Dreams
"It has been so long, Miss Yowane. I didn't expect you..."
"What? Because I lost to you? Oh, come on. You said you've been watching over me so you should know that I obviously haven't lost anything... yet."
"Did I say anything about losing?"
"Whether you said it or not, I can tell what you're thinking. You know me, Mr Honne. I used to read your mind very well."
"Used to, but not now."
"Shut up! What do you know about me? If that thing didn't happen to me..."
"Miss Yowane, please..."
"... I wouldn't have to face you like this! Our promise, our dreams... I've destroyed them. You... You must have been disappointed with me, right? I know. I know what you're thinking. I know..."
"Haku... your eyes... they're still beautiful."
Chapter 41: The Black Sheep
Haku slowly opened the door and walked into her own apartment. She tiredly bent down and removed her shoes at the foyer before heading towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Just then, she caught sight of Rin standing near the kitchen window... smoking a cigarette away.
Haku frowned at that awful sight. She remembered telling Rin not to smoke in her apartment and also telling her to kick that habit away. She marched right behind the unsuspecting Rin who had her earphones on, and snatched the cigarette from her hand without warning. Rin flinched and immediately turned to look at Haku with a horrified face. Rin did not know since when Haku was back home and did not expect her to be back so early at all!
"Miss Yowane!" Rin clumsily removed her earphones and cupped her hands together in a begging manner. "I'm so sorry! I promise I won't do it again! It has been three days since I last took a puff. So, please give me one last chance."
"No," Haku shot her a quick reply and pressed the lit end of the cigarette bud against the window panes. "Why aren't you sleeping yet? It's already 1am."
"I have just returned home."
Haku raised her eyebrows and asked, "So late? Where did you go?"
"Erm... I went out with... a friend... for supper." Rin scratched her cheek as her cheeks started to grow warmer at the thought of the kissing incident. "What about you? How's your date?"
"Date?"
"Yeah, with Mr Honne."
Haku cringed upon hearing his name, muttering angrily, "It's not a date."
"Aww..."
"Stop it. I didn't even have a nice talk with him."
"Why not?"
Haku shrugged. "I left early. I felt so sick all of a sudden that I left the cafe within a minute."
'Haku... your eyes... they're still beautiful.'
Haku closed her eyes as she felt a shiver travel down her spine. The truth was she left right after Dell had said that. She hated it when people mentioned about her eyes, especially if it was Dell who had said it. If not for her eyes, the culprits of her lost dream, she would not have broken her promise with Dell. If only she had been more careful...
"Do you want supper? I bet you haven't eaten anything since afternoon," Rin interrupted Haku's thoughts.
Haku opened her eyes and shook her head. "No, thanks. I'm fine."
"Well then..." Rin raised her arms in the air and stretched her stiff back, yawning loudly in the process. "I'm off to bed now!"
Haku snorted and said, "Yeah, and don't smoke in my apartment anymore."
"Aww..."
"Don't 'aww' me. Go and sleep." Haku gently pushed Rin out of the kitchen but stopped halfway upon remembering something. "Rin?"
Rin sluggishly let out another yawn, "Yeeessssssh?"
"The director wants to know the fashion designer who designed your cheerleading outfit."
"Eh?" Rin looked surprised.
Strange. What did the director want from Len?
"He wants to meet up with that Kagamine guy to talk about some things regarding about... fashion designing, I guess?" Haku spoke in an unsure tone and shrugged. "All I know is that the director is really interested in him."
"Hmm..." Rin did not know what to say but she was really happy for Len as he was being recognised by others. "I will tell him about it."
Haku flicked her thumb and middle finger together and said, "That's great. Ask him if he's available next Friday night. By the way, can I ask you to help me out with something?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"I forgot to ask that Kagamine guy how much he will charged us for the outfit. Will you help me to ask him instead since you are going to contact him?"
"S... Sure..."
Haku smiled and gently pushed Rin again. "Thanks. Now, go and get some sleep. You deserve a good rest after all the hardwork, not considering the fact you screwed the script up on stage. I haven't finished saying what I wanted to say just now, thanks to Mr Honne."
Oops...
Rin's mouth twitched in response when she heard the last few words which her manager had said. She should really leave the kitchen quickly and sleep before Haku could start scolding her about her performance earlier, which would probably last the whole night.
That was the power of Haku's lecture... based on Rin's personal experience.
