I'm so sorry for disappearing. I thought I'd be able to get the new chapter up before I left for vacation for a month, but I didn't and then I was traveling without much opportunity to write, let alone post. But I'm back! Vacation was great, but it's also good to be back home.

A quick thank you to all my reviewers. I'll get to the individual thank you's, but wanted the chapter up first since it's been so long. And a big thank you for the support in the flame-situation. No, it wasn't the first flame, and in comparison it was actually pretty mild, but I figured it was good to show people the kind of reactions a writer sometimes has to deal with. I'm sure we all get them, but we all delete them and so it's easy to feel like you're the only one. So I approved it.

Anyone…I'll stop rambling. Let's get on with the story.

Chapter 19

The two youngsters exchanged a look before slipping through the door. It was amazing how trusting people were. The two had long discovered that the secretary kept a copy of the key in a little decorated box – clearly a treasured souvenir from some tropical vacation – on the window sill. It hadn't been difficult to distract her enough to get the key. They'd put it back before the woman could even miss it. She'd be none the wiser.

The wait till dark had been much more difficult. They'd decided that the day time wasn't the best option for what would technically not be a break-in since they were using a key, yet still had to be executed unseen. There'd be less chance to be seen in the dark, especially not since most students would be out partying, unless they were studying for finals on a precious Saturday night and not even Crane did that. Of course, Crane had studied all day, or had tried to. But he wasn't partying now. No, instead, he was standing in a dark office with a small flashlight.

"Okay, you check John's file, I'll look at Alex's," June whispered while Crane closed the blinds.

"Okay…just make sure not to point the flash light at the blinds. Just to be sure."

"Of course…" June almost giggled. They sounded like pros, she thought. They were even wearing gloves and dark sweaters. It didn't take her long to find Alex's file and almost less time to realize there was nothing there. In a way, it made sense, because no one would file an anonymous letter in a student file. But they'd had to check. She walked over to Crane. "Found something."

"Not much. Just what you'd expect. Except…."

"What?"

"Well, it's weird…word is that he's fired, but it says here that he quit."

"So?" June was looking over his shoulder, "They probably gave him the option. When you're applying for a job it's easier to explain why you quit than to have to explain being fired."

"True…" Crane admitted and silenced a nagging voice in the back of his mind, "But anyway, there's nothing here. We'll have to go into the dean's office."

Putting the file away and closing the cabinet was quickly done. No one would see the files had been touched, Crane was sure. He hoped it would be as easy in the other office. Fortunately, closing the front door seemed to give everyone the idea that whatever was inside was locked as well, so the dean's office wasn't locked either. But where would he keep an anonymous black mail note?

"There's a small filing cabinet in the corner," June pointed as she walked in its direction. It, too, wasn't locked and she started to go through it while Crane sat down in the dean's chair behind the desk. The dean was an extraordinary tidy person. There was a leather writing mat that Crane lifted to find nothing there. Not even dust. There was a photo frame of the man's wife and kids that Crane ignored. The man didn't even leave work on his desk. Crane grinned, thinking the man would never survive in their chaotic household.

Next, Crane checked the drawers on the right side of the desk. The bottom one contained files, but not what they were looking for. The second drawer just showed pens, pencils, an eraser, everything very well organized in separate compartments. The only thing in that drawer that looked out of place was a small blue and purple rubber frog. Crane wondered if it was a toy belonging to one of the kids, or maybe a personal mascot? But he didn't dwell on that question. Instead, he tried the top drawer only to find it closed. "Hmmm.."

"What?" June asked from the corner.

"This drawer is closed."

"Try the pen box on the desk. It's where most people keep their keys. Stupid, but true."

Crane looked up and shuffled through the pens in the box. "Noop." He opened the second drawer again and there it was: in one of the compartments was a small key. He tried it and the drawer opened. He found a few files and when he went through them, he found what he was looking for: an opened envelop with the dean's name on it in cut=out newspaper letters. "Bingo!"

June quickly put the file cabinet back in order and closed it before walking over to the desk. "Found it?"

"Sure did….geesh, this is really cliché though, look!" Even June had to grin.

"He sure read too many detective novels."

