Chapter 13
I wake up Friday morning, this week has been so exhausting. We have the whole dance done. We aren't having practice today or tomorrow. We're going to have a short one Sunday afternoon so we can fix any mistakes. I get showered and dress and decide to go to the gym. I'm so used to being in the gym everyday and I can't go as often. I head to the gym.
I've finished my workout and decide to go have a bite to eat. I go to the little café Derek and I go to a lot. Its packed, there is a line all the way to the door. I wait in line for 15 minutes and its finally my turn to order.
" Miss Johnson, do you want your normal?" the cashier asks
" Yes, is that bad that I come here so much you remember my order?" I ask
" No ma'am, I just have a really good memory. Is Mr. Hough joining you? I will go ahead and add his order."
" No, not today."
" Okay, it should be maybe ten minutes."
" Okay, thank you"
" Anytime"
I find a little table in the corner. There is a magazine laying on my table I pick it up and start reading it. There are some young guys at a table in front of mine. They're cute, they all look about my age. The guy that has his back to me turns around and its none other than Ryan. Great he's just the person I want to see. I pick the magazine up and try to hide behind it. I peek up from behind and I see him heading over to my table. I think I should run but then I am really hungry. I waited in that long line, then I have been sitting here a while so my food will done and I will have a excuse to leave.
" Long time no see." I look up and Ryan is sitting in the chair across from me.
" Hello Ryan, such a pleasure to see you." I say with as much sarcasm as I can.
" Aww Shawn that's so nice of you. I just really wished you ment it."
" Yeah, that will probably not happen." I snap
" Why are you so angry with me? What happened to the girl who didn't have a mean bone in her body and loved me? I really wish she would come back."
" Don't hold your breath. That girl left a long time ago when you cheated on me. You hurt me so bad, I didn't think we would ever break up. I could see us getting married and having kids and you just messed that up." I say my voice cracking. I don't want to cry.
" I have apologized so many times for that. I was so stupid I don't know what I was thinking. I miss you and I still love you. I know you still love me. You wouldn't be here talking to me if you didn't still care about me too."
" Yes Ryan I still love you, I will always love you. We were together for so long, heck we lived together. I have forgiven you I just cant forget."
" I just want us to try and get over it. I need you in my life. I have been through hell since you left me. I don't know what to do, I just want you back."
" Ryan, I don't think I can. It killed me when I found out you cheated on me. I haven't been myself ever since. I just don't want to go through that again, I couldn't fully trust you again."
" I will prove to you that you can trust me. I have changed, I just want a second chance. Please give me that."
" I will have to thank about it. Don't get your hopes up."
I hear my ticket number being called my food is ready. I stand up and start to go get my food.
" Wait"
I turn back around and Ryan pulls me into a hug and kisses my forehead.
" I love you Shawn, I will prove it to you."
" I've got to go." I turn around and go get my food and head to my car. When I get in my car I cant hold back the tears anymore. I just let them fall, I'm a wreck. Why does this have to be so hard? Why cant he just leave me alone? I don't understand, I don't know what to do.
I get back to my apartment. I set the food on the table and take a Advil. All this crying is making my head hurt. I'm a blubbering mess I don't know why I cant stop crying. I go to my bedroom and cry myself to sleep.
I wake up Sunday, these past two days have been hell. I don't want to go to practice today but I need to. I don't want to let Derek down. Yesterday I didn't leave the house. All I can think about is Ryan and what he told me. He wants a second chance, part of me wants to give it to him. I don't know if I could deal with him again. I look at my phone and I have five missed calls from Derek and a voicemail from Mark. I call Derek back. He picks up on the first ring.
" Hello?" he says
" Hey, you called like fifty times, is everything okay?"
" Yes, you're just a hour late for practice. I was just checking to see if you were alright."
" Oh shit, I overslept. I will be there in ten minutes." I hear Derek laughing
" Are you laughing at me?" I ask
" Yes, Shawn Johnson, Americas' sweet heart just cussed. I have never heard you, I didn't think you cussed."
" Well sometimes it just slips out."
" Ha, I never would have thought you would. I will see you when you get here."
" Okay, bye"
I listen to the voicemail from Mark.
" Hey Shawn, Derek said he has been trying to talk to you and your not answering your phone. That's not like you, are you okay? Call me when you can."
I just decide to text him.
" Yes I'm fine just overslept. Thanks for being concerned. Talk to you later."
I have my shower and clothes on. I don't have time to put any make up on. I grab my bag a run out the door.
I get to the studio I feel bad that I overslept. I walk in and Derek's talking on the phone. I walk over to the steps and put my bad down. I look at myself in the mirror and I wish I would've put make up on.
" Its about time you show up." Derek says
" Sorry, I overslept. I have had a rough past two days."
" What's wrong?"
Dang I shouldn't have said anything. I don't want to talk about this again. I want to try and forget about it.
" Its nothing."
