Please, pretty, pretty please will a cherry whipped cream and sprinkles on top review! I really would like to know what people think about my story and how I could improve. I'd like to get a few before I post the next chapter and a ton of craziness happens in it. So please review :)
"Sup, CB?" Eve asks as she slides the piping hot Mocha across the counter to her.
"The usual, tons of homework vampire boss being completely crazy." Claire says with a sigh. Eve raises one dark eyebrow.
"Crazier than usual?" She asks taking off her apron. "Oliver I'm taking a break be back in ten!" She calls to her crazy vampire boss who is dressed in his usual hippie disguise; faded jeans, tie-dye shirt, long graying hair pulled back in a ponytail, a small hoop in one ear, and pleasant smile. He acknowledges her with a nod, making Eve roll her eyes.
They sit down at small table and Claire takes in her friends outfit, she was wearing her usual ultra- Goth; red and black layered tutu, black T-shirt with a rhine-stoned skull on it wearing a bow over a long sleeved red lace shirt, black tights with silver skulls, Doc-Martins, and her black hair was in two braids topped with red bows and a grinning skull in the middle of each, along with ghost pale makeup and blood red lipstick.
"He thinks Bob ran away because he didn't give him an extra cricket last night, so he's using a hair he claims came from Bob to try and track him with this crazy machine he's building." Claire says as she sips her deliciously perfect drink. Eve's eyes widen a bit.
"That is completely crazy," Eve agrees. "How'd he get a hair from him? Does he like brush it?" She asks with a shudder.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he did," Claire says with a sigh. "He made me put up missing spider posters with a picture of Bob on them."
"Seriously?"
"Unfortunately. How's work for you?" Eve shrugs.
"Nothing new, Oliver's just as much a creepy jerk as usual."
"What time do you get off at? I'm making tacos and then the guys wanted to have a movie night."
"Seven," Eve says and then groans. "Is Shane picking them out? I don't think I could handle watching four hours of people getting blown up eaten by zombies."
"I'll make him promise to only have one movie involve explosions and or zombies." Claire assures with a grin.
"Thank God—uh-oh looks like trouble decided to pay a visit." Eve says looking towards the door where a group of about ten vampires had come in wearing tattered coats and hats. Most of them looked a bit cooked and where smoking, and all of them scanned the crowd with hungry eyes.
"Great." Claire says grabbing her beat up backpack and taking out two silver coated knives, she hands one to Eve under the table and looks at Oliver who was approaching the group and frowning. The usually loud coffee shop had gone completely silent.
"They don't exactly look like they came here for coffee and company do they?" Eve asks. As the apparent leader, a guy dressed like a total cowboy from the hat to the plaid button up shirt to the boots, argues with Oliver.
"No," Claire says worriedly. "I don't think so. I'm going to call the police." She takes out her phone and dials 911, but it just rings and rings before she finally gives up and hangs up. This was so not good. Suddenly, Oliver rushes behind the counter and slams a button beneath it. Immediately, heavy steel shutter begin to come down.
The leader snarls and tackles Oliver, shoving him down onto the floor. The roll around fighting before the other guy punches him in the face, hard, knocking him out. He whips out silver chains and begins to wrap them around the unconscious Oliver. He gives some signal to the other vampires who grin as their fangs snap down and they come at the crowd.
"Shit," Eve says softly. "Everyone, follow me, hurry!" She says and takes off for the huge walk in fridge behind the counter. People just stare at her wide eyed and confused a moment, before scrambling after her. The vampires attack.
Eve stands at the fridge, ushering people in and fighting off any vamp the tried to get in. Claire jumps up as she sees a huge vamp grab a girl around her age and sink his fangs into her neck. He's so distracted that she just plunges the silver stake right into his heart from behind. He drops the girl and turns around snarling, struggling to grasp the stake embedded into his back before his eyes go wide and he collapses the floor.
"Are you okay?" Claire asks as she helps the girl off the floor. The girl nods shakily, standing there stunned. "Go!" Claire says giving her a little push towards the fridge. Most of the people were in the fridge now, but a few were hiding behind tables or even trying to fight of the vamps.
Claire sees another vamp, a small brunette girl this time attacking a boy maybe a few years older than her. Claire slashes at its arm with her knife and the vampire snarls as her arms begins to blacken and burn. She turns towards Claire, throwing the boy on the floor. Great. Claire thinks helplessly, looking around for a way out of this, her stake was still in the other vamp and there was no way she was taking it out. So Claire improvises. She shoves the long knife right where she would put a stake. The vampire's eyes widen in shock and she collapses.
This guy was clearly not going to just get up and walk away, so Claire drags him to the fridge where Eve stands waiting. There were only a few people left and…Oliver. They couldn't just leave them out there.
"Come on!" Eve says tugging on her arm. "We need some serious back up Claire!" Claire shakes her head.
"I've got to get them Eve! I can't just leave them to die!"
"Claire, if you go back out there, you'll die! Come on, we have to get Shane and Michael, they can help us."
"I will, but I've got to get Oliver."
"Oliver?" Eve asks incredulously. "Do you honestly think he'd help if that were us? He's not worth it Claire!"
"Do you think if he survives he'll forgive us Eve? Don't you want him on our side? Do you think Amelie will be forgiving if he dies because we left him?" Eve hesitates her grip on Claire's arm loosens and Claire pulls away.
"Claire, wait!" Eve says. Claire ignores her and goes behind the counter, crawling on her hands and knees, trying her best to be invisible. Oliver had fallen just outside the counter and she could see him struggling against the chains. Then apparently, someone gets the bright idea to shoot out all the lights, because suddenly there's a bang followed by one of the lights exploding. Then, someone must have fought for the gun because the glass in the door shatters. The shooter gets control of the gun back and continues shooting out the lights, one by one. Claire crawls faster, desperate to reach Oliver before the whole room was encased in total darkness.
Just before she reaches him, the vamp that had attacked him kneels before the now awake Oliver, grinning; he pulls out a syringe full of what appears to be silver. He plunges it into Oliver's neck making Oliver's body buck and convulse in pain. Then, the last light is shot out, and there is nothing but complete silence and darkness.