Heeeellllooooo again. It is your friendly neighborhood author Cuzo back with another chapter. Yay! Now before you read; there are some significant changes in writing. I have tried out a whole new style and I would like lots of feedback on this story so I know if you guys like it or not. There is a lot more detail and the story moves a little slower. I also decided on giving you guys some more background info.
I also apologize for the suckiness of the last chapter. It felt a bit rushed and reading it over it was just horrible. So I am making it up with this one. Hopefully. Also I have more good news. Due to the writing change this chapter is much longer. Over 9,000 words! Woooo! *ahem* anyway enjoy and I will see you at the bottom.
Chapter 13. Should have, Could have, Would have
Lucida let out a loud moan as she was thrown roughly against the wall. Her wrists forced up above her head as a pair of pink lips ravished her neck biting and sucking. Leaving behind little red marks. She bit her lips in pleasure as another moan shot its way out of her mouth. Two slender fingers found their way up her skirt and began to play with its moist treasure before removing the fabric. The lilac struggled to free her wrists from the grip. She's so strong…so she could bury her fingers into the sea of loose silver locks in front of her; but to no avail. The fingers continued to tease her wet core forcing its victim to let out moans filled with want and frustration. Her body ached with dearth; her sex pulsated harshly as it reached a point of desperation.
A pair of emerald eyes met with lilac ones. "Beg for me," spoken in a husky voice. Shizuma then slid her fingers deep to the knuckles inside the woman in front of her and stroked her tender g-spot making the lilac buckle at the knees. "I said, beg for it."
Lucida gasped out a moan, "mmm…damn it…please!"
The emerald then pumped her fingers in again and stopping abruptly before placing her lips near the ear of her prey. "Please what? What's my name?"
Lucida smirked through her lustful features knowing exactly what her courtesan wanted to hear, "Fuck me… please…silver savage." Another moan was screamed involuntarily while two fingers pumped inside her deep and strongly. The lilac sunk her hands into the other woman's hair gripping it for balance. Shizuma grabbed one of her victim's legs and wrapped it around her waist letting her shove her fingers in deeper, making the lilac scream out in pleasure. She thrusted her fingers in and out harder and deeper; each pump coating her digits with sexual essences. The silver beauty sucked harshly on the woman's neck never breaking her rhythmic pattern.
"Ohh...Shizuma...I-I..," Lucida's legs stared to shiver shortly before a harsh orgasm consumed her body. She convulsed roughly, screaming out her moans until her orgasm subsided.
The emerald then retracted her fingers and smiled as her sexual ego grew 6 feet taller. "I love when you cum," she said with a cocky undertone.
"So do I," Lucida replied as she grabbed a hold of Shizuma's shoulders and roughly pushed her down onto the nearby couch and landing on top of her. "Now it's your turn."
A wide grin spread across the silver woman's face; she knew she was in for a treat. To say the lilac was good in bed was an understatement. Lucida knew how to push all the right buttons, kissing the most sensitive places with her soft lips and knowing just the right time to add pressure or when to add a little tease.
Shizuma hissed as she felt a small bite in the nape of her neck. Her collar bone has always been a sensitive area for her. Biting there would only be permitted if you were sure in dealing with the …consequences. But then again, if you bite there…you have lost your say in the matter. The emerald reached up and grabbed a hold of the woman's ass on top of her and squeezed tight; smiling when she heard her victim let out a soft moan; amused when she realized she still had control over this session of sex. Just sex, not making love…just…sex. There were no feelings, no emotions, no thinking and no commitment. Just an exchange of bodies that were on a quest for a release.
Shizuma let out a soft moan when her abettor slid one of her legs between her thighs teasing her melting sex before sliding her body downward. Making a pit stop at every single inch of her abdomen; biting it with just the right amount of force. Just enough sting to send shivers down her spine. Lucida was a very good teaser; Never too much stimulation and never for too long. Too long of a tease will do one of two things; one…will totally turn your partner off ending all your hard work and two…your body will be taken beyond your say. Number two was most likely to happen when you're dealing with a seductress such as Shizuma. Getting her way was not an option, it was an inevitable fact.
The brown haired woman knew this information very well and therefore never spent too much time getting to the main event. Shaking off her cohorts pants, she roughly shoved her face into the sweet sex. Licking the lust swollen walls and gliding her teeth along the length of the woman's clit. The emerald let out a loud moan arching her back.
She reached down to grab her sexual intruder's hair forcing her face deeper into her. The hair's owner smiled, shoving her tongue inside and grabbing hold of the hips to keep her head steady. She moved her tongue in and out, stretching it length wise as far as it can go before retracting it again.
Shizuma moaned again as she felt her orgasm coming close. Her hips began to buck against the woman's face to succor in her orgasms onset.
The lilac knew this move and quickened her movements; reaching her goal as the woman under her convulsed jaggedly. She smiled once the other woman relaxed and crawled seductively over her body kissing her. The silver beauty could taste herself on the lilacs lips. This never seemed to bother her. In fact Shizuma loved her own taste, especially when it was coming off another woman's lips. Her internal juices seemed to capture her personality in the form of taste. Sweet like a sugar but tangy like a citrus, strong but not overbearing…simple yet extraordinary. Complex, just like her.
"That was nice." Started the brown haired woman, "just like old times huh?"
Shizuma just sighed, placing both her hands under her head. Like old times… somehow that didn't sound as appealing as she thought it would. This was what she wanted right? What she ruined her previous relationship for. It was this. A free spirit to do as she pleased, date who she wants and have as much sex as she wants. This was all worth it…right?
