Chapter 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin
A/N: I'm sorry for taking so long to update this, but this time of the year is especially busy for my work. Thank you for your patience with this scatterbrained writer.
icless, I'm sorry, but this is a reconciliation fic, however maybe I'll explore the idea of Kaoru and Misao having adventures together in a different story. Compucles, I thought about including Tae's and Megumi's views in this story, but I couldn't find a way to do so without really detracting from the main story. Maybe I'll make companion pieces for this story featuring their take on it, but at this point I really just wanted to focus on Kaoru and Misao.
So, I was working on this chapter when a song came on. "Wait for you" by Elliot Yamin. In my opinion, this song so perfectly sums up Kenshin's feelings for Kaoru in this story. Let me know if you agree. Now, on to the story!
It took Kaoru just a little over two days to reach the inn where Misao waited. She felt bad about leaving without telling Kenshin goodbye, but at the same time, she felt an odd sense of freedom. She hadn't realized the stress she'd been under being around Kenshin all the time, the constant uncertainty at where they stood. Even after making her decision, Kenshin's presence had caught her at odd times, filling her with longing for a future together. It had hurt to walk away, like she'd been beat all over, but she also felt like she could draw a full breath for the first time for a long, long time. The distance had helped and she found herself if not happy, at least content with how things turned out.
Making her way through the streets to the inn that Misao had named in her letter. Finding it, she made her way down the street to it, laughing because she swore that she had heard Misao yell her name. This turned out to be true as Misao came barreling out of the building and grabbed her in a fierce hug, chattering a mile a minute. Returning the hug, Kaoru didn't even try to pick apart the words, knowing that it would be a few minutes until Misao calmed down enough to talk intelligibly. Kaoru knew that her 'death' had deeply affected the other woman, knew that she needed to touch her to reassure herself that Kaoru was there and was real.
Finally, she managed to move both of them off the street and into the private rooms that Misao had booked, Misao bouncing excitedly alongside her. "You came! I'm so glad that you came! I knew that you would, of course, but when you didn't write back and didn't show up yesterday, I started to wonder, but I told myself that you would never just leave me somewhere until I turned to dust without word or coming yourself. Anyway, if you did that, I'd just hunt you down anyway. I'm so glad that you're here! We have so much to talk about!"
Kaoru laughed and tossed a cushion at Misao, hitting her square in the face. "Breathe, we have plenty of time to talk, you don't have to share everything in the first two minutes. I'm glad to be here and of course I'm glad to see you. How are you doing? Have you made any progress with Aoshi?" She was startled to see Misao's expression darken and her whole attitude became more somber. "Misao?"
Misao sat across from Kaoru and hugged herself tightly. She said quietly, "I don't know what to do, Kaoru. I couldn't stay there at the Aoiya. It was obvious that Aoshi-sama will never see me as more than a child." Keeping her eyes downcast, she softly explained everything that had happened, how she'd seen him laughing with the woman, his attempted visit, her leaving, and his multiple attempts to meet with her in the days before her departure to meet with Kaoru. She finally confessed, "I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand there and wish him happiness with someone else while my heart is breaking. I just can't do it, Kaoru."
Kaoru reached out and gently pried Misao's hands away from where they were digging harshly into her arms. "It cuts deeply to realize that you're in love with a man that'll never love you back. That you've spent years pining after someone that will never see you as more than a friend or even worse, a sister."
Hearing the pain in Kaoru's voice, Misao's head shot up and her eyes met Kaoru's. "Kaoru?"
"I've given up on Kenshin."
"What?!"
Seeing Misao's shock, she sighed slightly and gathered herself before beginning. Taking a deep breath, she shared the whole story, from learning about Tomoe, to the time spent with Enishi, the past year at the dojo, and finally her decision on her birthday and all that had followed since. Her voice was starting to go hoarse from talking for so long, but her heart felt oddly light afterwards.
"Oh, Kaoru," Misao laughed, her voice watery from unshed tears. "What a pair we make. Both heartsick over a pair of bakas."
