Chapter Eight
My name is Taliesa.
For the first few years of my life I lived in the orphanage in Stormwind. I was born, so I was told, in Silverpine Forest. No one knew who my parents were. I'd been taken as a newborn from a worgen female who, it was assumed, had stolen me from my mother. I was given the name Talli; I had no other. How I envied my friends who had a second name, who could remember their families. Nevertheless I was happy enough; and I expected to stay at the orphanage until I was old enough to choose the path I would follow. Even the events of the cataclysm had little effect on my life. Although there was a lot of damage to the city, Cathedral Square escaped undamaged and safe inside the orphanage we never even saw the dragon that attacked Stormwind.
But a year or two after that my life changed. My few possessions were packed in a bag and I was taken to the matron's office. No one told me what was going on and I was afraid I was in trouble, that I was being sent away because I was naughty. I was told to sit quietly and wait; so I sat on a chair, hugging my precious rag doll and waited.
After a while three people came in and spoke to the matron. I watched them curiously. One man did most of the talking; he had long gold hair, nearly the same colour as mine, and a beard. I thought he looked nice. The other man looked a bit like the first but his hair was pale and he had glowing eyes. He wore dark armour and a big sword. The woman also wore armour. She had red hair and the same glowing eyes; but she looked so terribly sad.
After they'd talked for a while the matron came over to me, took my hand and led me to them.
"This is your daughter," she said to them. I looked at them then glanced up at the matron. She smiled and gave me a gentle push towards them. The woman looked anxiously up at the golden haired man who smiled at her; then she knelt down and held out her hands to me. For a moment I didn't move, unsure of what was happening. Then I went to her. She held me close and said, "She's beautiful."
I looked up at the man. He smiled at me, reached out and gently touched my head. I still wasn't sure what was happening but I knew I felt good.
Soon after that we left the orphanage together. We stopped in the square. They sat down on one of the benches near the fountain and the golden haired man explained to me. He and the woman were my parents. I'd been taken from my mother when I was a baby and brought to the orphanage. He hadn't even known I existed. But now they'd found me and we were going to be a family. It was what I'd dreamed of. The other man was my uncle, my father's older brother.
When it began to rain we went into the cathedral to shelter. My mother and uncle stayed near the entrance as though they were uncomfortable being there. My father though led me towards the altar where the light was brightest. A priest came forward to speak to my father who then called the others to join us. My mother asked me what my name was and would I like a new name. Then the priest said some words that I didn't understand before going away; but my parents were smiling so I guess it was okay.
We were leaving the cathedral when my father stopped to talk to some people who had just come in. My uncle didn't stop to talk; he hurried away. The woman, it turned out, was my grandmother. She hadn't seen my father for a long time; she'd thought he was dead. Now she was happy to see him, my mother, me. The man with her, my grandfather wasn't happy. He didn't like my mother; he was very rude to her before he went away. But she didn't seem too upset; I got the feeling a lot of people were unkind to her for some reason. But I liked my grandmother. I hoped I'd see her again.
And so I started a new life; with a new name, a family, a new home. My mother and uncle were serving in the army so they stayed in Stormwind. My father took me home with him to Darnassus where we lived in an apartment in a huge tree.
Arrentai
Taliesa settled well into her new life. She had other children, human and night elf, to play with, a safe home and plenty of space to run about in. She was an obedient child and never gave any trouble to either me or Amalie, her carer. When she tired of running about she liked to sit and watch me as I prepared, cut and sewed my leather goods. Out of a soft piece of deerskin I made her her own trousers and jerkin with a matching set for the doll she carried everywhere.
"I look just like you, Daddy," she said delighted as I popped the finishing touch of a soft floppy hat on her head.
"But you're not like me, Light be praised," I thought as I watched her play. "And I hope you never will be."
She hadn't yet seen me in worgen form. In Darnassus there was never any need for me to transform and I never took her away from there. After a few weeks I was summoned to see the druid trainer Mathrengyl Bearwalker at his home in the Cenarion enclave. I took Taliesa along with me; she liked to visit people. It turned out that Mathrengyl had decided I was ready for more training and he wanted me to visit a trainer in Moonglade. Taliesa listened to what he said and asked, "Can I go with you, Daddy?"
