**Claire**
I walk into the door to the comforting smell of chili. It's been two months since Amelie and Oliver's wedding, three since Shane has become a vampire. It's hard to believe that so much time has passed so quickly.
"I'm home!" I call as I chuck my bag beside the door before walking into the living room to see Shane and Michael battling at some zombie game with Eve cheering them on.
"Hey," Shane says as I sit beside him without taking his eyes off of the T.V screen. "How was school?"
"Good," I reply, my usual response. We have slowly been growing apart, bit by bit every day and I didn't know why. I was completely fine and I forgave him but he didn't seem to have forgiven himself. I was worried about him; he was growing thin, and even paler than a vampire should be. I saw him eat, food at least, but I didn't know if he was getting what was nutritious to him now. I didn't know how to broach the subject with him. I didn't really know how to say anything to him now.
"How's the life of a slacker?" I ask, hoping to get a smile, a frown, anything at all.
"Couldn't be better," He says smiling and giving me a peck on the cheek. "I decided to spice things up tonight, there's brisket in the chili."
"That sounds disgusting." I say wrinkling my nose, it really did I mean come on barbeque in chili? That was just wrong.
"Barbeque is never disgusting, and neither is my chili. That's as impossible as the sky turning red and raining cookies."
"I'm not so sure about that," Eve says, earning a pillow thrown at her, courtesy of Shane. She throws it right back. "Come on guys, video game time is over. We're all going to sit down to dinner like a nice normal family." And with that, she walks up and turns off the T.V.
"Hey!" Michael and Shane say in unison outraged.
"And since when are we nice or normal?" Michael asks, following Eve into the kitchen.
"Since now," I say serving myself a bowl and sitting beside Shane. "How'd work go?" I ask Eve.
"Weird, again. The boss is so cheerful now, it disturbs me." Eve says with a shudder. I knew the reason for the sudden personality change, but I still can't tell anyone about Amelie and Oliver's wedding, and I suck at lying.
"Weird." I agree, deciding to play it safe and keep it short.
"Are any of you actually you know, going to eat my chili?" Shane asks. I look down at my untouched bowl and around the table to see that no one has eaten any except for Shane.
I lift up my spoon and, after a second, see and Eve and Michael do the same. I sniff it, and it smells okay, but the question was, did it taste okay. Hesitantly, I raise it to my lips and take a bite and… it's okay. Not as good as regular chili in my opinion, but okay. Michael and Shane seem to love it from the way they wolf it down.
"Hey," I say going up to Shane after diner before he heads back to the couch for more zombie killing. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I see the panic in his eyes before he quickly masks it.
"Sure, I'll be up in a minute." He says, giving me a light kiss on the lips.
"Okay." I say giving him a small smile, before heading upstairs to my room. I lie back on my bed, listening to my I-pod, waiting. At least fifteen minutes later, I begin to doze off when I hear a knock on my door.
"Come in!" I say sitting up and switching it off while attempting to smooth down my hair. The door slowly opens to reveal Shane, standing there awkwardly. I pat the spot beside me, he walks over and sits a foot away, and I try not to let him see how much that hurts me.
"What do you want to talk about?" Shane asks, refusing to look at me.
"You know what about Shane. You. Us."
"What about me, us?" Shane asks, still not looking at me.
"Why have you been avoiding me? Why are you becoming so distant?" I ask, deciding to get straight to the point.
"I don't know Claire, maybe because I almost killed you! Maybe because I'm a vampire and I don't want to hurt you again!" Shane practically shouts jumping up vamp quick and pacing in front of me.
"Shane, how many times do I have to tell you that I forgive you?" I shout back angrily. "I know that wasn't you! I know you wouldn't hurt me!"
"But that is me now Claire," He says quietly stopping and looking at the floor again. "I'm a monster and I'll hurt you again, it's only a matter of time."
"No you won't Shane! And you aren't a monster!" I say standing up and grabbing his hands. "Michael doesn't hurt Eve! Are you saying that he's a monster?"
"Yes, but he can't help it. And he's good, he always has more self-control, he always seems so perfect. And we both know I'm not like that Claire, I've got bad in me, I'm impulsive, it seems like I'm always screwing up," He says giving a bitter laugh. "The monster will beat me Claire, sooner or later and I don't want it to hurt anyone."
"Shane, you are good. You are the kindest person I've ever met," I say desperately, squeezing his hands tight. "You'd risk your life for a total stranger. And yes, you have a temper, you're impulsive, I'm not going to deny that. But everyone has their faults, even Michael. And I love you, the good and the bad, all of it Shane. I trust you. Maybe you'll have to work harder at it than Michael, but you'll win Shane. I know you will. We can work this out."
"Really?" Shane asks quietly, finally meeting my eyes, his face is full of torment and bitter contempt. I can't stand it. "Are you so sure, because I'm not. I don't trust myself Claire, especially not around you. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you again. "
"You won't Shane! You just have to accept it! You're a vampire Shane," I see him flinch at the word. "No you are Shane! You. Are. A vampire! Just accept that and stop trying to be something else! Then you won't hurt me, you'll be yourself again."
