50

I was hardly paying attention to what the preacher was saying. I was too busy looking at the casket which had been buried into the ground. Cricket was in there. He was so sweet and innocent and would never hurt a fly. My eyes lifted to look at Jack and he was just standing at the end of his grave looking at him with sadness and anger.

He didn't move and it seemed like he wasn't going to be doing anything for a while. Forrest and Howard stood on either side of me with their hats to their chests. My right hand rested on my stomach and my left hand was taken by Forrest. When all was said and done dirt began to pile on his grave and I closed my eyes feeling another tear slide down my cheek and my stomach began to hurt for a moment and I groaned a bit and Forrest looked at me, but I shook my head telling him I was okay and he nodded and everyone began to depart. Forrest helped me into the truck and Howard and Jack got in the back and it was a silent drive back to the bar yet Forrest never removed his hand from mine. Later on that night Howard made dinner and we all sat in silence eating.

Jack however didn't eat and I was worried for him, for his sanity. He just stared at his plate like he couldn't bring himself to take a bite. I looked at Howard and he just remained quiet. Forrest didn't even seem bothered by today's events and I didn't expect him to be. As a man who was use to killing and seeing death I would not blame him for bottling him any of his emotions. I heard chair legs scrape against wooden floors and I turned to see Jack stand up and leave the table.

"Jack." I said softly, but he disappeared into his part of the room. No one stopped him or told him to come back. I sighed and just finished some of my food before moving and collecting the boy's plates. Howard helped me wash the plates and Forrest moved into his room. I could only imagine what he was feeling. I continued to wash the dishes.

"Will it ever stop?" I asked softly and Howard looked at me for a moment with mild confusion.

"What?" he asked in a low tone. I stared out into space for a moment with sadness in my eyes.

"The fighting… the killing?" I replied softly looking down at my stomach. To bring a child up into a world of violence would be preparing them to be a killer. My father's a killer, my brother's are killers, my husband's a killer, and my brother in laws is killers. Would my child be a killer?

"Hey," Howard said catching my attention and I looked up at him. He had firm eyes and they somehow brought me hope. "We will end this sooner than you think."

I believed his words, but then again I didn't. Until Rakes was dead I felt that I would never be safe and neither would Forrest or Howard or Jack. I nodded up at him and he patted my shoulder.

"Get some rest it's late." He told and I nodded.

"Good night." I replied and he nodded.

"Yeah." he replied and I smiled and left to my room. I opened the door slowly and saw Forrest lying down on the bed without his shirt and I looked at his open eyes to see him looking up at the ceiling. I moved over to the dresser we shared and took off my dress. Mom had bought me some larger dresses and nightgowns. They fit well and were very comfortable. I slid on my pink night gown and moved over to the bed and slowly sat down on it before lying back and resting on the pillow. It was so silent and the only thing distraction I had was my stomach to rub.

"Forrest?" I whispered.

"Hm?" he mumbled. I was quiet for a few more seconds.

"Are you going to be alright?" I asked and it was silent again.

"Yeah." he replied and I nodded and closed my eyes. I thought about everything that happened in my past from when I was two. My real parent's death and my "adoption" and I remember all the names I was called by other white kids. I remember my mother telling me that people hated things that were different and it was just how life was going to be for a while. I remember when a man called me a nigger when I was nine and daddy almost beat him half to death for it. I remember meeting Al Capone and thought he was a chubby man.

Thoughts of moving here came into my mind. Meeting Forrest and the other Bondurant boys was the best thing that had ever happened to me. No that is wrong. Marrying Forrest and having his child was the best thing that could ever happen to me. Being lost in my thoughts put me to sleep faster than I thought. I thought I would dream tonight and for a moment I started to, but I felt something alarm my body and wake me up. My body didn't stir only my eyes waking up too feel a leg over mine and I turned my head slowly to see Forrest attached to me. His hand was on my stomach and his head was inches from mine. His body was also pressed gently against mine and I smiled the best I could before closing my eyes and drifting to sleep again.

The next morning I was wiping the bar silently. Howard was positioned at the back of the bar drinking something. Forrest was in the upper level rooms of the bar. Not much was there except storage. I looked out the window to see Jack on the hood of his truck looking at some picture. I knew it was of Cricket. I stepped out of the bar and waddled over to him. His face looked so distraught and I pressed my hand to my back to keep me up.

"Why'd it have to be him?" he asked shaking his head. I looked at the picture and sighed.

"I don't know Jack. Bad things can happen to good people and we ask God why it happens, but we don't know the answer." I replied lightly. I saw a tear slide down his face and my pain over Cricket's death was only half the pain Jack was feeling. I looked up to the window on the second level of the bar to see Forrest looking out and down at us. We heard a vehicle approaching and we looked up to see it was Sheriff Hodges coming. Jack frowned and jumped off the trunk.

"Go inside Eula." he warned and began to confront the truck. I felt like trouble would ensue.

"Jack-"

"Eula I said get in the house." he said loudly and I was a bit stunned by his tone but I did as I was told and moved back onto the house and then inside. Howard past me and moved out onto the porch and I moved up the stairs and met Forrest and looked out the window.

"He'll be alright." he said and I nodded watching as Jack spoke to the sheriff.

"I know. I just don't know when." I replied and he nodded knowingly. After a few minutes the sheriff drove away and I watched Jack stand there for a moment before speed walking off into the bar. I figured he was going to cool off. I moved away from the window and went back downstairs.

"FORREST! FORREST!" I heard Howard yell and I was alarmed instantly wondering what was going on. Howard barged into the bar speed walking towards the stairs. "Jack's gone!"

My eyes widened.

"Where would he go?" I asked watching as he moved behind the bar pulling out a small gun and then a shot gun. He looked at me quickly.

"Rakes." he replied and my hand covered my mouth and instantly I heard Forrest coming down the stairs and he was putting his gun in his back pocket. My heart raced for I knew what the boys were planning to do. Howard was out the door, probably going to start the truck. Forrest was about to stop me when I gripped his arm and stopped him.

"Forrest… Let Howard bring Jack back. Please." I begged. He looked at me deeply for a moment.

"Forrest come on." I heard Howard yell from outside. Forrest shook his head.

"Eula I got to go." he said. I winced and squeezed his arm.

"But if you go…I am afraid you will not come back." I told and he looked down at me as if thinking and he looked away for a moment and then back at me.

"Eula, I will be back. Today is the day I take revenge on Rake for everything he has done to this family. Bertha will be around shortly." he said and he leaned in and pecked the side of my lips before moving away and heading out the door. I followed him out and watched as he got in the truck and drove down the road. My heart was beating fast and I feared for both Bondurants. I looked forward for a moment and then I peed on myself…