I was starting to tell her no when the night elf interrupted.
"Why not take her? You'll not be leaving Nighthaven and its safe enough there." He was obviously aware of my situation and my fears.
"It would do the child good to see somewhere else for a change."
Taliesa was so eager to go that I agreed. We left a few days later using a simple teleport spell I had been taught. Moonglade was very different from Teldrassil or Darkshore. Instead of normal daylight and dark it was permanently twilight there, the light the restful green of nature. I made the brief walk from the arrival point to the village holding tightly to Taliesa's hand. I didn't want her running off in a place we didn't know. Here and there we saw druids of all races, Horde and Alliance. One in particular caught Taliesa's attention. Sitting under a tree near the lakeside was a massive dark skinned tauren bull with braided mane and forward sweeping horns.
Taliesa stopped still and stared at him in amazement. "Look, Daddy," she said, awestruck. "What is it?"
The tauren heard her; he opened his eyes and looked directly at us, his expression fierce. For a moment I thought he meant to attack us. Then slowly he winked at Taliesa and with an indolent smile closed his eyes again. I let out the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding. I should have realised the tauren wouldn't harm us; here in Nighthaven was a place of sanctuary. I led Taliesa away.
"That is a tauren," I explained. "He is a druid like me, and here he will not harm us; but anywhere else he is a member of the Horde who are our enemies."
I wasn't sure how much of that Taliesa understood, but she didn't ask any more. Soon after that we found the trainer I had been sent to see and I spent some time talking with him. Taliesa meanwhile curled up in a chair and fell asleep. When we'd finished our conversation he left me and I stood there for a while gazing out over the lake, enjoying the peace. Gathering up Taliesa in my arms I strolled down the road intending to wander a little way round the lake.
"Best you don't go to the other side of the lake," said a deep voice near me. I looked round to see the tauren. He had risen from his place and was walking towards me. "It's not safe for the little one there."
I paused and looked up at him. Tauren are the tallest race on Azeroth and even as a worgen I'd feel small beside him. "Thanks for your warning, friend," I said. He nodded and wandered away down the road. I watched him until he disappeared round a corner then turned back towards the village. An elderly night elf sat nearby holding a book that he'd been reading. Now he was watching me.
"A wise choice to heed the advice of such a one," he said.
"Who is he?" I asked curiously.
"Ah! That is Thaddeus Swiftstorm. He is a powerful druid and renowned as a great healer."
I decided it was time to go home. I felt totally out of my depth here. A similar spell to the one that had brought us here took us back to Darnassus.
We settled back into our routine, but our visit to Moonglade had made me realise that Taliesa should learn more about the wider world. How could I manage that without putting her at risk? Teldrassil is out of the way and not many travellers came there; even fewer came near the Howling Oak; so Taliesa had no idea what most of the races of our world looked like. She knew night elves, humans and worgen of course although I'd still not told her how worgen could also appear human. In the end I solved that first problem by having a friend who was a skilled woodcarver make a set of little figures depicting all the races, both male and female. Taliesa loved them and played endless games with them. Her favourite was the tauren; she talked often of the one we'd seen at Moonglade and I felt glad that her first experience of another race had been such a good one. In time she would have to learn that most tauren were her enemies but that would come when she was older.
She had been with me about a year when I took her to Darkshore for the first time. I needed to collect some more skins from the stockpile I kept at my workshop there to finish a special order. Because Amalie's child was ill I decided to take Taliesa with me. It was the first time she had been on a gryphon and she chattered away excitedly. When we landed I led her down from the flight deck and told her that she was to stay close to the inn and not to go anywhere near the bridges that led out of town. I didn't realise that in her excitement she wasn't really listening. I unlocked my workshop and began sorting through the skins to find some that were suitable. Kit, the little ginger cat that adopted me when I first arrived in Darkshore and who keeps the mice away from my workshop, strolled out and began to make friends with Taliesa. I didn't notice that as they played they were getting further away from me. By the time I'd finished what I was doing they were out of sight. Frantically I searched everywhere, until at last I saw them. Taliesa had followed Kit over the bridge that led southwards out of town, slipping un-noticed past the sentinels. They were playing happily on the sand, blissfully unaware of a bear that ambled out of the woods close to them. If I shouted the bear might attack; a spell would not be cast quickly enough; I had to get to her first.