"No kidding…and the letter itself isn't much better. It's clearly blackmail. Fire him or we'll let everyone know that he's gay. Well, in more insulting words." Crane didn't even want June to read it. He had immediately folded it and put it back in the envelop. "Come on, let's get out of here." He put the envelop in his pocket and carefully locked the drawer and put the key back where he'd found it.

Seconds later, the two were out and on their way back to Crane's dorm to discuss their follow-up strategy. They had been so busy discussing the injustice of the dismissal and the plans for finding proof, that they hadn't really thought about their next step.

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"Raisins, nuts, cranberry sauce," Brian was sifting through the groceries in his cart while checking things off the list for the second time. He absolutely did not want to have to go back just to get a forgotten item. Actually, he didn't mind grocery shopping. It wasn't his hobby, but he didn't mind. Unlike Adam. Adam hated it with a passion. Brian could almost enjoy it. That is, if it was less crowded. Unfortunately, a week before Christmas it was far from quiet in the supermarket. He'd driven an hour because their regular supermarket didn't carry everything he wanted and found this one so crowded that he had a hard time getting through the different aisles.

Not only was it hard to reach what he needed, people were also incredibly rude. Five times now someone had bumped their cart straight into him. The first time he'd easily accepted the mumbled words that sounded like 'excuse me', but after the second time he realized the excuses didn't mean anything. People were just pushing their way through and if that meant hitting ankles with the carts or even going straight over someone's foot, that was just how it had to be.

And the children! There was a reason Brian liked to do this particular shopping trip alone, even if it would have been nice to have a few extra hands to gather and carry groceries. He'd learned early on that children and supermarkets were a bad combination. Even now most of his brothers were in their teens, he preferred to go alone. So why people were shopping with toddlers in these crowds was a mystery to him. Kids didn't handle crowds well, and it was clearly past naptime for the two little ones the lady next to him was lugging around. They were whiny and on the verge of full-on tantrums and he knew that when one started, the other would follow suit. It took strong and consistent parenting to be able to get through it and that was only if you didn't take tired kids into the store.

He took a deep breath and headed for the next aisle. He was nearly done and he'd promised himself a cold beer as soon as he got home and everything was put away. He'd be the only one there and would just take half an hour to relax before the troops came home demanding food and attention. He turned the corner and headed straight for what he needed while keeping his focus on the moving carts in order to avoid more bumps. He safely reached his destination and reached for the minced pies, Ford's Christmas favorite.

"Hey, watch it! You almost tore that from my hand!"

The shrill voice next to him caused him to look up, "Sorry…" Before he'd fully looked up he took another glance at the stack of minced pies, unable to understand why this person was bothered about exactly that pack he was holding.

"It's okay, you just startled m…Ohhh…" There was shock in the voice and when Brian finally turned to look at her he realized why.

"Ah Miss Emilly Morgan," He almost grinned at her frazzled look. Not only did she look like she'd just woken up, but the deer-in-the-headlight expression on her face complemented the look. If it hadn't reminded him of the last time he'd seen that look, in their own kitchen, he would have laughed. As it was, he couldn't help teasing a little, "I thought you were ill. Shopping out of town to avoid being caught playing hooky by the principal?"

"I…no, I mean…yes…no,"

"Well? Is it no or yes? I do have to warn you to have a better come back in case you do run into someone from work."

"You are not funny!"

The deer-in-the-headlight look was making place for a more fiery look. It was rather becoming. "I hear that a lot lately."

"Maybe you should listen to those that tell you that."

"Nah, where would the fun be?" He glanced at her, "You do look like you're unwell. So why not go to our regular supermarket for the necessaries? Or ask help?"

"Not that I owe you an explanation, Brian McFadden, but I am sick. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that groceries magically appear in my fridge and since I only moved to Murphys this semester, I don't know anyone that could help me. So why here and not in Murphys? I could ask you the same thing!"

"That's easy: more variety."

"Well, that's my reason too." She stuck her chin in the air a little, as if daring him to contradict her.

"Doesn't sound smart to me when you're ill, but hey, who I am to judge?"

"Exactly!" She picked up another pack of minced pies and was about to turn when she looked up, her eyes having changed again. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm acting like this…"

When her voice trailed off Brian finished her sentence for her, "defensive?"

