Chapter 13… Yes I have returned! Let's get to it!

Ch. 13: Relations Part 1

Normandy SR-2

Commander Shepard

Shepard was standing in the helm of the Normandy listening to Joker and EDI talk. It had only been a week since the destruction of the Reapers, but he was almost back to normal. His side still hurt, but he was able to walk around without difficulty now, and he could finally return to commanding the ship. The Normandy was still under Shepard's control, but he had insisted on assisting the new senate for as long as they needed him, which meant the Normandy was now hauling cargo from the relatively untouched Salarian home world Sur-Kesh to the incredibly devastated Batarian home world of Khar-shan. The Salarians had begun a massive campaign to send materials and men to the ruined home worlds of other species in an effort to speed up the rebuilding process and to reconcile themselves for not sending their full might against the Reapers. Shepard understood why they had been so afraid, but it was nice to see them trying to fix their mistake.

Joker turned to Shepard in his chair. "Commander I've just gotta ask you something."

Shepard stopped looking out the window and turned his eyes to Joker. "Yes Joker?"

"When are we gonna get that party huh?" Joker asked. "The Reapers have been dead for a week and all we've been doing is going to ceremonies and transporting cargo! We need to party like there's no tomorrow."

Shepard just smiled at Joker. "What, wasn't the party on the Citadel enough?"

Joker shook his head. "Shepard, when we threw that party we all thought we were going to die! We're all alive and well and the Reapers are dead, that means we have to party even harder so we can mock them for hours with alcohol and bad dancing!"

Shepard chuckled at Joker's words. "Maybe Joker, maybe… I guess the Citadel wasn't that badly damaged, hell my apartment might still be there."

Joker grinned. "Exactly, it could be even better than before! I'm sure Jack could convince Tali to get another tattoo…"

Shepard groaned and put his hand on his head. "I really don't think that would be necessary Joker, besides she kind of freaked out after she found it and said she wouldn't drink ever again."

Joker gasped. "No more drunk Tali? Did you not see her fumbling around the party the last time!? It was gold! You can't tell me she wouldn't do it again! I've got to talk to her about this, she was hilarious!"

"I really don't think it would be a good idea to tell her she was hilarious drunk… I highly doubt she'll take it as a compliment." Shepard grinned.

Joker turned his chair back to his controls. "Yeah… you're right, I don't want to be on the wrong end of her shotgun."

Shepard shook his head. "No you don't, Joker."

Shepard turned back to the window again. So many stars and so many planets… He had no idea just how many he had actually saved by destroying the horrible mistake that was the Reapers. He also hoped he wouldn't have to do it again, saving the galaxy was tiresome and hard as hell. Anderson's words were still in the back of his head. 'I'm proud of you…' Shepard hadn't completely grasped the concept that the Reapers were gone, and the danger was over. If he really wanted to he could just give the Normandy back to the Alliance, go to Rannoch with Tali, and forget about the troubles of the past… but this tiny itch in the back of his mind forced him to continue on for a bit longer. 'There's one more fight, I can feel it.'

Just then Shepard noticed Garrus walking in behind him, clad in his usual blue armor. Shepard turned to his good friend. "Hello Garrus, something you need?"

Garrus just smiled… at least, Shepard thought that was a smile. 'Oh Turians…' Shepard thought as Garrus began to speak.

"Hey Shepard, I… was just in the area and I… wanted to see if everything was going good up here."

Shepard shrugged. "Not much happening anymore Garrus, the Reapers are gone after all. I did notice Javik mumbling some strange words my translator couldn't translate earlier, but I think he just doesn't know what to do with himself now."

Shepard thought he saw Garrus's face pale a little, but who knew with Turian faces… they really hid everything well. "Well Shepard, I'm sure that's the reason. He's always mumbled to himself though, I'm sure there's no problem."

Garrus kept standing there and looked at Joker and EDI. They were both talking about who's voice was more scary: Harbinger's or Sovereign's. EDI seemed to think Harbinger's voice caused more terror while Joker kept insisting Sovereign had the scariest voice he ever heard. Shepard really didn't have an opinion and honestly didn't care: they were both dead now. Garrus then turned his head back to Shepard. "Shepard, can we talk in the airlock… in private?"

"Um, sure Garrus."

They both walked into the airlock and the door closed. The airlock was sound proof and only EDI could hear them, but she heard everything anyway. "Shepard… how's Tali doing?"

Shepard raised his eyebrow at Garrus. "You wanted to talk to me in private about Tali? Really Garrus?"

Garrus just chuckled at Shepard. "No, no… I just wanted to make sure you two were doing… alright is all."

Shepard smiled and shook his head. "We're doing fine Garrus, the war is over and we're together. I don't see how there could be a problem with that."