I began to run; the adrenalin kicked in and I shifted; I couldn't stop it. In worgen form I dropped to all fours and ran over the bridge, across the sand and past Taliesa. I snarled at the bear, swiping a claw at its face, distracting it from my child and it turned on me. With no time to cast a spell that would give it a quick and painless death I shifted again to cat and hurled myself at it, clawing and tearing until it collapsed under me. I finished it with a quick, merciful slash to the throat, and sank down beside it trying to calm myself before I faced Taliesa.
"Daddy?" I turned; my daughter stood there not yards from me, Kit held in her arms. She didn't seem to be afraid of me. I shifted back to worgen so I could speak and gazed at her.
"Taliesa, I told you to stay in the town," I said. "Because you disobeyed me I have had to kill this bear. He was doing no harm out here but you put yourself at risk."
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice quiet and tearful.
Turning away I looked at the bear. It was young and healthy, maybe it wouldn't have attacked but I couldn't take the chance. I began to skin it; it was bad enough I'd had to kill a healthy beast; I wouldn't make it worse by wasting the skin. When I'd done I bundled up the skin and walked towards Taliesa. I felt calm enough now but I wouldn't shift back until we were safely in the town. Without a word she fell into step beside me.
As we passed the now alert sentinel I said, "That's healthy meat. You should get someone to fetch it."
I led Taliesa back to the workshop and pushed open the door. "Inside!" I ordered. She obeyed without a word. I closed the door and stood looking at her. "I didn't want you to see this until you were old enough to understand, but you have forced my hand. Watch!"
Slowly I shapeshifted back to my human form and stood watching her.
"What are you, Daddy?" she whispered.
"I'm a worgen. I was born human like you, but two years ago I was bitten by a feral worgen, a wild one, and I changed. I became what you saw. I have learnt to control it and I can change back to a man when I choose; but whenever there is danger I will become a worgen again. I can't help it. I have worked hard to earn the respect of the people here but in many places people hate us. They are afraid of what we could do. I don't want you to be afraid of me. I would never hurt you. Nor would any of the worgen who live in the Howling Oak. But the wild ones would."
I'd said enough. Taliesa had plenty to think about. I did my best to clean the blood off myself. Then I gathered up the bundle I'd prepared, added the new skin to it and led my daughter outside. Kit, with a loud purr, settled down in his favourite spot as I closed the door. We went first to the inn; I needed a drink. I bought wine, fruit juice for Taliesa and food and we settled down to enjoy our meal. For most of the meal Taliesa was silent, thoughtful, then she asked, "Daddy, will I be a worgen when I grow up?"
"No. To become a worgen you have to be bitten by another worgen and I won't let that happen to you. It hurts and makes you ill; and you can do terrible things until you learn to control it." I didn't want to frighten her, but she had to understand how bad it was.
"Taliesa, if you learn to be a druid like me and like the tauren you can change into other things; but you will always be in control. You could be a bear or a cat or a seal or even a bird."
"Wow! I'd like that," she said excited. "I could fly wherever I wanted. That'd be fun."
She wouldn't be learning that one just yet, I decided; not until she learned some self-discipline.
I began her training soon after that. Like me she learned quickly; the skills came easily to her. A lot of my time was spent teaching her self-discipline. She was a headstrong child, very much her mother's daughter; and I didn't want her getting into the sort of trouble that Nerissina had. Occasionally I allowed her to go to Darkshore with me. She'd learned her lesson about the dangers of wandering off and always stayed close to me. She had just learnt a few simple nature spells and how to shapeshift into a kitten when Nerissina and Gillaen next came to visit. We were relaxing outside the Howling Oak; I was stitching at a piece of leather and Taliesa was practising holding her cat form for more than the few seconds she'd managed so far. I happened to glance up and saw them walking up the path from the city. I didn't say anything; Taliesa was holding her shapeshift well and I didn't want to distract her. As they reached us she began to weave through their legs purring loudly.
"New pet?" Gillaen asked.
"No. I've had this one quite a while," I answered, playing along with Taliesa's game.
"But I thought your cat was ginger," Nerissina said, puzzled.
Gillaen caught on first; I was having trouble keeping a straight face.
