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Chapter 3

"Son, if you ain't gonna buy a ticket you gotta make room for other people."

Daniel looked up at the uniformed man standing suddenly in front of him and then looked around him at the absent crowd of people trying to get to the ticket window. "What other people?"

"Full of sass, ain't ya? Don't matter there ain't no other people. There could be. But you're blocking the way."

Daniel rolled his eyes, something he always got in trouble for at home, "If there's no one here, why does it matter that I'm blocking it? Which I'm not really. I'm just standing here."

"You've been standing there for the past half hour. Are ya trying to memorize the timetable?"

"No…just…"

"You can't read?"

"Of course I can read!"

"Hey no need to get testy. I'm just trying ta figure out why you've been standing here looking at that board for 30 minutes."

Daniel shrugged, "Isn't against the law, is it?"

"Noop, no law."

"So?"

"Well, ain't no bus for another 45 minutes. And ya let the other one go. So you're not going anywhere."

"Maybe I am."

"Look…I gotta know…are you a runaway?"

"Me?" Daniel looked startled. Was he? No, he wasn't running away. He was only looking at the timetable. Right? Not like he was actually going.

"Anyone else here?"

"Eh no…but….I mean…no, I'm not a runaway. Why would I run away?" Yeah, why would he? Not like Adam would really kill him. Just make a good attempt at it.

"Okay, so you're not a runaway. Waiting for someone?"

Hell yeah. But Crane wouldn't come home for another month. Daniel shook his head.

"Ya ain't going nowhere and ya ain't waiting for someone. What are ya doing here?"

"I'm just standing here!" Daniel found himself yelling. "Why does everyone always have to give me such a hassle? I'm JUST standing here!"

"Whoah…buddy…no need to yell at me. Now I think ya better run along and go home before I start yelling too."

Daniel threw another longing look at the board. He so wanted to jump on the next bus and leave. Not that he wanted to leave his family. It wasn't even about getting in trouble with Adam and Brian, although he wasn't looking forward to that. It was Crane. Crane could help him make sense of it all. And there was a lot he didn't understand. A lot that made him angry and he didn't know why it made him so angry. But he also wasn't sure whether Crane would really answer him, could help him. Crane had been different this Thanksgiving.

"Go on now…run along." With a little push Daniel was sent on his way and he went. He knew he wasn't going to wait for the next bus to go to Davis. Even if he'd had the money. And of course, he knew he'd made his own life more miserable by not going straight home. Yeah, Adam was definitely going to kill him. Especially because he still had a very long walk home ahead of him.

"I don't care he'll miss dinner. He should have done as he's been told if he wants any supper."

"But Adam," Guthrie gave his brother the most wide-eyed look possible. "He'll go to bed hungry."

"He'll have to be here in order to go to bed hungry, squirt," Ford snorted. "So far, he's hungry somewhere else."

"He's hungry, Adam! Aren't you gonna look for him?"

"I would, Guthrie, if one of your other brothers would tell me where I could find him." Adam gave Ford and Evan a hard look. Not that that had done any goo the previous 20 times he had tried it.

"Adam, I really don't know where he went to," Evan repeated again.

"Yeah, honest, Adam, he never even showed up after school."

"Then how did you know he'd gotten in trouble at school, Ford? Hmm? You were awfully hesitant to tell me about it."

"I just heard, Adam."

"Adam, Ford's telling you the truth," Evan supported his younger brother. Then he sighed, "We only knew that cause I talked to Barry on the bus. And he told us that…" He stopped mid-sentence.

"What did he tell you?" Adam got right in Evan's face. "I'm not playing games here, Evan. I need to know where your brother is. And I need to know now!"

"No yelling, Adam!"

"Guthrie…go wash your hands, I need to talk to your brothers."

"You're not talking, Adam, you're yelling."

Adam groaned, "You're right, I know, I'm yelling."

Evan couldn't help being a little resentful when Adam didn't even yell at Guthrie for talking back. He was positive that if it had been him, he'd have gotten an earful. Life wasn't fair. The boy didn't see that with Guthrie it was an honest comment, made in childish innocence, whereas in Evan's case, or Daniel's or Ford's for that matter, it would have had an impudent tone to it, an attempt to outsmart their older brother.

Brian had hung back till then, leaning in the door frame watching Adam and he finally shook his head, "Adam, I think you may be yelling at the wrong people here. I admit, the right one isn't here, but I don't think we're getting any further interrogating these two. And you and I both know that neither of us could eat not knowing where Daniel is. They might think we're tough as nails, and of course we are, but we worry like mama used to do." Having worried over his brothers for the past six years had made Brian regret all those times he'd made his own parents worry.