The tears she cried, the pain both physically and mentally. The stress, the heartache. It…was all for this. This moment. A moment in bed with a woman who she wasn't even sure meant anything to her. But that's how it was supposed to be…right. No regrets. A hurt feelings, another lie. Just…fun. It was all for fun. It will only be a matter of time before the fun feeling sets in. Eventually.
The silver beauty decided to then get off of the couch, heading upstairs to shower. She might as well get an early start on her bedtime routine. She had to get up for work tomorrow and Lucida was one who didn't believe in starting the day without proper, stimulation.
...
Lucida watched as her sexual toy walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Once she was out of sight she motioned over to where their sexing had first started and searched her strewn clothes for her cellphone. Pressing the top bulged rectangular button, she waited for her screen to turn on and punched in her lock code.
A small twinge of paranoia swiftly slid over her making her look up the stairs again, this time listening intently. The paranoia started to disperse and her heart returned to its normal rhythm when she heard the shower running. A running shower meant she had full privacy for at least 20 minutes. Way more than what she needed. The inconspicuous charlatan searched through her emails. Upon finding the source of her quest she opened the email from her boss. Simply explaining that he received the pictures she sent him.
Lucida smiled at this, it was the first step to her plan. She didn't feel the slightest remorse for her current actions and what was about to come. Shizuma deserved it. It was bound to happen to her sooner or later. Why should this undeserving silver haired woman have everything she wants without any consequences? That should be her. She should be the one with all the money, the important job and the corner office. It was her who should have women falling at her feet, willing to do anything her heart desired. The power of being able to have every single wish granted without the blink of an eye belonged to her. She should want for nothing; not Shizuma. That woman didn't deserve any of it. No happiness what so ever. And the lilac was going to make sure that never happens. It was her duty to make sure everything comes crashing down, so that the silver beauty will come crawling to her for comfort, needing someone by her side. And then only then will she turn her back and leave the woman face down in her own sorrow laced with the failure she's so afraid of. Anything remotely causing happiness will be ripped from under those thin smooth hands.
She, Shizuma, didn't deserve it. Especially not after what she did to her. Breaking up with her like she was a common concubine. Escort. Minx. How dare she? Just who did she think she was? No one ever breaks up with Lucida. It was always her to call it off, never the other way around.
Oh but that wasn't even the worst part of it. No, it was who that arrogant women fell in love, -or at least she thinks it was love- with. A small skinny red headed peasant. A commoner. An insignificant dreary mien. That red headed gold digging harlot was a waste of female form. That vast valueless skank didn't deserve Shizuma. She did! No one else.
Lucida clutched her phone a little harder but stopped once she felt a dull pain the palm of her hand. Breathe…in and out…breathe. Jealousy and revenge is an ugly color on anyone. the lilac would not succumb to that infantile comportment. A lie. She had bigger fish to fry. And right now her plan was already on its way.
The woman thought back to her time in the file cabinet with Shizuma. The silver haired woman gave her a brief explanation of all the files that were there including those of their current clients, their own workings and their competition. Big mistake. She had just given the brown haired woman an open opportunity that came easier than expected. Passing just the right information from those files meant it would give her boss the advantage he was looking for in all three realms of business running. Her boss had always wondered how they did so well, almost never suffering a single loss. He needed to know their secret and thanks to his ever so efficient emissary he now had the answers.
It was rather easy to procure actually. She simply just waited until the other woman was hungry and offered to bring them lunch. Which she did, of course not before taking a pit stop at the file cabinet she had visited just a few moments before and snapping pictures of each thing she thought held importance. Then returned to her oblivious victim, sending the emails right in front of her face. Describing it as a text message from her mother. Pssh...Yea right…my mother. That woman probably doesn't even remember my name. Of course this was an exaggeration. But one not too unbelievable; seeing that it's been 12 years since the last time she spoke to her. What a waste… a light scowl embellished her features. The thought of that woman brought a foul taste to her mouth. She detested that woman with every ounce of her being. Yes, that woman…because said creature did not deserve to be referred to as her mother.
She was definitely not a mother. What mother leaves her six year old daughter at home alone with a disgusting alcohol addiction prone man that she knew for all of what…five days? That is not a mother.
A mother wouldn't leave her small child with said man for over three hours.
A mother wouldn't have let that man take those steps towards her.
A mother wouldn't let that putrid man grab her by the throat, forcing her down to the floor.
A mother wouldn't have let that man pull her underwear down and…
She quickly closed her mind of those memories. Like she did many of the others that made her unhappy. She didn't want to remember anymore. Nothing of her childhood brought a smile to her face. Nothing. If there was a way to erase selected memories she would do so in a heartbeat. But that was neither here nor there. There was nothing she could do about it now. It has been a lot easier to cope with since the nightmares faded away; giving her some sort of peace of mind. Helping her to forget. Forget all but one main point that will forever remain the same.
That…was not…a mother.
Finding amity with her mind again she headed upstairs to Shizuma's bedroom. The shower had stopped running and she was definitely in the mood for round two.
...
Shizuma walked down her home stairs lazily. She stretched and yawned as she began to make her way to the kitchen for coffee. Although she was tired it didn't really bother her at all. Seeing as she was tired from…strenuous activities verses just restlessness. Like old times. That certainly was true. Yet those three words still didn't stick to her the way she would like them too. The way they were supposed to. Those words rang sore notes instead of pleasant ones.
