Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin

* - Flashback

Kaoru decided that this past week definitely qualified as one of the toughest, oddest weeks in her life and that was saying something. Everything that could go wrong had and every one was acting out of character. She was strongly tempted to tear out her hair, torn between either laughing hysterically or crying inconsolably. Taking a deep breath, she restarted the kata that she was trying to perfect before going to Tae's for their tea date.

Letting her body fall into the familiar rhythm, her thoughts drifted, trying to make sense of the past week. First it had been Yahiko. For three days after their lunch at the Akabeko, his moods had seesawed all over the place, one minute he'd be glaring at her, the next he'd be watching her with eyes filled with confusion and hurt. When he caught her looking at him, he'd scowl and look away.

On the third day, she'd finally had enough. Making sure that Kenshin had left to the market so that it was just her and Yahiko, she confronted him directly. Her mind flicked back to that encounter

* Satisfied that they had the dojo to themselves, Kaoru determinedly tracked down her mule headed student. He'd been avoiding her for 3 days now and that was the limit of the time that she was going to give him. He'd been through some tough stuff, they all had, but there was no way that she was going to let him lock himself away. Making her way to the room where he was practicing his swings, she paused to observe him. The room was filled with sunshine, the wood gleaming from the polishing he had done the day before. She noted absently that his form was good but his swings were off, almost sullen in their execution.

He was only at 354 of his 500 swings, but she called out, "Yahiko, take a break." He looked like he was going to ignore her, so she added firmly, "Now. We need to talk."

He lowered his shinai but merely stood there looking at her, refusing to speak. Walking over, she noted that their eyes were almost even, he'd shot up again. She sighed, knowing that she'd have to scrape up the money for new clothes from somewhere, then pushed it aside. Searching his face, she asked quietly, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Yahiko, I know that you've grown up fast and that there are things that you won't necessarily talk about with me or Kenshin." She noticed that he stiffened slightly at Kenshin's name, curious. "But something's troubling you and I won't let you struggle alone. Never again. So I'll ask you again. What's wrong?"

Firming up his chin, he tried to look fierce, but he just looked lost. He asked quietly, "Why aren't we enough? Why are you giving up on us?"

She sighed, everything suddenly coming clear. She rubbed a temple absently, trying to ward off the impending headache. "You eavesdropped, didn't you? How much did you hear?"

"Up to where you told Tae that you were giving up on Kenshin. Are you giving up on me too? Have you finally decided that we're too much trouble and not worth keeping around?"

She exclaimed, "Yahiko!" Closing her eyes, she counted slowly to ten. Opening her eyes, she found Yahiko staring at her. "Obviously we need to talk. Yahiko, you should've come to me. Sit." She went over to the wall and sat, leaning lightly against it, and waited for him to do the same. He came over quickly, desperate for answers. "Why did you eavesdrop?"

His posture was defiant, but his eyes showed his uneasiness, "You've been so down lately. Everyone knows that girls talk, so I figured you'd tell Tae what was wrong, then I could tell Kenshin and we'd fix it."

Knowing that his heart was in the right place, she decided to forgive him this time. "You shouldn't eavesdrop, you can mishear things. You're wrong, I'm not giving up on anyone."

"But why did you say that you're giving up on Kenshin then?"

She sighed, "It's complicated." She held her hand up to stop his outburst. "You care for Tsubame, right? How would you feel knowing that she had loved someone else? Loved them and lost them?"

She watched as he actually seemed to think it over before responding. He finally answered slowly, "That would be, hard. I'd always wonder if she loved me or was still in love with the other guy."

"And if she'd never indicated that she was interested in you as more than a friend? Even though you care for her deeply and have tried to show that you're interested?"

He winced. "Ouch, I don't know what I'd do. That's rough."

"I love Kenshin, I do. But I have to recognize the fact that he'll never feel anything more than friendship for me."

"But Kaoru…"

"I thought, back after Kyoto, that we might have a chance. Then Enishi came along. I know that it takes time to heal, but it's been a year since then. He hasn't made a single move or said a single thing that indicates that he wants more than friendship. Every day, it breaks my heart a little more, knowing that I'm in love with someone that will never love me back. I never meant to worry you with my sadness, I'm sorry."

