Loved all the reviews. Sometimes it's really a shame I can't reply to guest reviews, just know they're just as appreciated!

An especially big thank you to sueturpen for telling me a bit about the area, Murphys, as well as Davis, and for being a sounding board on the 70s. It really helped with the rest of the story.

And an equally big thank you to Jasper's Mom for our discussion on music of the 70s. It not only brought back memories, but inspired a little scene in this chapter.

Of course, any mistakes are completely mine!

Hope you'll all enjoy this.

Chapter 20

"Adam?"

"What's up, buddy?" Adam was about to turn off the light by the door, but halted and looked back. Ford was leaning on his elbow and looked at his brother.

"When's Crane coming home?"

"You know when, buddy," Adam released the door knob and walked back to Ford's bed. "Wednesday's his last exam, but he'll be celebrating with his buddies and so he's coming home on Friday." He sat down on the bed.

"Oh…yeah, I guess I knew…" The boy tried to hide the disappointment, but Adam didn't miss it.

"Something on your mind?" He sat down on the bed resting his hand on Ford's side.

"Don't matter now anyways."

"It doesn't matter anyway."

"Yeah…"

"But it looks like it does, buddy," Adam couldn't resist stroking the boy's hair. "Why don't you tell me and we'll see whether it matters or not."

"If he's home on Friday, he's home on Friday," Ford snuggled under the covers, feeling very safe with Adam there. And since Evan still had 15 minutes before he'd be up Ford enjoyed the private time with his oldest brother and substitute-parent. He tried to keep his voice indifferent.

"I think it matters to you…you miss him, don't you?"

"Yeah…it's not the same without him," It was a nice escape. It was true that Ford missed Crane. It was, in fact, the reason he was upset that the older boy wasn't going to be there on Thursday. "I'd hoped he'd be here sooner."

"Hmmm well, he'll be here in time for Christmas."

"Yeah," Ford stifled a yawn.

"You need your sleep, kiddo," Adam continued to stroke his hair, knowing it always calmed the second-youngest of the family.

"Don't go yet…"

"I'm right here, buddy, don't worry." Suddenly a thought his Adam and he said softly, "Is it about the Christmas Parent Day-show?"

Ford had to swallow hard. "It's just…you helped Guthrie with his project and you're gonna be there to see it in the exhibition…"

"And Crane helped you with yours and he's not there to see it." Ford shrugged, afraid he'd cry if he said something. So Adam gently continued, "Did you tell him your greenhouse experiment would also be displayed?"

"No," Ford whispered hoarsely. "It was going to be a surprise."

"You'd hoped he'd be here sooner." A nod was Adam's answer. "Oh buddy," wish his thumb he brushed at the tear that insisted to betray Ford. "I'm sorry. I never realized you were still hoping he would be home in time."

"It's okay…"

"No, it's not. It's reality, but that doesn't mean it can't hurt. It's okay to feel sad about it, kiddo."

"I'm too big to cry over this."

Adam hid a smile, knowing his brother wouldn't appreciate feeling that he was being laughed at, "No one's too big to cry."

"You never cry."

Adam sighed, "Oh I do…sometimes…"

"I've never seen you cry."

That would be because the oldest McFadden had always done his crying in private. "Doesn't mean I never do. I cried when you got lost in the mall a few years ago and we found you eating ice cream with that old lady."

Ford snorted, "You spanked me!"

"Well, you wandered off on your own when I'd told you to stay beside me. But I hugged you first."

"And then you spanked me!"

"And I was crying while I did it."

"In the mall!"

Adam sighed, "Yeah, I did, didn't I? I'd been so scared, kid. You have no idea of all the bad things I thought had happened. And then to find you. And to realize you were eating ice cream and enjoying yourself."

"It's okay…I get it, Adam. You don't do scared very well."

"Crane taught you that, didn't he?"

Ford nodded, "He said that sometimes when parents get that scared, they hug and swat at the same time. They love you so much."

"He said that, huh?" at Ford's nod Adam laughed, "Well, Crane should know. I'm sure he remembered the time he got lost at the fair when he was about the same age."

"He got lost too?"

"Sure did. And got the same treatment when mom caught up with him."

