A/N: Thank you again for all those lovely reviews and PM's. It's wonderful to read them.

Unfortunately, I can't respond privately to guest reviews, but know that I truly appreciate every single word!

Only the first part of this chapter has been proofread and I normally wouldn't post without reading it through at least three times looking for typos and mistakes, but I'm afraid that if I don't post it now I'll lose my nerve. It's always nerve-wrecking to post chapters containing spankings. You know some readers are waiting for it, others are dreading that part and some not only stop reading but are disgusted by it (despite all the warnings in the summary). But this is my story and I need to write it the way I want to write it. However, that doesn't mean I don't get nervous posting this chapters.

Okay, enough with the stalling!

Chapter 14

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride in a beat up, ancient truck Hey!"

The boys in the back doubled over laughing as Ford finished the song. The boy didn't often take the spotlight, but after Guthrie had complained about a silly song about snow and sleighing when there clearly was no snow, Ford had changed the lyrics of the famous Christmas song and entertained them all.

"Better?" He mischievously asked the youngest McFadden.

"Much! Even if it doesn't rhyme." Guthrie grinned, "But it's a good thing Adam can't hear us, cause he wouldn't like it that you called his truck ancient and beat up."

Ford shrugged, "It's just a song. Adam can take a joke."

"Yeah, but he looooooves this truck," Evan chuckled, "If he wasn't finally dating, I'd think this was the love of his life."

"You can't love a car like that," Guthrie pulled a face.

"Well, tell that to the tons of men who love their car more than their wives," Evan couldn't help going on, "I heard mom say that to someone once."

"That's weird," Guthrie concluded.

If it wasn't for the wind and the noise of the motor, including some rattling Brian promised himself he'd look at, the volume of their song would have penetrated through the window to the cabin. But Adam would have chuckled. Instead, the two oldest were in a deep discussion about Christmas lights. Again.

"I just think it would look awesome to have one of those sleighs with reindeer on the front lawn. Show that we're in the spirit."

"No!" The disgust not only showed on Adam's face, but was heard in his voice. "I'll not have the ranch turned into some circus."

"I'm not talking about circus tents and elephants," Brian wasn't giving up. "Oohhh I saw a Santa in town we could put on the roof. All lit up you could see it in town!"

"Are you mad?" Adam glanced sideways, past Daniel who was sitting in the middle. The oldest McFadden had kept word and kept Daniel by his side the entire time.

"No, I'm just more of a Bob Cratchit and you're more of an Ebenezer Scrooge."

"I am not like Scrooge! I am nothing like Scrooge. I happen to love Christmas. I love turkey, I love stuffing, love chocolate, Christmas tree, presents…"

"You don't love mistletoe…" Brian poked Daniel in the ribs as he teased and making the boy laugh despite his horrible day.

"I like mistletoe. Just as long as there's no one underneath it that I don't want to kiss."

"You'd like it if it was Miss Morgan," Daniel chuckled and watched Adam blush a little.

"I might."

"We'll just have to test that theory some time."

"Don't you dare. Just…don't you dare, Brian. Because I'll…I'll…"

"Yes, Adam, what would you do? Punch me? Not after you've just kissed your girl you wouldn't. Of course, Scrooge doesn't kiss girls."

"I'll think of something." Adam turned off the high way at the exit. "And don't call me Scrooge!"

"If the shoe fits…" Brian was merciless, "You won't even have lights in the oak tree in front of the house. Or on the arch to the ranch."

"I never said that. Of course that's fine."

"Great!" A triumphant smile appeared on Brian's face.

It took Adam a full second, but then he hit the wheel, "Da….rn it! You planned this all along, didn't you?"

"Hey, no going back on your word now. You said yes, so yes it is."

With a glance at Daniel Adam nodded, "I won't go back on it. But I tell you, it's becoming more and more tempting to put coals and a switch in your stocking."

Brian shrugged, "I don't care what I get for Christmas. We'll have the best lit house in the entire county." He just laughed when Adam rolled his eyes and winked at Daniel. "He'll like it when they're all up. You're gonna help me right?"