-:-:-:-
It had all started with a simple drawing lot. Everything that had happened was because of it.
If she had arrived slightly early, she might not have drawn the 'emergency unit' card. Or maybe she was fated to work in the emergency unit in the first place.
If she hadn't drawn that card, she wouldn't have met him.
If she hadn't met him, she wouldn't have worked with him.
If she hadn't worked with him, she wouldn't have known him better.
If she hadn't known him, she wouldn't have realised what was important in her life. Because of him, she had fought hard for her dream, hoping that she would be with him forever. But all her efforts were thrown into the drain within a split second and reality struck her badly.
She would never stand up again like before... because she had given up.
"Oh shit! I'm late!"
Haku burst into the hall and found that everyone was looking at her in an irritated manner. Panting heavily, she clutched onto her chest tightly and bowed to everyone apologetically before quickly joining her peers who were standing in rows of ten. There were at least ten rows at total. She stood at the last row and turned to look at a girl who was standing next to her with an awkward smile.
"Hi, what did I miss?" Haku whispered to the girl.
Looking at Haku from the corner of her eyes, the girl replied softly, "Your name."
"My name?"
"That doctor called your name for attendance. Seeing that you were absent, he carried on with others' name. He's fierce, I tell you."
"Oh no..."
"You! What's your name?" a thunderous voice echoed throughout the hall, causing Haku to look at the front again in shock.
The doctor who was marking the attendance was pointing at her with a stern and grumpy look. Haku immediately knew that this doctor was the type whom she should not joke with.
"Haku... Haku Yowane..." As much as she wanted to sound bold and undaunted by his intimidating look, her voice came out squeaky which made her feel almost like burying herself under the carpeted floor.
This was so embarrassing. If only she had woken up earlier, she would not be late for her first day of internship! She could say goodbye to her 'must-create-good-impression' philosophy.
"Miss Haku Yowane, what are you aiming to be? A doctor?" the mean doctor spoke in an angry tone as he headed towards her. "Your patients will die by the time you walk into the hospital! Hello! Wake up! Don't take your own sweet time, lady! A second late is equivalent to a drop of blood loss."
Haku shuddered and immediately bowed many times while saying, "I'm sorry. I am really sorry, Sir!"
"If you're late again, out you go. You're not fit to be a doctor." The doctor pointed at the exit with a smirk. "Perhaps you can find a hospital which can tolerate your nonsense and transfer there instead. We don't need interns who are always late."
Haku squeezed her eyes shut and lowered her head. She knew it was all her fault for being late but she was angry that the doctor had told her to transfer to another hospital which could stand her nonsense. What nonsense? It was not like she was a habitual latecomer. Haku bit her lips. First impression is always important, right? Too bad, she had failed to make a good one though.
"This applies to the rest of you as well!" the doctor continued but this time, he was facing the rest of the interns. "I would be more than glad if you'd leave here. I mean, we've received lots of internship requests every now and then. Treasure your time here and obey the rules of the hospital. This is not your playground. From today onwards, the patients' lives will be in your hands. Take your job seriously. Is everything clear?"
"Yes, Sir!" everyone shouted.
"Now go to your departments!"
Everyone quickly dispersed and grabbed her belongings which were placed at the four sides of the hall. Haku just stood there, feeling clueless. The girl who was standing next to her did not say anything about being allocated in whichever department! She really did miss out a lot!
"Miss Yowane, please draw a card. Anyway, it's the last card," a female doctor said and placed a box with a hole on top in front of Haku.
Haku put her hand inside and drew a card. "Thanks."
The female doctor smiled warmly, unlike the mean doctor, and said in a soft voice, "No problem. Now, hurry to where you're supposed to be."
Haku nodded and ran out of the hall. As she ran, she flipped the card over and her facial expression went dull almost immediately.
'Emergency Unit' was what it was written on the card.
How unlucky could she get? That was the department she had prayed so hard not to get in. If she had a choice, this department would be her last choice or would never be in her list of choices. She could not imagine herself working there for three months!
"Are you supposed to be in the Emergency Unit department?" a voice broke Haku's inner hysterical thoughts.
She turned around and looked at a young doctor who had just called out to her. He had messy hair which made him look as if he had just woken up from bed and had a pair of dark red eyes. She had no idea who he was but she knew he was definitely an intern from another medical school.
"Yes, I am," she replied.
"Hurry! Our mentor will be there soon!" the messy haired intern said desperately as he signalled her to follow him and ran into an elevator which coincidentally opened behind him.
