Chapter Five

Gillaen

We never did make it to Wintergarde Keep.

We were both tired; we needed to get away from Icecrown and all its memories; and we needed time to rest and get over our experience. When you think about it, dying, even temporarily, is pretty stressful. Not something you can easily shrug off. And this time had been totally different from the first time I'd died. Then my death had been complete, no awareness of what was happening, oblivion. This time I'd been aware of everything. I've heard some death knights say they don't feel any pain; they were raised without that ability. Not me; I feel everything; too much sometimes. I'd felt every wound inflicted on me by the Lich King and his servants; been aware of the slow but steady flow of blood from them. And the healing; that really hurt. When you're alive healing by Light magic leaves you feeling warm, comforted. But undeath is anathema to the Light; we can be healed by it, but you feel as though it's burning you from the inside out. I'd taken a fair bit of healing from Aralen so you could imagine what my body was feeling like.

So I turned our course towards Dalaran. A storm was beginning to blow up so we flew low to hopefully get some shelter from the surrounding mountains.

And because we did I saw the two lonely figures struggling through the snow. Who the hell was stupid enough to venture out here on foot in this weather I wondered as I flew lower to get a better look. One of them tripped and fell flat on his face in the snow. The other looked up as my shadow passed over them and looked wildly about him, obviously not knowing whether to run and hide or help his friend.

I landed close by them, Nerissina hovering just overhead, and got a close look at them. I realised then that it was the two orc boys, the ones I'd said I'd see back to their mothers; and I'd totally forgotten about them.

"Hello, boys," I said, raising my voice to be heard over the howling wind.

"What are you doing out here? You should have got a portal back to wherever you came from."

I just knew I wasn't going to like the answer. The one still on his feet, the warrior, if I remembered correctly, eventually stammered out an answer.

"Dalaran, we're going to Dalaran."

I sighed in disbelief; I couldn't help it; I'd never met an orc quite as incompetent as this pair. How they'd ever made it through basic training, I couldn't guess.

"Had you actually given any thought as to how you were going to get up there?"

He looked at me blankly; then gazed up at the misty bulk of the city floating far above us in the distance. I saw realisation dawn on his face together with utter dismay as he looked down at his feet and slowly shook his head. He obviously didn't know of the portal at the Violet Stand, even assuming they could find their way down into Crystalsong Forest and survive that place.

"I didn't think so. Well I can't leave you out here. You're frozen solid as it is. Get your friend and we'll give you a lift."

I turned to wave Nerissina down as he hauled his friend to his feet. They stood there waiting for orders, shivering in their totally inadequate clothing, as I briefly explained the situation. Nerissina wasn't too happy at the prospect of being that close to an orc, but she agreed that we couldn't leave them to freeze. I pointed to the smaller of the two.

"You, the scrawny one, you can ride with Nerissina; and you, with me. Now move it."

Even with our good thick clothes and cloaks it was bitterly cold and I'd had enough. The warrior approached me cautiously, clearly nervous of my mount. I didn't give him a chance to wonder how he was going to get on it; as soon as he was close enough I grabbed him by the collar and hauled him up in front of me. It can't have been comfortable sitting straight on the bony spine, but to give him credit he never complained. Glancing over my shoulder I saw Nerissina do the same to the shaman. Our mounts made their usual vertical take-offs and we headed towards the floating city.

I didn't head for Krasus' Landing. I figured these boys were too frozen to walk from there to the Horde enclave even assuming they knew the way. Instead I landed in the street near its entrance, scattering unwary citizens left and right. Nerissina landed beside me. The Sin'dorei mages guarding the enclave eyed me warily. I beckoned to one and she came across to me. Fortunately I spoke some Thalassian; I'd picked it up during my time in the Scourge, so I was able to make myself understood.

"I think these belong to you," I said cheerfully. "They need thawing out, I'm afraid. They tried to walk back from Icecrown."

We lowered the boys to the ground where they stood quaking in their boots as the ice began to melt off them thanks to the magically maintained temperate climate of the city. I looked at them, my sympathy aroused by their woebegone look.

"Take my advice, boys," I said, "Go back to Durotar and get some survival training before you come back here."

They nodded and stammered their thanks; obviously they'd been brought up to have manners even if they didn't have much common sense. Slowly, stiffly, they made their way across the street and into the enclave. Shoulders hunched, reluctant, they were clearly expecting trouble from their officers.

"Oh, and by the way, boys," I called out, loud enough for half the street to hear. They stopped, turned slowly and gazed at me apprehensively. I grinned. "Thanks for your help with the Lich King."

I'd swear they both grew several inches on the spot. They straightened, grinned back at me and saluted smartly.

