Author's Note: WOW this one's long! I'm serious, this one was 17 pages on word. If you've got the time, go ahead, but maybe you should bookmark this page if you don't have the time to do it all in one sitting. Anyway, this one is also centered on an actual episode, Disordered, which came after Failsafe. I was always captivated by the therapy sessions, so this chapter will not only be from Desmond's perspective, but the entire team, all the while switching back to Desmond in between. Without further ado:

Disclaimer: Desmond is the only thing I own in this story.

Chapter Seventeen

Counseling

It had been about a week since the training exercise, and the entire team was still shaken up by what had happened. M'gann cried herself to sleep most nights. Both Aqualad and Robin would hardly talk to anyone. Superboy spent more and more time in the training room, getting his aggression out on punching bags. Wally spent most of his time watching TV, but not really paying attention to what was on. Artemis was usually at home, and the few times she did come to the cave were often spent in solitude, or consoling M'gann. Desmond had recently found a way to phase up through the cave, to the peak of Mount Justice. He spent most of his time there, just gazing out around him. There was a view of all of Happy Harbor from here; the water front, the downtown area, his high school. Des, Conner, and Megan had all been called out of school the past week, their "parents" (aka Batman or Black Canary) saying they all had some disease that would take weeks to go away. Desmond supposedly had mono. On this day, Desmond sat at the peak and watched the waves crash into the beach at the foot of the mountain. He closed his eyes, and got a small flashback of the exercise. Images of the alien ships, destroyed towns, Artemis being vaporized. They all flashed through his head, in a different order each time, but often consisting of the same few images. It had been happening to all of them since that day, he knew for a fact. Superboy and Miss Martian had both woken up screaming. When this happened, the three friends would gather in one of their rooms, and wait out the night with each other. Barely speaking, but still comforting. Desmond could only imagine how hard it was for the others, who had no teammates to comfort them in their troubled hours.

After some time pondering these things, Desmond started to get chilly, the October wind blowing fiercely. He sighed heavily, and phased back down through the mountain, into the cave's kitchen. He found the rest of the team there, all silent. M'gann mixed a bowl of some sort of batter. Artemis leaned on the wall, Kaldur sat on a stool by the counter which Wally was slouching over. Robin sat on one of the couches, staring at the floor. Desmond silently moved to a chair, staring at the TV which only showed static. Superboy was currently sitting in the private room behind the waterfall, being spoken to by Black Canary. She was acting as the team's psychologist at the moment, giving each member their turn to vent to her. Desmond could only imagine how the hot-headed Kryptonian was doing with her.

XxXxX

"I can only imagine how devastating it was," Black Canary said in a soothing voice. "Losing your friends—in essence, your family—convinced all the time it was completely real. I'm sure it must've been horrible for you." There was a pause where she left an opening for Conner to state how he was feeling. He didn't take the opportunity, however, so she went on. "I understand. You're Superboy: you're not supposed to have feelings of sadness, or fear, or vulnerability." Conner stood up suddenly, fists clenched at his sides.

"You don't know what I feel," he hissed at her, eyes narrowing. He turned to the door, and began walking away. She called after him. "Just leave me alone!" he said, the door sliding shut behind him.

XxXxX

There was a sudden sound of the lower "garage" opening, and then the rev of an engine. Robin sighed. "That'll be Superboy," he said glumly. The rest of the team nodded, all knowing that Conner was gone for a while. It was better to let him clear his head. The team looked at each other awkwardly.

"Who's next?" asked Wally after a while. Artemis let out a long sigh, and raised her hand.

"I am," she said. "I can't believe we need to do this." The rest of the team shrugged. "How long do you think I have before Canary comes to get me?" Robin glanced at his watch.