"Mom spanked him?"

"Oh you think mom never did? Think again, buddy."

"I always thought…"

"You thought wrong. I promise."

In a way Ford thought it was cool he and Crane had something in common. It wasn't often that he felt that with his older brother, even if it was misbehavior. In fact, that might have made it even cooler. Ford yawned again.

"I promise I'll be there. And Brian'll be there. In fact, everyone else will be there. We're all very proud of you and Guthrie. And then we'll all go to see Daniel's and Evan's show in their school. We'll have a great time, I promise."

"It's gonna be a busy day, Thursday," Ford commented as he stifled yet another yawn.

"It will be…so you'll need all the sleep you can get. Now…" Adam bent over his younger brother and kissed him on the forehead. Without Evan there, the boy didn't protest at all. "Sweet dreams."

"Love you."

"Love you more."

"Love you most."

"Love you ad infinitum..." and everyone knew that it was impossible to love someone more and longer than that. Adam adjusted Ford's quilt and as he watched the boy's eyes getting heavy he got up and exited the room.

As he walked down the stairs Evan was just heading for the stairs.

"Brian says I can read for 15 minutes. Till I hear Daniel come up," Evan said as if afraid Adam would take that right away again.

"That's okay, I'll come up when Daniel goes up, to say goodnight."

"I'll turn the light off, you don't have to check."

"It's not that, kid, I believe you."

"Then you don't have to check."

"Okay…if you don't want me tucking you in….but only use your night lamp, okay? Ford's asleep or almost asleep."

"Kay…"

A little puzzled Adam continued on to the kitchen to find Brian drinking a cocoa and Daniel putting his books away.

"Ford asleep?"

"Pretty much," Adam couldn't resist ruffling Daniel's hair. "Homework done?"

"You'd think teachers had more compassion this time of year," Daniel grumbled causing Adam to laugh.

"That much huh?"

"Yeah…but it's done and I'm beat. I'm gonna head up already. Might read a bit in bed."

"Okay," Adam watched the boy get up and gather his books under his arm. "Goodnight then," he pulled Daniel over for a quick kiss on the head before making himself a cocoa as well. After Daniel had left he glanced at Brian, "Is it me or is there something going on?"

Brian shrugged, "They've been whispering a bit ever since they came home from school."

"Whispering…early to bed…maybe I'm paranoid, but I call it experience. There's something suspicious going on."

Brian laughed, "Bro…come on, it's Christmas time! Of course they're whispering and staying out of sight. They asked me if they could stay in town after school tomorrow. They were very secretive about that too. I just promised to pick them up later."

Adam had the decency to look embarrassed, "Of course…I completely forgot."

"You forgot about Christmas? Shame on you!" Brian couldn't resist as he got up and got some marshmallows for his brother.

"Of course I didn't…but…oh you know what I mean." He put the mini marshmallows in the hot chocolate. "I'm just glad I didn't say anything to them."

"So keep it that way and don't ask too many questions tomorrow. That way they won't have to tell you lies." Brian sat back down himself.

"I won't," Adam promised before sipping the hot liquid in his favorite mug. "We should be drinking eggnog by now."

"Mom's recipe or dad's?"

Adam laughed again, "Dad's of course!" Their father had been famous for putting far too much bourbon in it. There were always two separate batches. One non-alcoholic for the kids and one for the grownups. But as soon as mom was out of the kitchen their dad would come in and add more bourbon. As his oldest sons got older he even shared a bit of the spiked treat.

"Figured as much," Brian leaned back in his chair, almost to the point of pushing the front legs off the floor, something they would certainly scold the boys for. "So what's on the agenda tomorrow?"

"Aside from the regular watering, hauling hay, checking the water troughs and opening up the ice on the creek and all that fun stuff?"

"Funny guy…yeah, aside from all the regular stuff?"

"We'll need to check the fences in the northern section before the weekend. We won't get that done during Christmas."

"Well, with Crane home on Saturday, that might actually be a good chore for the weekend," Brian thought out loud.

"True," Adam nodded and continued, "Need some repair work done on the barn. The door almost fell off its hinges, for starters."

"I can do that tomorrow. I need to take a look at the furnace too, by the way…it wasn't working properly earlier and we don't want it breaking down."