"Thanks for bringing them back alive," the mage said as they disappeared into the enclave.

"I know some people who will be glad to see them. Tell me, did they really help kill the Lich King?"

"To be honest," I replied, "I have no idea what if anything they did do, I was kind of busy myself; but they were there. Go easy on them; they've had a tough time."

So had we if truth were told; I was tired; I wanted nothing more than a hot meal, a cold beer and a warm bath to help me relax. I dismounted, landing mere inches from the Sin'dorei who involuntarily took a step back. I didn't mean to startle her but she was clearly nervous. Nerissina came to my side as I lifted my bags from my steed and dismissed it to whatever nether region it went to when I wasn't riding it. That was obviously too much for the small, slender guard; faced with two tall, well armed and armoured death knights she decided that discretion was the better part of valour and went back to her post.

I shrugged dismissively; I couldn't help how people reacted to the sight of us; and Nerissina and I strolled off in the direction of the Alliance enclave, taking a shortcut through Runeweaver Square.

"That was good, what you said to the boys," she commented, "You didn't have to do that."

"I know. They're pretty inept but they seemed nice enough lads and they're going to have a hard enough time when they get back to Durotar and report in to Razor Hill. Did you notice their insignia? They're only just out of basic training; Light alone knows how they ended up here. I just thought they could do with a confidence boost. I know how it feels when you can't do anything right."

"You? I thought you were good at everything."

I laughed.

"You are looking at the worst apology for a druid there ever was. I memorised every spell my parents could teach me, I still remember them all; but I can't use them. I simply cannot channel the nature magic, can't feel it at all. My whole family are druids; they have been for more generations than I can count. Not me though; for some reason I had to be different. It's why I joined the army; you don't need magic to use a sword."

"But you became a paladin."

"Yes. Ironic wasn't it? I found my affinity was for the Light. All those things I couldn't do with nature magic I could do with the Light. But without the encouragement from our officers I would never have tried. So yes, I know how those boys feel."

"It was so different for me," Nerissina mused. "I always knew the Light was the way for me. I think I would have become a priest, a healer, if I had not quarrelled with my family and joined the army. After that becoming a paladin was the obvious move."

"It was hard to lose the Light when we became Scourge. I'd waited so long to find a meaning for my life, then to have it all torn away in the blink of an eye."

"I lost it sooner than that. When I became worgen. As soon as I regained my awareness of who I was I could feel it slipping away from me. I felt that I was losing everything that had made me who I was; that I was becoming something that was no longer Nerissina. If it hadn't been for Tomas Harford I think I would have gone insane in Shadowfang."

We reached the door to the inn and went inside. It was quiet, almost deserted. Nerissina chose a secluded corner seat while I went to the bar and gave our order to the innkeeper; a hot meal and plenty of drink. It was obvious that Nerissina needed to talk; my bath would have to wait. I carried the first two tankards of ale to the table and handed one to Nerissina. She took a large swallow of it as I sat down; then went on with her narration.

"He helped me, showed me how to come to terms with my new identity. We escaped from there together. He was a good friend... and they made me kill him. The Scourge... they said it was a test of my loyalty. They couldn't know it was the start of my breaking free. The day I started to question what I was doing. Now I'm finally free of the Scourge but I still don't know..."

She downed the rest of her drink and sat staring at the empty mug in silence.

I sipped my own drink, watching her with concern.

"What don't you know?"

"Who I am; what I am even. I was Nerissina Moonshade, paladin, soldier, Arrentai's lover. Not anymore. The Scourge changed that; they made me into a cold-blooded merciless killer. It's not what I want to be, but I don't have a choice."

I gazed at her thoughtfully. She obviously had the same fears that I did; that the hunger would take control of her; make her a danger to anyone round her. I wasn't sure how to help; how could I advise her when I didn't know how to deal with it myself. I answered her honestly.

"I don't want to be like that either; but I think we do have a choice. We're not slaves to the Scourge now; we were given our freedom at Light's Hope Chapel; the freedom to choose what we want to be, how we want to live our lives. I'm not saying it will be easy. There will be times when the hunger is strong and we want to give in to it. But we can choose to fight against it. I don't know if we'll succeed but we can at least try."

She looked up at me and nodded. I could see the unshed tears in her eyes. Damn, how it hurt that I couldn't comfort her as I wanted to; but she still loved my brother and that put an insurmountable barrier between us.

Just then the barmaid brought our meals and a large jug of ale to the table; and the tension of the moment was broken. I refilled our tankards as Nerissina picked up a piece of meat from her plate and began to eat. She didn't bother with cutlery, holding it in her claws and tearing at it with her fangs. I turned my attention to my own meal; I preferred not to watch her eat like that; it emphasised too much the wolf in her nature and the difference between us.