" Come on Shawn, don't clam up on me. I can tell something is wrong by looking at you. You have no make up on and have big black bags under your eyes. You know you can talk to me."
" Well thanks Derek you know how to make a girl feel good." I say smiling
" Even with no make up and bags under your eyes you have never looked better." he says
" Thank you, are you ready to start practice?" I ask trying to change the subject
" I guess so. I will get you to talk to me before you leave here. I can stay here all day I don't have nothing planned."
" Okay"
We do the whole dance one time. I mess up on almost everything. I hate that this is having an effect on my dancing. The show is tomorrow I am going to have to pull it together.
" Okay, something is really wrong. Your messing up on the easy stuff. With the moves we are doing your going to have to concentrate and focus. We cant mess up for your safety and mine. I will have to take the moves out."
" I don't want to pull them. Lets do it again."
" Okay"
We do the dance again I'm still messing up. I can tell Derek is getting upset.
" Why don't I take a break." I say
" That might be a good idea."
I walk over to the steps. I lay down on my back and put my hands over my face. I hear footsteps and Derek is laying down beside me.
" Are you okay?" he asks
" Yes"
" Don't lie, we both know you are not okay. Your messing up on a dance that you know by heart. You doing the little things wrong."
" I don't know what's wrong with me."
" You can talk to me about it. Maybe it will be better if you do."
" I hate talking about my problems with people. I don't want to drag you into it."
" I am telling you I want to know. Your not dragging me into anything. If I didn't care and didn't want to know I wouldn't be laying right here beside you trying to figure it out. Something is wrong and its affecting your dancing. The show is tomorrow."
" I know, its just that you have been here through all that other stuff. I feel like its been something ever since I have got to LA. I don't want to get on your nerves with all my problems."
" But I want to know. I care about what goes on and want the best for you. The best thing for you is to stay in this competition. If you dance like what you just did tomorrow you will be going home. I don't think you want to go home."
" I don't, I guess I will tell you. My problems do affect your job." I say laughing
" Yes, they do. Now spill Miss Johnson."
I sit up and so does Derek. I turn my body towards him and bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
" I was at the café Friday morning I had just got done working out. The place was packed and I was at a little table in the corner waiting for my food. I looked up and seen some cute guys sitting at the table in front of me." I stop talking
" Okay, go ahead." Derek says
" The guy that had his back to me turns around and I realize its Ryan. I was reading a magazine and I hide behind it hoping he wont see me. Well he does and walks over to my table."
" Oh shit" Derek says
" Yeah, well he tells me he still loves me and cares about me. He says that he will prove it to me that I can trust him again. He tells me he wants a second chance." I say my voice cracking
" What did you say?"
" Nothing, my food was ready and I stood up to go get it. He said to wait and I turned around. He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. I told him I had to go. I went and got my food and left." I choke out tears sliding down my cheeks.
" Come here" Derek says
He pulls me to him. I slide on the floor. He opens his legs from where he was sitting Indian style. He pulls me into his chest. My legs are crossed with my head buried in his chest.
" I hate to see you cry."
" I hate crying. I just cant stop the tears. I have been crying for two days."
" You should have called me."
" I just wanted to be alone. I needed time to think. I haven't talked to anybody about this. My mom hates Ryan so I don't talk to her about him."
" Do you know what your going to do?"
I let go of him to wipe my tears. Why did he have to ask this? I have no idea what I'm going to do.
" I have no idea. Part of me wants to take him back and then I remember he cheated on me. Its just so hard."
" I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve this."
" I wish he would've done this later when I was at home and not in LA on dancing with stars."
" Would it be easier if you were at home?"
" I don't know. If he would've done this earlier I would have no hesitation to give him a second chance."
Derek goes silent. " So with that being said your taking him back?"
" I don't know. I have no idea what to do. I'm a mess, I cant sleep, and I cant stop crying. I just wish he would disappear I don't have time to worry about him."
" I cant tell you what to do about him, but he is not going away. You'll just have to push him out of your head and not think about him."
" Your right. No matter what happens it cant affect my dancing."
" Know that you have talked about it and got it off your chest do you want to try this dance again?"
" Yes"
We do the dance again and I only mess up once.
" See I told you talking to me about it would help."
" I guess your right. I just don't open up to people. I have a little bubble and not many people get through it."
" I hope you can trust me enough to talk to me about anything. Without any hesitation. I know we have only been partners for three weeks, but I feel like we're already good friends."
" I feel the same its just that I have been trained to show no emotion. So that's what I usually do, just hide all my emotions and problems."
Derek grabs my arms and wraps them around his waist. He puts his arms around me.
" I want you to talk to me about your problems. I don't like to watch you cry."
" I will try to open up more."
A/N- If I put Ryan and Shawn together they wont stay together long. I love Shawnough! I'm not sure if her and Ryan will be together, but her and Derek will end up together. : ) - Mallory