Daniel hesitated a little and looked at Adam, then back at Brian, "I don't know…"

"It might be best if you and the boys got it all started so Daniel and I can get our little talk out of the way," Adam decided and Daniel felt his stomach tighten.

"Might be best," Brian agreed, serious all of a sudden. "I'd like to get at least part of it all up tonight. I've got a date."

Adam started to roll his eyes, but then shrugged, "You're home for dinner?"

"Of course. Not picking her up till 10."

"10?!" Again, Adam reigned in his temper. "No, that's fine. I know you're good for breakfast in the morning. And chores and church."

"Oh yeah…church." Brian had forgotten that. "Yeah, I'll be good for that."

"Great. I've asked Emily for lunch after church tomorrow."

Daniel looked absolutely abhorred by the idea. "At home?"

"Yes, at home. I'd like her to see the ranch and you boys."

"But she's already seen us."

"He's got you there, Adam," Brian butted in, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"She hasn't seen our ranch yet, or the house. And she hasn't met you all in your own environment."

Daniel groaned, "My teacher in my home….the ultimate nightmare!" He wasn't sure what was worse: the prospect of having his teacher in his home or the knowledge that not too long from now he'd get his backside tanned. Where was that third option when you needed it?

"Oh I can think of worse things," Brian held up his hand and started listing, "There's coming back to the locker room after showering and not finding your clothes. There's writing a sappy note to your girlfriend and having it intercepted by your teacher and read out loud in the class room. There's…"

"You can stop now," Daniel shook his head, "I know you. You could go on forever."

Adam couldn't resist, "That's because it's all happened to him. I could tell you a few more…"

"Never mind," Brian quickly interrupted, knowing his older brother had a bit too many stories about him. Some were definitely not meant to ever be repeated, especially not to their little brothers. Driving through the arch reminded him of Adam's little bombshell about having his girl over for lunch and that was the perfect way to get Adam away from all the embarrassments about Brian's youth. "We'll be nice to your new girlfriend."

"Speak for yourself," but Daniel immediately changed his teasing to a serious tone when he caught Adam's look, "Sorry. I'll…is it okay if I say I'll do my best?"

Adam draped an arm around Daniel's shoulder, "That's fine, buddy. Much better than a promise you're not sure you can keep."

"Then I'll really do my best."

It was still a little bit of a drive to the house from the moment they went through the arch, but before long they were there and all filed out of the truck, everyone carrying bags from different stores, trying to hide shapes.

"Okay, put those bags away as quickly as you can. It's 4 already and not much time to get at least some of the lights up." As Brian spoke he, too, ran inside to put some things away. It was always a bit of a challenge to go shopping together and make sure no one saw what you'd bought and then to hide it well enough too, but usually they'd manage. Of course, there had been the occasional time when someone had suspected something. And once, Guthrie had searched for his presents and actually found something, which turned out to be someone else's present, much to his disappointment. But those had been incidents, nothing more.

"Can I help, too, Brian?" Guthrie looked expectantly at his big brother, although he already knew the answer.

"You can help by telling us if everything's straight and working," Brian knew the boy really wanted to be on the roof with him, but there was simply no way he'd let his 8-year-old brother on the roof. This way he'd at least be able to help. "It's a very important job, kiddo. Imagine the strings being crooked or lights not working and us having to go right back up to change lights, huh? Can't have that."

Guthrie studied his brother for a moment. Part of him suspected he was being tricked, but he wasn't completely sure. Brian never lied. Sometimes he was a little too honest. So if Brian said it was important, it was. Slowly the boy nodded. "Okay."

The hesitance in Guthrie's voice told Brian that the trick wouldn't work much longer, but he'd take it for now and postpone the battle until next year. He was reluctant enough letting Ford up and Ford was four whole years older than Guthrie. "Great! Thanks, buddy, that means a lot."