The emerald pressed the little red button on her coffee machine. Smiling to herself when the hot dark brown liquid filled her cup. After fixing her coffee to her liking she blew softly over the mug and sipped. She sighed a bit noticing that the taste wasn't quite how she imagined it would be. It wasn't the same as she's had before. There was something missing. A little something but she didn't know exactly what it was. It wasn't the same. It wasn't like…Nagisa's.
Nagisa…
The silver haired woman's features turned gloomy as an image of a certain red headed female played in her mind. Nagisa…
A dull pain placed itself into her chest; more imagines showed. It was like watching a black and white reel of the things Shizuma appreciated most about her ex-girlfriend. That smile, her eyes, the way she would blush, her laugh. Sadness began to show itself and the woman frowned. Why was she suddenly thinking of these things? How could something like a simple cup of coffee bring back such emotion? Why now?
I miss her…
The emerald looked out her kitchen window as more memories played. How the red head always kept a smile on her face. The way her eyes would light up when she looked at her. How she was always so unselfish, so caring, the way she would always put her first.
Another frown then settled as Shizuma thought about the way she never did the same. She was always the exact opposite. Always thinking about ways to get her needs met without even thinking of the other woman. How could she not see that she was doing it before? Jerk…
She clutched her mug a little more. Unbelievably selfish. Never once did she ask the red head was she happy, satisfied. Never did she stop to look their relationship and see just how much the red head was trying. Trying to make her happy. She never once stopped and thought what she could do to make things better. It always was the other persons job not hers. Selfish.
A deeper frown. My fault…
Regret.
Blank. Shizuma's mind was blank as she drove to her place of work. She didn't want to ruin her content mood. Trying her best to be outside of her head. Fail. The emerald turned on the radio hoping that it would help ease her mind. Wrong. The woman put on her blinker switching looking to the right to make sure there were no cars, then faced forward again after successfully switching.
Her body's auto pilot took over as she escaped into her mind again. Like old times… those three words repeated themselves again. Is this really what she wanted?
Red light.
Too be with Lucida?
Red light.
Too have a more…fun relationship. Wasn't it getting too overrated? Wouldn't she rather be at ease with herself? Couldn't it be a lot easier than this? Shouldn't it be? Did she really want to go back to someone who…who wasn't…
RED LIGHT!
Shizuma slammed on her car breaks as screeching tires tried their best to stop in time. She tensed as she saw a small car crossing the intersection I'm going to hit him. And grabbed onto her steering wheel tightly jerking it to the left to try and turn the other way. I'm going to hit him. She tightened her jaw; bracing herself for the inevitable. Her neck jerked to the right with great uncontrollable force as the left side of her coupe hit the front of the man's car.
She slowly opened her eyes, looking around then wincing when she turned her neck. Shit. The woman placed her hand on the injury. Trying to take slow deep breaths to ease the increasing pain. She looked around again; more slowly, cautiously this time. Shizuma saw the other car. One of the front wheels were turned to the side making the vehicle lean to the right.
She got out assessing the damage. Her eyes grew wide as she got a better look of the impact. You have got to be kidding me. Idiot.
The emerald had never been in a car crash before. But…there was a first time for everything. You are an idiot. She scolded herself before turning her whole body to face the person who was coming out of the car with bright red cheeks. It was very clear. This person was pissed.
Shizuma waited until the man came closer. She looked him over taking in his features. Long blonde hair. Almost too long for a- wait…this wasn't a man. It was a woman. Her deduction was proven as she noticed womanly curves and long smooth legs. Oh great…not only do you get into an accident…but with another woman. Idiot
"I'm sorry," Shizuma spoke as the women came into ear shot, "are you alright?" she asked before looking her over for any visible scars or bruises. None. The only thing showing that the woman had even been in this accident was her flustered face. She was very…very angry.
...
"Of course I'm not alright!" Lilliana scoffed at the irresponsible driver in front of her. What the hell could this person have been doing? Who doesn't know what a red light means. Even though this country was different from her own; she was pretty sure all traffic lights mean the same thing. Stop! "You ruined my new car!" she looked at the front of her sedan. The lights were shattered, her passenger wheel was turned sideways and her hood was bent upwards.
The blonde wasn't trying to hide her anger; not even in the least. She had just bought her car only a month ago. It was a nice candy apple red shining in all its glory. The car seemed to glide rather than just drive. That new car smell hadn't even disappeared yet. She looked at the woman who was responsible for her cars injury. The woman was obviously an important business person. Judging by her black and white pin striped suit. The car she drove and the tied up hair also proved her theory. The English woman noticed her holding her neck.
So the business idiot was hurt. Good for her. No. she deserved it, she should have been paying attention. I should ask her if she's ok. It's her own fault. No, ask her. Lilliana took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the woman.
"I'm extremely sorry, I promise to pay for all the damages." The woman pleaded.
The blonde took a deep breath again. At least this was someone who was cooperative. So far at least. "Are you ok miss?" she asked referring to the woman's neck.
The business woman rubbed her injury, "I'm ok. It's nothing that will kill me." She gave a weak smile before continuing, "Please allow me to take care of everything. I have a friend who owns a tow company and he will help you at no cost to you."
Lilliana features showed that of surprise. This woman was making it really hard for to stay mad. She had to admit, if it were another kind of big shot this little thing would have turned into a shouting match. So she was glad it was someone this kind. "That's very sweet of you. Thank you"
A smile. "Well this is completely my fault."