She blushed, "Yeah, defensive. I'm the one who was in the wrong a week ago and now I snap at you again."

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were into me," Brian teased. When the color of her face turned to an even deeper red he started to feel sorry for her, "Now I'm the one who's sorry. Look, you apologized for what you said and I accept that. I'm used to people telling me I should change my ways. Nothing new."

"I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't even know you. I still don't."

"Like I said, nothing I haven't heard before."

"I saw your face. You may think you're good at hiding hurt, but it was there. A flash of hurt. And I caused it. You'd done nothing to deserve that. And neither did Adam. I don't know anything about living in the country. And certainly nothing about your background."

"You heard how I date another girl every other week. You heard about a couple of bar fights I got in. And you felt the need to protect and defend the guy you're falling in love with."

She looked down to hide her eyes, knowing they always gave away her true feelings. "Still shouldn't have listened to gossip. I just…."

"I get it, really…"

"No, you don't. I don't want to be that kind of person. The judgmental kind."

"So? So okay, you judged me. Unfairly in my own opinion, but it's just an opinion. And since I don't know you either, your opinion really doesn't matter much to me. Besides, I don't think you were trying to be malicious. You meant well. You said it because you care."

"More like out of fear."

Brian raised his eyebrows at her mumbled words. "Fear?"

"Never mind. Again…I'm sorry." And with that, she turned and took off, too quickly for Brian with his full cart.

"Damn it!"

"Watch your language, young man! There are children here!" He found himself scolded by an older man passing him.

"Yes, sir…I'm sorry." Brian wasn't one to swear easily. Not since he'd gone through a little swearing phase when he was 7. He thought that the kids had no business in the store anyway, but wasn't about to point that out. He knew he shouldn't have sworn.

He watched Emily take off and knew he'd never catch up with her unless he left his cart there and he couldn't do that. So he finished his shopping and suffered through the long lines at the check-out before finally being able to load the groceries into the truck and head home. It was hard to put the conversation out of his mind though. Why would she have spoken out of fear a week ago? And why had she suddenly taken off?

He was about to turn onto the highway when he noticed her standing next to a little car in the corner of the parking lot. The hood was open and she was staring inside. He stopped and put the car in reverse causing another car to have to swerve out of the way. When they honked he held up his hand in apology and then motioned at the girl. The man didn't see that though and drove on. Brian stopped next to her and got out.

"Car trouble?"

Dear lord, were the McFaddens following her? She didn't look up. "It won't start."

"Want me to have a look?"

She wanted to say no. She wanted to say she could take care of herself. But, although that was true in most cases, she wasn't too great with cars and this was clearly too much for her to deal with. She had tried the few things she knew, but had no idea what was wrong. Common sense dictated her answer, "If you wouldn't mind…"

"Of course I don't," As she stepped aside Brian took her place, but it didn't take him long to come to the painful conclusion, "I'm sorry…." He straightened up and took his handkerchief out to get the grime off his hands, "I wish I had better news…"

"It can't be fixed." She didn't even make it a question.

"Well…I guess it could be, but…," He took another glance at the car. The rusted vehicle barely deserved the name automobile. He was actually surprised it had driven here all the way from Murphys. "Considering it's age and the amount of work that needs to be done, I'm not sure you should put that much money into it. I certainly can't fix it right here." And that was saying a lot. Having lived on a ranch all his life, the McFadden boys were all very capable at fixing their own vehicles and equipment. "I mean, I may be able to find a good deal on some parts for you…but…."

"It's garbage. That's what you're saying. But you're trying to say it nicely."

Brian shrugged, "You might get a bit more time out of it, but I just don't think it's worth it. I mean….you have to be safe too."

She turned her head to hide the emotion. She was near panic. The move to Murphys had taken all her savings and she hadn't been there long enough to save up enough for a new car. Not even for a new old car. And without a car she couldn't leave Murphys. "Well," She cleared her throat, "Thanks for your help. I'll just…I'll take it from here then."

He had his hand on her back before he had time to consider how she would react to that. It was an instinctual move on his part. "Don't be like that," his voice was soft, "Is it really so hard to accept help?"

"No…" She didn't shrug his hand off, but didn't look up.