"Oh God, no…" Adam's face contorted.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine. Might need to clean out the vents soon though. That should help too." Unfortunately, taking care of the house usually took a backseat to the rest of the ranch. "OH, and the vets coming to check on Ace. Just to make sure the infection is really gone."

"He looked fine when I checked earlier today. Well, I guess we're going to be busy."

"You bet…and we'll have to make up some time because Thursday's going to be mostly out. We need to be at Guthrie's and Ford's exhibition at 2pm. That cuts into our day."

"Ford is really upset that Crane won't be there." The memory of that crestfallen face would haunt Adam.

"Maybe you should call him and ask him if he can come home a day early?"

But Adam shook his head, "That's not fair to Crane. He's entitled to some time for himself. When I think about all the things we relied on him for, it wasn't fair on him. So I'm not taking him away from his after-finals celebration with his buddies just so he can be at the kids' school for an hour."

"I agree," Brian nodded, "we'll just have to make up for it." The two sipped their cocoa for a few moments in companionable silence. Brian couldn't help thinking back to the conversation he'd had with Emily the previous day and Adam's reaction when he heard she was back in school. But how to get his brother to talk to her? "Are you dreading the concert knowing Emily will be there?"

Adam looked up, startled, "Eh…I don't think so…I mean…we only went on three dates, if you count lunch here."

"Still," Brian said softly, "You felt strongly about her."

"Yeah…." Adam's eyes glazed over and Brian knew he was right.

"What if she tries to talk to you?"

"I was raised a gentleman and most of the times I show it," Adam looked up at his brother, "Don't give me that look."

"What look?" Brian feigned innocence.

"You know what look…the one that questions every word I say."

"Actually…well, okay, I admit: most of the times is an exaggeration, but that's not what I was thinking. I was thinking it wasn't fair of me to hide things from you."

"Hide things from me?" Adam leaned forward, puzzled.

"Well, I ran into her yesterday when I was out grocery shopping."

"In Stockton?"

"Yeah."

"Why would she go all the way there when she's ill?"

"Well, she was back in school the next day, so not very ill anymore."

"Still…"

"I know. I thought the same thing…anyway…we got to talking."

"Don't!" Adam sat up straight, "Don't tell me you're falling for her now."

"Oh gee, you're as bad as she is. No, I'm not falling for her. And I was not hitting on her."

"Oh…sorry…"

"I swear, if you weren't my brother…."

"I said I'm sorry…"

"So did she."

"Doesn't change a thing and you know it."

"I can't betray her confidence and I won't, but if she does talk to you…"

"That's a big if! She seems to be avoiding me completely. I thought she was leaving town just to avoid me."

"No, she's not. She's staying. And I have a feeling she might try to talk to you. If she does…give her a chance."

"Bri…I know you mean well, but I'm in charge of my own love life, okay?"

"You're mostly upset because of her comments about me." Brian held up his hand when Adam opened his mouth to protest. "No, it's okay. I know. You can yell at me all you want and take digs at me, but when someone else does it, you get protective. It'd be sweet if it wasn't so damn annoying."

"She had no business judging you."

"No, but without saying too much, just keep in mind that everyone has their reasons for their actions and words. We all have baggage, big brother."

Adam rolled his eyes, "Well, mine's always neatly packed."

It was Brian's turn to roll his eyes, "Well, I could list a few things that still have wrinkles in it, could use some mending or are just plain sticking out of the suitcase. Just don't bite her head off, okay?"

"Okay, I promise I'll be nice to her. Happy?"

"Ecstatic." But despite the gruff tone, Brian was extremely pleased with the result of their talk. Adam always kept his promises.

"Let it go, Crane," June pleaded for the third time.

"I can't," Crane groaned, "I know it's getting late, but I just can't stop until this entire thing is over."

"This isn't just about tomorrow's exam, is it?" The pretty brunette closed her note book and leaned over the library table as she softly said, "This is about the letter."

Crane shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. It's weird. I know we decided, but I keep wondering if it's the right course."

"It is. It's the most honest one and that's what we want, right?"