"I'd say five minutes," he said. "Why?" Artemis shrugged, and plopped down on her own chair, near Desmond. She released a long sigh, and hung her head. Desmond felt that he should say something, try and console her. But he didn't want to make things worse. He'd never been good at helping people cope, probably because no one had helped him when he was younger. This thought brought his mind to his past, and to Ra's and Talia. He couldn't help but wonder what they were doing right now. Ra's was undoubtedly plotting something with his League of Shadows, and most likely forcing Talia to engage with him. Talia was not evil, but she respected their father far too much for her own good. Just another reason that she and Desmond can never be too close; she would eventually find a way to bring him on to the side of her father, the side of the demon. Desmond's face contorted into a snarl at the thought, and he gripped the edge of the chair tightly. Just then, Canary walked in.

"Artemis," she said quietly, looking at the archer. "You're up." Artemis got up in a huff, and turned to leave. She caught Desmond's eye as she left, and he nodded to her. A smile flickered across her lips, and then she followed Canary out.

XxXxX

"Look," said Artemis, after the two heroines had sat down, face to face. "Me dying during the simulation might have started things going south, but I was Coma Girl. Missed out on all the fun of forgetting it wasn't real, so no trauma, no need for the shrink wrap."

"You're too tough to need help?" Canary asked, raising an eyebrow. Artemis pulled one of her legs onto the chair with her.

"Whatever," she said, pulling the other leg up and looking away from Canary. "Maybe." But Canary wouldn't keep from prying.

"Or maybe too tough to admit you need help," she tried. "Artemis, it's not a sign of weakness to open up to your friends." Artemis gripped her shoulders.

"I know that…" she grumbled.

"But you still keep secrets from them," Canary said smugly. Artemis sat bolt up, her eyes widened.

"You can't tell them!" she said. "You can't!" Then she caught herself and reclined. "Actually… go ahead and tell them. Superboy and Desmond already know, anyway/..." Canary reclined in her chair as well.

"I won't tell them," she said. Even though Artemis had just given permission to reveal the secret, she still breathed a sigh of relief at the news that she could keep the secret a bit longer. "But… about Desmond…" Artemis crossed her arms again and looked away. Canary leaned forward, trying to get Artemis to open up. "Manhunter told me about the kiss." Artemis glared at Canary.

"That was private," she grumbled. "It was the end of the world in there. I just wanted to… get things off my chest." Canary nodded.

"So you do have feelings for Desmond?" Canary tried to clarify. Artemis suddenly stood up, and moved to leave. But first she glanced back at Canary.

"This isn't Gossip Girl, Canary," she spat. "Let's keep my feelings for Desmond out of this, alright?" With that she walked out the door, leaving Canary to think about what she'd gotten out of the young archer.

XxXxX

"I will be next," Kaldur mumbled to no one in particular. Just then, Artemis returned. She sat in the chair she had previously been in, and crossed her arms. Desmond looked to her.

"How'd it go?" he asked quietly. She gave him a look of both annoyance and melancholy, and then quickly looked away. Well, that was confusing. Was it something he'd said? No one said anything after that, and the silence was killing Desmond, so he flicked on the TV. Cat Grant, the news reporter, was at a park in Metropolis, interviewing a middle-aged man. He was talking about something strange that had happened recently in that location.

"There you have it, folks," said Cat, the camera focusing on her again. "That's the eighth person to describe the same thing to us. Some sort of… wormhole opened up here, about ten minutes ago. And out of it came what people are calling a flying car. As soon as it was here, it was gone. More on this later. Back to you, Tom." Desmond turned the volume down, and turned to his teammates.

"How much do you want to bet Superboy's gonna get mixed up in that?" he asked. Everyone nodded glumly. The door opened again, and Canary beckoned Aqualad to come with her.

XxXxX

"I was the general, but behaved like a soldier and sacrificed myself," said Aqualad, starring hard at Black Canary. "I am not fit to command, and must resign as leader." There was a short moment of silence.

"Who do you recommend to take your place?" asked Black Canary. Kaldur looked up, and realized he hadn't thought enough about that little detail to his resignation.