You got that right sister. Noted the blonde internally. She watched as the other woman started to make a few phone calls. She spoke after the woman was done. "Since we will be standing here for a while, you might as well tell me your name."
The woman turned to her and smiled "Hanazono…Shizuma."
Lilliana walked up the corridors briskly. She was extremely late for practice. All thanks to a reckless and irresponsible –yet polite- business woman. She walked with a little more vigor as she heard the sound of music being played. The sound increased with each step. The destination was reached finally and she stood in front of the door panting. Breathe…inhale and exhale…breathe. Once she felt she was composed enough she turned the yellow door knob; letting herself in as quietly as possible. Her plan was to get to her seat unnoticed.
Fail.
The conductor was just ending the piece making all eyes fall onto the late comer. Most of the stares she got from the other musicians didn't bother her. It wasn't like any of them was never late before. Those stares she could shrug off. But the ones coming from the conductor was a different story. If looks could kill then she would most certainly be dead by now.
The middle aged conductor placed his hands behind his back. Bad sign. And cleared his throat. Another bad sign. She had never been late before but she knew these signs due to the lateness of other musicians. Being tardy was never a good thing. At all. Ever. Especially when you are only one week away from the biggest and most important performance of the year. She took a look around the room and set her eyes on the person she was looking for. Nagisa was staring back at her with a quizzical look. The blonde was able to mouth a 'sorry' before the conductor spoke.
"Miss Portland, you are late." Understatement.
"Yes Mr. Likshaw I know but-"
"There are no buts." He cut her. "Have you forgotten the importance of this performance?" Rhetorical question. "It is the biggest night of this orchestra's life." He paused for a moment to let that piece of information sink in. "you of all people should know."
"Yes I kno-"
"No excuses," he cut her again. "Seeing that you have been here the longest I would expect you to be an example for everyone here. A good one." He fixed his glasses on his nose, "since that you have failed my expectation then I will make an example out of you."
She cringed.
"If you wish to remain a part of this performance group you will stay behind for three hours working on this piece and cleaning this room. Is that understood?"
A nod.
"Good, now please take your seat and tune yourself." He took his eyes off of his victim and directed it towards everyone else, "you all may take five."
The other members of the orchestra began to place their instruments down. Some making cat like stretches while others made their way to the table of snacks. Lilliana took her instrument out of its case and began to tune as Nagisa walked over to her.
"What happened?" the red head spoke.
"I got into a little accident." Yea, a little accident that would cost $2,500 to repair and leave her without her new baby for a week and a half. At least that woman -what was her name again? Shi-something rather. At lease she was willing to pay for everything, including the rental. She couldn't have had a nicer person destroy her car. Irony.
"Are you ok?" the red head began to look over the woman for scratches or bruises. Anything. She wanted to make sure the blonde was ok. After not finding any, she backed up and took a seat next to her. Waiting for an answer to her pervious question.
"I'm ok really. I have a little soreness in my low back. But nothing I can't fix myself." She smiled.
"I'm glad you're ok." A pause, "I'm sorry you got in trouble with Mr. Likshaw."
"I am too. Tonight was our date." A look of disappointment graced her features. It was true their date was tonight. She had been looking forward to it since the day it was planned. A nice dinner, some music and maybe a little dancing. Maybe. Unfortunately she wasn't going to be able to do any of that. It was already late. Half past 7. The rehearsal wouldn't be over until at least 8 and with the added hours she was punished too. There was no way she would have time. Lilliana let out a sigh, letting the sadness be known. Not caring how it made her seem. She was highly upset at the turn out. It would be just her luck.
"Yes I know. It's ok. We can always have our date after the concert." A smile, "it's no big deal. I'm just glad you're ok." Truth be told. That really was all Nagisa was worried about. Their date was important yes. But Lilliana's health was also important. She had already been worried when the blonde didn't show up on time. It wasn't like her to miss almost half of rehearsal. Especially one so close to its performance date. She knew it had to be something. The red head glanced at the woman in front of her who showed how disappointed she was. She smiled at this sight. It was nice to know that she wasn't the only one who cared about their date. It was also nice to see her show her feelings freely. Not like she was too shy to show them. Or…what's the word…proud. Yes, that's it. Lilliana wasn't too proud to show her emotions openly and honestly. Another opposite of her…ex.
"Yes you're right," she smiled back, "you're worth the wait." Bluish green orbs met auburn briefly as the gaze lowered to the younger girls lips. Her eyes lowered slightly, finding their focus point on the red heads lips. Do it. Debating if she should. Go on do it. Close the distan-
The conductor walked into the room again -this time a lot calmer- and told everyone to take their seats. Lilliana leaned back and smiled watching Nagisa walk back to her proper seat. Too late.
...
"No again." spoke Mr. Likshaw more frustrated. "You know this piece already why are you making these mistakes?"
Two hours had already passed and Lilliana was exhausted. Her back muscles were beginning to scream at her. Begging her to lie down and give them a break. She tried to adjust the way she was sitting but nothing made her feel more comfortable. Damn this chair to bloody hell. She inwardly cursed before taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry,"
The conductor in front of her pinched the bridge of his nose. He slowly passed his hand over his face rubbing it a few times. The man was also tired and decided that a punishment for lateness was over rated. At least for today. Recognizing that he was feeling it more than the musician herself. "You know what." He started, "I'm tired and I know you're tired. So just pack your things and go home."
