A/N: Hey guys! Here's more Bechloe revisiting Barden for you. And a nice little POV from Emily. Sorry for the rather mellow yet slightly dramatic chapter 20. These chapters deal with the last hints of sadness for this fic and start moving on to the right track.
Song title inspired by 'Somewhere Only We Know' by Keane (there's also a version by Lifehouse) and song featured is 'If You Could See Me Now' by the Script. Also, to the guest (chubby) who left that note on Tracy Chapman's 'The Promise', there's still room for that on this chapter ;)
PS: Give me a week for chapters 22-24. I have a bunch of things planned for 23 specifically and that might take time to write.
I don't own pitch perfect.
Chloe woke up the next day to find herself in Beca's arms, their limbs a tangled mess. There was an urge of wanting to simply stay still, as they were, let Beca decide what she wanted to do when she wakes up, but Chloe knew that would be unfair.
Once upon a time Beca needed the space to breathe and grow. Chloe thought she was doing what was needed without realizing she was only somehow holding onto Beca tighter.
But once upon a time was gone. While there was a part of Chloe that was scared of what might happen next, of opening up to the possibilities ahead of them.
And Chloe has really just found her center again.
She really didn't want to mess things up. And Aubrey's words about taking their own time echoed through her mind. They did that once before, following their own pace. That's how they came to be.
And if time is what it takes, she'll wait out forever this time. She's already waited. She's already tried rushing into running away from how she felt and moving on.
So, not wanting her emotions to cloud her mind and cross boundaries she wasn't sure should be crossed, Chloe lifted herself up and carefully untangled herself from Beca. She got up and out of bed and went to check any messages on her phone.
It didn't take long for Beca to wake up, she looked a little at a loss but she quickly recovered, looking up to smile at Chloe. "Sorry about that." Beca replied. "Didn't mean to just dump all the things going through my head on you."
Chloe shook her head. "Don't apologize Beca. I get it." she replied. "Well, maybe not what you're going through exactly but I've seen you go through things with your dad, and losing him, no matter what your history with him was, it means a great deal to you. Especially since you did say you started reaching out again only for this to happen."
"Right." Beca absentmindedly replied. "What's your plan for today?"
"Nothing much. I was planning on meeting with Emily and Luke and the rest later. By the way, does Luke know you're here?"
"Ah, well…" Beca started to say before smiling sheepishly at Chloe. "We had a very long phone discussion on what I should and shouldn't do after I heard the news. I wanted to come but I was a bit on the fence of things, mostly because I wasn't sure how things would go or if I even have the right to be here given everything that's happened. I wasn't sure if I would be ready to be." she explained. "It was kind of a last minute decision, really. But, uh, would you mind if… I wanna go visit my dad and I don't to be alone."
Chloe nodded, "Yeah. Definitely." she immediately said. "Um, yeah, why don't you get ready, I'll go back to my hotel and we can meet up and grab a quick breakfast before heading there."
"That sounds good. Um, I do have a service but would you mind just picking me up?"
"Still not driving?" Chloe asked.
"I tried but I'm still avoiding it. Owning a car isn't really that practical with not many places to park back in New York and driving on the wrong side of the road than I was used to was a little tricky for me. Slow progress."
Chloe chuckled, that was one less thing to worry about. "Alright, I'll be back in about an hour?"
"Perfect." Beca replied before once again rolling into bed and hiding under the covers making Chloe chuckle.
Somethings never changed.
Beca was anxiously tapping the armrest of Chloe's rented car as they drove to visit where her father was interred. She couldn't help it, she was nervous. Mostly she was still trying to keep her emotions at bay.
She lost so much along with the memories she had forgotten. And she's wasted so much time. Now that they were slowly returning, she was surely slowly regaining the things she's lost. But in this case, what good would it do?
Closure, Beca thought to herself. She had let slip the chance to say the things she wasn't sure she ever had the chance to say to her dad. If she ever did, the memory hasn't returned.
And now she doesn't get the chance to say it to him anymore. All she could hope for was that someway, somehow, he would still hear her.