"Yeah," it was bad enough they had snuck into the office and took the letter, Crane wanted to be open about what had happened, consequences be damned. June felt the same, although Crane suspected that she had an ulterior motive for wanting her involvement known. She wanted to embarrass her father. It was amazing that such a bigoted man had produced an open-minded daughter like June.

"Then stop worrying."

Crane wished he was as carefree as she was. He was a worrier. Always had been. Even his mom had called him too serious for his own good, and that was when he'd been eleven. He tried not to think about his mom, worried what she'd think of his recent actions. He hoped she'd at least approve of the sentiment behind them. He gave June a rueful smile, "That's easier said than done. You know me."

"Yeah, I do…" She grinned and playfully punched his arm. "Come on, why don't you crash here and leave your room to the boys. You won't get any rest there anyway with their partying."

Crane groaned and buried his face in his hands, "I didn't even think of that. They'll both be drunk."

"Well, not quite drunk, but definitely buzzed. It's a miracle they actually pass exams that way."

"But I can't crash here. In fact, I need to get going. It's been 10pm already."

"So?"

"So? Are you serious?" Crane rolled his eyes, "No boys here after 10pm? Remember that rule?" The fact that her dad had insisted she'd stay in an all-girl dormitory had led to quite a bit of friendly teasing on Crane's part.

June shrugged with a wink, "I don't follow the rules, didn't you realize that yet? And besides, we're not even dating."

"I don't think that really matters."

"I guess not. But no one saw you come in."

"And Maggie?" In fact, come to think of it, Crane wondered where June's roommate was. Maggie wasn't known for being a party girl. On the contrary. The girl was a mouse. Very studious, always on time. Always home after dinner. And always in bed by 10.

"Gone home. Her last exam was today and she was gone within an hour." June grinned, "So you see…nothing to worry about. You can crash on her bed if you want to be all modest about it."

"It's not that, silly," Although, if Crane was honest, part of it was that he didn't think it was proper to share a room with a girl, even if he slept in another bed.

"You know I can read your mind, right?" June had picked up her pillow and suddenly she wacked him square in the chest with it. "You don't have to protect my virtue. It's long gone."

"I don't have to know, June. We're not…you're not…I'm not…"

"You're so sweet. A real gentleman. The moment I met you I knew you were raised well." Her words made Crane blush, but the hint of sadness in his eyes was what caught her attention. "There's that sad face again. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up sad memories." She wacked him again, hoping bring a smile on his face and entice him to having some fun, but it didn't work and she put the pillow down. "Hey…" She reached out and took his face. "It's okay. Your mom would be proud of who you've become."

"I hope so." Crane said hoarsely and he couldn't look at her. He was fighting tears all of a sudden.

"I know so. You're a great guy. A good human being."

"We broke the law, June. I know it's right…or the cause is right, but does the end justify the means?"

"Sometimes you have to take a stand for what is right. You always have to do what's right, even if the establishment think's it's not."

Crane smiled. "You're bad, using my own words against me."

"Well, you're a wise man, Crane McFadden. And a brave man. A good man…" With every word their faces moved closer to one another. Neither of them knew who initiated the kiss, but all of a sudden they were kissing. All thoughts of letters and exams forgotten for the moment. Also forgotten was the lost wallet in its dark hiding place. It was waiting patiently as only inanimate objects can. Waiting to be found. Hopefully by its owner.

"Ford, Evan!" Brian threw their door open, "Time to get up…." Two groans sounded from under the covers.

"Five more minutes…" Evan hid his head under his pillows.

"I've heard that one before," Brian knew his brothers. He pulled the covers off and landed a mild swat on Evan's backside. "Up. Now!"

"Hey!" Evan sat up and shot his brother a glare that could melt ice. "I was coming."

"Sure you were." Brian turned his attention to Ford, "You too, young man."

But unlike Evan, Ford was already sitting, blinking against the light and shivering slightly, "I'm up."

"On your feet. As long as you're in your bed I don't trust you two to really be downstairs in ten minutes. And that's all you've got." As soon as two pair of feet his the cold floor Brian moved to the next room, "Dan'l…up you get!"

But before he had the chance to open Daniel's door the door swung open and a dressed Daniel appeared. "No need to yell, Bri, I'm up."