"So you're saying we should just sit here and wait and do nothing? I can't do that!" Adam was so tense he couldn't even sit let alone wait. He hadn't been too worried right away, but it was nearly supper time now and his stress levels were rising by the minute. For the past 20 minutes he had been trying to get some answers from Ford and Evan. In vain.

Brian pulled Ford and Evan over to the table and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, holding the boys in front of him. "I know you don't want to tell us why your brother got in trouble. I respect that. It's Daniel's own responsibility to tell what he did. But he's late two hours now and it's dark. And if he's out there he may be in trouble. What we need to know is, is this trouble he got into so bad that…well, that he might be afraid to come home?"

Adam suddenly grabbed Guthrie and hugged the boy to him. Hearing Brian voice what he had been fearing himself was just too hard. He sat down in the chair next to Brian and held Guthrie on his lap. "Is it?"

Ford shook his head, but it was Evan who answered, "No Brian, I promise. It's nothing really bad at all. He didn't even get detention. And he's not suspended. Nothing bad like that."

Following Brian's example, Adam put a hand on Ford's arm, the closest to him of the two boys. He kept his voice softer now as he coaxed, "I'm sorry for yelling and for doubting you, but we're worried. Very worried. And if you know anything that could tell us where he might be, that will help."

"I don't know, Adam, not really," Ford glanced at both Adam and Brian, "I really don't."

"Nothing at all?" Adam tried again, even more gentle.

"I don't know," Evan said, "Daniel doesn't talk much. He was angry. He's been angry since Crane left."

"Okay, so he's been mad. And he's still mad." Adam felt like yelling again, out of pure frustration. He'd already called Daniel's friends. No one knew where he was.

"You know what?" Brian suggested, "Since he's missed the bus, he's on foot, and that means there's only one route he'll take: the shortest. Why don't I take the Jeep and go looking for him. And you get dinner finished. I'm sure I'll have him home in no time."

Adam bit his tongue. Part of him knew that it was very likely Daniel was, indeed, on his way home, on foot, and if he was, then they knew exactly what way he would be coming. But there was a part of the oldest McFadden that easily came up with all sorts of scenarios that weren't as optimistic. Still, he knew, for the younger boys' sakes, he shouldn't voice those. "Sounds like a plan."

"Better than sitting here looking for answers these guys here can't give us." Brian was already shouldering into his jacket. "See ya in a bit. With our little delinquent."

It wasn't until he heard the Jeep's engine that Adam started moving. "Okay, I need the table set and could use a hand with the salad…..wash your hands first."

"He'll find him, Adam, don't worry," Evan's rare moment of sensitivity melted Adam's heart. It made all the arguments he had with the 13-year-old worth it.

He almost didn't do it, but remembered that he had recently come to the conclusion everyone needed a hug every now and then, and so Adam pulled Evan in a quick hug. "Thanks, buddy, I know he will."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," With every step he took Daniel regretted his decision not to get on the school bus when he had the chance. Why on earth had he felt the need to go for a walk? To end up at that stupid bus station checking out timetables? He kicked his foot and another pebble flew through the air in a cloud of dust and dirt.

He'd thought about taking the longer way and trying to hitch a ride, but the thought alone made him cringe. Not only would Adam absolutely kill him, but if there was anything left of him by the time Adam was finished Crane would take care of the leftovers. If he was lucky. If he was unlucky, it would be two hour lectures, repeatedly. Yeah, that would be more painful than being killed by his older brothers.

"This is stupid!" Another pebble had to suffer because of his mood. It was a long walk to begin with, but when you were tired and upset and it was late, the walk became twice as long. Funny how that worked. He'd have to ask Crane about that once. Crane would know why that was.

He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the approaching headlights until the Jeep was only a few yards away and the lights were blinding him. He stopped, immediately realizing who it was. So he waited, watching the Jeep come to a halt, the door thrown open and Brian to get out. He wryly congratulated himself for guessing right.

"Hi."

"Hi? You're kidding me?" Brian crossed his arms to refrain from grabbing the boy and swatting him, "You better think of something better before you see Adam or he'll definitely kill you."

"He'll kill me anyway."

The dejected tone brought Brian over and he draped his arm over the teenager's shoulders. "Come on, I bet you're cold, hungry, tired and sore. All on top of feeling miserable. Not the best of times to talk. So let's get you home and fed and then maybe we'll talk. But please, just please…be smart about this, kiddo, and don't 'hi' Adam."