Daniel had figured there was no point going back downstairs after he'd put away the few things he'd bought. He knew Adam wouldn't waste much time coming to his room. The teenager settled on his bed, sitting on the edge, his hands next to him. The thoughts were going through his head with such dazzling speed that it was hard to keep track of them. Just like his emotions. Ever since Crane had gone back to Davis after Thanksgiving Daniel knew he'd been pushing it. He'd been difficult, argumentative, inconsiderate and disrespectful. He'd had too many warnings. He knew that. But knowing you had a spanking coming and deserved it, didn't make it any easier to accept it.

And there was also a part of him that was still feeling resentful. Of all the women Adam could be dating, why did it have to be his English teacher? The lady in the grocery store was nice looking, wasn't she? And there was Miss Bates, the librarian. Maybe if she took off her glasses and let her hair hang loose she'd look okay. Of maybe the daughter of Mr. Barnaby, the baker. Anyone really. But no, Adam had to date Miss Morgan. And bring her home.

Silently, he asked himself if that really was all that was wrong. It wasn't a question he asked himself often, but Daniel was an extremely honest person and he had to admit that he'd felt angry at Adam before Miss Morgan showed up in the diner. So there must be something else. It couldn't still be about Crane getting…Daniel couldn't even think the word, but the thought of his closest brother in trouble with Adam was painful. And although he was all for honesty, he still felt that Crane, as an adult (in the teenager's mind anyway), could have simply kept his transgression to himself. But he wasn't upset about it anymore. He still didn't fully understand why Crane had felt the need to tell on himself. Had he really felt that guilty? Probably. Daniel could definitely understand guilt.

So what was Adam going to do? Would he be taking a trip to the barn? That thought made the dark haired youth shudder. He prayed he wouldn't have. He hoped that the fact that Adam had ensured everyone else was working at the front of the house, meant that he had wanted some privacy in Daniel's room at the back of the house. Made sense. But still, you never really knew, did you?

On the other side of the hall way, the oldest McFadden was having similar thoughts. He was sitting on his own bed, holding a hairbrush in his hands. Against the wall opposite the bed was an old dresser and on top of it his mom's old hairbrush. The sight still filled him with all sorts of mixed emotions. As a little boy he'd loved to watch his mommy brush her hair. A few times she'd allowed him to do it and those were treasured moments. But that same brush had also branded his own behind more times than he liked to remember. Brian's too, he knew. Crane once or twice. But the others had never felt it. Not that mom had never spanked the little ones. On the contrary, 6-year-old Evan had been over mom's knee about every other day at one time. The little boy had been the most mischievous of the bunch. And their parents didn't believe in dragged out punishments. Sure, Brian and he were grounded a few times, but mostly, transgressions were dealt with swiftly and painfully. It had upsides and downsides.

He turned the brush over in his hands. He hated having to use it. Every single time he hated it. But he knew it had taught him a few valuable lessons. Well, maybe more than a few, if he was honest and he usually was. The first time he had to spank one of them he'd known it would come to using a brush at some point. And he'd also known he could never use mom's brush. The emotional impact would be too much, not just on him, but more importantly, on the boys. Used to combing his own hair, not brushing, he'd actually gone out and bought a hairbrush. He could still remember Brian's face when he first saw it.

"What on earth did you buy that for?" The second-oldest had asked.

"To…eh…well, you know…I can't always use my hand like I did yesterday."

The look on Brian's face had darkened, "To spank them?! You actually bought a brush just for spanking them?"

"Yeah." Adam knew he had looked as sick as felt when he had said it.

"Why? It's not like there's no brush in the house."

"Yeah, but that's mom's," Adam had softly explained and then his voice had turned slightly desperate, "Can you imagine being spanked with mom's brush now?"

Brian's eyes had glassed over and Adam had known he'd made his point. That would always be too much of a punishment, no matter what the culprit had done. So that's why he was holding a brush that had never been used on hair in its entire existence. The only thing the wooden object had been used for, was spanking bottoms. Adam supposed he could have bought or made a little paddle, but somehow that had felt wrong. Mom had used a brush and so that's what he'd use. But only for big things. Life endangering stuff was dealt with in the barn, but any other big things warranted the brush. So was this one of those times or not? He sighed. He didn't want to keep Daniel waiting too long. He'd already waited hours since lunch time. It was time to get this over with.

