So maybe she should have realized this was a date. All of it was irresponsible on her part, the staying late at work because she couldn't stand the prospect of going home and being bombarded, and then she'd fallen asleep at her desk, which knocked out her usual common sense. When Robin had first come into her office and asked to talk, she was so relieved he wasn't reprimanding her, that she barely registered what he was saying. And it sounded nice, having a valid excuse to not be home, since he was always acting suspiciously, and so she grasped at the invitation. She'd barely gone home, just to change, and ran into Xander to explain that she was going out to dinner. In hindsight, Xander wasn't fully listening to her explanation of how principal equals weird and of course he'd made his own assumptions. It wasn't until Willow had asked skeptically and Dawn refused to talk to her that Buffy realized it was a date.
And she hadn't talked to Spike first, to explain that she hadn't intended the dinner to be a date, mostly because he was busy talking strategy with the girls when she stopped home, and she didn't want to distract or discourage that behavior.
It wasn't that dinner was bad, in fact, she found herself enjoying the company of this handsome, smart, funny man, who knew his food, and God, it had been so long since she'd actually savored anything she'd eaten, but the whole time, all she could think about was what Spike would think about Robin. The whole flirting with Buffy thing would have freaked him out, providing Spike a biased opinion of the man, but Spike had good instincts, and so did Buffy, and something was off. Once Robin revealed he knew about vampires and slayers and that she was the Chosen one, part of her wanted to allow her instincts to be soothed, but still, her suspicions remained. She'd be cautious with this one, allowing him into that world, but keeping him at a distance, particularly of the platonic sort.
Before she could even go downstairs to check on Spike, hoping that he had no idea where she'd gone or with whom, she had to prove to Dawn that her intentions with Robin were not romantic. Her sister was going back and forth between stony silence and hushed, stern lecturing. Buffy was cornered in the kitchen, an amused Willow and concerned Tara along with them, waiting for her turn to speak.
"Dawnie-"
"He trusted you-"
"But-"
"He still loves you-"
"Sweetie-"
"You're taking advantage of that love, holding him here, acting enough like you care that he sticks by you, giving just enough hope, but keeping him far enough away for him not to-" Dawn sucked in a deep breath, let her arms fall at her side, and stood up taller. "It's fine if you don't love him, though I think you're just too stubborn to allow yourself to realize it, but if this is all that you're going to offer him then-"
"Don't you dare tell me how I feel about Spike."
"Someone has to, you're-"
"Trying to hold everything together. In case you haven't noticed, Dawn, these past few years, bad things keep happening, growing worse and worse, and I understand it's not just my battles, but- everyone's looking at me for guidance, you, my friends, these girls, and Spike, God Spike, and this house, it used to be my safe space, where I could just be me, regular old Buffy, not 'Chosen, the,' and I miss it, but I have to be General now and-"
Buffy looked at Dawn, Willow, and Tara, and noticed they were looking at her, wide eyes, Dawn looking as though she had been slapped, Willow worrying at her bottom lip, and Tara even more nervous than usual.
"I'd love to be able to sort everything into neat little packages, including the vampire in my basement, but feelings are complicated and messy, and I just have to- Oh my God, I have to tell him."
If it were possible, Dawn's eyes widened even further. "What?"
"I have to tell him!"
"Tell him?" Willow looked surprised. "Tell him what?"
"I- That I- I can't tell you, not before I tell him."
Between Dawn's happy squealing, and what appeared to be Willow's acceptance, if support even, it was Tara's voice that reached her in a quiet whisper.
"If I distract them, you could sneak down. I'm sure he's just as eager to hear it, as you are to say it."
Buffy gave Tara a grateful, but questioning smile, as her friend turned away and said in a loud voice, "Oh, I found more cookies!"
Out of nowhere, Potentials swarmed the kitchen. The warrior in Buffy reacted instinctively to this sudden attack, but once she realized what was happening, her smile grew and she snuck through the crowd and down the stairs.