"Artemis is too raw, and untrusting," he mused. "Kid Flash too rash and impulsive. Miss Martian remains too eager to please. Superboy Carries too much anger…" Canary intercepted it from there.

"Bringing it to either Desmond or Robin…" she said, hoping Aqualad could find a decision from there. He shook his head.

"Yes…" he began. "But Robin is so young. And Desmond…" Canary leaned forward, pressing for more details. "His past is too mysterious. Do not misunderstand, I trust everyone on this team with my life. But I don't know if I can trust them with everyone's lives…" Kaldur realized he had backed himself into a corner with this. "I cannot shift the burden to any of them. It appears I must withdraw my resignation."

XxXxX

Kaldur walked back into the room, but quickly walked through it to another destination.

"I must clear my head," was his only explanation, before he walked out of the kitchen. Wally moved to grab a bag of chips from the pantry, and started snacking away, even though he would need to go inside soon. After him would be Desmond, then Robin, and finally M'gann. Said Martian had put down her mixing bowl, and retired to her room for the time being. Artemis got up from her chair.

"I'm going to go check on M'gann," she informed the rest of the team. They nodded their goodbyes, and she went off to the bedrooms. Wally, Desmond and Robin sat in silence for a moment.

"What do you think they talked about?" Robin asked suddenly. "Artemis, Conner and Kaldur. What do you think Black Canary asked them?" Wally shrugged, shoving more chips into his mouth. He had suddenly become a lot less somber.

"I don't know," he said, with a full mouth. "Regular psychologist stuff. She probably showed Superboy and inkblot, and he saw the S shield. She probably talked fish with Aqualad, and had some girl talk with Artemis." Desmond got up and walked over to Wally.

"How can you be so nonchalant about this?" he asked, a slight amount of anger in his voice. "We're all a wreck, okay? Conner's off being reckless with some flying car, Artemis won't talk to us, Kaldur ditched us, and M'gann's been crying herself to sleep the past week! I can't think straight, and Robin has been like a whole different person. And what about you? You've been quieter than usual too, but now you're making jokes?" Wally held up his hands.

"I'm just trying to lighten the mood," he defended himself. "Come on, Des. I thought you'd get it." Desmond looked away from KF.

"Not this time, Wally," he said. "Not this time." With that said, he phased through the walls and found his bedroom. He shut the door, and plopped down on his already made bed. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, and plugged his headphones in. Hi music began, and "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley started playing.

"Well I heard there was a secret chord. That David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do you? Well it goes like this, the fourth the fifth. The minor fall, and the major lift. The baffled king composing Hallelujah. Hallelujah… Hallelujah. Hallelujah… Hallelu-u-ujah…"

XxXxX

"So you want me to believe," said Canary, trying to make sure she understood Wally clearly. "That after everything you went through, including your own death from fiery explosions, you're peachy?"

"I'm fairly certain I never used the word peachy," said Wally, dropping some more popcorn into his mouth from his upside down position on the armchair. Say what you want about Wally, but when he wanted to chill out, he would. "But I think you got the gist. In fact…" he sat up in his chair. "I'd rather talk about you, babe." Canary didn't buy it.

"I heard the conversation you had with Desmond outside," she informed. "Camera's everywhere. Is there anything you want to talk about with that?" Wally looked away.

"I'm not mad at Des, if that's what you're thinking," he said. "I mean… he's right. I was being dumb out there. I guess…" he lost the motivation, so Canary continued.

"You're a funny guy, Wally," she said, with a slight smile. "But I think you might use your humor to cover up when you're hurting. Everyone has coping mechanisms, and cracking jokes is yours." Wally looked to the ground again.