As soon as Daniel heard footsteps in the direction of his bedroom his heartrate went up. He couldn't help it. He was nervous as hell. The knock on the door made him jump.

"Come in," He tried to keep his voice calm, but knew he failed.

As soon as the words had left Daniel's mouth Adam pushed the door open and stepped in. "Hey kid." Adam did manage to keep his voice calm as he walked over to Daniel's desk and carried the desk chair over to the bed. He turned it around and straddled it, letting his arms rest on the back of the chair as he looked at Daniel. He hoped the position would be less intimidating than sitting on it straight.

"Hey," After an initial glance up, Daniel had decided his hands were far more interesting to look at.

"We have a few things to talk about, don't we?"

"I guess," Daniel mumbled, still unable to look up.

"Can you tell me what we need to talk about?"

"Do I have to?"

Adam nodded sympathetically, "I know it's not easy, but yes, I'd like you to."

"Like me to is not the same as having to."

Adam almost grinned, "That's true."

"So? Would you like me to or do I have to?"

"Well, I could list everything you did wrong and go straight to the spanking part, but I'm not sure you'd learn the things I'd like you to learn from this if I did that. So yes, you have to."

"Oh." Daniel didn't like that much. Not that he liked the idea of Adam going almost straight to the spanking part of this. He liked to postpone that moment as much as possible. No, that wasn't it. He wanted to skip that part completely. But if it had to happen he couldn't decide whether he'd rather get it over with quickly or put it off as long as possible. It was an impossible dilemma. But he still wasn't talking.

Adam took a deep breath. He'd been in Daniel's shoes and knew how hard it was to admit where you'd gone wrong, especially if it was mostly attitude and back talk. "It would be easier if you could just admit to missing curfew, right?"

"Yeah," Daniel nodded almost imperceptibly.

"I know, kiddo. This is about your attitude more than anything and that's not as easy. Which snide remark crossed the line? Which part of disrespect did?"

"I hate talking about that."

"And I think that's exactly the reason we have to talk about it."

Daniel shrugged, "Would still rather not."

"Why is that, kiddo?" Adam hoped it might help the kid to open up a little.

"Cause I feel so stupid when I do." When Adam didn't say anything Daniel finally looked up. "It makes me feel stupid."

"Go on."

"Geesh, why do you have to be like this? I hate feeling stupid and you asking me all this is making me feel stupid." Daniel's voice rose a bit in pitch and he could hear it, but was unable to stop it. "See? That's exactly what I mean. I don't want to yell. I don't mean to yell. And I definitely don't want to be disrespectful. And then I do it anyway. That's just so stupid!"

"I'd say it's frustration and hormones. A combination of the two, probably."

"Yeah I'm frustrated. But hormones is such a cop out, Adam. I can't hide behind puberty."

"No, I agree. It explains it, but it's not an excuse. Because when you're aware of it, you can stop it."

"But that's just it!" Daniel could feel his hands start to shake, "I can't stop it!"

"You wish you could?"

"Of course. If I did I wouldn't be here now and I wouldn't feel stupid."

"Do you think it's the same as the anger you felt a couple of years ago? When you spoke to the counselor?"

"No," Daniel looked disgusted. "I was mad at the world then. This is just…I don't know…"

"But you learned a few ways to deal with difficult situations and emotions then."

Daniel looked back down again, "Yeah."

"Did you try those today or any time last week?"

"Maybe…not," Daniel softly admitted and then his head shot up again and he implored, "It feels different, though."

"I think it is different," Adam reached out with one hand and touched Daniel's arm, grateful the boy didn't flinch, "I haven't seen you completely lose it like you did those days. You just couldn't control your mouth."

"That makes me feel stupid again."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Cause it is stupid. I know not to."

"Yeah, you guys also know not to skip school, yet Evan still did last year."

Daniel rolled his eyes, "That's different."

"Why is that different?"

"Cause he just weighed the possibility of getting caught against the fun he was gonna have. And he figured he could get away with it. And so he didn't even think about the consequences."