"Kay," Daniel allowed himself to be walked to the Jeep and when Brian opened the door Daniel got in without argument.

Brian sighed as he turned the Jeep around. His inclination to swat his younger brother had disappeared. One glance at the boy leaning against the door told him that Daniel was one messed up, miserable little pup. Still, he couldn't resist a few words, "You worried us sick, kiddo."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, well I doubt a simple 'sorry' will fly with Adam either."

"I don't know what to say. Nothing I can say that won't make him mad anyway."

Brian had to admit the kid had a point. Adam was bound to blow a fuse and there was little anyone could do. Then after the yelling Adam would start talking. Adam really didn't do scared very well and even though Daniel hadn't really been missing, just had taken an unauthorized detour after school, Adam was scared. Brian knew that for a fact, because he, too, had been scared. He'd been scared right up to the moment he'd noticed the dark figure in his headlights. He'd had a few moments to calm down. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to refrain from swatting if he hadn't had those few moments.

"You may be right. But what you do is just let him yell for a bit. Let him get it out of his system. He was worried, kiddo. We both were. And you know how Adam gets when he's worried."

"Yeah shoot first, ask questions later."

"He's not quite that bad, but yeah. So let him get it out of his system. Don't say too much. And then be honest with him."

"He knows I got in trouble at school?"

"Well, we know. But we don't know what kind of trouble."

"I thought for sure Evan would tell you all about it."

"No, they didn't."

"Really?"

"Really. So…you wanna tell me now or would you rather wait till we're home?"

"I thought you said I'd get to eat before you made me talk."

Brian glanced sideways, "No need to sass me, kid. The fact that I'm ready to listen doesn't mean I'm not mad."

Daniel ducked his head. Why did everything he said have to come out wrong? He didn't mean to but somehow it never came out the way it sounded in his head. Or sometimes there was nothing in his head, the words just came out and they were never good words. And then there was this thing inside that stopped him from taking them back.

"I'm sorry," yeah, like that would help. Crane always said that words were cheap. What mattered was actions. You had to show you were sorry, not just say it. But how did you show it?

Ahead the lights of the house appeared and Daniel felt his stomach starting to do summersaults. Suddenly, there was a hand on his knee. "It'll be alright. I gotcha, kid."

In the yard, Brian made him wait in the Jeep until Brian had gotten out himself and walked around. Daniel knew it was a protective action, but still it made him mad.

The moment he saw his oldest brother storm outside, though, and noticed the look on his face, the 14-year-old was glad to have his other older brother right next to him.

"Where the heck have you been, young man?!" It didn't take Adam more than a few seconds to reach them. Not enough time for Daniel to decide to run and hide. Adam immediately grabbed him by the arms and shook him. "Not coming home, no message, no phone call, nothing!"

"Found him walking home. Looks like he's been walking for a while," Brian said calmly. "Why don't we grab some supper first and then get the other kids to bed before we talk?" He gave a pointed look to Adam and then a motion with his head towards the porch where the three youngest McFaddens were looking on, at least two of them with fearful eyes.

Adam was torn, he wanted answers and he wanted them now, but when he followed Brian's gaze he knew his brother was right. This was not the right time and place. And when he was completely honest with himself, he knew he was not in the right frame of mind to deal with Daniel. He needed to calm down first. "Alright, you get inside. Wash up. We'll talk after supper. But you bet it'll be a long talk, because I want some answers."

"Yes, sir."

Brian couldn't help feeling proud when Daniel did exactly as he'd asked him to: just stay quiet and say yes sir.

As Daniel walked past Adam the man gave him a good hard swat causing the boy to stumble forward a little. But for once, the boy kept his mouth shut, just stifled a yelp and walked on to the house. Brian let out a sigh in relief. They'd survived stage one. But like Adam, he was ready for some answers too. He placed a hand on Adam's back, "We'll get to the bottom of this, but I don't think he was doing anything he shouldn't have, aside from not coming home. He's just messed up and miserable. Nothing we can't handle."

"Yeah, I know…I was just so worried, man."

The two of them followed the rest into the house to finally have dinner, an hour later than normal.

While Brian and Adam got the other three to bed, with Evan under strict instruction that he could only read for another 30 minutes and then it was lights out, Daniel was still sitting at the kitchen table. Adam had suggested - why did adults always have to call an order a suggestion, like you actually had an option to say no - that he'd try and get some homework done since he hadn't done a single thing yet. Not that he could get much done in the time it took the two to get the boys in bed. And Daniel knew he wouldn't be too far behind. Especially not after the stunt he'd pulled today.