"Yeah," he said solemnly. "But no one's laughing today…"

XxXxX

The first song had ended, and now Desmond was listening to "The Boxer" not the original, but the Mumford and Sons cover. "In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade. And he carries a reminder of every glove that ever laid him down or cut him, till he cries out, in his anger and his shame; 'I am leaving, I am leaving!' But the fighter still; remains. Lie la lie! Lie la lie lie la lie lie! Lie la lie! Lie la lie, lie la lie lie, lla la lie lie lie!" There was a soft knocking on the door, and Desmond called that it was open. Canary walked in.

"Desmond?" she called softly. He pulled off his headphones, and swung his legs off the bed. He followed the heroine to the waterfall encased room, and slumped down on the chair. She sat opposite him. "So how are you doing?" He closed his eyes and sighed. There were a million ways he could have avoided the question, but instead decided to answer it honestly.

"I've been having nightmares…" he said. "Almost every night now. Conner and M'gann have been having them too." Canary smiled, clearly making more progress with Desmond than the others.

"What have they been about?" she asked in a soft voice. She sounded like a mother, trying to console her son after he'd come home from school crying one day. Desmond rubbed his face with his hands.

"Different moments from the exercise," he explained. "Usually I'll see a bunch of the alien ships. The Fortress of Solitude. Smallville. Artemis being…" he couldn't finish. It was embarrassing to admit, but he was getting choked up. Canary leaned even further forward, putting a hand on Desmond's knee.

"Listen," she said soothingly. "I know how hard it can be. To lose someone you're close to. And I'm sure the kiss didn't help." Desmond's eyes widened.

"You know about that?" he asked her, but not with anger in his voice like Artemis had. Canary nodded.

"J'onn told me," she explained. "And I talked to Artemis about it too. She said she wanted to get things off her chest, before the world went to hell. Is there anything that you want to get off your chest?" Desmond averted her gaze.

"I mean, yeah, I like Artemis," he said after a moment. "But I don't want to mess things up, you know? And besides, it's dangerous to get involved with people, with…"

"With Ra's out there?" Canary guessed. Desmond's eyes widened suddenly, and he locked them with Canary's. "Batman told me. Listen Desmond, Ra's is a bad man. He's a terrible man. But that doesn't mean that you'll turn out like him."

"I know that," Desmond stopped her. "That's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried that if I have a relationship with Artemis… with anyone… Ra's will take advantage of that. Go through them to get to me." Canary reclined in her seat.

"I see…" she said, and then they sat in silence. "You know, Kaldur almost stepped down from being leader. I asked him who would replace him. It came between you and Robin. But he decided neither of you could take the burden. Robin is too young, and your past is too mysterious. Something to think about…"

XxXxX

Desmond walked out of the room, and told Robin that it was his turn. Then he moved to his room once again as Robin went to join Canary. He sat down in the available chair, and the heroine got right down to it.

"You're hurting, I know," she said. He gazed at his feet for a moment before responding.

"Hurting?" he asked, as if it was a major understatement. "Try traumatized. I finally become leader and end up sending all my friends to their deaths. I-I know I did what I had to, but I hated it. You know, when we started this team, I was desperate to be in charge. Not anymore. And… and that's not even the worst of it. You… you can't tell Batman."

"Nothing leaves this room," Black Canary assured him, keen to hear what else he had to say. The boy wonder had opened up more than anyone else so far.

"I always wanted—expected—to grow up, and become him," Robin said, speaking of course about the Dark Knight. "And the hero bit, I'm still all for that. But that thing, inside of him… that thing that drives him to sacrifice everything for the sake of his mission… that's not me. I don't want to be the Batman, anymore…"

XxXxX

From his room Desmond heard M'gann's door open, and Robin step inside. He told the Martian that Canary was ready, and she left for the counseling session. Robin left as well, and Desmond took his chance. He walked into the hallway, and quickly found Artemis. They didn't need to say anything. Desmond took her by the hand, lowered his density, and began floating upwards.

