The Soul Reaper's Guide to Sex
Everything you wanted to know that Ichigo was afraid to ask.
Disclaimer: I definitely own some stuff, just not Bleach.
/
A creaking sound woke up Ichigo. He instinctively braced for an attack from his father, but it was the sound of the unranked Soul Reaper of the Thirteenth Division, Rukia Kuchiki, sneaking in through his bedroom window. The sky was just beginning to lighten outside.
"Rukia - why didn't you leave for school from Orihime's place?" He spoke In a near-whisper.
"All my stuff is here. I wanted to get cleaned up before school."
Ichigo sat up in bed. "So, how was the sleepover at Orihime's?"
Rukia smiled. "It was fun. I've never had a normal sleepover before. And she doesn't sound like a freight train when she sleeps."
"Fine. You hate my snoring so much, go live in her closet. What did you guys do, anyway?"
"Had dinner, watched a horror movie, and talked about boys."
"How was dinner?"
"It…it was generous of her to make such an effort."
"And the movie?"
"I've seen scarier things in real life."
"And what's new with boys?"
"Well, you know Orihime. There's only one boy on her mind."
"Yeah", Ichigo said gruffly.
"Although", Rukia added, "she may have a little crush on my taicho."
"Have you ever had sex with Renji?"
"What? What kind of a question is that?"
"Shh! Quiet." They both listened, but apparently the rest of the Kurosaki family was still fast asleep. "I'm just curious. You and I never talk about that kind of thing."
"Well, think about it. Would you sleep with Renji?"
"Sure, maybe."
Rukia laughed.
"No, I mean, not me…shut up! It's just, you two have known each other for a long time, right?"
"We grew up together. We were both children."
Ichigo paused in thought.
"OK….Have you ever slept with Byakuya?"
"He's my brother! What's wrong with you?"
"He wasn't always your brother. You met him before you were adopted, right?"
"I've never slept with anyone."
"Not even when you were living?"
"I died when I was really young."
"Oh. Me either. About the sex, I mean. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."
"Then why are you asking me all these stupid questions?" She glared.
"It's just…I don't understand how things work in Soul Society. You're c-cute, or something, and you must have had opportunities, right?"
"You don't understand how things work in Soul Society. Soul Reapers aren't like humans. People aren't as preoccupied with sex after they die. When you're in a spirit body, you're not governed by your base urges." She thought for a second. "Except for Captain Kyoraku."
"Sure. He's a dog."
Rukia nodded. "But the rest of us, we just don't go around sleeping with everyone. Sometimes people have sex, but it's more of a spiritual experience. It's a connection between two people who are in love."
"Well, sure…"
"No, it's not just something that people say. It really is true. It's about love and commitment. And that's especially true for the nobles. You know, I'm sure that Renji has had his flings, but it's definitely not something that would be accepted from a Kuchiki."
"Why's that? Family reputation?"
"Well, the noble houses have a greater responsibility. It's only people with high spiritual pressure who are able to have children in Soul Society. Only a few new souls are born every year, and most of those come from the noble houses. It's part of how the balance is maintained."
"I never knew that."
"Sure. And those children typically have high spiritual pressure too. That's why so many Soul Reapers have noble ancestry. That's why some of the nobility objected to my brother marrying a 'commoner'. The Kuchiki line has produced great heroes for centuries."
Rukia opened the closet door and retrieved her bag of toiletries. Ichigo thought he picked up on some conflicting emotions in Rukia's voice as she spoke about her sister and her adopted family.
"Things are a little different in Rukongai", she said. "They're a little more casual about it there. You know, the elders of the Kuchiki house didn't ask me about it directly, but a lot of their questions about me 'having a nobleman's character' were really about whether I was a virgin."
"See, that makes sense to me now. I've always wondered why I don't see a lot of Soul Reapers dating."
"Well, dating…that's a little different. A big part of it is what I said, that being a spirit really is a more elevated existence. But there's something else. When a couple connects, the love can be perfect. My first vice-captain and his wife were like that. But then, I've known some couples who didn't work out. You know how awkward it is at school when a boy and a girl break up, but then they have to see each other every day? Soul Reapers might see their exes every day for hundreds of years. A lot of people just don't want to take that risk. It holds them back." She added, "Of course, some people just don't care."
"Like Shunsui."
"Yeah."
Ichigo looked out the window as the sun rose. "So, being a Soul Reaper really is that different, huh?"
"Sure. You must have noticed that."
"Not really."
"But when you're a spirit, you're just not encumbered with urges. You never noticed that?"
"Usually, when I'm in spirit form, I'm too busy trying not to get myself killed."
"Ok. But when you're in your human body, you think about sex a lot, right?"
"I grew up under my dad's roof. He's been pushing me toward women as long as I can remember. I spend most of my time trying not to think about that kind of thing."
"Is that why you and Orihime aren't in a relationship?"
"I dunno. I'm fifteen. And my life is confusing enough already."
"Oh."
Rukia stood there, as Ichigo sat in his bed. The silence was a little awkward.
Rukia said, "we just had a talk about sex. That was odd."
"Yeah. At least we got through it without you drawing any pictures. Hey, wait a second, you said you died as a child, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, then, I see how you know what it feels like to be a Soul Reaper, but how do you know what it's like to be a human?"
"From being in a gigai. It's a physical form. In a gigai, I feel physical desires."
"Really? Do you want to have sex right now?"
"Why, do you?"
"No, I mean because you're in a gigai…." Ichigo did a double-take. "Wait, was that an offer?"
Rukia laughed and threw him out the window.