CHAPTER 28

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A QUESTION OF IDENTITY

Amy surprised herself when she actually felt Rose's presence long before she actually saw her standing there in the middle of her Console Room. Then again she had once been Rose's closest friend a long time ago so maybe that shouldn't be so shocking to her.

Without even turning around to check that Rose was really there, Amy said, "Does it still seem as weird to you as it does to me to think about the old days?"

"You mean back on Gallifrey? Yeah, it does. I still think of myself as Rose first and sometimes I still think of you as one of the Doctor's companions. It's so weird to know that I was someone else once and that you were my best friend. I am that person and yet I'm really not anymore. Is that how it feels for you too?" Rose answered without a trace of surprise in her voice.

Amy turned around to face her and smiled as she said, "Every day I wake up and think of myself as Amy Pond. That's who I am in my innermost thoughts. I call myself Amy. I know that I'm Cliodna, but she seems more like someone who I used to be more than who I am. It's like she was some phase of my life that I grew out of more than anything having to do with who I am now. I still love my family from the old days and I always will, but I'm more of a human in my heart than I am a Time Lord. I know that goes double for you."

"It goes triple actually. I can't imagine being anyone but Rose, but I do remember what we had before. I really do value it, Amy. I'd like for us to be that close again someday. I think we're at least on the way back to that point anyway or how could you possibly know about the potion?" Rose said.

"I didn't even know that it was a potion that you used until just now actually. You really do want to know how I know, don't you? Karen doesn't know about it if that's what you're worried about, Rose. Even if she did, she'd never tell the Council," Amy said.

"How did you find out then?" Rose asked.

"It's because I do know you so well from the good old days. The clues are all there. Donald suddenly starts acting more like the Doctor and is unusually chipper. Jenny is turned from a human to a Time Lord again in the blink of an eye with no explanation. Melody is even more tight-lipped than usual when I ask her about these two things. It all adds up to something going on that I'm not aware of. Rule number one about Rose Tyler is that if something strange is going on that you have no explanation for and it suddenly benefits the people that she loves then more than likely Rose Tyler is right at the heart of it. Apparently I was right. It is another one of your little schemes, isn't it?" Amy said.

"Why do you say it like that for? It's not like I've got plans within plans and everyone and everything are pawns in some giant chess game that I'm playing or something," Rose said with a twinkle in her eye.

"Aren't we?" Amy asked.

Rose was silent for a moment and then said, "It's not like that and you know it. It is true that sometimes I do things in secret. Things that I can't always tell you and the others about, but you know that I'd never do anything to hurt anyone."

"I know. You're always trying to save us all, aren't you? You're constantly rewriting time so that nothing bad happens to the people that you love," Amy said.

"I was doing that and I've succeeded for the most part. Now I just have one last moment to rewrite. It's coming soon and it's the one that could make or break everything that I've worked so hard to accomplish," Rose said.

"What do you mean?" Amy asked.

"Time is trying to go back. This timeline is trying to rewrite itself to what it was before I came back from Pete's World, Amy. I have to stop it or everything that I did will be undone forever. The Doctor will continue to travel alone for the rest of his long long life, and I'll be trapped in Pete's World forever with no memory of who I really am to him. It won't be just us either. You and Rory will be trapped in Manhattan in the 1930s, Melody will be trapped in a computer for eternity, Jenny will be left alone with no family, and Donna will still have no memory of the Doctor and the person who she could have been. I can't allow that. I won't allow it. The potion is my way around all of that," Rose explained.

"I know from being around Melody that you can't tell me anymore than that but that's a lot of responsibility to carry alone on your shoulders. If you ever need anyone to talk to even in a non-specific way about anything, I'm always here for you," Amy offered.

"Thank you. You're the only one that I've told any of this to by the way," Rose said.

Amy was touched and said, "Maybe we are getting closer together again then. I'm glad that you chose me to talk to about it. It's just like the old days when you told me all your deepest secrets, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it kind of is," Rose said smiling at her.

Amy was silent for a moment and then she said, "So as a friend I'm asking you if you would give Rory the potion. If he wants it, I mean. I'm not even sure that he does yet. I haven't asked him. I wanted to make sure that I could even have the potion first before I did."