"Or is it because it's me?" When there was no answer he continued, "I promise I have no ulterior motive. I know I have a reputation, but if you listen to the gossipers you'd also find out that part of that reputation is that I am a generous person that likes to help people. Not every offer of help is a pick up line. I promise."

"It's not that. I know you wouldn't….not after last week and not with me having dated your brother. That's against some kind of code, isn't it?"

Brian chuckled softly, "Well, I guess it is. We never reached that bridge so never had to cross it. But you're right, I wouldn't. Especially not since I know…or at least suspect…that Adam still likes you. And you like him."

"Doesn't matter," Emily did look up now. "Anyway, you can't help me. You just stated that."

He noted that she didn't deny his suspicion, but filed that away for later. "Well, we could call a tow truck and have coffee while we wait for them to arrive."

She wasn't sure how she could get through having coffee with him without giving into her tears. She was fighting them as it was. But this man was not taking no for an answer. The oldest two McFaddens definitely were alike in that respect. When they set their minds to something, it was going to happen.

Not waiting for an answer Brian started lifting her grocery bags from her car to his truck and she resigned herself to her fate. Still, she couldn't help one more attempt at getting out of it, "What about your groceries?"

"Well, it's all safely in the car. And the meat is in the cooler, so nothing will spoil either."

"Oh."

"Come on. There's a coffee place around the corner. Good coffee and their lemon meringue pie is to die for. And the best part is, they have a phone." He opened the passenger door and after locking her car, Emily climbed in.

"You sure are persistent."

"I know," he winked and got in as well. Within minutes they were sitting in a small, but warm and friendly coffee house. After ordering, Brian asked if he could use the phone and made the necessary call. When he got back to the table the lemon meringue and coffee had already been served.

"They should be here in about 45 minutes. They're at another job now and after that they'll come straight to us. So we have some time to kill." He sat down and took a sip of the hot dark liquid. "You sure pie is all you're having? You look like you could use more than that."

"I'm fine." She was holding her fork, but wasn't actually eating. Her mind was spinning with worries.

Brian studied her for a few moments. In the store he'd thought she'd just woken up, but it was more than that. The young woman that had looked so together the times he'd met her, now was wearing a complete mismatch of clothes. He may be a man, but even he could see the colors clashed. Her hair looked like it hadn't been washed in a couple of days. Her eyes were red and there were dark circles under her eyes. The worried look might have been because of the car, but this was about more. "Is this about Adam?"

She blinked at the abrupt question, feeling the tears sting her eyes, "No." It was partly true.

"Sorry, I'm usually not this blunt, but it's clear you're very upset about something and considering the state you're already in, this has to be more than the car."

She could only shrug, afraid her voice would betray everything.

"So I'm right. There is more."

In an attempt to stall she finally took a bite of her pie. Despite everything she found herself melting as she tasted the soft meringue.

"Good huh?"

She nodded, "Yeah you were right. This is to die for."

"Well, don't take that too literally."

That made her look up, "I'm not quite that bad."

"Well, you look like you've been hiding under a blanket for a week. Until you ran out of food and had to go to the store."

It was too close to the truth for comfort. "I've been sick."

"So I heard. But you know…the timing of your illness is quite interesting."

"Are you always this annoying?"

"No, I don't always succeed." He grinned, but then became serious again, "Okay, I know you are full of prejudice against me, but I'm a nice guy. Honest. And I'm a good listener. When I'm not goofing off or flirting." Actually, it was a character trait that had landed him more dates than he could remember.

"I'm sure you are."

"I could continue to guess….because I don't think you'd get all depressed after only three dates. Even though you don't look like the type to date just anyone….I'm sure you've experienced some dates that didn't work out before. So….either you had already really fallen in love with my brother, or there's more to this."

"Look, you're really nice in helping me out and I don't want to be rude, but this is all none of your business."

"I know. But I see hurt and I can't help wanting to fix things. I'm a fixer. It's what I do."

"And when things can't be fixed?"

"You mean…when you can't be fixed?" He kept his voice gentle and when he saw her raw reaction he knew he'd hit the nail on its head, "Everyone can be fixed, honey." The term of endearment slipped out before he caught himself. "It can't be that bad, can it?"

