Chapter 3

They were talking about him again, Lewis noticed, glancing up from his salad. He had gotten used to seeing this behaviour after the last few months but he hadn't always been nonchalant about it. In fact, Lewis had a bunch of mini-heart attacks the first time he observed the careful, intense looks thrown his way, only to be followed by furious whispering. He had thought for sure that his cover had been blown.

After she had decided to stay in the city in his male disguise, Lauren had wasted no time in preparing for it.

She had rented a room from a cheap motel and for the next month, had used it as her headquarters/salon for the "make-over". First was the physical aspects. Lauren had promptly gotten herself a haircut and a dye job from a somewhat confused stylist and then brought herself some protein shake powder and dumbbells to start building body mass. (It had all been easier said than done. Lauren had known the theory - she could tell you exactly what kinds of food you need to eat and why they make you bigger - but the practice was another matter altogether.)

Second was establishing her new persona. This had always been the tricky part of her original escape plan because it meant procuring illegal identification which was a dangerous venture. She couldn't help but miss Kenzi's presence and her numerous helpful "contacts" then. The goth girl would have managed to do it in an afternoon but on her own, it had taken Lauren a couple of weeks trolling seedy bars and alleys, before she managed to stumble upon a small time dealer who knew someone who could take care of it.

Third and last was the rest of the details that needed filling. She had found herself a cheap apartment and later, a new job that corresponded with her new identity. In between, she had devoted hours and hours of research and practice to turn herself into a believable "man". The subject may be new to her but Lauren had always been an excellent student. She had managed to procure testosterone (ironically, from the same dealer that hooked her up with her fake IDs. He had been a little bit confused about her drug choice at first and came to believe that she suffered some sort of erectile dysfunction.) and started shooting herself up with just enough to alter her voice and grow convincing facial hair. She had watched men on the street and on TV to mimic and re-learned how to walk, stand and sit; how to speak a new language with her new body. When her voice started getting deeper naturally, she had recited phrases and lines to get used to the sound. She had even visited a sex shop online and bought herself a strap-on dildo to make sure that she looked completely authentic. (As a bonus, Lauren had found that it actually helped with her posture and stride.)

And then when she had felt ready, she tested her new persona out in controlled environments. Lauren had figured out that if she treated the whole thing as a lab experiment, where she would take notes and observe the effects, she was less apt to freak out about the fact that the whole thing was ridiculous and could cost her her life.

They were a few mistakes along the way - like the time she forgot and entered the ladies room by mistake and everyone squealed at her in disgust - but for the most part, it had been a success. No one had been suspicious and no confused, questioning glances either; she had passed as a male completely. That was also probably why Lauren had panicked so hard when she first started her work in the hospital and all of a sudden found herself the centre of attention.

The first week on the job had been tense. The moment she recognized their furtive gossiping, Lauren thought for sure that she was caught. Instead of hiding, she had forced herself to mingle amongst them, introducing herself, and made polite conversation. When they didn't call her out immediately, she had forced herself to relax and continue the charade. It was only about a few days later when she recognized their looks as less suspicious and more... admiring, that Lauren allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief.

Lewis startled to feel a hand slap his shoulder and he looked up to see Bill Cooper and his wife Sheila as they joined his table.

"Salad again? You should eat more, Lewis. You're practically skin and bones!" Sheila scolded as soon as she sat down.

Lewis glanced at his food and then back at her. "I'm fine," he said and paused before adding in a deadpan voice, "In fact, I'm perfect. Haven't you heard how great and mighty I am? People are practically asking me to sign their boobs and babies."

Bill snorted beside him, before collapsing in a roar of laughter while his wife frowned at him and then at Lewis. "Smart mouth."

Lewis shrugged, "I am what I am." before giving her a smile that she couldn't help but return.

"Charming smart mouth," she amended before she finally began to eat. And despite his joke, Lewis wasn't kidding about being fine. He was still drinking his protein shakes and actually gained ten pounds over the last five months. Most of them were recouped weight that Lauren lost over the stress of her last month with the fae, but some of them had turned into a decent muscle mass.

Sheila shot another glare at her still-laughing husband. Bill raised his hands in defeat, struggling with his laughter before he could speak.

"Man, you're a riot Aidan. You're so quiet and mysterious, no one would never expect you to have a weird sense of humour."

Lewis only raised an eyebrow at him.

Bill didn't seem to mind the non-reply and continued, "So, hey, are you coming tonight? Usual gang at O'Brien's. 9ish." That meant their circle of friends from the hospital: a mix of nurses, EMTs and admin people.