And there are days when I'm losing my faith
Because the man wasn't good he was great
He'd say "Music was the home for your pain"
And explained I was young, he would say
Chloe parked the car, turning to look at her wordlessly. Beca couldn't stop tapping away anyways, the rest of the song already stuck in her head.
"You ready?" Chloe asked. "Do you… um, want to go there alone or…? I could walk with you, but if you need space I can just come back to the car after."
Beca smiled weakly. "That would be great." she replied.
Take that rage, put it on a page
Take that page to the stage
Blow the roof off the place
I'm trying to make you proud
Do everything you did
I hope you're up there with God saying "That's my kid!"
They slowly made their way out of the car and to the fresh grave near the shade of a tree. Beca wrestled with the thoughts of her father in her head. The last time they spoke, it was as if all ill feelings of the past had disappeared. The air had cleared between them. He was mostly just really happy that Beca decided to reach out.
Was he happy because Beca was growing up? Because she was being mature and letting go of things she stubbornly held on to, a past that was long gone? Or was happy because he was proud of her, of the things she's accomplished? Was he happy because Beca called when he thought he would never be able to even talk to her again before he was gone?
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now
(Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now
(Oh if you could see me now)
With every step, the emotions overwhelmed Beca. She instinctively reached out for Chloe's hand, interlacing her fingers with the redhead before gripping it tightly. Chloe looked up for a brief second before she returned the gesture, giving Beca's hand a gentle squeeze.
It spoke. I'm here for you.
They reached their destination and Beca very reluctantly let Chloe's hand go. She looked at her with a weak smile. Chloe nodded before she slowly moved away, giving Beca the space she needed. Beca took the last few steps to reach the marker engraved with her father's name before slowly kneeling on the ground, her fingers tracing the letters on the stone. She had been very disappointed with herself for not having the strength to even show up the day before, during the actual funeral, but in some ways she was glad that she went here alone – or rather with Chloe and only Chloe – and that she would get the privacy she needed.
"You know, I've been wrestling with what I wanted to say. Mostly it's a few very un-pretty things. You left me again, you know? You left again without saying goodbye." Beca started to say. "I know you didn't mean to, you never did, but this time I guess you really didn't have a say now, did you? If you did, it'll only piss me off even more."
Beca ran her hands on the dirt on the backfilled grave. "I would have wanted to see you again. Be there on the happiest days of my life." Beca started to say, tears gently streaming down her cheeks. "But I have a feeling you'll always be there even now. God, I really hope you can hear me, otherwise I'd feel so stupid, but… I remember. I remember you telling me if I love someone, no matter the pain or hurt, to fight for them and hold on. I remember all the advice you've given me. And I remember the ring you gave me for Chloe – which I think is still actually with her? In advance, if I don't ever find that ring again, I sincerely apologize." she continued with a chuckle. She rubbed her eyes dry with the back of her hands and smiled.
"But mostly... I can tell you anything, I can tell you an earful of stories I never get the chance to say, but… I think I can do better than that. Sum it all up." Beca then said. "I am sorry, for being stubborn, for making it hard for you sometimes. Thank you for everything, your wisdom, and for the ways you tried to show me you loved me despite me not seeing or understanding said ways. I forgive you of the things I've held against you. And dad… I… I love you. I hope you know that."
Beca sighed, her breath was a bit ragged as she tried to get it under control. She wasn't sure if it was all for naught or if by chance her dad did hear her, but she did feel lighter.
With that, Beca got up, wiped away her tear stained cheeks, and walked back to where Chloe was by the car.
"You okay?" Chloe asked uncertainly. It looked like she wanted to wrap her in a hug but hesitated on the last minute. Beca smiled and nodded, crossing the distance between them and hugged the redhead instead, taking her by surprise. It was brief, Beca pulling away soon after.
"Yeah." Beca then replied. "Now, I believe you said lunch with my step-brother and Emily?"
"Yes. We don't have to go, I mean, if you don't want to and you want me to keep you company."
