A/N: Okay, I couldn't make it that easy for them to be happy. Sorry _
Thanks for the follows, faves, and reviews 3
Dean and Cas expected Gabriel to check in with them about his trip to Hell. He had appeared and disappeared so quickly, talked so large, that they half expected Sam and Adam to appear in their living room that same day. Dean knew they were idiots to believe in miracles, or at least idiots for expecting them to happen quickly. The day after Gabriel's visit, with no word for over 24 hours, Dean began to feel uneasy again.
"He's not God." Cas said to Dean over dinner that night. "He was right about something, Dean. It is not an easy task to extricate two souls from Lucifer's cage, not even easy for an archangel."
Dean picked at his pasta, something Cas had prepared from a recipe courtesy of the Barefoot Contessa.
"Cas, tell me, when you pulled me out… how long did it really take? How difficult was it? We've spent all this time together, but you have never told me about it." He asked.
"I always wished you wouldn't ask." Cas said. "Dean, it is not a pleasant thing for you to hear or for me to tell."
"Please Cas. Hearing about it from you, the only possible person who would have any idea about it, will make me feel better about the time it's taking to hear from Gabriel or to see Sam again." Dean said.
"We do not have normal dinnertime conversation." Cas said, looking grim. "Okay, I'll tell you."
Over the next 20 minutes, Cas regaled Dean with the delightful tale of his trip into Hell and what it took to get him out. He spared no details, not prettying it up for Dean at all. Dean wasn't sure if he appreciated that or not. The way Cas told the story, it had taken him 5 years to find Dean, which meant around two weeks in earth time. Cas went through several layers of Hell to find Dean, where he witnessed awful torture and felt Demons nipping at his grace the entire time. The torture Cas described made Dean feel sick, mostly because they reminded of him of the tortures he had inflicted upon others. Around the 12 minute mark, Dean was near tears and was about to tell Cas to stop.
"Then I saw you, Dean. I saw you there and I knew that my journey was worth it." Cas said, almost wistfully, which almost made Dean laugh.
"How bad was it?" Dean asked, his voice quivering.
"At first, to be blunt, I was not sure I had the right soul. You were… well, you were an animal. The things you were doing had me convinced that you could not be the man God wanted. " Cas said.
Dean felt a coppery taste fill his mouth. Just hearing Cas tell this story was enough to make him literally hurl. The memories were so clear to him now. He had been an animal. He was an animal who deserved to be down in Hell for eternity. The things he done down there.
"Then you looked at me, and I saw into your soul, and I knew no matter what you had done, you could be redeemed. I came for you and you attempted to attack me. You were so conditioned to fight, to kill, that it was no wonder. You truly didn't believe I was there to save you. Of course, I overpowered you, but you put up a fight!" He said, almost laughing.
Dean nearly punched Cas for laughing at this. Cas stopped and caught his gaze. He reached across the table and brushed his fingers across Dean's face.
"I'm sorry, I told you, this was not a tale you wanted to hear." He murmured. He stood up and leaned across the table and kissed him on the forehead, all sage, like he had his wings again.
"I flew you out of there as quickly as I could. I don't know if you realize this, but Hell is amorphous. It changes constantly. The way in was not the same way out. It took me nearly another 5 years to simply find my way back out." He said.
Cas had spent 10 years in Hell for him. Yet another debt, another thing Cas had gone through for him. Another thing he could never repay.
"For the first 2 years, you fought constantly. You screamed about how you deserved this, how this is where you belonged, and you cried about Alastair. You were afraid he'd find out you were gone. It was tragic, how scared you were. Then around year 3, you started begging me to take other souls instead of yours. It finally sunk in for you that I was taking you home. You didn't think you deserved it. You sometimes still think this way now." Cas murmured, shaking his head.
"So what happened then?" Dean asked.
"You quit fighting around the end. Sometimes you were so quiet that I thought you somehow had died. But you hadn't. You had accepted my help. Then… you were whole. Sometimes I wish I hadn't left you in that godforsaken box in the middle of nowhere, but I didn't know what else to do. I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead." Castiel said.
"Wow." Dean muttered. It was all he could say.
Dean had never considered what a struggle it had been for Cas simply to find him, let alone get him out. He had always wondered, in the back of his mind, what it had been like for both of them.
"Why don't I remember that?" Dean asked. "I remember everything else about Hell, but I don't remember one thing about you coming for me."