Those words couldn't have come at a better time, "thank you."
"You're welcome. Just don't be late to rehearsal again. Understood"
"understood." She began to pack her things as the conductor got up and left. Her back muscles still made themselves known during the walk to her rental car. Lilliana eased onto the driver's seat placing her instrument down to the empty seat next to her. She started her car and drove off.
Once she reached her destination, she threw all female etiquette and hygiene out of the window as she went straight for her bed not bothering to shower or remove her clothes. The mattress underneath her gave great relief to her back and she sighed in relief. She placed her hands over her chest and folded them as she let her mind wander. The thoughts varied from the orchestra to Nagisa. A subconscious smile changed her features briefly. Her thoughts changing again. This time to her childhood, this had been a pleasured one for the most part. Some ups and downs but never any that would make her say she had a lousy childhood. Her thoughts continued, this time to her father.
An image of a tall average sized man with brown hair and bluish green eyes embedded itself on her brain. The mood changed... She missed him. How long has it been now? Four, five years since he left for the army. Maybe even longer than that. It sure seems like much...much longer. The blonde had always had a great bond with her father. She was his spitting image. Minus the blonde hair that was passed by her mother. He had always referred to her as his princess. And he succeeded in making sure she felt that way every day. The lighter memories played themselves and a light smile graced her features. She couldn't wait a few more days before the next scheduled video call would come from him.
It was something she looked forward too. Her mom was around too of course. But it wasn't the same. The bond she shared with her father was one that no one could ever replace. It was theirs and theirs to keep. It was their time, like clockwork. The second and fourth week of the month she got to see her dad, Adam. And in the four to five year time period that he's been away Adam had never missed a video. He valued his daughter like a precious gem he climbed 100 mountains to get to. And that was proven. Time and time again.
Lilliana let out a yawn as the sand man made his way over. She closed her eyes and welcomed sleep.
***1 week later***
Shizuma rubbed her eyes tiredly. She had been staring at the computer for a few hours now. Yet she only had a few paragraphs written. Perhaps it was because she couldn't find a way to keep her focus consistent. Often zoning out about other things. The recent car accident being one of them. She rubbed her still slightly hurt neck in remembrance. Her green orbs found their way to the estimation sheet she received from the mechanic. $6500 dollars in repair. 4,000 of that being the amount for her car alone; having need a completely new door -that needed to be shipped over-, a new front bumper and lights. Then there was the added 2,500 for the car she hit, since she offered to pay for those damages too. Well…it was her fault for getting into the accident in the first place.
The emerald sighed in frustration. It wasn't the money that bothered her. No, of course not. She was Shizuma Hanazono and money was definitely not something she stressed about. Never needed to before. That is the way it will stay. She straightened herself in her large leather chair and rubbed the sides of her neck. Focus. That is what she has been missing. What had been truly bothering her. The lack of focus she was having. It was messing with her. Toying with her outside world. She couldn't do anything half as perfectly and efficiently as she used to.
It was beginning to affect more than just her pocket or work ethic. No, it was a matter of image, pride. She was beginning to come off as jewel that's lost its luster, getting marked down in price to get rid of it. That wasn't what she was. It was never what she was. Shizuma was the diamond for show. The one in a display all on its own with the brightest lights. All eyes on that large diamond. The jewel so beautiful it was deemed too astonishing to even place a price on it. That's what she is…or rather was. Perceiving that the thoughts in her mind have made her forget how to keep up her stoic, cool and powerful appearance. But why? What was causing her to loose these skills she had mastered so long ago?
The silver haired women leaned back in her chair as she thought harder. After a long breath an image of a certain red head popped into her mind. A pang of sadness found its way. I miss her…
Regret. Again.
Shizuma quickly tried to regain her composure as she heard a knock at her door. She cleared her throat, "come in."
The door swung open reveling Jackie on the other side, "hey, did you eat?" the almond skinned woman couldn't help but feel something wrong with the energy in the room. But decided against it.
"Umm…no actually I haven't," true she hadn't eaten all day. Oh that's right… There it was again the lack of focus. "What are you thinking of?"
"The boss just ordered food from like five different restaurants so we can take our pick."
"Oh great," she said truthfully as she made her to the break room. Her stomach voicing its excitement.
The duo entered the break room and looked at the food lay out in front of them. Each of them choosing their own thing before taking a seat at their signature table. Shizuma took a bite into her sandwich as Jackie started conversation.
"Have you ever been to a concert?"
"What? Like a boy band concert?" a look of confusion settled on her features as the other woman laughed.
"No, not like that. I meant like a classical one. An orchestra. Not those rock out loud slut conventions you pick all your women up from." She laughed a little as the emerald made a disapproving face. "Speaking of which," she paused, "how is that heifer of yours?"
Of mine? She thought. Lucida is nothing of mine. She is simply…just there to provide…services when needed. Jackie snapped a finger to bring her out of her thoughts. "She's...fine." a pause, "and to answer your original question. No, I have never been to one of those concerts."
"Of course you haven't," sarcasm. "Lucky for you Mike was able to get some free tickets for the fantasmic so I am officially inviting you."
"Oh how sweet," Shizuma said sarcastically. "You're taking me out."
Jackie laughed, "You seem to be confused. My husband," she made sure to emphasize the word, "is taking me out and you are simple tagging along."
"Oh and here I thought my chances were getting higher"
Another laugh, "sorry, you won't get to taste this chocolate." A pause, "oh btw this ticket is for you and you only. Don't bring the heifer."