Kaoru chuckled slightly, thinking of how Hiko always called Kenshin, baka deshi. Smiling, she grabbed Misao's hand and squeezed it fiercely. "We will make it! We'll get through this and we'll be happy again. And someday, our children will play together and we'll look back and wonder why we ever felt such despair. We're warriors and this is nothing more than a battle. Of the heart, but a battle nonetheless."
Misao nodded, a fierce light burning in her eyes. "As long as we have each other, sister of the heart, we'll be fine."
Kaoru hugged her, feeling a few stray tears escape. Releasing her, she drew in a shaky breath and straightened her shoulders. "Now, enough of the doom and gloom. Tell me everything that's happened since I last saw you."
Kk
It was a gnawing, aching need to see her. Every moment that he was away from her, the feeling seemed to grow, to intensify. It had been torture to take the time to return to the dojo and gather supplies, make sure that everything was closed up tight. The only reason that he took the time was the fact that Kaoru was sure to be both angry and heartbroken if anything happened to her family's dojo in their absence. So, although it had hurt, he'd taken the time to make sure that everything was handled properly before setting off, a silent Aoshi at his side.
Normally, Kenshin would wonder why Misao had left Aoshi, but his thoughts were too consumed with Kaoru. Why had she fled? Had he really hurt her so badly that the only option she had was to leave him? He was a man at war with himself. He was determined that he get her back, but what if she was happier without him?
He shook his head, abruptly dismissing that thought before panic could overwhelm him. He knew in his heart of hearts that Kaoru loved him deeply. Looking back, he could see clearly all the little things that she had done every day that declared her love clearer than any words could. And if she said that it was too late, well, he'd just have to coax her around to his point of view. He felt a grin tug at the corner of his lips. That way held great promise as well.
He readjusted the pack on his back and picked up the pace, wanting to catch up to the girls before they got it into their heads to take off on a great adventure.
Kk
Kaoru tried to draw a deep breath, her ribs aching from all the laughter she and Misao had shared. "You didn't!"
Misao's grin was huge, her eyes alight with mischief. "I did. You should have seen the look on their faces, a mix of confusion, disbelief, and awe. So totally worth it."
Kaoru eyed the remnants of their lunch, trying to decide if she wanted another dumpling or not, but decided against it, unwilling to get up from where she was sprawled lazily on the floor. It was her contentment that made her miss the first warning, it's familiarity a comforting thing. However, when Kenshin's ki brushed her a second time, she bolted upright, panic and anger filling her. Misao was on her feet instantly, a kunai in each hand, but Kaoru ignored her as she spread her senses to double check that it was indeed Kenshin that she'd felt.
She turned to tell Misao only to see the other girl's eyes become a blue flame of anger. She'd obviously done her own check to see what Kaoru had felt, but what had she discovered to make her look like that? "Misao?"
Misao spat, "He's here. How dare he come after me now!"
"Kenshin?"
"No, Aoshi." Her eyes widened, "You mean Kenshin's here too?"
Kaoru nodded grimly, "They're here at the inn. Aoshi must've come to the dojo looking for you and met up with Kenshin. Tae must've told them were I'd gone. Can we get away?"
Misao shook her head grimly right as there was a knock on the door. She whispered desperately in Kaoru's ear, "Act normal. Don't let them know how we feel."
They barely had time to compose themselves before the door opened and the men that had caused them such heartache stepped inside. Kaoru hated how her heart leapt at the sight of him, how he could make her feel so much so easily. Widening her eyes innocently, she said, "Kenshin! Aoshi-san! What are you doing here? Has something happened?"
She suddenly realized what her instincts were clamoring for her to realize. Something was off with Kenshin. His usual rurouni façade was gone, he was drawn up to his full height, his shoulders back, and his gaze direct. She could feel his amber gaze burning into her, studying her closely as if checking for any injuries, making sure that she was ok. While this annoyed her, a small bubble of warmth filled her at this sign of caring.
When neither man responded immediately, she tried again, "Kenshin? Is something wrong?"
Suddenly, he was at her side, startling her. His voice was deeper than usual when he spoke, "We need to talk, Kaoru."
Now she knew something was wrong, he never dropped the dono from her name. "Go ahead."