"I am hungry." Beca then replied with a smirk and Chloe shook her head and smiled.
"Do my eyes deceive me or is Beca Mitchell actually at Barden once again?" Luke beamed as soon as they saw Chloe walk in the restaurant with Beca.
But before Luke could even welcome Beca back to the States and all, Emily beat him to the punch, running the distance between their table and where the entrance was and immediately tackling Beca with a hug. Thankfully they didn't topple over.
"Beca! I can't believe it! You came home!" Emily said, incredibly excited. "I was afraid you wouldn't with what happened with your dad and all and things being so sudden." she immediately rambled on as she finally let Beca go.
Thankfully Beca wasn't looking too annoyed either.
"I did promise to be here for your graduation and all." Beca then replied. "And I swear Emily, did you actually get a few inches taller while I was away."
"You just haven't seen me in a long while." Emily then replied, ushering both her and Chloe to where they were sitting.
"Benji." Beca greeted rather formally.
To which Benji returned the favor with a nod, "Beca."
"Beca! How's Paris?" Kaelyn asked, giving her a quick hug.
"Stayed away from the River Seine I hope." Luke commented just as they were about to seat down. Emily didn't fail to notice the quick twitch in Beca's features and quickly turned to Luke with a questioning glance. Luke simply shrugged. Chloe looked just as clueless and lost with what Luke had meant.
But that was pretty much all there was with the awkward comment. The conversations immediately smoothed out to talks about the future and Emily's graduation in the coming days. There was seeing the Bellas too.
And after a good while of nothing but sad news, Emily felt relief wash over her, the family she had grown to love and care for, the family she has made was slowly coming together once more.
"What's with the goofy smile Ems?" Beca asked, raising her brow.
Emily shrugged. "Nothing, just, happy I guess? Benji and, we're also moving to LA soon, and Stacie and Aubrey just finished moving, I think?" she replied, looking for Chloe for support.
"Yup, we're neighbors, so to speak. Her apartment building is right across mine." Chloe replied.
"Ah, the Bellas all getting back together then?" Benji then asked, joining in the conversation. "How about you Beca? Any news?"
Emily turned to Beca with a smile, expectant of a positive reply. Beca chuckled. "First of all, Luke would kill me if I let him and Kaelyn be the only ones to handle the club entirely. "Second of all, I'm pretty sure Emily would throw a tantrum if I don't return home – have you ever seen Emily throw a tantrum? Not a pretty sight."
"Beca!" Emily then interjected, looking all indignant. She threw a tantrum only once in her life. Beca promised to hang out with her once, she was six, and Beca bailed out on the last minute for some random excuse that was her discovery of a new record store in town. In other words, Beca Mitchell forgot and Emily gave her hell for it.
"I'd rather not know then." Benji awkwardly replied. "How was the sabbatical thought? What are you going to do when you come back? New York or LA? New record company got you?"
"Nope." Beca replied, prompting Emily to look at her curiously.
And then Emily realized that she wasn't entirely sure of what comes next in terms of Beca. She knew she was planning to come 'home' at some point, Luke reassured her of that when he got back from his recent trip to see her, and that they have the club too.
On that note, Emily never really realized just how dodgy Luke had been about Beca since the UK trip. All he would say was that Beca's working on something and that she's just taking her time on her sabbatical to breathe new life into her work or something – it was getting more and more cheesy as of late, but it was almost always something along the lines of Beca trying to reenergize and reinvigorate herself before digging her heels in and getting started with work.
Which leads Emily to wonder…
"Nope?" Benji asked looking just as confused as Emily.
"I don't intend to work for anyone else anymore." Beca simply replied. "But yeah, moving back to LA soon. I have some of my people looking into prime real estate in the city." Beca said with a chuckle, and Emily could tell that even Beca herself was still not used to the idea of having her people.
Beca kept dodging question regarding the specificity of what it was that she would be doing back in LA if not work in the world of music. She had spent most of their lunch being coy about things, not really wanting to divulge any information or details. At some point Luke complained that Beca missed the grand opening of the club.