"Yeah, sure. I might be a bit late though, I have errands."

"That's cool."

xxx

Lewis entered the bar and the noise and smell instantly engulfed his senses. He hadn't taken a couple of steps in when he found himself grabbed by the arm.

"Aidan! Finally!"

He turned to see the gang on their own table, calling out and waving exuberantly at him.

"Took you long enough!"

The guy who grabbed him, Matt, finally let go as they neared the table.

"What's the rush, guys?" Lewis asked, "Didn't even get a chance to get my drink yet."

"I'll get it for you," another guy called Phil said, "I'm doing another run anyway,"

Lewis quietly gave his own order and watched Phil disappear among the crowd before turning back, "Where's everyone else?" he asked, sitting down beside Bill.

Bill grinned at him. "Over there," he pointed at another table where all the girls have congregated.

"Jeez, you'd think we're lepers the way they shun us," Jackson complained, already halfway tanked. He was squinting at the girls' table and it took Lewis a second to realize that he was actually glaring at them. Lewis knew that the guy recently broke up with his girlfriend - and she was currently occupying the other table with the rest of the girls.

"What took you so long... oh nice, they've seen you," Matt said, looking behind him. He and Bill started gathering a few more chairs around their table.

Lewis turned to look and sure enough, the girls started to move, carrying their drinks with them. He turned back confusedly. "They were waiting for me?"

"Yeah, you could say that," Bill said, still looking amused.

Jackson scowled. "Lucky son of a bitch."

"Not really," Matt explained and then shot a glare at Jackson. "Someone was being a whiny asshole and they left."

"I said I was sorry," Jackson muttered.

"What'd I miss? Oh hey, you guys are back!" Phil greeted the girls, as he returned with a tray of drinks.

"Lewis is here," Sheila quipped, causing a bunch of girls to smile.

"Hey guys," Lewis promptly greeted, grabbing his beer from the tray. "What's up?"

"What took you so long?" Jenny, a nurse from the hospital, asked.

"Errands," Lewis said simply.

There was a bit of silence as everyone waited for him to elaborate and when it became apparent that he wouldn't, a few shook their heads in exasperation.

"What kind of errands?" Marcy, Jackson's ex, prompted.

"Stuff," Lewis looked at the mild threatening faces and gave in. "Uh, fine. I did a grocery run and a bit of laundry then I took a nap. I was late because I overslept, okay?"

"Okay," Erica, another EMT partnered with Phil, agreed good-naturedly. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Lewis gave her a half smile and took a long drink of his beer. "My glamorous life in detail."

"Hey, hey, lay off our boy Aidan!" Matt said, coming to his rescue.

"You're so quiet, Lewis," Marcy half complained. "We've known you for almost five months now but I still have no idea what you do in your past time."

"Besides drink with us, that is," Jenny prompted, eliciting a few laughs.

Lewis shrugged, "Because I don't do anything special. My life is ordinary and very boring."

"Not dating?" Phil asked curiously. "I've never seen you with a girl." He blinked and paled a little to see four women glaring at him.

"No. Nothing like that," Lewis said softly, looking away. He didn't notice Jenny punching Phil's shoulder and the hissed whispering as they scolded him.

"Lewis, wanna dance with me?"

He looked up to see that Erica had come closer and was looking at him hopefully.

"Maybe later?" he gestured to his beer. "I wanna finish this first."

"Sure."

After that, there was a silent consensus to leave him alone and the group started their own discussion. Once in a while he would join in and share his opinion but for the most part they let him be. Even though they usually claimed that he was too private, they knew him well enough by now to know that he was just naturally quiet and serious. They liked it when he joked around and sometimes they teased him but they knew when to back off. His friends understood and accepted him as he was.

His friends.

Lauren didn't have friends. She had masters and co-workers and patients and lovers but no friends.

Except maybe Bo. But their relationship was too complicated to be only called a friendship.

The song changed and Lewis noticed Erica perk up. He stood up then and caught her attention, offering his hand. "Can I have my dance now?"

Erica beamed at him and grabbed his hand, all but dragging him to the dance floor.

"I like this song," she confessed, putting her arms around his neck.

He gathered her close to him until their bodies were touching and murmured in her ear. "I know."

Lauren couldn't dance without a couple of shots of tequila in her but Lewis had no such inhibitions.

Lauren had always felt envious of the people who could understand the language of music. She had been too logical (always overthinking things) to ever truly let herself go, to just simply feel the melody with her body. Science had been her thing. She had found beauty in the careful balance of chemicals, in the cells and tissues that she had studied under the microscope and the slime and gunk she had collected for her experiments. The laboratory had been her music hall and she had been its conductor.