We stayed in Dalaran for a few more days, until our leave was officially over. There was plenty to do, fishing, hunting; I even learned a few new recipes from the chef in the inn. But at last our time ran out. We had to head for Wintergarde.

We were packed and ready to leave when the first news arrived about the cataclysm that had devastated much of Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms. Nobody knew many details but rumours spread round the city within minutes of the messengers arriving. Rumours of lands broken, towns destroyed, even cities damaged, of whole settlements sunk into the seas and of countless lives lost.

We didn't know what to believe; there were so many contradictory tales.

Anyone who could help was asked to do so. We volunteered at once; the Scourge would keep. Our families were there in the midst of the devastation. Even if they believed us dead; and it was better they did so than know what we had become; we had to be sure that they were still alive, safe.

Getting back proved to be difficult. The usual shipping routes were disrupted due to increased activity in the region of the maelstrom and damage to many of the ports. Mage portals were a risk; who knew if your chosen destination was still there or had been destroyed. In the end we found passage on a ship that was sailing from Valgarde in the Howling Fjord. By crossing towards Tirisfal Glades and then keeping close to the coast until they reached Menethil harbour the captain hoped they would be far enough away from the maelstrom not to get drawn into it.

The long voyage would have been uneventful had it not been for the length of time since Nerissina and I had last fought. The hunting we'd done during our leave had been enough for us to maintain our self-control; but on board the ship there was no way to satisfy the hunger and it grew daily until it became unbearable. Nerissina, I could tell, felt the same. As much as possible we kept away from the other passengers and the crew; and I'd taken the precaution of handing all our weapons to the captain and warning him of what might happen.

A few days later I snapped. It was dawn, the sky barely showing a hint of colour in the darkness. Restless, unable to settle in our cabin, I'd gone on deck and doused myself with cold water from the barrel of sea water that was kept there. Sometimes that helped a little to calm me. Then I wandered to the prow and stood there, half naked, soaking wet, letting the chill wind dry me. I stared into the distance, hoping to see land ahead of us. Lost in my thoughts I didn't hear the man come up behind me until he made some derogatory remark concerning the scar across my back, the one from the Scourge blade that had killed me. I forget the words he used but basically he was implying that I was a coward for having a wound on my back.

Slowly I turned to face him, revealing the multitude of scars I bore on my front. I could feel my anger rising, my self-control slipping as the hunger got the better of me. Before he could react I grabbed him by the throat and started punching him. I could hear voices shouting, but I ignored them; all that mattered to me was sating the hunger. I had no self-control left.

I was knocked flying and lost my grip on the man. I hit out at the person who held me and felt the sharpness of claws digging into my bare flesh, heard the bestial growl near my head. I felt hands grab hold of my arms and legs, pinning me to the rough deck.

I struggled against the restraint, swearing angrily, threatening to kill the person keeping me from my victim. It took several well-aimed blows across my face to penetrate the red fog of my rage, to bring me back to my senses.

"Enough, Gillaen! Stop! You need to control yourself or they'll kill you."

I let myself go limp and lay there, pinned down by the person sitting on me. After a while I felt calm enough to open my eyes and look up at Nerissina.

"Okay," I said slowly, "I'm okay now. I'll stop fighting."

Nerissina gazed down at me and grinned, baring her fangs.

"You sure know how to fight dirty...sir."

It had the desired affect; I burst out laughing. Nerissina got off me and stood up. The hands holding me relaxed a little but did not let go. The captain came into view beside Nerissina. He didn't look very happy.

"Are you in control of yourself?" he demanded, "Or do I have to lock you up until we reach Menethil?"

I looked up at him, silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'll be all right now. The man I was fighting; is he all right? I didn't kill him, did I?"

"No, you didn't. He's going to have one hell of a headache. But maybe that will teach him to obey orders when he's told to stay away from someone."

He gestured to the burly sailors holding me down and they released me, moving quickly away, obviously nervous of what I might do. Slowly I sat up.

"I'll stay in the cabin until we arrive at Menethil."

I got slowly to my feet and returned to the cabin followed by Nerissina. As she closed the door I turned to look at her.

"Mograine was wrong. I'm not ready for this. If I can't control myself I'm a danger to anyone I work with. If you hadn't stopped me I'd have killed that man."

"Gillaen, he deliberately goaded you. Most people would have reacted to that. Don't sell yourself short. Listen; you're a good soldier, a leader. You get things done. Hey, you fought the Lich King and walked away. Not many people can say that. So come on, cheer up."

For a long moment I just looked at her, considering; then I grinned and threw her a salute.

"You aiming to take my job?" I teased her and she laughed.