"I wish Enishi had never come!"

She rested a hand gently on his shoulder for a moment. "But he did and we can't change what happened. You know that I'm twenty now. I had to make a choice. I could either keep waiting or I could move on. I chose to accept the fact that all Kenshin and I will ever be are friends and move on. It's time for me to move on and marry, even if I don't love him."

"I don't see why you have to marry at all! We're your family."

She chuckled, "Yes, you are and I love you." He made the face that she anticipated, but the tension that he'd been carrying for the past few days seemed to dissipate slightly. "You should know the answer to that. You come from a long line of Tokyo samurai."

"Don't you forget it!"

"I am the last of the Kamiyas. I don't want this family to end with me."

"But what about your sword style? Don't you need an heir to that as well?"

She thought about it for a moment before deciding to just tell him. "Yahiko, you are my heir to the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu." His jaw dropped and she tapped it gently shut with a chuckle. "Just because you're a brat doesn't mean that you don't have real potential. The way you acted when Enishi had me confirmed that you would uphold all of the principles of my teaching. Officially, you now own half the dojo and the resultant profits. By the time you and Tsubame marry, you should have enough to live fairly comfortably on your own."

He stammered, "I, I, I can't…"

"Yes, you can. I consider you my brother." She thought that his eyes looked suspiciously moist, but decided not to comment on it. "So I'm not kicking you out and I'm not leaving, ok? We'll just have to take it one day at a time. If you have any more questions, just come to me, ok? I may not be happy about you eavesdropping, but I'll never turn you away." He nodded, still overwhelmed. "Come on, Yahiko-chan. You'll have to work hard as heir, I can still wipe the floor with you any time I want to."

This last insult drew him out of his shock and he jumped to his feet. Kaoru sparred with him, glad that their normal relationship had returned. *

Completing the kata successfully, she grinned as a drop of sweat slid down her face. Thinking back, the problem with Yahiko had been solved fairly easily, something for which she was extremely grateful. Still, that hadn't stopped everything else from going wrong. All of the repairs from Enishi had slowly started falling apart, the bath had sprung a leak, and their grocer had moved away, leaving a crook that charged 3 times the amount. Hopefully he wouldn't last for long and someone more reasonable would replace him.

That wasn't what was currently driving her crazy though. That honor belonged to a certain diminutive redhead that was completely oblivious. It seemed the more that she pulled back and tried to be just friends, the clingier he became. It hadn't escaped her notice that all the meals he'd cooked this week were her personal favorites. She'd noticed his ki brushing her more often, which was ok, but he often sought her out personally to chat about something trivial, which was not. And then yesterday, he'd disappeared for most of the day, only to return with several shoots of jasmine to plant in the corner of the garden. When she'd asked him why jasmine, he said that they reminded him of her, his gaze warm and open. Curse him! Why was he being so sweet when she'd finally decided to move on? A week ago, she would have been over the moon. Now, she just felt her heart wrench painfully at each small gesture. She wanted to bash him over the head with her shinai, but held off. Even in her head, it sounded ridiculous explaining that she hit him because he was being too nice.

Finishing her practice, she made her way to her room and swiftly changed into a clean workout outfit. Fixing her ponytail, she gave a sigh of relief. At least she'd have a brief break from Kenshin, give her time to regain her composure. He'd wanted to accompany her, but she had persuaded him that she needed to go alone, as she had female things that she wanted to talk with Tae about. He stuttered slightly but was still determined to go with her when she turned a sad face on him. Didn't he trust her to even walk into town by herself? She chuckled over the memory of the panic on his face. He'd backed off and she'd promised to be careful and take her shinai with her.

Leaving the house, she bid Kenshin farewell and had crossed the yard when the gate opened and Megumi entered. The other woman sparked conflicting emotions in her. They'd grown closer through letters, she'd forgotten to open the last one, which was probably why she was here. She was glad to see her, she had missed feminine company, but seeing her also wrenched her heart. She'd obviously traveled from Aizu, but she still looked amazing, not a hair out of place and as fresh as if she'd just gone for a stroll.