"Oh!" he said. "It's that cat."
Nerissina looked from one to the other of us as though we were mad.
"Where is Taliesa?" she demanded.
Our daughter gave up her game then, slowly shapeshifting back to her normal self.
"Hello, Mummy. Did you see what I can do? I'm learning to be a druid like Daddy."
Gillaen dumped his kitbag and his helmet on the ground and sat down; stretching out and leaning back against the bag. After a moment Nerissina followed his example, sitting close enough to me that I could reach out and kiss her. Taliesa settled herself down between our legs and began to play with her toys. Gillaen picked up the worgen figure and examined it.
"Did you know that Daddy can turn into a worgen?" Taliesa asked him innocently. "Can you do that?"
"Yes, I do know," he replied. "And no I can't."
"You didn't get bitten then?"
"No."
Nerissina looked at me. "How did she find that out?"
"He turned into the worgen when he rescued me from the bear. He's ever so brave."
"Arrentai! I thought you were going to keep her safe," Nerissina scolded me.
"Daddy did keep me safe. He killed the bear."
I obviously wasn't going to get a chance to speak. I could explain it later when Taliesa was in bed. Gillaen grinned at me and distracted Taliesa by talking about her toys and telling her tales about them.
We'll have new stories to tell soon," he commented. I looked up from my stitching. "Oh?"
"There's rumours going round that we're being sent to Tol Barad. The Horde have been causing trouble there and they want us to reinforce our garrison. They say the king doesn't want to risk the Horde taking over the whole of the islands."
"Of course," I commented cynically. "It wouldn't do to let the Horde get any land."
"Arrentai, if our regiment is sent we won't have a choice," Nerissina said quietly. "We could be there for months, until we can get the situation under control."
"Don't they care that you have a family here?"
"Death knights aren't supposed to have a family. There are only a handful of us who re-established contact after Light's Hope."
We'd forgotten that Taliesa was listening to our conversation, and now she asked, "What's death knights?"
I looked helplessly at Gillaen. "I can't explain this one," I said.
Fortunately my brother was very good at improvising; he'd had a lot of practice when he was a boy, trying to get out of trouble.
"We're a special kind of soldier," he told her. "The very best. When the king needs a tough job doing he calls us because he knows we'll get it done."
Taliesa seemed happy with that and I certainly wasn't going to tell her the truth; that in fact death knights like her mother and uncle were loathed and feared the world over. I mouthed thanks to him over her head. He grinned back at me.
"Ahh! I've just remembered, I have a gift for you, Taliesa," he said then, turning to rummage in a pocket of his capacious pack. He pulled out a small, familiar looking box which he handed to her. As she opened it and took out the carved figures one by one I looked at my brother.
"Where?..."
"You left it behind at the farm. I found it on the way back from Northrend after the cataclysm."
"It's still there?"
"Yes. The Blackwald and the eastern regions are still there. Only the western farmlands were lost."
"I always wondered but I was afraid to go back, afraid of what I might find."
"It's pretty much deserted now, not much more than a few Forsaken and feral worgen there now."
We stayed there until it was time for the evening meal and Taliesa's bedtime. Once she was asleep Nerissina demanded explanations. I told her all that had happened in Darkshore, including what I had told Taliesa afterwards.
Gillaen, listening quietly in the background, spoke then.
"I don't see that you can blame Arrentai completely," he said calmly.
"It sounds to me as though Taliesa is truly your daughter, Neri. How many times have you ignored advice or orders and rushed into things without thinking? I can think of quite a few."
Nerissina glared at him then turned back to me.
"Just keep her safe, please, Arrentai. Knowing she's here with you is all that makes my life bearable."
"I promise you I will always try my best; but she needs some freedom. I can't keep her confined. When I was caged I wanted only to die. I couldn't bear the thought of living that way. Taliesa is the same. But I will teach her to keep safe. Learning to be a druid will give her those skills."
I touched my hand gently against her cheek, feeling the softness of her skin. "All right?"
After a moment she nodded and allowed me to pull her into my arms. Gillaen, realising that he was in the way, announced that he was off to the inn for a drink, and disappeared out the door. Nerissina gazed after him for a moment.
"He's lonely," she said. "He needs a woman of his own."
