Buffy was trying really hard to remain calm. So her kind-of, new-ish boyfriend killed her boss' mother, years ago, and the pair had stared at each other for a long time in her living room. Robin had known right away and Buffy suspected something was up, feeling her defenses rise. Spike hadn't the same recognition, though he appeared to want to claim his territory over her in an almost sweet, albeit irritating way.

Robin had voiced the story in front of everyone, him and the majority of Potentials ignoring her insistence that not only did Spike now have a soul, but he had changed quite a bit before that. As she lay in bed, she could still hear their murmuring about it downstairs and it made her stomach clench, knowing that Spike could too.

The infuriating pain in the ass vampire should have been at least lying beside her now, basking in post-reunion snuggles, but had instead stampeded back down to the basement thanks to a Robin-inspired fight. The calm, rational part of her knew Spike was more bothered by the reminder of his past deeds than any gossiping the Potentials could dish, and that he had lashed out at her in the fear that she'd reject him. As though she hadn't already run down all of the negatives of romancing a formerly evil vampire, although, she hadn't exactly had the time to share that with him.

Everything just seemed hard and complicated, and it had been so easy to be mad back at him. And yet, hours later, alone, she regretted her quick temper. She loved this sweet, sensitive Spike, but she had fallen in love with the warrior who ended a fight with his mouth on hers, pushing her to the truth or resolution, and not giving up on her or himself rather than running away like a wounded puppy dog. She had Angel for that.

Really, Spike was lucky she loved him enough to like him through his martyrdom. Sighing, Buffy waited for the last of the whispers to die down before rolling out of bed and sneaking downstairs. He was feigning sleep when she got to his bed, but instead of socking him like she wanted, she edged him over and scooted in beside him. His arms encircled her waist, his head coming to rest on her shoulder, and she knew, for right now, it was going to be okay.

Spike woke just as the sun was beginning to filter through his little window, his face burrowed in Buffy's hair, arms around her waist, and thought, if only he could dust now, life would be perfect. Despite himself and the risks, he wanted more. He felt like a right prat at the moment, thanks to his behavior the night before. Even in his darkest, most pitiful moments, he was never one for brooding. When Dru left him, he had grieved and wailed and been right pissed off, and he had wanted everyone to know of his suffering. Remorse had caused considerable damage on his psyche, as it should, but it prevented him from being pleased by his happiness, however fleeting. He knew he didn't deserve the woman in his arms, the past few years of do-gooding could not make up for just one of the deaths that he caused, and yet, he wanted to come to terms with everything, he wanted to have a chance with this girl.

When Robin had first walked through the door, Spike felt the tingling threats reverberating from the man, but he assumed it was something to do with Buffy. The slayer hadn't exactly gone into detail about what their dinner had entailed, just the basics about how Robin knew about her being the slayer and that from her standpoint at least, it hadn't been a date. As he guessed, the principal didn't seem to agree, and he looked too warmly at Buffy before turning his icy glare upon Spike. He had been weighing the pros and cons of sweeping Buffy off her feet and kissing her senseless followed by her fists and utterings of protest, when Robin admitted to who he was. The guy hated him, and Spike could not blame him for that. It wasn't the ugly truth that had driven him back to the self-loathing, but the expression on Buffy's face as she heard the truth. It was one thing for her to imagine, and to remember, how he had acted in the past, but to actually see one of his victims standing before her, to realize the magnitude of pain and loss he had caused another being, that made him want to crawl out of his skin. Those deaths never left him, not since the soul, but Spike could pretend, once in awhile, that Buffy only ever needed to know who he was now. It wasn't fair to her or to him, and the reminder of how much pain Spike had caused, and could cause, was enough to force him to pull up the divide between him and Buffy.

A little voice inside his head, his own, pleaded with him to approach this topic delicately, but the man was glowering at him as Giles approached him for a deeper conversation Spike did not want to hear, as the Potentials had been silenced for a rare moment before breaking out into excited chattering, as the Scoobys looked at Buffy for confirmation and further action, and Buffy turned towards him, a little less shock on her face. She had opened her mouth and the rational Spike voice was drowned out by the panicky Spike not looking forward to losing what he had only just gained. He ran, practically sprinted down the stairs to the basement, even though he really wanted to go out the back door and into night, and wished he could prevent her from following.

Buffy was mad before he opened his mouth and he expected her to call him out for killing her sister slayer, even though technically, she had already known about it, when she started berating him for trying to run away from her. He wanted to tell her that she was the only one he wanted to run to, that everyone else was just too much, but the words stuck in his throat. Instead, he went on and on about how he was a bad, bad man who she should turn to dust or at least stay far away from because she knew, more than anyone, how flimsy a soul could be. Her eyes had softened for a flicker of a moment before they turned hard again and he had drowned out the rest of her words, not wanting to be comforted or lectured. When she realized he had given up on their fight, the second he had sat down on the cot, she flung her arms up in the air, rolled her eyes, and stormed away from him.

It was a relief, when she left him there, as much as it killed him. But then, after a few hours, loneliness and regret settled, and she came to him, his savior, and he had almost cried in his efforts to keep his eyes shut. He knew, if he opened them, he'd also open his mouth, and blow it all to hell again. When she laid down beside him, he'd sighed in relief, pulling her close to him, and she sagged into him a little deeper. Still beside him, sleeping peacefully, Spike realized it wasn't just that he needed her, but she needed him as warrior, confidant, friend, and lover. She needed him as much as she wanted him, and Spike thanked the Powers That Be for that opportunity. It wasn't about what he deserved anymore, but what she deserved, and so he needed to try a little harder.