"I'm just stupid. Worthless."

"Whoah!" The impact of those words felt like a shock to the 22-year-old. "Don't you ever speak of yourself that way! That's plain bullying."

"It's hardly bullying when you're talking about yourself."

"Actually, that's the worst kind of bullying there is. If you were one of our boys you'd find yourself over my knee or getting your mouth washed out for name calling."

"Good thing I'm not then." She tried to sound strong and feisty, but failed. "But it's the truth. They say you end up like your parents and it's true. You can't escape it. Look at you and Adam…I've never known your parents, but I know you must be just like them. And then look at me….just like my parents. I tried hard not to be, but there's no escape."

Brian found himself lost for words for a while. He tried to gather his thoughts. There was a lot of information available, but he felt he just couldn't put it all together and come to a conclusion. "Are you saying you didn't have the best of parents?" That was hard to imagine to the guy who felt he'd had the best parents anyone could have had.

She snorted, "They tried. When dad wasn't drinking."

And then the figurative light bulb appeared over Brian's head. Suddenly everything clicked. "Your dad was an alcoholic."

"Yeah."

"Did he….was he a violent drunk?"

"No, just a nasty one."

"Ah….and you believed what he said."

"You do after a while."

"Maybe. But you're an adult now. You live on your own. You've gone to college, I'm going to assume you worked yourself through. You've got a good, steady job. You're a great teacher. Your students think you're great. You clearly proved him wrong. You are far from worthless. And I don't even want to hear you call yourself stupid. He has no power over you. Unless you still let him."

"Well, I guess I do, because no matter how hard I try, I always mess up my life."

"Aren't you a little hard on yourself now?"

"Well, look what I did last week. I had a good thing going there. And I ruined it."

"Well, you made it difficult, that I won't deny. Adam is a protective kind of guy. He'll yell at me for going out and coming home drunk, but if anyone else says something all hell breaks loose. Like I said, I'm over it."

"Well, you shouldn't. It was a mean thing to say."

"I think you got scared. You heard about my drinking, fighting and womanizing ways and you couldn't help compare me to your dad. It's okay. I understand that. I may not be like that, but you can't help gut reactions like fear."

"But I shouldn't. It wasn't fair and it wasn't true."

"No, it wasn't and I'm glad you see that, but I can see where you were coming from. And Adam is a forgiving man. In the end. He'll forgive you."

"You two are too nice." She was playing with her food again as a single tear slipped down.

"You'll find most people are. If you give them half a chance. Now, stop playing with that pie and take a good sized bite."

She found herself obeying and a part of her wondered if that was a response to the parental tone in the young man sitting across the table. "Maybe I should just move away and start anew somewhere else."

"Now, you eat and I talk," Brian leaned on his elbows, his chin on his hands. "You've had a bad childhood. I get that. And I know that things that happen when we're children or teenagers, have their effect later on in life. But there comes a point in time where you have to let go and stop letting the past determine your future. You control who you are and how you see the world. No one else. So pull yourself together, get back to work, to the job you love, and stop listening to your dad's voice in your head. It's that simple. You can't let his voice become your voice. Walking away now is cowardice and I don't think you're a coward." He watched her eat through her tears and sipped his coffee. "As to Adam…only thing you can do is talk to him. Be honest. I don't know if things will work out, but you gotta put on your big girl pants and face your fears. Or you'll live under that blanket the rest of your life."

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"Yes! One more exam to go and we're done," Crane grinned broadly at his friends David, June and Martin. "Wanna go grab a coffee before we hit the books again?"

"You and your studying," David complained, "Of course I wanna go grab a coffee….a beer would be nicer."

"Well," Martin slapped him on the back, "Let's put off the beer until tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah," June agreed, "I sure love celebrating, but waiting sounds smart."

"Good," Crane pushed the door to the small coffee shop on campus open. "I'll leave it to you to find us a spot," It was busy, but June was always good at finding seats. He always teased her with that.

"Sure, but my expertise comes at a price," June kept her face straight.

"Hmm…let me guess," Crane pretended to think, "a coffee."

"Of course," And with that she was off leaving the three boys standing.

"Are you sure you're not secretly dating her?" David tried again. "The way you two are always together and the constant teasing, the inside jokes…."