His eyes shifted to where Aoshi and Misao where locked in a silent battle of wills, eyes narrowed at each other. "Privately."
"No." Kaoru knew that her fragile emotional armor would crumble if she was alone with him.
His eyes flashed dangerously, but he said calmly, "Fine." Before she could react, he picked her up and sped from the inn, using his god speed. The inn was situated close to the town's edge and he quickly exited the town and made his way to a small clearing.
Kaoru gritted her teeth, resisting the urge to smack him or shriek. When he finally set her down, she sprang out of his arms and several feet away, furious with him. Keeping her hands clenched in fists to resist the temptation to hit him, she yelled, "Kenshin, you baka! What were you thinking? You could've injured yourself. Are you insane? What are you even doing here anyway?"
Kenshin's heart had felt like it was frozen solid since he'd learned that she'd left, warmed at the concern mixed in with the anger. That she cared about him even though she was angry was a balm to his soul, the jagged ache of a wound long forgotten soothed away as if it'd never existed. It had been so long since someone had cared that deeply about him, although he supposed Hiko cared for him in his own way. It felt like, it felt like….. His eyes widened a fraction and his last shield dropped as he finally put a name on what he'd felt the first time he'd walked into the dojo and every day since. It felt like home.
Frustrated and slightly fearful of his continued silence, Kaoru went to touch him on the shoulder. Before her fingers could touch him, his arms shot out and dragged her firmly to him and he buried his face in her hair. Shocked, she stood stock still, trying desperately to figure out what was going on. However, when she felt him drop a small kiss on her hair, her paralysis was finally broken. She shoved him away, managing to escape his grip only because he wasn't expecting that. Taking several steps back, she crossed her arms and glared at him. "What is the matter with you! Have you lost your mind?"
His arms remained outstretched for a moment, a silent plea. Noting her stubborn stance, he reluctantly lowered them. Keeping his voice calm although his eyes burned with emotion, he said, "I've finally come to my senses. I came to bring you home, where you belong." He watched as pain flashed briefly across her face and she shook her head no. "I need you, Kaoru."
She struggled to find the right words, trying to keep her breaking heart off her face. It would be so easy to hear what she had longed to hear in his statement. But it would hurt more in the long run if she went back now, so she slowly shook her head no again, "Kenshin, I need time. I need space. I will come back to the dojo, I promise. But this is something I have to do for myself. I can't go on like we are anymore. This isn't like when Enishi took me. I will return. But not until I'm ready."
A knife of pain sliced through him at the memory of Enishi. Realizing again how close he'd come to losing her for forever, he was galvanized into action. Closing the distance between them, he grabbed her hands to prevent her from moving away. "Kaoru, you're not hearing what I'm saying. I. Need. You." He saw her pulse beating wildly, but her words were calm.
"Kenshin, I'm sorry, but I can't do it anymore. I can't be just friends with you anymore. It's killing me."
He shrugged. "Who said anything about friends?"
She made a sharp sound of distress. "Three years, Kenshin! You've had three years! Why are you doing this now? When I'd just finally accepted that it's time to move on. Why?"
He rubbed his thumb gently across her knuckles, trying to soothe her. "Kaoru, you don't understand. I am rurouni. I wandered for ten years and fully intended to roam for the rest of my life. I accepted that I would spend the rest of my life atoning for the lives I'd taken. It was price I would pay for bringing in a new era. I wandered, never staying anywhere for longer than a week or so, owning little more than my sword and the clothes on my back. But three years ago, something happened."
She fought to turn her eyes away, but he refused to release her gaze from his. He continued intently, "Three years ago, I met a woman, a courageous beautiful woman, who stood up for her beliefs. Who was willing to die to protect them. The belief in life. I was intrigued but weary, for I had seen so much evil, so much good crushed carelessly by it. Still, the brightness of her flame drew me irresistibly. I decided to help, unable to see that flame lost to darkness. The problem was handled and I prepared to move on, unwilling to stain this bright light with my darkness. Then something I never could have anticipated happened."