She gave a small smile to Kaoru, but brushed past her and pulled Kenshin into a hug. Kaoru could almost see small fox ears pop up and hear her sly laughter. Turning a laughing gaze at Kaoru, she scolded, "Ken-san is nothing more than skin and bones. Maybe I should take him for myself."

And just like that, Kaoru felt her heart break again. Keeping her face pleasant, she forced the bitter words out, "If that's what Kenshin wants, then go for it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late." Turning hastily, she slipped out the gate. So focused on escaping, she missed the shock on Megumi's face. The shock only lasted a moment, then she turned narrowed eyes on Kenshin.

Kaoru missed all of this however, as she all but sprinted down the streets, desperate to see Tae. Reaching the Akabeko, she crept in the back through the kitchen, not wanting to draw attention to her wild emotions. She'd forgotten that Yahiko was working there today until he called, "Kaoru, what's wrong?"

She quickly pulled herself together and pulled him off to the side. She said quietly, "It's just my stupid heart. Megumi showed up right before I left. I just need to talk to Tae."

He laid a hand gently on her shoulder and she could see his growing maturity in his gaze. "She's in her office. Go ahead, I'll bring the tea in a moment."

"Thanks." Feeling proud of her boy, she slipped down the hall and knocked on Tae's door. Tae told her to enter and she entered, closing the door gently behind her. Seeing her face, Tae swiftly rose and hugged her. "What's wrong?"

The past week spilled out of her, all of her confusion, anger, and hurt flowing in torrent of words. Tae simply listened, rubbing gentle circles on her back. Finally she ran out of words and sagged wearily into her chair. Rubbing her eyes that ached from holding back tears, she asked tiredly, "What am I going to do, Tae?"

"I honestly don't know, Kaoru. I can't tell you what to do or not to do. I wish I could, but only you can figure out what is right for you."

Kaoru sighed, "I'm just so tired of talking and thinking about it. I need to do something, but I don't know what."

Tae smiled, "Well, let's talk of something else for a bit then. I received a letter for you from Misao today."

She perked up at hearing this. "Really? I wonder how she's doing. Her situation with Aoshi is not all that different from mine with Kenshin. Let me see." She opened the letter and scanned it swiftly. Its contents surprised her and excited her all at once. She bit her lower lip, chewing on it nervously. Right then, Yahiko entered the room with the tea.

He set it carefully on the desk, then turned to leave. Kaoru said softly, "Wait, Yahiko. I need to ask you something."

"Yeah?"

"Misao wrote me, she wants to meet up with me for a few days. I need to get away from Kenshin, I can't keep up with everything. What do you think?"

Yahiko said seriously, "You need to get away from here for a while, get your head on straight. I can take care of the dojo while you're gone. Go, take as long as you need."

"You're sure?"

"Kaoru, let us take care of you for a change. Go."

"Thank you! I'll be back soon, I promise."

Standing, she gave Yahiko a brief hug before slipping out the door.

Kk

Kenshin stared after Kaoru, his mind reeling in shock. Surely he had misheard what Kaoru had said to Megumi. Before he could gather his wits, Megumi whirled to face him, her eyes narrowed dangerously. She hissed, "You baka! What have you done to her?"

Gulping hard, Kenshin exclaimed, "Oro! Sessha doesn't know what Megumi-dono means, that I don't."

Megumi poked him roughly in the chest, "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Kaoru would never back away from a challenge like that. It was like she was broken inside. What. Did. You. Do. To. Her?"

Feeling Battousai rise at the thought of Kaoru's distress, he simply shrugged and turned away. Ignoring Megumi, he headed to his room to think, his mind swirling chaotically. Something was definitely wrong with Kaoru and he was getting desperate. He'd been so hopeful when he'd felt her ki settle on her birthday, thinking that maybe things would return to normal. He'd gotten his wish, but in a skewed way. Kaoru was back to being cheerful, but something was different. The warmth in her eyes when she looked at him was gone, making him realize that he'd lost something precious. She'd seemed fine, normal even, but that special closeness was missing.