"No I won't be. Michael's changing, admit that Claire, because he is and we all know it. And I'm going to change; I'll never be me again. That's what you have to accept." His tone is so harsh, so sure that it almost scares me.
"We all change Shane! I'm changing, and so is Eve! Change doesn't have to be bad! All you're doing is hurting yourself! Are you eating?" I demand, he looks back at me confused.
"You just saw me down two bowls of chili Claire."
"No, are you eating?" I ask and I see when the meaning hits him, his eyes go dark and hard before he looks away, again.
"No, not really, I can't Claire, it's disgusting."
"You don't like it?" I ask perplexed, generally vampires loved the stuff in my experience.
"No, I do. And that's the problem. People shouldn't eat people Claire, it's not right."
"But you're not a person," I say gently, putting a hand on his cold cheek, he flinches away from my touch, but I keep it there. "No Shane, you're a different species, and you have to accept it. That doesn't have to be a bad thing. You're not hurting anybody by it, but if you keep starving yourself, you might lose control and attack someone. Kill someone. Not eating will just get you and someone else hurt. You need to learn self-control, and I think that's supposed to help you with it. So promise me that you'll eat. Promise me Shane."
"Fine, I promise." He mumbles.
"No," I say firmly. "Go get some and eat it here, now." His eyes widen and he shakes his head in horror.
"No Claire, I can't have you see me like that."
"Would you rather have me see you standing over a dead body?" I ask grimly, deciding to go the tough love route. He gives me a look that I can't comprehend before zipping out the door.
He's back a second later, holding a cup with a bag full of…Kool-Aid, yeah Kool-Aid, sitting in it. At least that's what I try to convince myself, but I know what it really is, blood. We both know it from the sick look of dread on Shane's face.
"Claire…" Shane says trailing off, looking at a loss for words.
"No Shane, you need to know that I support you. Go on." I say gesturing towards the bag. He hesitates, so I walk to my desk and grab a pair of scissors before walking back to him and snipping off the corner and dumping it into the cup. I see the moment the smell hits him; his eyes turn a fiery crimson and he steps away shaking, leaving me holding the cup.
I walk behind him, shutting the door and thrust the cup into his hands. He just stares at it, a mix of fascination, horror, and hunger on his face. "Drink." I command, although I'm really not sure I want to see him like this. He looks at me again and I manage to nod and give what I hope is an encouraging smile. He slowly lifts the cup to his lips with shaking hands and he tries to turn away, but I put both of my hands on either side of my face, locking him in place although he could easily rip away.
He begins to drink and his fangs snap down, like small white lethal daggers, and his eyes burn an even brighter red. He tries to look away, but I hold his gaze the entire time. When he finishes, seconds later although it seemed like hours, he throws the cup away from him, gasping, his cheeks flushed. Then he slumps down against the wall and I see a single tear track down his cheek.
"Shane its okay," I say soothingly as I kneel in front of him, taking his face in my hands again. "I'll help you get through this."
"God Claire, why did this have to happen to us?" Shane asks, still trembling and gulping in air. "Why couldn't I have something good happen to me for once in my life? We were supposed to get out of here, you were going to go to MIT and we'd get married and have a family. We can't have any of that now, not together at least." I freeze and stare at him horrified.
"No, no, no Shane, you are not breaking up with me! We'll get through this, okay? It will all work out somehow."
"Really?" Shane asks giving me a hard stare. "I won't let you become a vampire Claire, I won't, and you'll grow old and—and you'll die and I'll be all alone," I feel myself turn cold, it was almost exactly what Frank and Myrnin had said, but they couldn't be right, Shane and I were meant for each other, this was just another obstacle. "You don't deserve that life Claire. It would torture you; it would torture me, watching you grow old while I stay young. You deserve to follow your dreams, leave Morganville, have a family Claire. I can't give you any of that now."
"That doesn't matter right now!" I say desperately. "We'll figure something out when the time comes, but for now—let's just enjoy what we have okay? We have time before we have to figure all of that out. I won't leave you Shane; I love you no matter what."
"Claire…" Shane says, and I don't want to talk about the future anymore, talk about the struggles to come, so I kiss him. He stiffens at first, but then he kisses me back, hungrily, desperately. And even if I can still taste blood on his lips and that disgusts me, it's still Shane. My Shane and I love him, despite everything.
We kiss and we kiss, making up for the months apart. And when he kisses my neck and his cool lips hesitate over the skin, I know what I need to do. "Do it Shane," I breathe. "It's okay, I trust you." He hesitates another second before he kisses me there again and his fangs sink in a second later.
It hurts, but only for a second, and then I feel happy because I'm making him happy. I'm feeding him, making him better, showing that I trust him, that I love him unconditionally and I'm enveloped in a warm glow. He stops after and immeasurable amount of time and I feel light headed, but I know he didn't take too much.
I snuggle in next to his cool body, smiling. We were okay now, problems were just around the bend, but for now it was just Shane and me, free from all worries. And that was a nice change.