She had stopped struggling while he talked, listening to every word intently of this unusual openness of his. "The light reached out to me and told me that it didn't care if I was dark, it just wanted me. For the first time for as long as I could remember, the darkness eased and I felt a spark of hope, as the light freely shared its light with me. When I walked into your dojo, Kaoru, it felt like coming home. But my past kept appearing and I couldn't keep you safe, couldn't keep my new family safe. It was my worst nightmare come to life each time someone else from my past showed up. Then Enishi came." The last part was a ragged whisper.
He was startled when he felt Kaoru's fingers tighten on his slightly, drawing him from his dark memories. His expression softened and he gently cupped her cheek. "When Enishi took you, made it appear like he'd killed you, it broke me. My flame that had lit up my existence was gone, plunging me into unrelenting darkness. When I learned that you were still alive, I can't even begin to describe it, it was like I came back to life myself. But it wasn't until I saw you again that I could finally breathe again, that my world was finally right again. We won and came back to the dojo, everything was as it was supposed to be. But as I healed and things slowly returned to normal, I grew restless. I wanted more than just friendship, I wanted everything. But I was rurouni and it was my past that had put you in such danger repeated. I didn't deserve anything more than I already had."
"Kenshin…."
He shook his head, silencing her. His voice dropped as he continued, the confusion and pain clearly evident, "Then, about a month ago, something changed. You were more withdrawn, burdened. You smiled less and less and the light in your eyes dimmed. When you looked at me, there was so much confusion and pain in your eyes. As the days wore on and there was no change, I felt the Battousai stir, desperate to fix whatever was hurting you so badly. My heart ached at your pain. Your birthday came and you spent the day meditating. Towards the end, I felt your ki settle and I was so hopeful. Maybe now, you would finally tell me what was wrong and I could help you. Things could finally get better. But I was wrong, so very wrong."
"What….?"
"When I heard your laughter, I was excited. But when I met your eyes, it was like someone had punched me in the gut. I couldn't pinpoint it, but your gaze was different. You looked at me with kindness, but the warmth, your warmth for me, was gone. It terrified me. I had broken something between us, broken you, and I had no idea what I'd done or how I could fix it. I did everything I could think of to bring that light back, but nothing worked and you were getting more distant every day. It was driving me wild and when Megumi came and you said what you did, my blood ran cold. I realized that I'd lost something infinitely precious, I'd lost my heart by my inability to let go of my past. I'd resolved then and there that I would talk to you as soon as you returned, wouldn't be put off this time. I would tell you how much I loved you, how much I desperately needed you. How I needed you more than food or water or even air."
He gripped her hands tighter and searched her eyes desperately. "Aoshi showed up, looking for Misao, so I took him to the inn. When I learned that you had left, my heart shattered. I had lost it, lost everything. It was Yahiko that helped me and I realized that I had to get you back. I will do anything for you, Kaoru, anything at all. I will beg, it that's what you want. The only thing that I will never do is leave you, never give up. Tell me that it isn't too late. Tell me how to fix this, koi. I love you. Don't give up on me, on us."
She was visibly torn. "What about Tomoe?"
"I loved her. I'll never deny that or say that it was a mistake. But she was a resting place. You, Kaoru, you are life. You accept all of me and bring me to life. I love you and want to spend the rest my life with you, loving you."
She suddenly ripped her hands from him and paced a few steps away before turning back to face him, bitterness clear on her face. "How convenient, that you suddenly realize all of this when I finally decide to move. When I reach twenty and you realize what that means for a woman. I don't need your pity, Kenshin. I'd rather be alone than with someone who believes that he doesn't deserve to be loved, but married me out of a guilty conscience. Go away, before I do something that I'll regret."
He debated internally for a minute before speaking. "I am worthy of being loved and loving in return. I heard what you told Tae. About Battousai and rurouni."
She tugged furiously at her hair in aggravation and snapped, "You eavesdropped too? Does no one respect privacy anymore?!"