Adam couldn't help a little smile, "He sure didn't. But did you? When you mouthed off? Did you think about the consequences?" He was met with stunned silence. "I figure you didn't. You got frustrated and you let that frustration out. Like when water boils in a closed pot? The steam has to come out"

Daniel slowly nodded.

"Could it be that saying something about what you're frustrated about earlier, might avoid you losing control?"

"Maybe." But then he'd have to know what to say when he was frustrated. And talk about emotions and all that hard stuff.

"That's not easy, I know. But it does help." Adam still had his hand on Daniel's arm and rubbed the sore spot a little. "Reminds me a little of what I did myself today when I lost my temper and grabbed you and swatted you in the mall." Daniel glanced up, wondering where this was going to. Maybe Adam would let him off the hook anyway? "I should have acted much sooner. I let the first angry words go. It wasn't too bad I felt. It was normal teenage behavior, I told myself. But allowing you to go on without consequences was a mistake." Daniel could literally feel his hopes being dashed. "I allowed myself to get frustrated and I didn't deal with your frustration soon enough to avoid bigger problems."

Daniel looked back down on his hands again. It was a good thing Adam still connected to him through his arm, or Daniel would have completely shut down.

"So I'm sorry I allowed that to happen."

Daniel really didn't like the sound of that. It sounded like Adam was going to become a lot more strict about his attitude. "That's okay, Adam."

"Thank you for saying that. You may not say it for the same reasons I say it, but I do appreciate your forgiveness in this. Having said that, kiddo, I did give you fair warning, didn't I?"

"Yeah but, Adam…."

"Hmm mm?"

Daniel wanted to say he was sorry. He'd felt bad every time he'd done it, but especially this afternoon, when he'd said Adam wasn't his dad. And then Adam had wanted to stand up for him, wanted to punch the guy's lights out, take him to court, go to the police, do everything a dad would do, yet still listened to him when he'd said he just wanted this over. And maybe Adam was right. Maybe they should have taken action. But the fact that Adam had listened to him and not forced him to do something he just wasn't ready for, had meant the world. And it had increased the guilt. But none of these thoughts came out. They seemed to get stuck in his throat. And all he could say was, "I'm sorry."

Adams hurt over the hateful words were pushed deep into his psyche. If Crane ever took a psychology class he'd have a field day exploring all this, Adam was sure of that. But Adam didn't address the words either. Because, frankly, not only did they hurt too much, but he felt they were true. Despite the hurt he'd felt, he knew Daniel was right. He wasn't their father. He wasn't Adam McFadden Sr and never would be. His father would always be better at this than he was. So despite his earlier words about not allowing emotions to fester Adam did just that. And so they didn't make much progress into getting to the underlying issues in their relationship. Instead of that, Adam said, "I know, kiddo, I just hope we can avoid this in future. Because I truly don't like doing this."

Daniel swallowed hard, knowing they were getting to the part of the physical pain now. "Neither do I. So don't do it."

"Nice try, but I'd do a very bad job raising you if I continued to let this go. And we've already established that by letting this go your frustration and behavior will only get worse."

"I don't think so."

"Unfortunately, I do and so I'm not letting it go any longer. We'll deal with this, here and now."

"That bites."

"I know it does."

"So, do I gotta go to the barn now?"

"The barn?" Adam was truly startled.

"Aren't you gonna strap me?"

"When have I ever strapped any of you for disrespect?"

"You strapped Crane."

"I didn't use the strap on Crane. I used my belt. Not that that really is any of your business, kiddo." Punishments were as private as possible in a big family. "Most important thing is, Crane pretty much risked his life and future with what he did. You didn't."

"But I'm older than the others. I just figured…"

Adam shook his head, "It's nothing to do with age, Daniel. That's no magic age where you suddenly grow out of a regular spanking and graduate" He used his fingers to emphasize the word graduate, "to the belt and the barn."

"Oh." Daniel wasn't sure if he liked that. Part of him wanted to feel more grown up and get it in the barn from now on. The other part, the one that had experienced that once, was perfectly happy avoiding it for the rest of his life.