XxXxX

"It was all my fault," M'gann said, her voice barely audible. "Hello Megan. Who else could take a simple exercise and turn it into a nightmare? Who terrorizes everyone she cares about?" Suddenly M'gann's skin shifted from its natural green to her Caucasian skin, that of Megan Morse rather than M'gann M'orzz. Canary's eyes widened.

"You've… turned white," she noted. M'gann gasped, and her eyes widened. She stood up, looking at her hands.

"No!" she exclaimed, then caught herself. "Oh… You meant Caucasian. Yeah. I'm fine, being Megan. But I can't be trusted to use my own powers…" She gazed at the floor, just as all of her teammates before her had.

"M'gann, you're a Martian," Black Canary reasoned. "You not using your abilities is like me refusing to speak. Which, by the way, I tried for a while, after my very first Canary Cry nearly deafened my first grade class. So I get how you feel. But not being yourself is never the answer, and won't make your feelings of guilt go away. Learn from what happened; your uncle would be happy to train you. Practice, until you gain control, and regain your confidence." M'gann let a smile cross her face quickly, and nodded.

XxXxX

The rose together to the top of the mountain. Desmond knew there was enough room at the peak for two to stand there, and that's all he planned to do. He noticed Artemis cringe, still not used to the feeling of phasing through walls. He tried to speed up, for her sake. They soon reached the top, and passing through the rock formation that was Mount Justice, they arrived in time to watch the sunset. The sky was painted orange, and the light reflected off the ocean beautifully. Desmond turned to Artemis, and without a word, the two embraced. This was not some kind of hook up at all. They were comforting each other. No words needed to be said at this moment; all they wanted to get across was in that hug. They just stood like statues, not letting go of each other for the longest time. Artemis' shoulders began to shake, signifying she was sobbing. Desmond rubbed her back soothingly and the sobs subsided. They pulled apart slowly, just in time to witness the sun going down all the way, and Happy Harbor bathed in darkness. Artemis looked to Desmond and nodded, and he phased the two of them back down into the cave. They landed in the hallway, and stood there awkwardly for a minute.

"Well, I should go home," said Artemis after a while. "And Des?" His head rose, ad saw that her eyes were focusing intently n his. "Thanks, for everything." With that she planted another kiss on his cheek, much like the one in the exercise, and walked out of the hall towards the Zeta-Tube, leaving Desmond to think about all that's happened.

XxXxX

Superboy got back late that night. He had been out all day, helping the Forever People fight Intergang. Batman would want a report by tomorrow, but first there was something he needed to do. He walked into the waterfall room, where Canary was still waiting, as if she'd known he was going to show up.

"Feeling more open now?" she asked him gently. He took a seat in the chair once again, and began speaking.

"Here's the ugly truth," he said, not daring to make I contact. "I wasn't devastated. Not with Superman, Tornado, you… the whole League dead. Even when I watched Artemis and Kaldur die. Abandoned M'gann. I felt… at peace…" Canary couldn't contain her surprise, and it showed all over her face. Superboy continued. "See, from the moment I first opened my eyes in that Cadmus pod, there's been one thing I wanted, and feared. To know what it is to be Superman. And I know. So I was… I was happy. Everyone I care about dead or traumatized, and I'm happy. How do I get past the guilt of that? How do I live with myself?" Canary looked like she was going to start bawling any second. She reached forward and put a hand on Superboy's leg.

"I don't have any easy answers, Conner," she told him. "But one thing's clear. Admitting it is the first step."

Now that's done. I should be getting to an original chapter soon. Desmond and Artemis will definitely be getting somewhere, but it won't be anywhere fast. So you people that are all about relationships can stay on the edge of your seats. Also, I'm not sure if you've all figured this out or not, but there will be several characters omitted from this story. Wolf and Sphere aren't in it (though they may show up later…) and there may be characters showing up that normally wouldn't. Just something to keep an eye out for. Anyway, thank you so much for all the positive reviews. Keep 'em coming!