"I thought about what you said and realized that you were right. That you saw me clearer than I had ever seen myself. Not as separate, broken, but as one man, flawed and human, but whole and worthy of being loved. Make no mistake, I was broken when we met. But every time you welcomed me home, accepted my care, squabbled with me regardless of my past, I healed. Yahiko, Sano, and Megumi helped as well, but it was you, Kaoru, that did it. When you came after me, blew up the kitchen trying to cook for me, scolded me, you moved a little deeper into my heart. But when you held me while I cried, after Enishi, you stole my heart completely. Please don't push me away, don't tell me that it's too late. Let me win your heart and your love, Kaoru. Let me love you and love me back. Be mine forever."
She hesitated, trying to make sense of the whirling chaos of her thoughts. She couldn't keep the tremor from her voice and she hated that she was showing weakness, "What about when you want to roam again? When you want to leave?"
"It'll never happen. You're my home, Kaoru. I've been searching for a place to belong for so long now, so very long. Now I know that I was looking in the wrong places. My home is not a place, it's you. My home is wherever you are, Kaoru. Forever."
She wrung her hands absently. Taking a deep breath, she met his gaze squarely and asked softly, "You love me? Truly love me?"
He stepped forward and brushed a wisp of hair from her face, his gaze tender. "With all my heart. Let me love you, Kaoru. Tell me how to win your love."
Feeling her heartbreak disappear like it'd never existed, she whispered, "It's already yours. I love you, Kenshin. Forever."
Feeling his heart overflow with joy, he closed the space between them and proceeded to kiss her thoroughly, trying to convey how much he loved her, how he would protect her and guard the precious gift that she'd given him, her heart. When he finally broke the kiss, they were both breathing heavily, Kaoru flushed and boneless in his arms. Grinning in masculine satisfaction, he couldn't resist giving her another quick kiss before reluctantly pulling back. Steadying her, he asked, "Marry me?"
Her eyes sparkled mischievously and his heart warmed at seeing it. "Hmm, I don't know. Perhaps I should think on it for a few months or years."
He groaned, "Kaoru."
She laughed and gave him a quick kiss. "Of course I'll marry you, you baka! I've waited for you for three years."
"Hold on." Letting her go, he started digging through his bag. Pulling out an object, he offered it to her shyly. "I know it's not a ring, but I made this for you."
She took the object and examined it closely. It was a delicate hair comb, intricately carved with jasmine blossoms and it had been smoothed and polished until it resembled silk to the touch. Smiling, she tucked it proudly into her hair and held out her hand to him. When he took it, she tugged him closer and said, "Let's go home."
Kk
Aoshi and Misao barely noticed Kenshin and Kaoru leaving, trying to stare each other down. He had never seen her so furious, all joy and frivolity stripped away. Finally she sighed and looked away, surprising him. She motioned for him to sit at the table while she poured him a cup of tea. He moved slowly to where she'd indicated, studying her closely. She looked so tired, so worn down, that it made his heart clench. He was thankful that he'd hadn't had to dodge her kunai, but now he wished that she'd thrown at least one, shown at least a hint of anger, instead of this defeated woman in front of him. After she had poured him tea, she settled her hands in her lap and focused on them. She asked quietly, "Why did you follow me?"
Setting his tea aside untouched, he clenched his hands to keep from touching her. "Why did you leave, Misao?"
"Because."
He waited for her to continue, but the silence stretched between them. This was unlike her, the energetic, chatterbox that he adored and that drove him absolutely insane at the same time. Finally, he asked, "Are you unhappy at the Aoiya?"
She looked up and finally met his eyes, anger and pain burning in hers. "I will not stay there and watch you parade women in front of me, Aoshi. I've made no secret of how I feel about you. Instead, you and everyone at the Aoiya treat me like a child. I am nearly twenty and no one's even bothered to court me. I know that I'm unfeminine, loud and tomboyish, but I don't have to stay and have my heart broken repeatedly."
Narrowing his eyes slightly, he said icily, "No one had courted you because everyone knows that you're mine."
She cursed at him. "I'm not yours, I'm not anybody's. I'm sorry if you've had rumor trouble because someone's linked my name with yours. Don't worry, I'm not going back to the Aoiya, you can court whomever you want. Just stay far away from me."
He eyed her, seeing the woman that she'd become instead of the child she had been. She was perfect and he smiled slightly, a predatory glint. She sprang to her feet, but he was quicker, clearing the table and pinning her in his arms. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "No."