Spike heard the quiet click of the door. He'd been pacing the basement since talking to the Whelp, wanting desperately to go outside and run, fight, destroy, but he didn't think that would sit well with the slayer. The damned slayer, who really he had no right to be angry with at the moment, just because he'd gotten his hopes up again. He was a damn fool and he knew it. No amount of cigarettes or shots of whiskey were enough.
Back before the soul, when she'd been coming to him for release and the darkness in him latched onto the darkness in her, he'd thought her rejection hurt. The soul magnified every single ounce of loss, pain, and heartbreak by a thousand. He knew he didn't deserve it, that she couldn't love him, but he couldn't help but love her anyways, and the pointlessness of it devastated him.
At the sound of the door shutting, the deep breath she sucked in, the steps down the stairs, Spike froze before rushing back to his cot, hoping he might get away with fake sleeping, so as to avoid any type of conversation, possibly forever.
Wasn't it stupid, how the fact that she hadn't told him herself gave him some kind of hope? That she at least was being a little considerate of his obvious feelings- Or, was it that she was completely oblivious and didn't care at all, allowing Xander of all people to let him know. Spike imagined it, the "Oh, hey, Xand, hold down the fort tonight. Make sure Dawn finishes her homework, don't let the girls kill each other, and let Spike know that I'm dating the principal. Kay, thanks."
Spike could imagine it, but he didn't actually believe her acting so cruelly. She'd moved on, and he'd have to accept that. But sod it all to hell, it hurt.
His little fantasy prevented him from making it to the cot in time to fake sleep, so instead, Buffy caught him just as he sat down, both looking at each other with wide eyes, as though she'd been hoping she'd find him asleep.
After awhile, he couldn't stand the silence or her stares. "No cookies down here, Pet."
"Huh?"
Bloody adorable, she was, and Spike knew he'd never stop fighting her battles or he'd die trying. Pathetic he was, but he shook it off and tried for cool, "Isn't that what all the commotion was about?"
"Oh, right, cookies. It was a ruse."
"Well, sure."
More awkward silence ensued and Spike found he missed the comfortable silence they used to be able to sit through.
"Something I can do for you, Slayer?"
"I- No, well, yes. Maybe."
When he only arched an eyebrow in response, Buffy sighed and walked over to the cot, hesitating for a moment before sitting beside him.
"I went out with the principal tonight."
"Mighta heard something about that."
Despite the soul and the love he had for this woman, Spike could not help but feel a sliver of satisfaction at the panic that rose in her eyes.
"Demon-Magnet told me."
"Spike-"
"We don't need to have this conversation."
"What?"
"You don't have to explain yourself. What we had, it was barely- It's in the past, yeah? And- I'm not bloody stupid, you know?"
Color flooded her face at his words and it surprised him, the anger he found there.
"Looks it from here," she threw back at him.
"'Scuse me?"
She sat back, arms across her chest, pouting in defiance. "You're looking pretty stupid right now."
Now he was growing angry. He was trying to give her an out here, keep it cool and casual, and the bloody bint was ruining it. "How's that then?"
"I had dinner with Robin, my boss, who just happens to be a man, a man who we've both been thinking's been acting suspiciously, and for the record, we were right, the guy knows an awful lot about vampires and slayers and that I am one, but that's not-"
Spike stood, almost knocking her over.
"He knows you're the Slayer?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"Who's the bloody stupid one?"
Buffy stood up at that. "Still you, moron. I didn't tell him, he just knew. His mother was one. She died."
Mouth open, Spike shut it abruptly. That wasn't promising, considering he had quite a few run-ins with the past few slayers.
"Spike?" She reached a hand up to touch his shoulder, but Spike shook himself out of his reverie, pulling away and sitting back down.
"Innit good, then? Got yourself another warrior."
Another sigh, and Buffy joined him on the cot again.
"I didn't come downstairs to talk about potential warriors."
"Don't think I want to hear the other side of the conversation right now."
Was that amusement on her face now? It pissed Spike off more.
"No? I don't think you know what the other side of the conversation entails. Bloody stupid, just like I thought." At the gobsmacked expression on his face, Buffy's smirk grew into a full smile. "Oh my God, this is so weird."