Garrus just shuffled awkwardly. "That's good to hear… It's really nice that you two are together and all, your bond is strong…"

Shepard eyed Garrus suspiciously. "Garrus, will you just spit out what you want to talk about? No one but EDI can hear us and she keeps secrets well."

EDI's voice came out of the speaker. "Thank you Shepard, and that is true. I am glad you approve of my skill in keeping secrets."

"You're welcome, EDI." Shepard kept his eyes on Garrus. "Now just say what you came here to say please."

"Well Shepard… I heard a rumor you… um… were going to…" Garrus said awkwardly. "Well, you were going to… continue to be with Tali after this."

Shepard just laughed at Garrus and returned sarcastically. "Wow, what a rumor! Who in their right mind would think I would stay with Tali after saving her home world and killing all of the Reapers?"

Garrus gasped at Shepard. "What, but…"

Shepard laughed again. "Are you serious? What are you even talking about Garrus, of course I'm staying with Tali after all of this. What, you actually think I'd leave her after all we've been through together? I mean I proposed to her already…" Shepard instantly realized he had let his mouth slip and the secret only he and Tali knew had been let out to the one person who could spread it around far too quickly…

"You proposed to her!?" Garrus gave Shepard an enthusiastic pat on the back. "That's fantastic news Shepard, glad to hear it! When's the big day?"

"Well, we haven't really decided…" Shepard rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Who's gonna be in it?" Garrus asked. "You better choose me as your best man!"

Shepard was growing more confused every moment. "Wait, how do you know what a best man is?"

"Vids…" Garrus shook his head. "Don't ask, it's not important. You better not have let Joker be your best man, he wouldn't work out! Not to be mean or anything but he could break a bone from trying to do all of the things a best man needs to do."

"And what things does a best man have to do?" Shepard crossed his arms.

"You know exactly what the best man does, now come on! I've been here since the beginning! It should be me who does it! You know I'm right, Shepard!" Garrus grinned.

Shepard groaned. "Fine, yeah, you're right. You can be my best man if you stop begging."

"I knew you'd listen to reason, Shepard!" Garrus stood proudly for a moment before attempting to leave the airlock.

"Wait a minute, Vakarian." Shepard stepped in front of Garrus before he could open the door. "If you're going to ask a million questions about my love life, I'd say it's only fair if you give me a few details about yours."

Garrus sighed. "Fine Shepard, ask your questions."

"Are you still dating that Turian girl I hooked you up with on the Citadel?" Shepard asked.

Garrus shook his head. "No, that didn't exactly work out."

Shepard looked at Garrus curiously. "And why didn't it work?"

Garrus shifted uncomfortably. "Well, you know, she was just… too Turian."

Shepard laughed at Garrus, "Too Turian? What does that even mean?"

"Well, you know… Turian women are nice and all but they don't have... everything I like... you know what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't Garrus." Shepard smirked at his uncomfortable friend. "Please enlighten me, what don't Turian women have that you like?"

Garrus looked at the door and shifted uncomfortably again. "Well, you know, Asari, Human, and Quarian women all have... you know, those things on their chests... Turian women don't have that."

Shepard laughed at Garrus again. "Garrus, are you saying Turian women don't have breasts?"

Garrus's eyes sparked. "Yeah, that's what they're called! I... I like them, and Turian women just don't really have them you know?"

Shepard laughed again and shook his head, "Well, you learn something new every day. I guess it's good to know you're a chest guy."

"Well, that's not the most important part obviously, but I do enjoy those breasts."

Shepard shook his head. "Alright Garrus, I won't keep you any longer. Now remember, you're going to be my best man, and I expect the best from you."

Garrus put on a Turian smile. "Well, I'm glad to hear it, and I'll do my best. Now, none of this is getting out to the crew is it?"

Shepard smiled devilishly. "Only the part about your obsession with breasts."

Garrus glared at Shepard. "It's not an obsession it's an... admiration."

"Suuure it is." Shepard crossed his arms.

Garrus's smile vanished for a moment. "But seriously, you won't tell anyone about this little talk right?"

"No Garrus, I won't. Your breast obsession is safe with me." Shepard's devilish smirk widened.

"Smartass…" Garrus walked up to the door and opened it, and began to walk towards the elevator in the CIC.

'I love this ship.' Shepard thought as he walked back to the helm and began to listen to EDI and Joker argue about who was harder to fight, the Collectors or the Reaper ground forces…

Author's endnote: Even more uncomfortable Garrus you say? YES of course! I love it! I hope you enjoyed me expanding on Garrus's love of alien women and the secret reason behind it… At least, the reason in my head-canon (which is what this fic is no?) I hope you enjoyed and I hope to see you next chapter! P.s. If you want you can answer the two questions EDI and Joker raised: 1. Who was more scary, Harbinger or Sovereign? And 2. Who was harder, the Collectors or the Reaper ground forces. I have an opinion but I'd rather let you share it, and if you don't want to share it oh well I tried…