood and he did something he hadn't done since he was child; he hugged them. He hugged them as tightly as could and cried on their shoulders as they wrapped their arms around him. For a moment, he was happy and didn't want to let go.
Robert patted him on the back, "Okay, son. I think we've done our part," he said as they all pulled apart and Isabel held onto Edd's shoulders at arm's length, "Isabel. He needs to go do this now."
Isabel glared over at her husband as she pulled Edd back in for one last tight hug. "I know, I know," she said, offering her son another tear filled smile followed by a breathy chuckle, "go get him, son. He's waiting for you." She gestured behind him at the window she had been staring out of for the last 5 minutes.
Edd looked out the window to see what his mother had been staring at and could see the redhead parked on the street. He was leaning against his bike, obviously waiting for him to come out. His parents had set him up, though he was too nervous about seeing the redhead again to be mad at them.
I've been sittin' on this chapter for a few days now, because I had a really hard time finding a good stopping point...so, meh, not really happy with this ending, but ya'll know I gotta leave you hangin' some way...hehe
Anyways, thanks to everyone that keeps reading and reviewing...it really means a lot to me and keeps me pushing forward, so yeah, thanks a ton! XD
Song inspiration for this chapter is Oh Well, Oh Well by Mayday Parade (yup, I dug into some teenage angst for this, heh) and I got a little stuck about half-way through so, I switched it up to some reggaeton and got my groove back! Yay! So yeah, I'm hoping the next chapter will be born soon...please bare with me, tehe.