He tried to concentrate on the letters on the page, but they just didn't want to make sense. Usually he didn't mind history, but not today. Who cared about the past anyway? The past wasn't today. And people didn't learn from the past, or else there wouldn't be any wars, so why bother studying it? Daniel didn't get it. In an act of frustration he shoved the book across the table and watch it fall over the edge. It landed on the floor with a thud and Daniel buried his face in his arms.

"That book must have done something awful to you."

Daniel looked up in the slightly mocking, yet still compassionate face of his second-oldest brother, who was holding the offending history book in his hands.

"Did it?"

"I got frustrated." It was a lame excuse and Daniel knew it.

"Hmm…I have some better ideas to work off frustration." Brian placed the book in front of him and sat down as well. "Did you manage to get anything done?"

Daniel shrugged, "Not much."

"I know, it's not easy studying when you're upset. I remember once having a math test to study for but mama had yelled at me and sent me to my room. So I was too miserable to study. And I was afraid daddy would get mad as well when he came home and heard what I'd done. So I was anxious as well and that didn't help the studying either. Then when daddy did come up, he just talked to me. Mama was a bit out of sorts because she was pregnant with you and pregnant women get a little emotional sometimes, it's hormones."

"She yelled cause she was pregnant with me?"

"Uh huh. All in all I hadn't done anything really bad. She just had a bit of a short fuse at the time. So daddy explained and helped me with my homework. And all of a sudden the world was a whole lot brighter."

"I remember that day," Adam said from the doorway. "I'd gotten in trouble as well. Worse than you."

Daniel was startled by the appearance of the other older brother. "I'm sorry. I didn't get much done."

"It's okay, I know it's not easy to study when you're upset."

"That's what Brian said too."

Brian laughed, "Well, guess who taught us that particular line?"

"Daddy?"

"Yup, the one and only," Adam laughed as well, but then became serious again. "We have some talking to do, kiddo."

"You still mad?"

"Do I look mad?"

Daniel studied Adam's face and shrugged, "Guess not, but I don't know for sure."

"I'm not mad anymore, Danny, honest," Even Adam had to smile at the use of that particular word. "I'm a little upset still, I won't deny that."

"We have a right to be, don't you agree?" Brian added and Daniel nodded, looking down at the table, studying the lines in it. All the little imperfections caused by years of use in a busy household with seven boys were easier to look at than his brothers' faces.

Adam reached out and cupped Daniel's face, lifting it to look into the boy's eyes. "I was afraid you'd ran away, kiddo. That you were too afraid to come home. I was afraid you'd taken off."

Daniel's eyes grew wide. How could Adam know where he'd gone?

"Were you going to?" The look on Daniel's face scared the oldest.

"No…not really. I just needed a walk after school. I'd gotten mad and I couldn't sit on that stupid bus and pretend everything was okay."

"But you didn't start walking home right away, did you? You would have been home much sooner."

Still unable to look anywhere but at his brother's eyes Daniel answered Adam's question, "I just walked. At first I didn't even know where. I wasn't paying attention."

"And then?" Brian prompted when Daniel fell silent again.

"I ended up at the bus station. But I wasn't going anywhere. I just looked at the bus and at the time table. And I couldn't walk away for a while." Tears started to fill the teenager's eyes and Adam found himself wishing the boy was still young enough to take on his lap. But even if he didn't have a problem with it, he knew Daniel would. Instead, he moved his hand a little and rubbed Daniel's cheek. The words had been shocking for the two young men though.

"Were you looking at the schedule for the bus to Davis?" Brian guessed and had his answer when the tears started to fall. "Oh buddy," Brian reached out and rubbed Daniel's back.

"I'm sorry." The words sounded strangled as if the sensitive boy was trying his best to hold a lot more tears back.

"It's okay to miss Crane," Adam's voice was softer than usual.

"I know you said I shouldn't begrudge him his dream. And that he had been torn between everything he wanted and needed and thought he had to do. And I want him to be happy and this is what makes him happy, I just…I miss him!"

Adam got up and pulled the crying boy up and in his arms. It surprised him how easily Daniel leaned into the embrace. His voice was husky from his own emotions. "It's okay to cry, kiddo, I know how much you miss him. And he misses you too. We all miss him. You have no idea how much I miss him."

Suddenly, the crying turned to anger as Daniel pulled back and punched Adam's chest, "No you don't! You gave him a licking! Now he'll never come home and it's all your fault!"