"The other angels erased your memory. It was somewhat of an insult to me to have that entire experience wiped from your mind, but at the time I could do nothing but obey. I wanted them to erase everything else, but 40 years of torture can only be muddled, not erased." He said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.
"What about Sammy? Will Gabriel be able to help him forget?" Dean asked. He had wanted Sam back so badly that he hadn't thought too much about what the experience would do to him when he was back.
"Gabriel will do his best, but we will have to be here. For both of them." Castiel said. "I told you when we summoned Crowley, that the peaceful part of our lives was over. It appears that I was right."
"It's a small price to pay though, Cas. Imagine if we were on deadline with Crowley right now." He said feebly.
Cas smiled at him. "I know. Human life is never easy, it is never perfect, and it is not paradise. The gifts we have been given after everything that happened are great. It's rough, but I would say that this is exactly how things should be going for us."
"Yeah, I guess I got you out of this whole debacle. Not a bad gift at all." Dean said.
He did the dishes that night and promised to cook dinner the next night. After hearing about how Cas had literally gone to Hell and back for him, he figured it was the least he could do.
That night, Dean had nightmares again. For weeks now, his head had been a quiet place because Cas had been there to keep him anchored. The images of Hell, of flayed skin, screaming souls, and the endless black and green of the Rack were vivid in his mind. He dreamed of Sam's head on a pike and Adam's disemboweled torso. He saw Lucifer and Michael laughing at him, laughing at the entire Winchester clan.
He woke up screaming, sweat pouring from his pores. When he opened his eyes, he could still see Hell and for a second he was convinced that his skin was glistening with blood and not perspiration. Then he felt Cas shaking him, bringing him back to earth.
"Dean, Dean! Oh God, I shouldn't have told you about what happened. I brought it all back. I made you have these nightmares. I'm so, so sorry." He cried.
Dean clutched Cas, grateful to be back in Bobby's house, back in Cas's arms, grateful to be out of his own head.
"No, no, Cas, I needed to hear that. Don't apologize. You're here, that's all that matters." He whispered, burying his face into Cas's chest.
Cas held him closely, rocking him like he was a fussy child, kissing his cheeks, his lips, whispering into his ear, telling him that it was going to be okay. That soon, everything was finally going to be okay. They had to be. They had an archangel, the guy in charge of Heaven on their side. They wouldn't have to make any deals with demons. Crowley was no longer in the picture. This is what Dean kept telling himself even after Cas fell back asleep and quit whispering reassurances in his ear.
It has to be okay. He thought, staring at the ceiling, Hell still clear as day in front of his eyes.
Two more days passed without any word from the angels. Despite the fact that Cas's tale of getting him out of the pit illustrated to Dean that raising someone from Hell was an insanely difficult feat, he still felt trapped. He couldn't stand not knowing. He wanted answers now, he wanted Sam back now. He knew he shouldn't feel this way, especially since he and Cas had gone months with answers, but he couldn't help it.
Dean didn't exactly trust the angels, especially Gabriel, who had killed him hundreds of times, or Balthazar, who had told them to summon Crowley. Why should they trust angels? After all, angels had wanted the apocalypse. Angels had used him and Sam as pawns in their own game. Angels had ripped out Cas's grace and forced him to fall slowly and painfully into a human life. Right now, angels were torturing his brothers. When angels have destroyed your life, Dean wondered why he was expected to trust them, why he should put his faith in them at all.
The truth was that he trusted demons more.
On the third day, Dean couldn't stand it anymore. Crowley's "deadline" had passed and Cas was still here, safe and sound, so Dean figured it was somewhat safe to summon the demon again. He knew Cas would never be okay with this, so he wanted until the ex-angel was out running errands. He knew Cas would find out somehow, but he'd deal with that when it was over. Right now, Dean just needed answers. He needed to do something besides sit on his ass and wait for Gabriel to pop back in.
Dean had not sprinkled more than three drops of his blood, when the demon appeared in front of him. The King of Hell was wearing a sparkling black tux that was matched with a scrubbed white shirt and gold cuff links with a C embossed on them. He looked like he was going to a ball. When he manifested, he actually gave Dean a small bow, before giving him his telltale smirk.
"Looking sharp." Dean said darkly.
"Ah yes. I'm the belle of the ball! Even in Hell!" Crowley said dramatically. "But enough about me. I'm not sure why I'm here. Dean, Dean, Dean. I'm sure you're aware that our little deadline has already passed."