"Of course you can if he wants it. He has to be really sure that this is what he wants though. There won't be any going back once he takes it," Rose warned.

"I know he's going to have concerns about it and what it will do to him to be a Time Lord. I'm not sure what to tell him about it either. I think that I'm still the same person who I was as Amy more or less but I'm not sure," Amy admitted.

"You are the same person where it matters the most, Amy. You have a few parts of Cliodna added on now like her memories and her knowledge, but you're still Amy Pond. Trust me," Rose said.

Amy smiled at her and then embraced her as she said in an emotional voice, "I don't know whether I should ask him or not. I don't know what to do."

"What brought this on anyway? I know it's not because you suddenly care that Rory is a human," Rose said as she lightly stroked Amy's hair in a familial way in an attempt to calm her down.

"You know I don't care what he is. I love him no matter what. That's just the point, Rose. I love him too much to ever want to lose him. I want him to stay with me forever or at least as long as he can anyway," Amy said.

"The curse of the Time Lords," Rose said.

"What?" Amy asked.

"Nothing. It's just that the Doctor once told me that's why he couldn't be with me when I was human. He said that he couldn't be with me because I would age and die and he wouldn't. I thought it was rubbish then and I still do now," Rose said.

"It was really because of the pain of losing the first you. He didn't want to go through that again. That's ironic since it came back to bite you when he met you again. It's not like that with me though. I will stay with Rory until the moment he draws his last breath whether it's as a human or a Time Lord. I already know that. I just don't want that moment to come for a long, long time," Amy said.

"Good. I think I can do something about that then if he wants it that is. Don't try to force him to do it because you're afraid of losing him. Let it be his choice," Rose said.

"I will. You'll have to stop me if I do become pushy, won't you?" Amy asked.

"Of course I will. I'm one of the few people who can make you back down when you have your mind set on something, Amy, and I won't hesitate to do that if I have to," Rose said.

Amy nodded and then she said, "I guess it's time then. Stay with me when I talk to him. Please? He's going to want to talk to someone besides me about it, and I couldn't think of a better person for him to ask. You're the most human of us all."

"I wouldn't say I was the only one, Amelia Pond," Rose said grinning.

Then Rose waited as Amy went to get Rory. When Rory came into the room, he looked at her in surprise and knew that something big was going on if she was there.

"No offense, Rose, but why are you here? I'm not about to die again, am I?" Rory asked.

"No, but that is related to what I've come here about oddly enough," Rose said.

Rory became instantly concerned as he turned to Amy and said, "Is something wrong with you? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. It's nothing like that, Rory," Amy reassured him.

"What is it then? I know you've been worried about something lately, but you won't tell me what it is," Rory said.

"Rory, I have a question to ask you, and it's going to be the hardest one of your life. It would change everything for you forever," Amy said.

"What question? What's going on?" Rory asked.

Amy hesitated then she took a deep breath and asked, "Rose has discovered a potion that can make anyone into a Time Lord. My question is: Are you interested in using it? Would you want to become a Time Lord?"

Rory looked shocked and didn't say anything as Amy continued to talk by saying, "I'm not saying that I want you to become one. I'm not trying to force you into being one. It's nothing like that at all. I'm just asking if that's something that you'd be interested in."

Rory became emotional as he said, "I've been afraid of this ever since you changed. You don't want to be with me anymore now that you're a Time Lord and I'm just a human. I guess I can't blame you."

"No! That's not it at all! It's nothing to do with that! I'll always love you no matter what, Rory! Always!" Amy said in a firm and passionate voice as she quickly wrapped her arms around him tightly and gave him a tender kiss.

"Why then?" Rory asked as a look of relief crossed his face.

"I don't want to lose you. I never want to lose you, and I know that if I ever did that I wouldn't want to go on," Amy said.

"Amy," Rose said in a warning tone as she headed dangerously close into guilt tripping Rory into taking it.

"I'm sorry. I never want to make you feel like you have to take it for any reason. I don't want to do that because I wouldn't want you to wind up resenting me for it later. I just thought that I would explain why I'm even asking at all," Amy said.