Another laugh this time from Shizuma, "I wasn't planning to anyway. I could use some…air." The emerald flashed a promiscuous smile.
"See there you go. Can't I ever have a conversation with you without you talking bout nasty heifers and sex?"
"No."
"Of course. Anyway when you're done with your little nasty play thing meet me at the Yukawa Park at 8pm. And remember," serious voice, "don't bring the heifer."
A nod.
"Great then…I will see you then."
Another nod.
Jackie then got up from her seat and made her way back to her office.
Nagisa paced nervously back stage. Her hands fiddling with each other menacingly. Today was the day of her performance and the word nervous was an understatement. What if I forget my notes…what if I pop a string during my solo…She stopped her pacing as she grew wide eyed as her brain thought of something even more worse than those she already mentioned. What...what if…what if I fall! On stage, in front of everyone. Auburn orbs found sight of the exit, yep, not doing it. She quickly made her way to the door grabbing her instrument in tow. It would have been the perfect escape. If it wasn't for her bumping into someone who was coming in as she was trying to go out. Fail.
A soft voice met her ears, "where are you going?" Lilliana spoke.
"I…I-," she paused to try and control her shaky breath, "I can't do it."
"What?" the blonde heard what the younger woman said so this wasn't a question of clarification. It was more like an involuntary response for something she could not believe.
"but-"
"No buts. You can do this Nagisa," the taller woman came closer; looking into her eyes, "we have practice this piece at least a thousand times. You have…" her face lowered slightly, the most beautiful... she quickly stopped her inappropriate thoughts, "absolutely nothing to fear about." There you go…good job. No need to mess her up even more.
A look of relief displayed across the red heads face.
"I will be there the whole time. So if you are feeling unsure. Just look at me...ok?"
A nod.
"Good…now breathe. It will be alright."
Another nod.
Lilliana then took her leave and found the chair with her name on it. She began to tune her instrument as other musicians found their seats. Mr. Likshaw then appeared in front of them with Ms. Langheart on his heels. Both of them showing faces that easily showed they were equally nervous and excited.
Ms. Langheart spoke first, "good evening my shining stars. How are you all feeling?" Her audience all let out a simultaneous 'good'. "That's great to hear. Now don't be nervous, I'm sure you all will be fabulous." She paused to let her words sink in, "I won't say good luck because you clearly don't need it. But I will say, meet you at the end for cocktails." Her joke got her a laugh from the other musicians.
Mr. Likshaw than presented himself in front of his musicians, "I agree with Ms. Langheart. About the drinks that is," he smiled as the musicians laughed again. "Now that was able to successfully replace your nervousness with laughter. I just want to say that I am very proud of all of you and I don't regret ever having any of you as a part of this orchestra. It has been a pleasure to lead you all. May your talent bring you to true happiness." He bowed as the musicians applauded. The middle aged man smiled before taking his leave.
Shizuma followed behind Jackie and her husband muttering a lot of 'sorry's' and 'excuse me's' as they made their way to their reserved seats. Finally settling, the emerald turned toward Jackie who was handling her a pamphlet. She looked it over skimming through it before opening to the last page reading the list of names to herself. First the brass section, then woodwinds, percussion and finally strings. Her heart skipped a beat as a certain detail largely displayed itself.
First chair Concert master: Aoi, Nagisa. Arrow shot to the heart. What was? How was? When did? Millions of questions raced through her mind as she tried to make sense of this situation. Ok Shizuma, calm down. Breathe…inhale…yes…it's just Nagisa…Playing…in an orchestra…right in front of yo-…exhale stupid! She forced out a breath and waited for her natural color to return.
Jackie eyed her friend. "Are you ok?"
No. "Yes…I'm fine," no you're not, "it's just a little warm in here," liar.
A curious look, "are you sure? You're really red."
"Yes," she's giving you an out! Take it you idiot! "I'm fine, thank you…just a little warm." Fool. She forced a smile hoping it was enough to get the attention off of her. It was. Jackie then turned around looking at her husband before engaging in a conversation with him. Thank goodness. A sigh of relief before she retreated into her mind again. She was completely bewildered by the sudden events.
The emerald couldn't think of a time when Nagisa ever expressed an interest in music, let alone being a musician. It was obviously some kind of hidden talent, since she had saw her once before at Stones during open mic night. But then again she never stopped to really evaluate the younger woman either. Seeing her more as a challenge she needed to win rather than for the sake of…love? Did she love Nagisa? Certainly she would have acted differently if that was the case, right? But then…why were all these things happening to her. The regret, sadness, lack of focus and just overall unhappiness. If it wasn't for the loss of love. Then what was it? Why was it happening?
The curtains drew back and the members of the orchestra started to walk in. Shizuma scanned each on looking for a familiar face. None. Well she did spot that woman whose car she hit, but that was not the face she was looking for. The emerald relaxed her body when she realized that the name she saw was probably someone else. That's a relief. She thought more. Then why am I so sad.
She was thrown out of her mind as applause caught her attention; forcing her to look up at the stage.
Another arrow shot to the heart.
What she saw on the stage froze her in every way possible. A red headed girl…no a woman, carrying a violin walking across the stage the stopping to take a bow. Nagisa…
Two more arrows.
The silver haired woman's eyes widened as the woman made her way across the stage and took her seat. She turned to look at Jackie to see if she had the same reaction. None. How could she not? It was Nagisa playing on stage with one of the biggest orchestras in the country. How could this not affect her?