But Lewis didn't have that. He didn't have his research anymore, only his empty apartment and his work. And he only worked in shifts, without the chance to bury himself in it for as long as he liked.

One day, he had been walking home and passed by a small music store when he heard a song. He didn't know the artist, or even noticed the lyrics but the voice had thoroughly captured his attention. There was a sad, weary tone to it that communicated directly to his heart. He understood immediately what the singer was trying to say without knowing the words because he could feel her pain. It was his pain too.

After that, he began to collect more songs, not just sad ones but all kinds, allowing them to fill the empty part inside of him. When he listened to them, he didn't feel so alone or scared or confused. He absorbed the music and for the moment, he could be weightless again and be free of (Lauren) his past.

"Where did you go?" Lewis heard Erica whisper when the music slowed. He blinked and gave her a small smile, "Nowhere."

"Liar," she accused, but there was no heat in her voice. She hesitated and then continued, "You have such sad eyes."

"Do I?" Lewis murmured, his voice made huskier by the ball of emotion stuck in his throat. He didn't tell her about the woman with brown eyes that haunted him. The woman who could steal a man's breath and was stealing his even after all this time.

"Yes," Erica said. "Sometimes I wish I could get into your head and just know what you're thinking when you look like that."

Lewis pulled away slightly and cleared his throat before giving her a light grin. "You don't want to go in my head. It's scary in there," he said playfully, trying to break the somber mood.

Erica looked at him with suspicion, but her mouth twitched as she anticipated his words. "Scary?"

"Hmm," Lewis hummed and Erica shivered despite herself, feeling his chest vibrate against hers. "I think of squirrels sometimes. Like what they would look like on crack and squirrel zombies against an army of poisonous toads. Who would win...

"What?" Now the disbelief was sharp in Erica's voice.

"Or sometimes I think of leather and you know sometimes on cartoons, the talking animals are dressed as humans and the badass ones also dress in leather. Have you seen a cow cartoon wearing a leather jacket? That would be too mmpphh..." Her hand was quick to stop the rest of his words.

"You are crazy!" Erica glared at him and pulled away. "And a jerk!"

Lewis gently removed her hand from his mouth, "Am not."

"Yes, you are. Either that or you're on drugs." She turned away and he could see the slight hurt in her eyes. "If you didn't want to tell me, then you should have just said so. You didn't have to invent stuff..."

"I'm sorry," Lewis interrupted. "You're right, I'm a jerk. It's... What I said was true, though. My mind is a scary place and I don't even want to dig around for what's buried up there."

Her eyes softened and they started swaying to the music again.

He continued, "There's a lot of memories and it's complicated. And I wasn't lying about the squirrels and the cow with leather jacket. I had those random thoughts last week."

"Seriously?" Disbelief again.

"Seriously," he confirmed. "I told you it was scary here," and tapped his temple with a finger.

Erica grinned and then laughed, "God, you're so... I've never met anyone like you before."

"Are you sure? I could've sworn I saw two by the bar earlier," Lewis said seriously.

"Oh you!" And seemingly unable to help herself, Erica pushed up and captured Lewis' lips on her own. The kiss lasted only seconds before he pulled away.

Awkward silence fell before Erica took a step back and asked in a wavering voice, "No?"

He shook his head, somber once again. "I'm sorry."

She took a deep breath and then another before she replied in a shaky voice, "Don't be. I just wanted to... I had to try..."

"I know," he said, his voice so soft, she had to strain to hear him over the bar's music.

Erica looked up then and closed her eyes almost immediately. "God, you... don't look so sad. I should be the sad one." She opened her eyes again and thought she was going to drown in his pained, blue eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said again before looking away.

They were silent for a moment as she watched him stare at nothing. Then Erica took his hands back in hers and said, "Hey, don't go."

Lewis looked at her, "I'm right here."

"Liar."

A/N: From now on, I will refer to Lauren as Lewis Aidan. I feel this is important because she created a whole new persona. And it's a bit weird right now as it keeps switching from he to she but that's because in the early days, Lauren is still Lauren in her mind and later on, Lewis becomes a separate entity.

Also, I have no idea how EMTs get hired or how they work beyond what wikipedia told me. So please be sure to suspend your disbelief appropriately.

One other thing, I was trying to re-create Zoie Palmer's dry humour in Lewis but it's too hard, so again, please be patient. Thanks for reading!