"So you want me to become a Time Lord so that we can be together for the rest of your lives and that's the only reason?" Rory asked.

"Yes, and that's the truth, Rory. I don't care if you're human or not. I just don't like the idea of your not being there anymore someday. If you don't want to though for any reason, I'll understand. I really will. I just thought I'd give you the chance if you wanted it," Amy said.

"I don't know," Rory said as he looked uncertain and uncomfortable at the same time.

"You don't have to answer right now. You can take your time to think about it. Take as long as you want. There's no pressure whatsoever. The offer's always open," Rose said.

"Thanks," Rory said but he still looked troubled.

"Do you have any questions about it?" Amy asked.

"Would I still even be me? Most of the time since you've changed you still act like yourself, but sometimes I see this anger in you that I never saw there before when you were human. Not even at your worst. It's also like that with your sister. You both have these moments when I know that you're not the same as you were anymore. It's like you're this unstoppable force of nature that's raging with power and fury, and it's the same kind of feeling that I would have around the Doctor whenever he would become The Oncoming Storm. Would that happen to me where I'd be a different person than who I am now? Would I even still be me at all?" Rory asked concerned.

Rose suddenly spoke as she said, "Some days you'll actually wonder that, Rory, if you do change. At least I do. Am I still the same person that I was before I opened this watch? I feel those strong emotions that you're talking about all the time, and it's because Time Lords are much more passionate than human beings are. It's why they call it the fury of a Time Lord because most beings fear our wrath since our emotions are so much more powerful than any other species. I have to struggle sometimes, but I can and do keep them under control. That doesn't change who I know that I still am though. When I look at my Mum or my friends from my old life, and I still love them as much as I ever did that's when I know that I'm still the same person no matter what species I am. I'm still Rose Tyler at my core and changing my biology could never change that."

Amy put a comforting hand on Rory's shoulder as she said, "It's true. I do have my darker moments where I become all filled with anger or vengeance but I can fight that. You know that I can because I have before. It doesn't mean that I'm not still the same person anymore, Rory. I'm still who I've always been, and that's why I'm even asking you at all. I love you just as much as I always did, and I can't imagine living out the rest of my lives without you now."

"That's another thing. Regeneration. I'm not sure I'd like becoming a different person," Rory said.

"It's not so bad. You'd still be basically the same person that you were before. You would love the same people that you loved before and have the same values that you had before. Your personality and your appearance would change of course, but you would have some influence on that. I could teach you how to make sure that your appearance and personality would be like you wanted them to be more or less. We don't all have to wind up with whatever we get like the Doctor does just because he didn't bother to listen to the lectures about regeneration at the Academy," Amy said.

"I think it was because he was too much in denial about it. He never allowed himself to think that it was really going to happen. He was too afraid of it. I wish I had been there to help him through the first one. Polly said he was terrified just like I was afraid that he would be," Rose said with regret.

"So it is something scary then?" Rory asked.

"It can be especially the first time, but not if another Time Lord is with you to help you through it especially someone who loves you. I would always be there for you each and every time that it happened. I promise you that," Amy said.

"I wish I could keep both of you from changing your appearance and personality when you regenerate but I can't. That trick only seems to work for me since the Bad Wolf is so much a part of who I am that I have absolute control of my body in a way that I don't with anyone else's," Rose said.

"It doesn't matter, Rose. I'll get through it when the time comes. Maybe I'll stay a redhead the next time. Hopefully that won't come for a few centuries yet though so I won't have to worry about it," Amy said.

"So, your current body will last for centuries?" Rory asked.

"Yes, we can keep the same incarnation for a long time before we're forced to regenerate because of our body wearing out. We can even control our age and make ourselves look younger or older depending on what we prefer. If you don't want to change, I could always make myself look older to match your current age. That's not a problem for me," Amy said.

"I wouldn't want you to do that. I can't imagine that red hair going grey," Rory said.

"Who said I'd let it? I'd age myself gracefully. I could always say that I dyed it anyway. I'm not losing the hair, Rory. I don't think I'd look good without it," Amy said.

"I think you'd still look good bald," Rory said grinning.

