Takano struggled to clear his mind, but he found any peace exceedingly difficult to come by. He poured himself a whiskey and downed it quickly. Just one. He knew drinking in this kind of mood could be dangerous for him. The way that one thing led to another when he was drinking, he might find himself in bed with any convenient body as well. Probably he wouldn't get another chance with Ritsu if he did something like that, even if it wouldn't be anything to him but a brief distraction from the turmoil he felt.
Of course, if the convenient body happened to be Ritsu's that would be alright, wouldn't it? No. He couldn't use Ritsu that way. Just knowing he'd considered it for a moment made him itch to take another swig straight from the bottle, but that wouldn't make matters any better. More likely, many times worse. He kicked at the far wall in frustration, hissing at the pain of the impact on his bare foot.
A few moments later, a sharp insistent rap preceded Ritsu's sharp call of "Takano? Are you alright?"
Takano opened the door and pulled Ritsu to him. The soft worry in his beloved's green eyes evaporated as Ritsu struggled to free himself.
"You were worried about me after I was such a shit to you today? Maybe you really do love me?" Takano grinned.
Very quietly, almost inaudibly, Ritsu murmured, "I do."
And Takano's heart skipped a beat before doing a crazy, erratic dance in his chest. He pulled Ritsu against him more tightly and kissed him hard, claiming his long awaited victory. In his fantasies, Ritsu's confession was most often followed by their most tender lovemaking, or occasionally, by Ritsu bending him over any convenient nearby piece of furniture and claiming what was rightfully his. Neither of those things were possible now. Takano had been too insecure, he needed to anchor himself in the clench of Ritsu's body or he felt he might simply float away in a cloud of blissed out shock. "You're too much." He said between deep kisses. Already, he had managed to remove most of Ritsu's clothing. "I need you now." He fully intended to slow down and do things properly for round two.
"Stop!" Ritsu was pushing Takano forcefully away. This wasn't the usual weak protest. Ritsu really meant 'no' and Takano's heart froze. Suddenly the atmosphere in the entry way of his apartment seemed far too cold and far too still. He carefully let go of Ritsu.
"I'm sorry." Takano whispered, "I'll slow down and take proper care of you."
He reached for Ritsu again and was evaded. "Masamune." Ritsu whispered. God, had he ever used that name before? Takano's heart felt too full to bear another such moment without touching his beloved. He reached out again, and once again was rebuffed. "I don't think you understand at all. Usami is just work. I have no interest in him whatsoever. You are my first love. The one true love of my life." Takano felt tears of joy brimming in his eyes and he didn't try to stop them from falling. "You are also my boss, and the only person in the world with the power to break my heart."
Why did Ritsu look so sad? "I would never-"
"You did." Ritsu's eyes were green like the tropical forest at dusk, lurking with unknown terrors.
"We were both too insecure then. It wasn't anything but the stupidity youth."
"I know that now." Ritsu still kept carefully out of reach and Takano didn't press the issue. "How much worse would it be for such a thing to happen again now, when we know what we're doing? I don't think I could survive."
"I couldn't." Takano agreed.
"I haven't had the courage to say it, or to do what was necessary. But today made me realize I need to be clear. I love you. I don't think I will ever love anyone else, not like this." Ritsu sighed. "Which is why I can't sleep with you anymore, why I can't date you. It's too dangerous. We'll only destroy each other again. So I'm here to do the right thing. I'm telling you no. Stop pursuing me. Stop bedding me. I would like to be your friend, but I don't think I can be that close to you without giving in, so for now, I think it's best we keep our contact strictly professional."
"No!" Takano's voice was choked and unsteady. His hand clasped Ritsu's wrist.
"This isn't a negotiation." How on earth could Ritsu be so calm? He should be the more flustered of the two of them, he always was.
"Stay tonight. One night." Takano bargained desperately.
Ritsu seemed to be considering this for a very long time, his eyes never leaving the place on his arm where their bodies touched. Finally, he gave a single nod. "Okay."
Ritsu drew in a long shaky breath. He hoped, when the night was over, he'd still have the strength to let go. He would. He could see the pain in Takano's face, echoing his own heart. This was terrible enough. If you have to lose a limb one way or another, better in surgery than on the battle field. He'd been silly to think they might escape unscathed, but he could at least make it a good wound, clean and cauterized rather than the ragged thing whose festering they'd both suffered for the better part of a decade.
Takano's hand still burned like a brand on his wrist. Neither of them had moved. It was like everything they both felt had filled them, frozen them in place. Finally, Ritsu gently removed Takano's hand from his arm and reached up to touch the face he hadn't dared to study too closely since they'd met again. This time, he couldn't allow himself to forget, lest he fall again and again and again. He ran his fingertips along the lightly stubbled jaw, the contours of forehead, nose, cheeks and lips, memorizing every detail, etching a warning sign into his brain.
Takano hardly dared to breathe. Ritsu was touching him so gently. Takano hadn't really ever doubted that his stubborn beauty loved him, but it this touch, it was plain. "I love you, Ritsu." He said and stopped the caressing fingers, kissing the tip of each one. "Stay."
"For tonight." Ritsu's voice was shaky.
It was the way Takano had always imagined their lovemaking would be after Ritsu finally confessed to him, unhurried and thorough. Had he been approaching things wrong all this time? Ritsu responded beautifully to the slower pace, not that he hadn't always seemed to enjoy the frenzied passion they usually shared, when Takano felt like he had to push things fast enough that Ritsu's hesitation wouldn't kick in and put a stop to everything. He'd prepared Ritsu's most intimate place with his fingers and his mouth, easily silencing shocked resistance with a gentle "You're only giving me tonight, let me do what I want."
Ritsu knew immediately that forgetting this time would be impossible. Takano's skilled hands and mouth made him feel like a flower, coaxed open by the sun. Takano pursued this until Ritsu thought he might die of want if he couldn't have Takano inside him, until his pride was in shredded so fine he couldn't grasp it, and he was begging.
Takano shifted them, laying back so that Ritsu straddled his lap. "Take what you want, then." He said, and Ritsu, face on fire, eased himself down, closed his eyes, and lifted and lowered his hips in a slow, delicious undulation until he felt like his legs might give out from beneath him with all their trembling. As soon as his rhythm broke, Takano took the lead, stroking up hard and steady. It felt so good, Ritsu was on a hair trigger. When Takano's movements became quick, deep thrusts, Ritsu gripped his copiously leaking cock and stroked until his body convulsed, his head and chest seemed to explode into starlight, and he pumped ropy strings of his release onto Takano's belly, chest, even his face and hair.
Takano held on to the fraying edges of control when Ritsu's body shuddered around him, giving a few more sharp, hard thrusts to buoy his lover's release higher. He broke when he felt the hot spray of Ritsu's seed on his body, even on his face. Being so claimed was too to bear and he came so hard he blacked out for a second or two.
They showered together and made love again, and then again, before collapsing, curled together in an exhausted pile of limbs on Takano's thoroughly unmade bed. Ritsu fell asleep almost immediately, but Takano didn't allow himself to follow. He pressed his face into Ritsu's soft hair and tried to convince himself this didn't have to end. After a while, he closed his eyes to listen to the soft sound of Ritsu's breathing. He must have fallen asleep, because when he next opened his eyes, sunlight was streaming into the room, he had been covered with the quilt, a carafe of hot coffee with a fresh mug sat on the night stand, and he was alone.
Thank you so much for reading, and for your follows, favorites, and comments! TPlease tell me what you think of the story so far and of the chapter. This is the first time in a very long while that I've tackled a sex scene, I always find them tricky to write.