"Hey, at least I convinced David Guetta to make an appearance." Beca retorted. "Just thank me for calling in the favor, will you?"
"You're only getting a pass because Guetta being there and playing an actual set generated some much needed buzz." Luke replied. "But when you're all settled I'm expecting weekly gigs like the one you had in New York!"
"That's in the works for sure bro." Beca replied with a smirk and Emily couldn't help but smile.
Beca's usual rapport at least with their little group, was back.
She's just really thankful that whatever it was that she did in Paris, it seemed to have helped her loads.
At some point they agreed to just roam around Barden for a while, Emily doing her best to convince Beca to visit the Bella house that afternoon.
"I don't know, there's a lake near that house…" Luke teased, looking rather thoughtfully.
"Ugh, you'll never let me hear the end of it, will you?" was Beca's reply to which Chloe looked at them in turn with growing curiosity. "You know you can't ban me from every body of water out there." Beca then told Luke.
Luke shrugged. "You'll never know Becky. I can always try."
"What on earth happened?" Chloe finally asked a little fed up with the mystery but Luke and Beca were resilient in their silence.
"Nothing." they chorused.
Emily wanted to know too, but she knew she would never be able to get an answer from the two. So, Emily slyly took her phone out and shot an inquisitive message to both Stacie and Amy.
Only to be met with their replies…
…two astute 'No's…
…among other things.
Stacie [3:20 pm]: sorry kid, not now… if Beca tells you we can talk. Or maybe when you get to LA.
Amy [3:23 pm]: It involves A LOT of things better discussed in person… BTW, mission report? :)
Emily [3:30 pm]: Mission report?
Stacie [3:31 pm]: THE MUNCHKIN AND MY BEST FRIEND LEGACY –A
Stacie: [3:33 pm] Sorry, Bree stole my phone. Told her Beca was back and with Chloe
Emily: [3:40 pm] Got it. Sorry. At the Bella house with Luke, K, and Benji…
Emily: [3:43 pm] Aaand the two apparently snuck out… maybe talking privately? One of the girls started
fawning over Beca and she's weirded out by it
Stacie [3:45 pm]: KEEP US POSTED AND THAT'S AN ORDER –A
Amy [3:47 pm]: What the Aca-Nazi said. Don't fail us Legacy! You're our eyes, ears, organs, and
everything until we get there for your grad
Stacie [3:50 pm]: Sorry my supposed better half keeps using all caps. But yeah. We need updates Ems. ;)
Emily [3:55 pm]: Copy that! :D
And so, Emily resigned her faith as being the Bellas spy for now.
If only it would be as easy as one would hope it would be.
After the whole 'Beca Mitchell has a fans club' at the Bella's house thing, Chloe snuck out with Beca and found themselves roaming round the familiar grounds of Barden. For the most part, she let Beca lead the way, exploring the campus like a child in awe of the place.
What's going through your head Mitchell? Chloe asked as Beca stopped dead in the middle of the quad, starring off at some distance.
Chloe tried to follow the direction she was staring into, almost imaging the quad bursting into life. Like it did that day.
The very day they first met.
Because Beca had been staring at the place where the Bellas booth had been, or approximately where it was.
"What are you looking at Mitchell?" Chloe voiced out and Beca shrugged, turning to look at Chloe with a smile pulling at the corners of her lips.
"Just enjoying the view I suppose." Beca then replied.
Before long they found themselves at the old coffee shop they used to frequent at Barden, Beca smiling at the sight of a table they had passed by – mostly because she was remembering the day she met Flo there, giving her advice on Chloe, but Chloe doesn't know that.
If you wait for me
Then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me
If you miss me once in a while
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
"We really ought to visit the radio station at some point." Beca half-said and half murmured while they were waiting for their drinks. "They have a good mix going on with sold songs and new ones. I like the balance. They're doing a good job."
If you dream of me
Like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
"Well, you did influence them." Chloe explained. "Luke's flat-mate and best friend, Matt, he has a brother about Emily's age. He came to Barden to become your protégé at the station." she continued. "I agree, we should say hi, if you're up to it."