Feeling increasingly desperate, he'd tried hard all week to bring that light back to her eyes. He'd cooked all of her favorite meals, tried to draw her out with conversation to show how special she was to him. He'd even spent the better part of a day hiking through the forest to find some wild jasmine, hoping that it would bring a smile to her face. Instead, her ki was filled briefly with jagged bursts of despair before returning to its normal state. He was ready to pull his hair out! He'd run out of ideas.

He just knew that he couldn't lose her now, not when he'd just finally realized what she meant to him. Her words to Tae had echoed in his ears all week, causing him to think deeply about his past. Because of her words, he'd been able to make peace with his past. He'd never be easy about it, but never again would he be so quick to label himself monster. But, it was the evening before the last piece finally fell into place. There was a reason that he couldn't stand the thought of Kaoru with someone else was because she was his! His Battousai have growled at him, as if to say, finally! He hung his head slightly, he really was a baka.

His blood ran cold as he realized that he might have already lost her. She was young and beautiful, why would she wait around for him. He felt a fierce possessiveness grip him. It couldn't be too late, he wouldn't let it be too late. Her words to Tae confirmed to him that she didn't see him as a monster, didn't care about the blood on his hands. If she let him, he'd spend the rest of his life atoning for his sins by loving her and protecting her.

Easing his fingers from their white knuckled grip on his sword, he thought about his next course of action. It was time to take action, he'd waited for long enough. When she came home from her tea with Tae, he'd insist on talking with her. Then he'd lay out his plans of courting and marrying her. If she insisted that he was too late, he would woo her around to his point of view and then marry her. Either way, he was going to marry her. She was his, the only one for him for forever. He didn't regret Tomoe, but it was time to let her rest in peace. Tomoe was the wife of his youth, Kaoru would be his wife for life.

Knocking at the dojo gate interrupted his thoughts. Sighing at the interruption, he made his way out and opened it. He was surprised to see Aoshi standing on the other side. He motioned for him to enter then relatched the gate before turning his questioning gaze on the other man. To most eyes, Aoshi would appear his normal indifferent self, but Kenshin could see the underlying tension.

Aoshi bit out, "Is Misao here?"

Kenshin wasn't surprised that Misao had run away again, but he was surprised that she had left her beloved Aoshi-sama's side. "Misao-dono is not here, that she isn't. Are you sure that she came here?"

"She left a note that she was going away for a while, but that she'd send work to us via Kaoru. I don't know where else she'd go." The words seemed to be wrenched from the stoic man.

"Well, Kaoru-dono is at the Akabeko, that she is. Why don't we walk over there? She might be there already."

Aoshi motioned for him to lead the way. He eagerly led the way, desperate to see Kaoru again. In his heart, he knew that she could take care of herself, but he constantly worried when she was out of his range. Reaching the Akabeko, he frowned, not feeling Kaoru's familiar ki. Had they somehow passed without realizing it? He decided to check with Tae anyway.

Entering Tae's office, there was no sign of Kaoru. Tae didn't offer him anything beyond a basic greeting, her emotions carefully masked. Feeling a sense of dread creep in, he said lightly, "Hello, Tae-dono. Has Misao-dono come here? Aoshi-san is looking for her. Did Kaoru take her back to the dojo?"

Tae looked at them, seeming to study them for some reason. She finally said firmly, "Misao has not come here and Kaoru has not gone to the dojo. She's gone. Both of them need time away from you, both of you. Leave them in peace. You've done enough damage."

And just that simply, Kenshin felt his heart shatter. Kaoru had run from him.

Kk

Yahiko was serving in the restaurant when Kenshin had appeared, so he couldn't swear at him like he longed to. He'd thought that he and Kenshin had an agreement, Kaoru was theirs to protect. Instead, he kept breaking her heart. It killed him inside to see Kaoru so broken. She'd always been so strong, so cheerful, that he'd never realized how vulnerable she was. Even her kidnapping by Enishi, she'd bounced back so quickly from, Yahiko would've never guessed how deeply it had affected her. Overhearing her words to Tae had stunned him, how on earth could she possibly think that they were better off without her? She was their rock, their piece of solid ground where life made sense. He'd vowed to make sure that she never questioned it again.