"That is pretty much reserved for situations where you put your life in danger."

"Oh." Daniel knew he sounded as dumb as one of their cows now, but it was all he could utter.

"This was simple disrespect and back talk, letting off steam when you're frustrated. So we'll deal with that the way we always deal with that."

The look on Daniel's face really tore at Adam's heart. When he'd hit puberty himself, he, too, had hoped to avoid a trip over dad's knee from then on, but dad had quickly cured him from that misconception. He always hated it, but deep down, he'd hated having to bend over for the strap in the barn more. Not because it hurt more, and it did, but because he'd always felt a distance from dad there. Sure, dad had always been good with a hug, or if you didn't want one, a pat on the back and a few words of reassurance. There had always been comfort. But if Adam was completely honest with himself, he'd always felt more comfort the other way. And with his brothers, he always had trouble with the disconnect of the formal setting in the barn, the not-touching side of that. And if he did put a hand on a brother's back, it was more to steady, than for comfort. And he hated it. He wanted to feel close. He needed to. To remind himself of why he did it. It was far too easy to have one of them bend over and take a few licks. It was easy to disconnect. But what he did mattered. It mattered because he loved them. Loved them more than life itself. Not that he'd ever say that out loud, because it sounded too corny. But he did.

"I really gotta…"

Adam got to his feet and put the chair away. "Jep, you really gotta go over my knee."

"Do I gotta..I mean…" Daniel couldn't voice the words. They sounded childish and ridiculous. But the way he suddenly rubbed his jeans was clear enough.

"They can stay up. The brush hurts enough through your jeans."

Daniel's eyes grew wide, "The brush?!" He hadn't even seen it. He figured it was going to be either the barn or over the knee getting it with Adam's hand on the bare.

"If it was just this afternoon I would have left the brush in my room, but it's been disrespect on disrespect and backtalk after backtalk. If it wasn't for the fact that a) I had let it go on too long and b) that I know today was a very difficult day for you with what happened at the music store, the jeans would have come down for this. As it is, they can stay up."

Daniel wasn't sure whether he should be grateful or not. He didn't feel particularly grateful. In fact, he felt sick as he got to his feet so Adam could sit down. Not that Adam couldn't have used Crane's bed, but that just wasn't how things worked in the McFadden household. Not that anyone could explain it. It probably just felt more comfortable crying into your own bedspread than someone else's. Adam sat down on Daniel's bed, back straight and knees in an almost perfect 90 degree angle.

Daniel just stood there, unable or unwilling to move. Adam was not a patient man, but if his own loss of temper at the mall hadn't cured him of any tendency to lose his patience again, at least today, his quiet contemplative moments in his own bedroom earlier had. He always checked the 'temperature' of his own anger before going out and handle this particular chore. So he simply waited.

"Do you want me to pull you over?" Adam already knew the answer, but offered anyway.

"NO! I mean…," Daniel lowered his voice, "No, I can do it. Just…I just need a moment."

"That's fine. I have all night."

But Daniel knew as well as Adam did that they didn't really have all night. At the moment everyone else was outside. It's not like the house was soundproof, but they were on the other side of it and they might not hear the entire thing. However, they wouldn't stay outside forever. And when they all came back inside, there was no avoiding them hearing the entire production. Adam had given him as much privacy as possible, he knew he needed to take advantage of that. It was just so darn hard to put himself over Adam's knee. He was fourteen, for crying out loud! And Adam just sat there. Daniel could feel the frustration build again. And he let that frustration help him do what he had to do. Instead of carefully lowering himself he just threw himself over his brother's knee. It was easier to do when you were a bit angry. The small 'oomph' he heard from Adam's lips was almost satisfying. Almost, because he knew he'd make a lot more noise soon.

Glad this part was over, Adam quickly wrapped an arm around Daniel's waist and watched as the teen grabbed a handful of bedding and buried his face in it as well. He knew Daniel would try hard not to make a noise. He also knew the boy would fail. Jeans or not, the brush hurt. And as always, it would be preceded by a hand spanking.