It took the older McFadden only three seconds to recover, "Okay…great…I guess miracles do happen. Breakfast in 45 minutes."

"I'll get to the chores." And off Daniel was, leaving a still slightly surprised Brian behind. The man stepped into the bathroom to quickly wash up. He'd already done his own share of the morning chores and needed to wash before starting breakfast. It was their regular morning routine. He was always up first and did his own chores before making breakfast while the younger boys did their own chores.

As he walked down the stairs he heard Guthrie singing in his young soprano and for a moment he grinned thinking the boy had Christmas on his mind. But then the lyrics penetrated his mind and the grin turned into a frown.

"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk. Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked…."

"Guthrie McFadden!" Brian called out and the boy looked up in shock. He'd stopped in the mid of dancing to the song as well and Brian had to hide a smile. The boy clearly had no idea what the Bee Gees were singing about and to watch him dance like John Travolta was pretty funny. But he hid the smile knowing he had to be the parent here.

"Brian?"

"Where on earth did you hear that song?"

"Eh…it's on the radio a lot. And Daniel was singing it with Evan dancing. It's fun, isn't it?" The boy's innocent eyes looked up at his older brother and Brian sighed. Suddenly, he was transported back in time to another brother singing inappropriate lyrics. To 8-year-old Ford Ray's Steven's lyrics of The Streak had been funny as hell and giggling he'd sung about the naked streaker in the store. The combination of the man who "ain't wearing no clothes" and the funny word "Boogity" had proven irresistible to the young boy, just as Guthrie found Staying Alive a fun song. It was popular, sounded good and kids had no idea what they were really singing. Brian knew that. But he also knew Mom would not have liked hearing her baby sing a song like this at his age.

"I didn't think Daniel liked disco music," he hedged.

Guthrie shrugged, "I think it's in the Christmas show."

Brian raised his eyebrow. "In the Christmas show? I thought that was about Christmas."

"I dunno..he said they were rehearsing it. I think he's singing it."

"What do you think it's about?" Brian tried not to be too judgmental about music, but disco was not his thing. In fact, none of them listened to it much.

Another shrug, "Bout staying alive?"

"When you sing you're a woman's man, that gives a very wrong impression. Remember us talking about not saying chicks, birds, bunnies or foxy when you're talking about girls."

"Uh huh, you can't say foxy mama either," Guthrie remembered.

"Exactly. That's not nice."

"I don't say that, Brian, ever," Guthrie reassured.

"Well, saying you're a woman's man and talk about women warm, is pretty much the same. It's not nice talk."

Guthrie's face fell, "It's just a fun song, Brian. I don't mean nothing by it. I didn't know."

"I know it's a fun song, but now that you know, I don't think you'll want to sing it anymore."

Guthrie shrugged for the third time, "I guess…"

"You don't sound convinced."

"Well…Daniel sings it. How come he can and I can't. And how come that guy on the radio can?"

"Well, the guys that sing this are grownups and I can't tell them what to sing. As to Daniel…I'll have to ask him what the story is. If it's in the show the school approved it. He is a little older than you are, after all." And they could hardly fault the school for not banning popular music and movies.

"But if it's not nice to talk that way bout girls, how come it's okay when you're older?"

"That, Guthrie, is a very good question."

"So?" Guthrie gave his older brother an expectant look and not for the first time, Brian cursed himself for having started a conversation in the first place. Maybe he should have just ignored the song. It wasn't all that bad, really. In fact, it was pretty funny. Right? But now he was stuck.

"It's never okay."

"So Daniel can't sing it?"

"You leave that to me, okay?"

"Okay…" And Guthrie skipped off, humming the song without singing the words causing Brian to roll his eyes, but very relieved Guthrie was such an easy child still. Evan would have made his life a whole lot more difficult.

"Hmmm a few more minutes," Crane wasn't ready to stop the dream he was having. It was the nicest dream he'd had in a long time. For some reason he was dreaming about June. And not just any dream either. She was snuggling in his arms, her body warm against his, the sheets entangled between their bodies. He didn't know why he was dreaming about June, certainly not a naked June, but it felt good to have her in his arms, even if just in a dream. And it wasn't just her in his arms, he was in her arms too and if he was honest, it made him feel warm and loved. It brought on all sorts of feelings. Old memories all mixed up with new feelings. He missed being hugged. Mom had been a very tactile person and was always hugging them. He'd just reached the age where he found it embarrassing and annoying and then she died and he knew it was the thing he missed most about her.