He couldn't understand how she could possibly think about moving on and giving up on Kenshin until she'd put it in the terms of him and Tsubame. Even thinking about it made his heart hurt, he couldn't imagine it. He'd always respected Kenshin, but this had made him so angry. He'd kill himself before he ever made Tsubame feel like Kenshin had made Kaoru feel. Seeing her so broken, he knew that she'd had to leave or she would shatter irreparably. He'd miss her, but he told her to go. She needed this and he wouldn't hold her here. He knew, deep in his heart, that she'd come back, that she'd always come back, to him.

Finishing up in the restaurant, he quickly made up a tea tray and took it to Tae's office. He was curious what had brought Aoshi here without that annoying Misao bouncing alongside him. He knocked and entered, only to find a determined Tae, an angry Aoshi, and a shattered Kenshin. Yahiko didn't want to forgive Kenshin for hurting Kaoru, but found his anger melting away. Setting the tea on the desk, he heard Kenshin whisper brokenly, "She, can't be, gone. She can't."

Frowning, he turned and examined Kenshin closely. What he saw surprised him. Kenshin was as broken and lost as Kaoru was. He scowled, this wasn't right, two people weren't supposed to hurt this much when they cared for each other. Making up his mind, he straightened up determinedly. When a man made a mistake, it was his responsibility to fix it.

Grabbing Kenshin's elbow, he towed the unresisting man out to the alleyway behind the Akabeko where they'd have privacy. Releasing him, Yahiko glared at him until he pulled himself together. "Yahiko?"

"Do you love her?"

"What?!"

"Do you love Kaoru? You told me that she was ours to care for. Is this true?"

"Yes, but I messed up and she's gone. I was going to tell her tonight that I loved her, but she left."

Yahiko crossed his arms, "You broke her heart. She thinks that you don't love her, that you only want to be friends. She needed to get away from you to let her heart heal and I told her to go."

Kenshin let out a small, sad, "Oro."

"Will you fight for her? You know how stubborn she is when she gets an idea in her head."

Feeling a growing determination, Kenshin nodded firmly. "I plan on spending the rest of my life loving her and protecting her. She is my everything."

Yahiko nodded, pleased. "You and Sano taught me that when a man messes up, he has the responsibility of fixing it. You need to fix Kaoru. She went to meet up with Misao at the tiny town of _."

Kenshin hugged him briefly. "Thank you, Yahiko. I won't let you down." He spun away to fetch Aoshi.

Noticing that he had dropped the sessha, Yahiko was cautiously optimistic. He called after the rapidly retreating rurouni, "Kenshin?" He waited until Kenshin faced him. "Bring her home."

"I will."

Kk

Settling comfortably on the cushion in her room at the tiny inn, Misao looked out the window and watched the crowd, praying that Kaoru would appear soon. She was getting bored of the inactivity. She missed the Aoiya and its constant bustle.

She grinned as she thought of her great escape. It had actually been much easier than she'd anticipated. First, she'd sent all of their messenger pigeons out to their farthest outposts, so they couldn't quickly spread word of her disappearance. Then citing female issues, she'd gone to her room to rest. Once in her room, it had been the work of moments to dress in her most non-descript kimono and pack a bag. After that, it had been child's play to slip out of town past the sentries.

She'd kept a low profile and it had only taken three days of walking to reach this town. The time on the road had been good for her, helping refresh her spirit, even if she did miss Aoshi-sama with a fierce ache. He probably hadn't even noticed that she was missing yet.

Upon reaching this town, she'd promptly sent the note to Kaoru. As she didn't receive a note in return, she decided that Kaoru was indeed on her way to meet her and would be her today, tomorrow at the latest. She couldn't wait to see the kendo instructor. Most women just didn't understand them, shunned them, for their unusual ways. But Kaoru understood and Misao found that having even one person that understood and supported you made all the difference in the world. So playing absently with her kunai, she kept watch for Kaoru.

A/N: So, I often listen to music when I write. Sometimes this leads to plot bunnies, but oftentimes, it helps my story flow better. When writing this chapter, the song "Anchor Me" by The Tenors came on. This song sums up Kaoru's feelings in this chapter so perfectly. I encourage you to listen to it and let me know if you agree/disagree.

Reviews are appreciated