"Give it up, Dave, we're just friend," Crane walked up to the counter while his two friends behind him exchanged knowing glances. They had a bet going on and David was counting on winning. "Two coffee and two hot chocolate, please. Large." He placed his order as he reached into his back pocket. A small frown appeared on his face and he checked the other pocket, even though his wallet was always in the other one. "Eh guys….I guess I left my wallet at home."

"Very convenient, pal," But Martin already reached for his own wallet. His folks were well-off and unlike the other three, he never had any worries about money. On top of that, he was as easy-going as Ford was and enjoyed sharing with his friends. "First round of beer's on you tomorrow."

"Sure," Crane grinned knowing there was no such thing as rounds of beer. It wasn't like they could just go out and buy beer at a bar anyway. So they'd be partying at the dorm. And since Martin was his roommate…his room was where the beer was. The legal drinking age may have been 21, but there were always ways to get it and having money helped. Crane wasn't a party animal, but even he was ready for a little celebrating after all the exams were behind them.

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"Hey, you'd better leave some of that corn bread, buddy," Adam warned Evan who was loading up his plate. "You know Ford loves it."

"Well, he should be here then," but Evan did put the extra piece he'd taken back on the plate.

"How about we say that the next time you're late because of working on the set or football practice or just playing at a friend's house. Hmm?" Adam didn't have to see Evan's face to know the look he was getting.

"I put it down, didn't I?"

"You did, but there's no need for the attitude," why did the kids always have to be this difficult this time of year? He wondered if their parents ever wondered the same thing when he was young. Younger, he corrected himself.

"Sorry." Evan's apology came quickly. Adam had been short tempered the last couple of days and the boy had no intention of having to miss out on dinner. BBQ chicken, oven roasted potatoes and corn bread, how could you go wrong with that?! The beans he'd eat because he had to, but as far as Evan was concerned Brian needn't have bothered with those.

To divert attention Brian looked at Daniel, "Looking forward to the concert on Friday?"

"Yeah," Daniel grinned, "It's gonna be great. Too bad Crane can't be there. He's probably the only one who'd appreciate Miss Morgan's contribution. She's going to be reciting some poetry."

"At a concert?" Guthrie was so surprised he nearly dropped his spoon. "Ain't it supposed to be music or singing?"

"Isn't it supposed to be, and careful, kiddo," Adam corrected, but then Daniel's words penetrated his brain, "She's back?"

"Yeah, she started today. Definitely better than Mr. Young, that's for sure."

"It sounded like he needed some more experience," Brian calmly observed.

"Yeah, like a couple of years." It had actually surprised Daniel how easy Miss Morgan's class had been to handle. It could have been awkward, but it wasn't.

"Always be kind to those that need help," Adam said softly. "That's what mom always said. And she was right."

"Yeah, we weren't too kind to him, I know," Daniel conceded, "And I told him I was sorry. Can't speak for the entire class, but I really was and so I had to apologize. Good thing I did, because today she was back."

"Good for you for apologizing," Brian couldn't feel more proud of the boy at that moment. His musical talent was something to be nurtured, but it was his heart that made his older brothers burst with pride. While they spoke he kept looking at Adam from the corner of his eye. It was clear that the news affected the oldest McFadden. Brian had not told Adam about his meeting with Emily. He'd waited with her until the tow truck arrived and had offered her help with finding a new vehicle if she decided to write this one off. She had said she would let him know. They had parted on good terms and he had a feeling she would stick around and follow his advice. "So she's going to be in the Christmas show, is she?"

"Yeah," Evan grinned, "They were trying to get her to sing as well. She has a good voice, but she said she'd prefer to recite."

"I guess that's more in her comfort zone," Brian remarked. He was actually rather proud of her for going back and actually even stepping up to the plate in participating in the show. That was more than anyone could expect. He also felt a little pride in the way he had handled their little talk. He truly had forgiven her completely and knowing that she was facing her fears made him even like her. Not everyone could be that strong. Especially after having started to fold. "Well, we'll get to see her Friday. Can't wait to see the show. Set should look amazing too, Ev."

"It will!" Evan was excited even if he wasn't on stage himself. "Christmas is gonna be great!"