Shizuma studied the russet skinned woman again; noticing that she had a bit of a smirk on her lips.
She knew…
She opened her mouth to say something but was drowned out by the applause as the conductor made his way on stage.
...
The conductor waved his wand vigorously making the music play with loud sharp and fast notes. The orchestra followed him with ease as they made their instruments obey every swift movement of the baton. Nagisa kept her eyes closed. She knew this piece more than anything. All she had to do was wait. Wait for her cue to begin her solo. It was coming near. The music got louder and shaper.
Here it comes. She took a breath as the music suddenly paused. The lone violin began to play. She closed her eyes and felt the music playing each note exactly as she had during practice. A smile sailed across her features as her confidence soured.
Her soul had entered that violin making it sound as if it had emotions of its own. It cried for her. Cheering up only when the faint sound of a particular flute made its way in. the two instruments played as one complimenting each other. Giving each note a shoulder to lean on. It was pure magic.
...
A small tear made its way down Shizuma's cheek. To say that music was beautiful would have been an understatement. There was something special about the person. There was energy or something of that sort between the Nagisa and the flu-. Wait wasn't that the woman whose car she hit just a week ago. This was definitely a small world. Two people she knew at the same place, in the same orchestra and both having an equally important part. Yes, there was something though. What was it? It was more than energy. She wiped the lone tear and continued to listen as the piece made its way to an end.
It was…chemistry. That's it! Those two had chemistry. Which you need in order to play such a beauti- wait! Chemistry. Chemistry wasn't something that was just bestowed upon two people. No, this was something you had to work on. You had to actually, spend time together.
They...must…be together. A pang of sadness came over the women briefly. Only briefly. Because anger began to quickly take its place.
Feeling a difference of energy Jackie turned her head towards her friend, who was now, bright red and beaming with anger, "Shizuma? What's wrong?"
Oh you know what's wrong you conniving lit- "you knew?" she asked trying to hold back all of the very…not nice things going through her head.
"Yes...I did," she answered truthfully.
Bitch
Jackie continued again, "just like I knew she was going to be at Stones." She said as if she just told Shizuma about the weather.
"How coul-"
The older woman placed a finger on the emeralds lips cutting her off, "you needed to see this. Out of all those women I have seen you go through. None of them seem to hold any prominence, except for one. And you know It." it was true, Shizuma did know. But that didn't give her the right to do something like…like this. Purposely hurt her. Purposely make her feel, like she could have done better. Make her feel this…regret. Why would she do such a thing? Nothing has been the same ever since and her so called friend's only way of abetting the situation was to put her through hell. These past few months. How dare she?
Shizuma opened her mouth again but was cut off again by her co-worker, "I know you're angry. You have every right to be."
Damn right!
"But you will thank me." Jackie than reached into her pocket and pulled out a small laminated rectangular card. "Here, this will allow you backstage. Go talk to her."
Although thousands of curse words and names went through the other woman's head. She stopped them all when the older woman offered the opportunity to her. It was definitely something she couldn't pass up. The emerald muttered a small 'thank you.' Before heading towards the stage.
Nagisa let out a sigh of relief as she sat down in a chair backstage. She stretched her fingers before placing her instrument back into its case.
"You were simply marvelous!" a familiar voice said as the red head was taken in to a hug.
Nagisa let out a laugh as hugged Lilliana back, "thank you. So were you."
"Oh please you were much better. That solo was…simply…"
"Perfect…" said a smooth voice from the entrance of backstage. The women turned their heads both showing a face of astonishment. Of course Nagisa had much more reason to be surprised.
"Shizuma…what are you doing here?" the red head spoke. Yes, surprise indeed.
"You know her?" asked a very confused Lilliana.
"Yes...she is my…"
"Ex," Shizuma answered. Although the words didn't hurt coming out as much as she thought they would. And that was simply because the emerald had just witnessed some unappreciated affection between the two. It was easy for her hurt to be replaced with anger. She still wasn't sure why she was so angry but reason didn't matter to her now. That blonde was touching something that belonged…well did belong to her and she didn't like it. Not. One. Bit. "To answer your question, I was invited here by Jackie. Apparently her husband has some kind of connection and I was able to come back here." Her tone softened, "how are you? Nagisa?" her name tasted sweet on her lips. She had missed saying it. She missed…her.
Said woman paused. If this little meeting had happened before her performance then it never would have happened because she would have died of a heart attack. Just what made her come back here? Why now? I thought…and how did she know Lilly? What did she have to do in this? Nagisa noticed she was taking long to answer and tried to come out of her head, "I'm fine." No you're not, "thank you."
"You're welcome," Shizuma added with a smile.
Upon watching the interaction between the two Lilliana felt the overwhelming need to be possessive. Nagisa wasn't hers, yes that was true. But she wasn't going to let anyone ruin her work in progress. She put an arm around the red heads shoulder softly pulling her closer and receiving a confused look from the smaller woman.
Shizuma definitely noticed this move and mentally killed Lilliana in six different ways. Just who the hell did she think she was? Putting her arm around my…Nagisa wasn't hers anymore. She had no right to feel this way right? To hell with that! She cleared her throat, "Nagisa…may I speak with you…please?"
No! Lilliana said in her head, of course not! First you wreck my car and now you want to butt between us. Tell her no! No! No! No
"Yes." Nagisa answered. Simple sold by the word 'please'. Which Shizuma did not normally use in her vocabulary. She felt Lilly's arm tense around her and looked up at her.