We arrived at Menethil two days later. Nerissina and I were standing on deck as the ship pulled into the harbour and we had a good view of the damage that had been done. Parts of the pier had been smashed, the sea defences had been breached and the sea water was lapping at the foundations of the quayside buildings. When we disembarked and walked into the town we could see how far the damage went. All the streets were under water and only piles of sandbags were keeping it out of the buildings.

There was little we could do to help here. We were supposed to report to our commanders in Stormwind but we had to know how Gilneas had been affected. Summoning our winged steeds we flew northwards, following the coast round until we came to the end of the Greymane wall. At first the land seemed unaffected, then we saw that the gate which had protected our home for so many years had been breached, leaving the land open and unprotected. We flew over the capital city and saw the deserted streets, the empty harbour at Keel. Even so we were unprepared for the devastation that met our eyes further south. Greymane Manor still stood, but Duskhaven and all the farmland south of it, right to the fishing docks was gone; broken by earth tremors and washed away by the sea. Turning eastwards we flew towards the Blackwald forest. Below us I saw my family's farm and we landed in a field near the house. I dreaded what I might find, but the place was deserted. It looked as though no one had been living there for some time. We'd find no answers here, I realised. I wandered through the empty rooms, seeing in my mind how it had looked when last I'd visited. It would never be the same again. In the room that had been Arrentai's I found a small wooden box on a shelf. Opening it I saw some carved figures; a bear, a cat, a stag, a sea lion, a bird, a moonkin, and a tree. I remembered them well. We'd played with them as boys, learning what forms a druid could take. When we'd grown too old for toys Arrentai had arranged them on the shelf and as he'd mastered each form he'd placed its figure in the box. I closed the box and reached out to replace it then changed my mind and kept it. It was a memory of happier times; sometimes at the darkest times I needed such reminders.

I went outside to find Nerissina. She was sitting on a bench, sheltered from the prevailing winds by thick hedges. It was my mother's favourite place to relax. As I approached I saw a large black raven perched beside her. I thought nothing of it, they'd been common around the area for longer than I could recall.

"I'm done here," I said quietly. "There's nothing here for me now."

As I turned to our mounts Nerissina arose and fell into step beside me. To my surprise the raven followed her, fluttering along at her shoulder.

"New friend?" I asked.

"An old friend," she replied. "Gilly was my pet as a child. He must have been living wild in the forest after everyone left."

She said no more, taking it for granted that he would join us; and so he did. From then on the raven was never far away, coming and going as he chose, but always returning to her side.

Nerissina

Leaving behind the ruins of our home we flew south. Neither we nor our mounts had need of rest and we did not stop until we reached Stormwind. We approached the city from the sea and saw the damage that had been done here. The park area of the city, home mostly to night elves and druids, was gone. All that was left were burnt out ruins; most of the area had fallen into the sea. We flew over the city, seeing the streets full of refugees, the broken statue in the Valley of Heroes, the damaged walls; and landed in the barracks.

We reported to the commanding officer and at last found out a little more about what had happened. Apparently the renegade former dragon aspect Deathwing had broken free from his prison in the elemental plane of Deepholm and returned to our world, wreaking devastation wherever he went. Besides the damage we had already seen, the port of Auberdine in the Darkshore region of Kalimdor had been destroyed and the Barrens had been split in two by a great chasm.

Gilneas, we were told, had been over-run by both feral worgen and Forsaken, and many people had been attacked by the worgen and changed. Our king had reluctantly been forced to order total evacuation. Most Gilneans had either moved to Stormwind or, mostly those who'd become worgen, gone to Darnassus at the invitation of the night elves. Genn Greymane moved to live in Stormwind and the land of Gilneas was pretty much abandoned to the Forsaken. It became common knowledge about then how worgen were made and made life even more difficult for me. Now I was treated with even more suspicion.

Gillaen was not one to give up easily however and whenever he had the time he began to make more enquiries about his family. It turned out that his parents had moved to Stormwind about the time we'd been taken by the Scourge and so had avoided the worst of the trouble. He was pleased to know they were safe but, made the decision not to contact them. They believed he was dead; they did not need to know what he had become.

For a long time we could learn nothing of Arrentai's fate and feared that he had died. But at last after long weeks we received news. He had remained in Gilneas and fought against the worgen. In the final battle he'd been bitten and had transformed and fled to the wild. Then he'd been captured and returned to sanity. Now he was working for the night elves in Darkshore, helping to rebuild a community destroyed by the cataclysm that had torn so much of our world apart. I still loved him as much as a death knight could love although I knew there could never be any hope of a future for us. Maybe I would go secretly to see him. He wouldn't know me as I was now; but I wanted to see him just once more.