He patted his younger brother's backside and felt the body tense even more than it already was. He released Daniel's waist and rubbed his back, hoping it would relax the boy, but it didn't really work. Daniel seldom relaxed in this situation. Unfortunately, Adam had some experience in this area. "Ready?"

"That's a stupid question, Adam."

"Maybe, but that tone is why you're here, remember?" Adam kept his voice firm now. "Wanna try that again?"

It took a few moments but finally Daniel mumbled, "I guess."

"Good enough, kiddo," Adam didn't ask to humiliate the kid. He just didn't want to surprise him with the first swat. Again he patted the upturned backside as his other arm wrapped itself around Daniel's waist again and then lifted his hand before bringing it down. The first swat was always hard and he could feel Daniel's flinch. He had to give it to the boy. Not a sound left his lips. Of course, in Adam's experience, it always felt much better to just cry out, but like Daniel, he had always tried to hold out as well.

All too soon for Daniel the first swat was followed by number two and three as Adam got into a rhythm. Not that there was much of a rhythm after the first couple. Daniel had been here before and knew his brother's style. The first would be spaced out evenly as Adam alternated cheeks. But just before you could allow yourself to get used to the rhythm and let it help you deal with the pain, Adam changed it up. He'd smack faster, slower, the swats would land more randomly, only to settle into a rhythm again. It was a maddening technique. It made anticipating the swats nearly impossible which added to the pain, at least on a psychological level, although they would all swear it had a physical effect too.

Daniel hated how his body always betrayed his pain before his mouth did. His feet was flex, or he'd cross his ankles. Sometimes they became drums on the floor, pouncing in hopes of alleviating the pain. His eyes would start to water. His hands clenched on his quilt. And then the inevitable gasps and hisses followed.

The first hiss was almost a relief to Adam, even if it wasn't to Daniel. To Daniel it signified a kind of defeat, to Adam it was a sign his brother was giving up his strict control and allowed to feel other emotions than just frustration. He knew that it helped to release the guilt. And he knew Daniel really felt guilty. The way Adam had behaved all afternoon was proof of that. So when Daniel started making noises of distress Adam sped up the swats again, letting lose a barrage of random swats until his hand hurt from hitting the denim. Maybe a hand spanking on jeans wasn't such a good idea after all. Usually he had the kid in pj's before doing this and that was easier on his hand. The seams and the pockets were turning his own hand a bright red and he could only imagine the state of Daniel's behind. Judging from Daniel's reactions, it was turning a painful shade of red as well.

Finally, Adam stopped swatting and for a brief moment Daniel prided himself in not having cried. His eyes were wet, but he hadn't made a spectacle of himself. It was a relief beyond comprehension and then all of a sudden he felt something else against his backside and disappointment and dread washed over him. They weren't done yet. He still had the brush to deal with.

"You know how this works, buddy, we've done this often enough. We'll finish up with your age in swats with the brush." Adam heard the muffled groan and sighed. "I'm sorry, kiddo, but your behavior really has to change."

"I'll change it," Daniel hated hearing the desperation in his voice, but couldn't help it.

"I know you will. I have faith in you, I always do." Those words brought more wetness to Daniel's eyes and he felt a few tears drop on the bedspread. He also felt a shudder go through him as the words hit home. It was like someone had turned on the heater. And not just on his backside. "I'm proud of how you've always worked hard to fight your temper. I'm proud of so many things, kid. Your compassion for others. Your gift for music. Your scholastic achievements. Your hard work on the ranch. But I know you are who you are because we are who we are. Because you were raised a certain way. And I intend to continue that. Because I want the world for you. I want you to become the best you can be. And believe me, your best is more than most people's. So we'll do this and if I have to do it again, I'll do it again and again, until it's no longer necessary. Because I love you, kid."

Only Adam could make a threat sound so wonderful and another shudder wend through the teen as his body fought the sobs trying to come out. As the brush tapped against his behind Daniel tensed again and as soon as the thing smacked down his eyes widened in pain, a shriek left his mouth and his hand flew back to stop that hateful thing to hurt him again. It didn't work, it never did. Adam always seemed prepared for it and before his hand reached his butt Adam had already grabbed his hand and pinned it in the small of his back.