Beca nodded and Chloe accepted that as a 'maybe'. She didn't want to force new people – or should she say old people that are seemingly new to Beca – if she doesn't want to encounter them.
She's resigned herself to not pushing Beca to remember anything at all. The past carried with it significant weight, it was what made them who they were in some ways. It told the story of how they met and fell in love in the first place.
But if they have a tomorrow, a future back together, Chloe knew, that holding onto the past and letting it weigh them down won't be the way to go. She'll always treasure the past. But the future with Beca… a future with her… that was worth so much more.
Oh, I've longed for you
And I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting
As soon as they got their drinks, they made their way back to the quad. It was a great day to be out, a nice afternoon ahead.
Storm clouds were lifting and the sun was shining.
Beca walked uphill before settling to seat down under the shade of a tree. Chloe smiled, mostly to herself, wondering what on earth could possibly be going through Beca's head for the umpteenth time that day. The spot Beca chose was very special to her, it was the first time Beca opened to her in a way. It was where she first shared her headphones with her one afternoon when Beca's class was cancelled and Chloe had a period.
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it's one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me
And say you'll hold
A place for me
In your heart
Chloe settled down, next to where Beca was. The DJ busy untangling a pair of earbuds before connecting it to her iPod, offering one ear piece to Chloe to share.
A place for me in your heart
"Shouldn't we go back?" Chloe asked as she accepted Beca's offer.
"Nah, I think we deserve the quite before dinner." Beca simply replied with a smile.
And Chloe never really noticed it before until then. She really, really loved Beca's smiles.
They went to a sports bar after grabbing a quick bite at a pizza place on campus. Luke was feeling rather competitive and wanted to try his luck at the weekly trivia held there.
"Me and my mates were once the reigning champions after all." Luke grinned as he said it on their way to the place. Chloe was talking with Emily, the two excitedly chatting about the younger girl's move to LA. Benji, meanwhile was busy talking with Kaelyn about God knows what. "So, you excited to see the Bellas again, given, you know?" Luke then asked.
And Beca shrugged. It felt like there was nothing much of a big deal or change with her memories back but a part of her knows that it would indeed be special.
It was like she was gone for so long and she's only gotten back home now.
"I would appreciate that you cut the river jokes short." Beca decided to settle as her opening response to Luke's question.
"The Bellas know, remember?" Luke then replied in a hushed tone. "Just haven't said anything to Chloe or Emily about your little incident. Emily's gonna get all emotional, and let's face it, Chloe would most likely have a heart attack. Then maybe resort to finding the bloke that was responsible for the mess and murder him."
"What did happen to him?" Beca asked with great distaste in her tone.
"Bellas gave him a mental breakdown, what else?" Luke replied nonchalantly. "But don't worry, haven't told them about your other secret. That's yours to tell and yours alone, although you really ought to tell them soon."
"I know." Beca replied, starting to feel guilty about it. The nice little campus tour she had with Chloe earlier was mostly spent reminiscing about days she thought she had lost forever. She had wanted to tell Chloe, say something about it, but she held back. "But how on earth do I even begin to tell her?" she asked loud enough for only Luke to hear.
"What do you mean?" he replied.
"I want her to know that was falling in love with her all over again even without my memories back. I want that to be clear. I don't want her to think that I'm in love with her again just because my memories are back when the truth was that I never really stopped."
"Why don't you just tell her that?" Luke asked with a shrug.
"Because life happened in between the past and the present and all sorts of insane other things and… where do we even begin? I want her back Luke, not the Chloe I loved before but everything she is now. I want to win her heart, show to here all the ways I love her. But nothing simple pops into mind and everything else is just cheesy and cheap tricks. I want to find the right way. Our way."
Luke chuckled just as they were nearing their destination. "I don't think you need to think that hard at all Beca, trust me about that." he said with a wink.
And Beca believed those words to be true.
She just wished she knew what he meant by that.