"Oh! Can death knights...?" I left my question unfinished but she understood.
"I've no idea; but he needs something."
Half asleep we heard him return much later, stumbling in the darkness as he tried to find the mattress I'd put out for him. The next morning I saw that whatever else they could or couldn't do death knights could certainly have a hangover. Leaving him to sleep it off Taliesa and I took Nerissina out to see Darnassus.
For the first week or so we were like a normal family, doing the things that families do. Then I noticed that Nerissina and Gillaen were getting restless and snappy; and the Scourge light in their eyes was brighter. When Nerissina slapped Taliesa for a minor fault I knew I had to do something quickly. Leaving my daughter with Amalie I took Nerissina and Gillaen to Darkshore; to the hills to hunt bear. Contenting myself with skinning the beasts they killed; I was shocked to see the savagery with which they went about the task. Only now did I fully realise how that hunger they had been cursed with controlled their lives. With an awful certainty I knew Nerissina and I could never live a normal life together.
Nothing was said between the three of us about that time; but within a week Nerissina and Gillaen left to return to Stormwind. I had no idea when or even if we would see them again. Taliesa was content in her belief that they were serving the king. I had to bear my knowledge of the truth alone.
Nerissina
I did my best to fit into Arrentai's life; to be like a normal living woman. And for the first week or so I succeeded. I think it helped that Taliesa accepted me as normal. Arrentai and I had agreed from the start that we wouldn't tell her the truth about what I and Gillaen were. It wasn't something a child so young needed to know. She didn't even question the Scourge light in our eyes; she must have thought it was like the glow of magic in the night elves' eyes. Arrentai treated me with the same loving gentleness that he always had but I was very aware that he watched us both closely. I was a fool to think I could be normal. As time passed I could feel the hunger beginning to grow in my belly until it became a pain I could scarcely bear. When I looked at Gillaen and saw the burning brightness of his eyes I knew he was feeling the same. Then one morning I snapped. I can't remember what Taliesa did; just some silly little naughtiness; but it was enough to make me lose my temper and I slapped her hard enough to leave a mark on her skin. Arrentai didn't say a word; he just gathered up the weeping child in his arms and walked out.
When he came back some time later he was alone. For a long moment he just stood there in the doorway watching the two of us before he spoke.
"Outside, both of you," he said coldly. Gillaen obeyed at once; I hesitated, but Arrentai's expression silenced me. He followed me out and closed the door. Vaguely I noticed that there were more sentinels than usual about.
"We're going to Darkshore," he said setting off through the city to the flight point near the portal tree. Under the watchful escort of a handful of well armed sentinels we followed him. Neither of us were armed. Our weapons and armour were handed to us when we arrived at Lor'danel. Arrentai watched in silence as we armed ourselves.
"There are bears out there that need killing," he said. "If you can't control yourselves go and fight them. Don't take out your frustration on an innocent child."
We headed out to the hills in search of our prey. Arrentai followed us but I was scarcely aware of him as the bloodlust took control and we began killing. One after another we slaughtered the beasts leaving their bodies for Arrentai to deal with. It was almost dark before either of us gained any semblance of control, but Arrentai would not allow us to return to the town. For three days we stayed out on the hills until we had subdued the hunger. Then we walked back into Lor'danel carrying the hides that Arrentai had skinned from our victims. We flew back to Rut'theran village where we were made to hand over our weapons before being allowed to step through the portal.
We went back to Arrentai's home, but although he let us in he obviously didn't fully trust us for he left Taliesa with the friend who was caring for her. That night I lay in bed wakeful; staring at his back as he slept beside me. Eventually I got up and wandered out to the other room. Gillaen obviously couldn't sleep either. He sat on his mattress trying to lose himself in a bottle of strong spirits. As I sat beside him he handed me the bottle. I took a generous mouthful, swallowed and almost choked. It was vile stuff.
"I can't do this," I said. "I can't be normal. I love my daughter more than anything in the world; but I hurt her without a second thought because I couldn't control myself."
I buried my face in my hands and began to weep. After a while I felt Gillaen put his arm round my shoulder and hold me close.
"We should go back," he said softly and I nodded.
Two days later we left Teldrassil. I didn't know if I could ever come back. I was too afraid that I would harm the two people I loved most.