"You are not getting Cas. I want to talk about what other options there are." Dean said.
"There is no other option. You don't get little Sammy and Adam without giving me Castiel's soul. You should know that, Dean. I may have been King of the Crossroads, but that doesn't mean I negotiate." Crowley said.
"Who else can help me, then? Tell me, who else might be willing to make a deal with me? You might not be willing to help me out of the 'goodness' of your heart, but you owe me at least a shot at another guy. Come on, Crowley." Dean said, somewhat desperately.
"Dean-o, I've always liked you. You're blunt, honest, and you'll do anything to save your brother's skin. It's almost admirable, really, how you're willing to kill yourself for the people you love." Crowley said, smirking.
"Isn't there anything you want besides Cas?" Dean asked.
"No, and neither would any other demon. Except no demon has the power to pull your brothers out. Even if they could… well, they wouldn't without dragging you and Cas down to the pit in their place. I'm at least nice enough to spare you that mess again."
"What if I could get you another angel? Like… the angel?" Dean said. He was really getting desperate.
"Enticing, but you forget: angels do not have souls, thus they are useless to me. That's why your boy Cas is so appealing to me. Oh the things I could do to him… and the way that bringing him down would secure my position." Crowley said, almost looking wistful.
Dean stared at Crowley, the cocky look on his face. Crowley liked being in charge, that much was obvious. He liked the feeling of that crown on his head. Crowley wanted to kill and torture Cas simply to secure his position. He didn't think Crowley was even too keen on torturing him, at least not right now. He just wanted to feed Cas to his minions. His minions would never question him if he was able to bring them an angel to torture. They'd think he was a miracle worker. They'd think they were due for a lifetime supply of souls like Castiel's. That was the only reason Crowley wanted him. Somehow a demon whose only intent was to cause destruction was more honorable, suddenly more tolerable than Crowley. Once again, Dean wanted him dead.
"Dean. I don't have all day. What is the point of this?" Crowley said, beginning to look irritated again.
"There has to be something, Crowley." He said desperately. "Come on."
"Nothing you have, except that baby-faced boy angel of yours, is worth anythign to me." Crowley said firmly. Then a devilish look crossed his face. "How about this for a game changer? Want to hear about what Sam was up to last night? Oh man, it sure was a party in the cage!"
"Shut up." Dean growled. "It doesn't make any difference."
"Mikey and Lucy, well, last night they were feeling particularly mischievous! One of our traditionalists, one that I don't intend to let live much longer, fed the archangels the soul of a child. Oh my, we don't get children down there too often, but this mother, she made a hell of a deal! What a sweet treat!" Crowley said, his eyes twinkling.
"Shut. Up." Dean hissed.
"Little Adam, well, he gave in immediately. He's smart, you see, learned to work with them! For that reason, he's almost one of the gang now! You should have seen it. Sam's arms were gone, just these bleeding stumps, and the boys had him tied to the cage with boiling metal chains. Sammy had to watch as Adam tortured and molested this soul. This innocent little 4 year old soul, the girl was screaming out, actually screaming for her mommy! Can you imagine the irony there?" Crowley crowed.
"Shut the fuck up!" Dean screamed. "No more. Get out of here!"
Crowley wasn't done yet. "Anyway, as Adam 'did his thing' so to speak, Lucy cut off Sam's eyelids with a scalpel, so he'd have to watch his brother, the brother he dragged down with him, do this to a whimpering child. Michael found this hilarious, but not painful enough, so he slowly began to cut out Sam's heart…" Crowley said.
Suddenly Dean heard the barn door slam open. He spun, to see Cas standing there, fists clenched, eyes burning. If he had been an angel, Dean knew innately that Cas may have killed both him and Crowley where they stood.
"Crowley." Cas growled.
Cas approached the circle and began muttering in Latin. Crowley burst out laughing and saluted Dean and then he was gone.
"Cas-" Dean started. "Cas, I'm sorry, I just…"
Cas came up to him, squared off with him and the look in his eyes made Dean shut up immediately. He was two inches shorter than Dean, but suddenly Dean felt like he was two feet tall. He also felt terrified for some reason. Dean didn't think he had ever seen Cas look angrier, not even the night that he had pummeled him in the alley.
"You are so weak. You are such a hypocrite. You are a pathetic excuse for a man." Cas hissed.
Cas drew back and punched Dean in the face, knocking him out cold.