Impatience made him shiver, waiting for her to wake up, but when she began to stir, it suddenly was too soon. Buffy rolled over, staying close, as she looked at him through bleary, tired eyes. Her gaze was neither soft nor hard, but focused and wondering. He could bollocks this up so easily and had very little chance of getting it just right. The self-pity, fear, and grief hovered, but he swallowed and looked back at her, into her eyes without shame for the first time since he had gotten his soul, and he smiled.

"Spike."

"'M sorry, Luv. I-"

"Need to see the larger picture? Stop feeling bad for yourself? Quit pushing me away when I'm only trying to help you?"

The tone of her voice made him pause, but then she followed up her words with a smile and a slight prod of her fingers against his bicep to continue.

"Among other things, yeah. I just don't want you to feel like you always have to save me." She opened her mouth, but he cut her off with a quick kiss, lingering for a moment to savor it. "Not that I don't need all the savin', or that I don't appreciate it, but neither of us want to see this as pity. 've loved you for so long and before it was easy, you were this beacon of light that made me want to be better, but I didn't really appreciate what being better entailed, what it would make me feel. You were my conscience and you're so good that- that it all seemed to make sense. With me as my own conscience, with my own soul, it's not as pure or light or good, despite how much I want it to be and it hurts."

"I want to help you, Spike, but you keep pushing me away. I've got this huge battle coming, all of these young kids relying on me, and friends and a sister who are fighting for my attention too. I don't expect this to be easy, thanks to mistakes we both made in our relationship, but I think, if we could find our own version of normal and happy, it could help make everything else easier."

"What can I do to make that happen?"

"Start by trusting me, that every little expression or thought that crosses over me is not going to alter how I feel about you. I'm not blind, Spike, I've seen who you were when you were evil, I know all about what you've done, but I've also seen the man you've become, not because of me as much as you think. I lo- love that man, I love you, and I miss him. Feel bad for what you've done, but come to terms with it. Nothing you do now can change what you did then, but you can work every single moment of your life to- You stopped listening after I told you I loved you, didn't you?"

A wide smile broke over his face and he nuzzled his face into her neck.

"Can't help it, I'm-"

"Happy?" Spike pulled away, frowning. "Oh, no you don't." Buffy reached over, kissing the side of his mouth and taking his hand. "You're happy. I'm happy. Let's be happy, Spike. We don't get a lot of that these days."

"Buffy-"

"Spike. Are you happy with me?"

"More'n I deserve."

"I think we can handle that, if you can. If nothing else, the two of us can be happy together."

"Can't imagine what that's like."

"Kind of disgusting actually."

Smiling, Spike allowed himself one final second of hesitation before his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned towards Buffy. It was relief, making the choice to be happy, if only with and for her, but at the moment, all he could focus on was his mouth on hers and how easily they fit together. He was crushing her against him, but she didn't seem to mind as she clutched the back of his t-shirt in her balled up fists. Buffy broke apart first, gasping for breath, but still smiling.

"It's still technically night, you know. The girls will be sleeping for hours still."

"Better take advantage of our time together then."

She opened her mouth, another quip on her tongue, when Spike replaced it with his own.

She was tingling still, walking up the stairs. In a perfect world, she'd already be upstairs and freshly showered before the girls invaded her kitchen. The butterflies, both from her excitement of everything with Spike and her nerves at the anticipation of everyone's reactions carried her up the stairs.

The kitchen went silent when she opened the door and she found too many pairs of eyes staring at her. Head held high, Spike's hand in hers, she swung the door open all the way and pulled both of them through.

"Morning."

The faces she allowed herself to look at were staring at her wide-eyed and mouths gaping open. Beside her, she saw Spike's expression mirroring theirs, looking at her, waiting to see how she would react. Buffy couldn't help it, she broke out giggling. Tightening her grip on Spike's hand, she continued through the kitchen to find Dawn beaming at her, Willow and Tara sharing knowing smiles, Xander shaking his head with a slight smirk on his face, and Anya telling him to pay up on their bet. It was only Giles who had a non-reaction that she didn't feel like trying to analyze at the moment.

They had almost made it up to her bedroom safely, no one daring to interrupt, when she heard Willow call after her. She told Spike to go up without her and turned to face her friend on the stairs.

"What is it, Will?"

It was startling but endearing, seeing Willow look at her nervously, fiddling with her hair like she used to when she was a shy, un-assured teenager.

"I got a call this morning. From LA. They, uh, need help with something. Do you think I could get away? Just for a few days. Tara said she could stay here if-"

"You guys should go."

"Are-are you sure?"

Buffy smiled, making Willow relax.

"Tell Angel 'hello,' for me."

"It wasn't him who called. I mean, it was his friend, Fred. I'm sure he would have called you if-"

They both turned towards the direction of her bedroom where they knew Spike was waiting, and most likely listening, before turning back to each other.

"I know."

"I won't tell him, about Spike I mean."

Buffy smiled, though she looked deep in thought.

"No, I don't think that'd be a good idea. Too much else going on. I don't need jealous vampires turning against each other."

"Especially of the soul-variety."

"Hurry home, Will, if you can. We're gonna need you guys."

Willow nodded. With a smirk, she gestured up the stairs, releasing Buffy from the conversation.

"Enjoy your day off. We'll come up with something away from the house to do with the girls."

Buffy was beaming when she walked into her bedroom.