"Uh uh!" Amy said shaking her head.

"Well, there was that time that you used the Chameleon Arch to become an Ice Warrior. I thought you looked good as a bald Martian," Rose said laughing.

"You did what?" Rory asked in surprise.

"It's a long story, and it's not something that I remember fondly. It was when I had to go undercover to help Rose stop a war there. I hated being a Martian. I'll take being human or Time Lord any day," Amy said shivering.

Rory laughed as he said, "I can't even imagine you as a completely different species. What were you like?"

"She was bossy and opinionated, and she slapped and punched several Martian males who tried to get too friendly with her," Rose said.

"So you were basically yourself then?" Rory said laughing.

"Exactly. Changing my species didn't change who I was on the inside at all," Amy said as she finally realized why Rose had brought that story up. Oh, she was clever that Rose!

Rory smiled and then he said, "I'll do it."

"Are you sure? Rose said that there's no going back once you take it. Don't do this just to please me. Be very sure," Amy said.

"I am sure. I want to be with you forever, Amy. That's what I signed up for when we got married was to be with you as long as you lived, and I wouldn't exactly be holding up my side of the bargain if I died off so much earlier than you, would I?" Rory said.

"That doesn't mean that you have to change," Amy said still trying to give him a way out if he wanted it even as part of her told her to shut up.

"No, I want this. I want to be with you forever. I'd be kicking myself in the afterlife if you ever wound up with someone else because I was too afraid to change," Rory said smiling.

"There never would be anyone else. You would be it for me," Amy said meaning it.

"That's all the more reason then. I'd never want you to be alone like that," Rory said in a serious voice.

You're sure?" Amy asked as she lightly stroked his face in a tender manner.

Rory nodded.

"Then I'll need to go get it then. I don't have it on me for obvious reasons. Someone else has it for safekeeping," Rose said.

"Oh, you mean Marissa?" Amy asked with a smug smile on her face.

"Oh, come on! How could you possibly know that?" Rose asked in disbelief.

"I'm just that good at knowing what people are going to do," Amy said.

"Don't feel bad. She can usually predict what I'm going to do or say all the time. She's uncanny at predicting what the Doctor's going to do too," Rory said.

"I have to admit that I had no idea what you were going to say this time," Amy said.

"Maybe it's because you were so worried about it," Rose suggested.

"I suppose. I know I haven't been able to sleep for days now. It's been preying on my mind since that whole thing with Angel Bob," Amy said.

"I wish you had just asked me about it sooner instead of doing that to yourself," Rory said.

"It's not exactly something that's easy to ask, is it? 'Oh, Rory, would you like to change your entire species and your entire life as a result forever? It's no big thing or anything.' I didn't know if I had the right to ask you that or not," Amy admitted.

"Of course you do. You're my wife and the person that I care about more than anyone. I could have said no after all. I actually can say no even to you if I really want to," Rory said.

"You still can even now," Amy said.

"No, I want this, Amy. I was afraid to do it at first, but now I realize that I want it. Go get it, Rose," Rory said.

Rose smiled at him in pride as she said, "I'll be right back."

As Rose left, Amy kissed Rory passionately and said, "I'm so proud of you right now, Mr. Pond. Just when I think that I can't love you anymore you always find some way to prove me wrong. Do you promise to always do that?"

"I'll certainly try my best to," Rory said smiling as he kissed her back.

"I'll just have to hold you to that, Mr. Pond. Don't you ever let me down," Amy said.

"I'd rather die first than to ever do that," Rory said meaning it.

"That's another promise I want you to keep, Rory. I don't want you to die on me," Amy said.

"Well, I've certainly kept it so far. I've died more times than I can count and I'm still here," Rory said grinning.

"That's true," Amy said as she kissed him again.

"I couldn't die. I was too afraid of you to ever stay dead for long. I knew you'd hunt me down wherever I was and really let me have it," Rory joked.

"I still would too. You remember that, Mr. Pond," Amy said as she wrapped her arms around him tightly once more.

"I'll always remember it," Rory promised.

Next: Rory finally takes the potion and becomes a Time Lord. Will it be everything that he hopes it will be, and how will the rest of his family react to this?