"I didn't say I was ready….I didn't say I was ready…"

"I'm sorry, kid," Adam didn't even point out that he usually didn't ask that again before starting the final stage of a spanking. He knew Daniel knew. But he also knew the kid had been taken by surprise. Maybe not so much by the swat as by the pain it caused. Even Adam had expected the jeans to give more protection. Clearly they didn't. "I know a part of you wants to drag this out, but I also know another part wants it over with. And since I do as well, I think we need to get this done now."

"I don't want to…."

Adam squeezed Daniel's hand in comfort and encouragement. Of course Daniel didn't want this. No one really wanted it. But it had to happen. It was the right thing. And so, while holding his brother's hand, the brush sliced through the air again landing on the other cheek now. Another shriek followed. And Adam felt Daniel squeeze his hand tightly as if holding on for dear life. "It's okay, kiddo, you can do it." A third swat, right in the middle this time and Daniel cried out for real now.

The tears wouldn't stop anymore as the brush set Daniel, or at least a small part of him, on fire. He couldn't help twisting his body in hopes of avoiding the brush, but it never worked. He even struggled against his brother's hold, but Adam had him, as his oldest brother always had him: safe. And instead of fighting Adam, Daniel held on to him, like a life line in a bad storm. Adam's words of pride, love and encouragement penetrated every fiber of his being. It was hard to really believe them, but somehow the vulnerable position he was in, helped open up his heart and mind and they did seep in just a little. As they did, sobs started to wreck his body, big painful sobs that forced out the guilt and pain.

By the time the fourteenth swat landed, Daniel was a mess of tears and snot, crying out with every swat, and not caring who heard him. Forget modesty. Forget pride. Who knew a brush could hurt this much through jeans? Daniel certainly hadn't expected that. It took a while for him to calm down, but Adam gave him time. In fact, the oldest brother needed some time himself. It always hurt him to the core to hear this distress in the knowledge he was causing it. He cleared his throat hoping to dislodge the lump that had formed that, but it wouldn't go. Neither would the tears that had filled his eyes. Well, they went, but not in the direction he was hoping for. They dripped down his face. Just a few, but still.

He kept rubbing Daniel's back without saying anything, until the sobs had changed into soft sniffles. Finally, the teenager pushed himself up. He couldn't look Adam in the face. All of a sudden he felt embarrassed and wanted nothing more than be alone.

When Adam got to his feet Daniel quickly put a bit more distance between them. He wasn't even sure why, because he desperately wanted a hug. He just wasn't sure if he wanted one from Adam. Before, he'd always been able to push Adam away and go to Crane for comfort. Crane had always given it. Of course, the sensitive older brother had always pointed out that Daniel needed to 'make up' with Adam as well, but had never withheld a hug. Now Crane wasn't here and Daniel wasn't sure what to do.

Adam, too, wasn't sure what to do. Daniel wasn't Guthrie. Not just because he was older. He just never had been one to want a cuddle after being in trouble. And Adam hadn't always wanted one from dad. Or rather, hadn't been able to accept one. But he wasn't sure how to force a hug on a kid. That felt wrong. So he settled for a hand on Daniel's shoulder, "I meant what I said, kiddo, I'm very proud of you and I want the best for you. The absolute best. I promise we won't talk about this anymore. You've paid, it's done. Just.." He so wanted to pull the kid in his arms, but Daniel turned away and words that came easily when Daniel was over his knee didn't come as easily now that the teen looked a little sullen again and kept his distance. "well, take as much time as you want. Chores can wait until after dinner. I'll…I'll be downstairs."

As Daniel watched Adam leave the room he wanted to say something to stop Adam from leaving, but no sound came out. All of a sudden, it was impossible to hold on to the life line Adam had been only a few minutes ago. Daniel didn't know how.

T.B.C.

A/N: I know….not a nice place to cut this off. But I promise some TLC for both Daniel and Adam. They just need a little push.