"What the hell are you on about?"
"I didn't go on a date tonight." She frowned. "Well, I didn't intend to, though I guess I can see that it looks like I did and-"
"Buffy-"
"Xander got the story wrong, anyways, which is probably my fault for telling him in the first place without telling y-"
"Slayer!"
"Huh? Right, sorry, going off track again. Like I said, this is all sorts of weird."
She waited, not so much from hesitation, but to enjoy his look of exasperation, how Spike could love her so much and yet, find her to be the most annoying thing in his world, to savor the last look he'd give her before she changed his world. But wasn't that kind of egocentric to think- and there she was going off subject again. Buffy cleared her throat.
"As I was saying, even if Robin-" she ignored the growl that escaped from Spike's throat, "believed tonight to be a date, it was never even a possibility in my mind."
Spike made a non-committal sound in his throat as his response. She could tell he was trying to relax, to stave off the hope that was growing in his eyes.
"Because somehow, over these past few months, I've kind of, sort of-"
"Buffy!"
They both groaned at the voice that called her from above. Spike shifted away from her, shaking his head and turning his attention to the top of the stairs.
"Better get up there, sounds apoca-"
"Lyptic?" she offered, and then she kissed him. There was no time for taking in the moment, they were running out of time for moments to share, and despite that fact or whoever might need her right now, she was fairly certain, she had a second for this.
"Buffy!"
She broke off with a pop, Spike shell-shocked and unmoving, jumped up and faced the top of the stairs from her perch at the bottom, hands on hips.
"If this is about cookies, Poptarts, or any other trivial food or otherwise problem, and I walk up these stairs, I will demolish the rest of the slayer lineage myself. So either shut up, shut the door, and figure it out yourself, or pray that another Turok Han is waiting for me upstairs."
The door clicked shut almost automatically. Buffy turned around with a mischievous smirk towards the befuddled vampire. She walked slowly, Spike's mind fuzzy, trying to predict what was about to happen, still catching up on what had just happened.
Sitting down, she took his face in her hands, pulled him towards her, and kissed him again, less desperate, but lingering this time.
"I don't want to date anyone else," she was surprised by the shaking whisper her voice had turned into.
"Why's that, then?"
The shaking in his voice, firmed up her own.
"I'm in love with you."
For one terrifying moment, she wasn't certain she'd even managed to say it out loud, or that he was going to laugh in her face, as his eyes widened and he looked like he might vomit, but then his lips were on hers. He had her pressed down into the mattress, and she made a quick note to drag him back up to her room now that he wasn't relying so heavily on the chains, before succumbing completely to the feelings rushing through her- pleasure, relief, joy, fear.
His lips on hers, his body against hers, reuniting, it was bliss. Had Buffy not had to breathe, she never would have broken apart. As it was, she did, and so she pulled away gently, catching her breath and offering Spike a shy smile. He looked just as shocked, but punch-drunk and overjoyed.
"Buffy-"
"I know," she smiled, still shaking, in a tingly, yummy sort of way and kissed him again.
"Buffy-" this time it was a different inflection of British accent that called to her, forcing her to pry herself off of Spike and seek the source. She had no words for Giles, not wanting to have that sort of conversation right now, especially when she was riding such a high, and she certainly didn't want to ruin this moment between her and Spike. Instead, they both stared mutely at her Watcher.
Giles swiped his glasses off his face, cleared his throat, and glared at the pair of them.
He said, "When you've quite finished, we've found ourselves a situation hovering just slightly above cookie level. You've got a visitor," then turned and stomped up the stairs.
Buffy and Spike looked at each other, both nervous. Spike looked like he'd swallowed a frog and she knew, he was afraid she'd take it all back.
"Watcher of yours got terrible timing."
Laughing, she kissed him, took his hand, and pulled him off the cot. "I still love you, you know?"
As his face showed that he still wasn't allowing himself to believe it, Buffy promised that once she got rid of this cryptic visitor, she was going to take as much time as she needed to prove it.