And now he was being held again. Very safe. In this lovely girl's arms. But the other feelings…oh boy. He pulled her even closer, "You're soft," he whispered in her ear, "You're beautiful."

"Well, you're soft too and you're definitely handsome," was that voice still in his dream? "But we have to get up or we'll miss the exam."

Why did his dream girl remind him of his exam? That shouldn't be a part of his dream. This dream was too nice to mix with exam-stress.

"Crane…come on.." that hand tracing his spine all the way down to his behind did nothing to convince him to open his eyes and stop dreaming. The pillow that suddenly smashed into his head, however, did.

"What? Oh man…I didn't want to wake up just yet…" Slowly he opened his eyes, but funny enough, the other sensations of the dream were still there. He blinked. June was now sitting up, cross-legged with the pillow on her lap. But that pillow was all she was wearing. "Oh…" slowly realization dawned on him and he suddenly blushed to his roots, "Oh….I'm…"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry, cause I'm definitely not and I'd hate to think you made a mistake."

"No…I mean…I never….you must think I'm…"

"Hmm what I think is that you definitely need some coffee, clothes….although that's more for the sake of other people, not for me," she giggled, "maybe some breakfast…and then we really have to get going."

"What time is it?" He was still groggy.

"8 am."

Suddenly he was wide awake, "We have 45 minutes!"

"Enough time…but unfortunately not enough time for…well…an encore." She winked and slipped out of bed. He watched her go, he hips swaying slightly as she walked, the sight mesmerizing him, but then he, too, quickly got up. Later on, he'd have to think about what had transpired here last night, but she was right: right now they had an exam to think of.

At breakfast Guthrie was still humming Staying Alive, although he was carefully avoiding singing the words. The only words he did sing were "Staying Aliiiii…..iiiiiii…..hihi…..ve!"

Brian and Adam exchanged glances, but Adam let it go for the time being. Both noticed the grin on Daniel's face and it was all Adam needed to know where Guthrie had heard the song. Because the radio in the truck definitely was not on anything other than his favorite station and that station only played country and folk songs. Certainly not disco. The boys must be turning the radio at home to stations he'd never choose himself.

As the youngest four got their school bags and lunches Brian pulled Daniel aside, "Is that song in the show or isn't it?"

Daniel studied the floor, "It's not, Brian, honest. We started singing songs from Grease during the break and then Tom suddenly changed it to playing this on the piano and within seconds the entire band was playing. It's a good song. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Maybe not, but I don't like Guthrie singing it. He has no idea what he's singing."

"I know, but I can't help that, Bri, it's all over the radio."

"He hardly listens to the radio…" Daniel blushed, "it's okay, you don't have to listen to Adam's choice of music all the time. Or mine. We're not that bad, are we?"

"No, I know…we have the radio on sometimes when we're doing homework."

"Ahh…as long as your grades are fine, I'm okay with that." Brian noted the relief on Daniel's face and wondered if they really were that strict. But there was something else he needed to know, "So where did he get the idea it was in the show?"

"That's not exactly what I said…I just told him we were singing it at rehearsal yesterday."

"Hmm…okay, well…he'll be disappointed it's not. He seems to like it."

Daniel grinned, "He has taste. Unlike some."

"Cheeky…" Brian gave Daniel a little push in the direction of the door, "Good thing I've got a sense of humor."

"Sometimes you do…" And off Daniel was leaving his older brother in the doorway, shaking his head. Brian felt a little silly having made a big deal out of a song, but then, he didn't want their baby brother singing grownup songs yet. He wasn't ready for Guthrie to grow up too much, too soon.

The phone pulled him out of his reveries. "Hello..."

"Is this Mister Adam McFadden?"

"No, It's his brother. I'll call him, he's just outside." He put his hand over the receiver and called out, "Adam! It's for you." Then he spoke again, "Who can I say is calling?"