She turned into a wild thing, trying everything she could to escape him, but he held firm, letting her work out her anger and pain. Her struggles grew weaker and weaker. Finally, she surrendered and stopped fighting. Leaning her head against his chest, she asked, tears evident in her voice, "Why won't you let me go? Leave me dignity."
He stroked her back gently, soothing her. Moving over to a chair, he sat, pulling her to where she was cuddled firmly against him. "You misunderstood, Misao-mine. I tried to talk to you, but you avoided me. You've become quite the ninja."
Feeling her heart warm slightly at his endearment, she ventured, "Misunderstood?"
"That day at the Aoiya. She's a distant relative and a good friend of mine. I'd written for her to bring me something that I'd left in her keeping. I was happy because I was sharing my plans of the future with her. Okina's deadline had finally passed and I could ask you."
Her voice deadly sharp, she asked, "Okina's deadline?"
"When I approached him about courting and marrying you, he insisted that I would only receive his blessing if I didn't say anything to you until you were nineteen and a half. It was torture, but I did it, because I know how much he cares for you and how much you love him."
She muttered, "When I get my hands on him, he is so dead, so very, very, dead."
Drawing her attention back to him, he said, "He left the Aoiya, said that he'd return when he received a wedding invitation. Anyway, enough of him. Why did you run from me, Misao-mine? It's not like you to run from a fight."
She fiddled absently with a kunai and he eased at seeing her familiar habits reasserting themselves. "You'd never said anything and I know that I can be very childish sometimes. That woman was beautiful and mature, and I'm so short and scrawny that I can pass for a boy. Why would you chose me?"
He gently lifted her chin so that their eyes could meet. "I would chose you every single time. You stood by me, Misao, even after everything that happened. Your loyalty amazed me, even as I resented you for not allowing me to retreat into myself. Your spirit is so vibrant, your heart so alive, that it showed me that there was still beauty in the world. You healed me, Misao-mine, and I love you. I know that people call me icy, but you've thawed me, down to my innermost heart. Your strength, your stubbornness, your ninja skills, and your childlike joy, draw me irresistibly to you. I know that I don't say much, but never doubt how much I adore you."
Awed and speechless from the words of the normally stoic man, Misao threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. He held her closer and returned the kiss with interest. When they finally broke apart, she hit him on the chest, but it lacked true anger behind it, she was so incandescently happy. She scolded, "Don't you ever do that to me again, Aoshi-sama. You hurt me, you know. How are you going to make it up to me?"
He smiled and she soaked up the rare sight. Reaching into a pocket, he drew out something, making her curious. Opening up his hand so she could see, he showed her the ring. It was a delicate gold band with a small jade stone that shimmered deeply, the color matching her eyes. "This was my mother's and what I asked my cousin to bring to me. Marry me?"
She tackled him, her enthusiasm overflowing, as she shouted, "Yes, yes, yes!"
He took advantage of the situation and kissed her again. When they broke apart, she sighed and smiled, gently cupping his cheek and laying her forehead against his. Suddenly her eyes flew open and she shouted, "Kaoru!"
He shrugged laconically. "She's with Kenshin."
She twisted out of his grip and started pacing. "You don't understand. She doesn't want to see him. She's moving on. He's going to hurt her again. We need to find them, right now!"
He caught her, forcing her to look at him. "Kenshin loves her. He's going to fix his mistake. Now, why don't we pack your belongings so we can return to the Aoiya as soon as they return? We have a wedding to plan."
Looking at him doubtfully, but excited at the thought of finally marrying the man she loved, she quickly moved to do as he suggested.
Kk
Feeling their approach, Misao and Aoshi were waiting in front of the inn when Kenshin and Kaoru finally appeared. The girls immediately started talking a mile a minute, gesturing wildly and showing each other the gifts that they'd received. The men watched silently, an amused indulgence showing on their faces, their hearts content.
It had been a long road and doubtless there would be more obstacles in the future. But whatever came, both couples knew that they'd be strong enough to face it together, secure in their love for each other.
Thank you so much for reading 'Twenty'. Reviews are appreciated.