The blonde was shooting daggers through her eyes at the emerald that was gladly shooting them back. Obviously not afraid of the other woman. Another pang of anger shot through her as she saw the bluish green eyed woman grip tighten against the red head. This time it was obvious to Shizuma way she was so angry. Another first. Jealousy. An insane amount at that.
"It's ok Lilly," Nagisa reassured and slipped out of her grip. "I will meet you later ok?"
A sigh of defeat. "Ok…" Lilliana walked off…defeated. But not before giving a dangerous glare to Shizuma.
"Shall we?" the silver haired woman asked before extending her arm towards the exit.
The red head nodded before following behind her.
The two women sat at a table away from all the musicians, quiet and alone. Just what they both needed. Nagisa looked down at her hands not sure what to say or do. A few more moments of silence before Shizuma decided to speak.
"Nagisa…I," she paused trying to search for words. There was so much she wanted to say. So much she wanted to know. How she was? Is she ok? Is she lonely like her? Was she involved with that woman? Maybe even say she was…sorry? She took a breath, "you did an amazing job tonight." Great job…idiot.
"Thank you," she answered. Hoping that wasn't the only thing she stole her away to say. Stole away. An interesting choice of words. "You look…good."
Awkward.
"Thank you, so do you."
Silence again.
"Nagisa…" say it… "I'm…" say it... go on "I'm…" hurry up "I'm sorry." Yes you said it…step one was complete. The words weren't easy to say, but she was glad she said them.
Said girl looked up from her hands. This isn't the first time Shizuma had apologized since they broke up. But there was something different. There was...vulnerability. The emerald was showing her the more soft side of her. A first. It almost made her want to smile. And she would have, if it wasn't for the memory of why they had broken up in the first place. "Thank you," She brought her attention back to woman in front of her as she started to speak again.
"You're welcome."
Silence again, deafening.
"So are you and that blonde haired wo-"
"No," Nagisa cut her. It was true they weren't together. Talking yes, but nothing of titles or anything like that. Therefore it was unnecessary to voice.
Shizuma let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. Maybe now I can tell her, "Nagisa," she started again with openness. You've already started now say it, "I miss you." Good…good, you're doing great.
The red head stayed silent. She didn't know what to say. What could she say? I miss you too? No, because that would be a lie. Right? She didn't miss her. Well…actually…didn't give herself a chance to. Simply just exiling the woman from her brain. Refusing to let her dictate her life by just the whisper of her name. That wouldn't be right. She is probably lying. This must be an ego thing. She looked up into her eyes. She's…she's telling the truth. Yes those eyes of Shizuma's were the one thing that worked against her. Her tell. You could always see when she was lying, telling the truth and the ever so popular lust. Those eyes told it all. And right now those eyes said, 'I need you.' "Shizu-"
"No," the emerald cut her, "listen to me ok?"
A nod,
"I'm sorry, for everything. I just…" take your time…she's listening, "I thought I could go on without you and I cant. It's just not possible. I thought I wanted my old life back. Thinking sex and fun was all that mattered and it isn't. You matter." A pause as she took a breath, "you matter to me. I can't do anything without you. Nothing is the same, I'm not the same. I can't even make proper coffee when you're not around."
A small smile.
"Nagisa, I know this all may not matter to you. And you probably don't even want to hear it but. I really miss you. Since our break up, I have felt nothing but," take your time…breathe…she's listening. Go on… "But…" say it…she's listening.
"Shizuma," Nagisa interrupted. "I get it, but right now. I can't." it was true that she knew where the silver haired woman was going with this. But she just couldn't. And why should she? It wasn't her fault why they broke up. She was the one faithful. And her ex-lover needed to know that things just weren't that easy. This woman had no idea what she went through. The loss of her emotions, the tears, the pain. For weeks she barely had the desire to live. And now that she is finally put back together she should just jump back into her arms? Why? Because it was convenient for her. No, it's not that easy. We all reap what we sew and Shizuma needed more time to realize that. She needed to really look back and see her ways. She needed to change. A full 360. Just as Nagisa had already done. She took her time to find more about herself and develop to who she is now. And Shizuma needs to make a decision. Either she would be monogamous or she wouldn't. That choice had to come from her. Nagisa needed to know that if things got hard, would she work. Work to keep things going and not leave the entire burden on her.
The red head spoke again, "but…I will consider it. If you can prove to me something."
Shizuma's lips curved up to a smile. So there was hope, "yes…of course anything."
"I want to see change."
"Change?" what? What was she talking about? Change what? Everything about her was fine. She didn't need to change anything...right?
"I need to know that you have changed…for the better. What you did…" she paused, "it really hurt me and I need to be over 100 percent sure that something like that would ever happened again for me to even consider thinking about you in that way. If you can prove me this. Then we can talk." She looked at the woman in front of her, "is that a deal?"
Shizuma paused. Say yes stupid…she's giving you a chance. Take it! "Deal."
Nagisa extended her hand and smiled as the other woman accepted her hand and shook in agreement.
So what do you guys think? Is it better? Too long? Boring? Please give me your feedback in reviews or private messages. Whichever. Now I will say that if you guys like this style of writing better, then you can expect better quality reading. But since chapters will be longer, it will take more time to edit and blah blah. As I'm sure I missed a thing or two here.
Ok enough babbling. I hope you enjoyed it. Ja ne ")