"Wait up!" Haku shouted and ran into the elevator as well.
The messy haired intern and Haku dashed out of the elevator as soon as it opened. They dashed past the nurses, doctors, rows of occupied beds and the emergency rooms. Finally, they made a turn to the left and entered a small office where three other interns gathered in there. Haku greeted them with a smile and introduced herself first since her mentor had not arrived yet. The other three interns introduced themselves as well and shook hands with her warmly. Because of their welcoming behaviour, Haku thought that she was blessed to have them as a team and probably working in the emergency unit was not that bad after all if her teammates were nice people. Even the messy haired intern seemed nice too, judging by how considerate of him to lead her the way to the reporting venue.
"Hello, I'm Dell Honne."
Haku took the outstretched hand of the messy haired intern and gave it a shake.
She said happily, "Hi, Mr Honne. Thank you very much for leading me the way."
Dell looked at her with a grin and nodded. "No problem. I just don't want to fail my internship programme just because of a black sheep."
Black sheep...
Haku's mouth twitched. Did he just called her a black sheep? She squeezed his hand harder as she smiled wickedly at him. Maybe because of this 'kind' messy haired dude, she just knew that she would have a harder time working here in this department.
Suddenly, a doctor burst into the office and shouted impatiently, "You stupid interns! What are you guys doing here? Come out and help us out!"
An intern raised her hand and said, "But our mentor..."
The doctor shot the intern a glare and snapped, "What? I'm your mentor!"
"Ah! I'm so sorry!"
"Save our introductions for later. We have a few emergency cases to deal with now." The doctor pointed at the three interns. "You three, go to Unit 23. The surgeons are already there."
"Yes, Dr. Mentor!"
The doctor ignored what they had called him and signalled them to leave the office quickly. Then, he pointed at the remaining two interns which was Haku and Dell.
"You two, follow me to Unit 26. There's a liver failure patient who collapsed in the construction site."
"Yes, Dr. Mentor!"
Upon arriving outside the operation theatre, Haku spotted a young teen comforting a crying woman. The woman looked up and quickly ran towards Haku's direction.
Clutching tightly onto her mentor's white coat, the despaired woman cried loudly, "Please save my husband! Please save him!"
"Mum!" The teen whose eyes were swollen and red rushed to the woman's side and hugged her. "Don't block their way. I'm sure they will save Dad."
The mentor gently pulled himself away from the woman's grasp and spoke to her in a soft voice, "Yes, Ma'am. We have to go into the theatre. Please calm down and wait here."
"Please save him! Please..."
"We will."
With that, the mentor led Haku and Dell into the operation theatre, and what she immediately saw on the bed was a bloodied man whose head was bleeding profusely and chest was already operated.
"Don't just stand there! Help us out! Get me scapel number 4," one surgeon yelled. "And I need one of you to send his blood to the lab!"
Haku quickly grabbed a scapel which was the model number 4 and handed it to the surgeon while Dell took a plastic tube with dark red blood in it and ran out of the room. Haku had no idea how long she had been in the operation theatre, all she knew that the patient was suffering from the last stage of liver cancer after Dell had came back with the blood test result. Although it felt like a few minutes, the operation finally came to an end after six hours.
Haku and the rest of the operation team dragged their feet out of the theatre. The patient's wife and son rushed towards the doctors and asked how the operation went. They had a hopeful look on their faces and that pained Haku's heart.
"Let's go. It's not our business to answer them," Dell whispered and pulled Haku away from the team.
"But..."
"Let's go."
Haku pushed his hand away and protested, "Mr Honne, aren't we part of that team as well? We should also apologise to them. We should..."
"Noooooo! Please save my husband! Why? Why couldn't you guys save him?!" the woman let out a distraught scream as she grabbed a surgeon's shoulder. "He can't be dead! He definitely can't be dead!"
"Mum, please!" the teen cried with tears streaming down his eyes. "Doctor, please let us see Dad. Please! Let us have one last look at him!"
The surgeon shook his head and replied, "No, not now, Mrs Kagamine. The nurses are still inside."
"My husband can't be dead!" the woman shouted again and fell onto her knees, sobbing loudly beneath her palms. "What am I going to do without him?"
Tears trickled down Haku's cheeks as she watched the scene before her. She felt so helpless. Though she was an intern doctor, there was nothing she could do to comfort the deceased's family members. A doctor's job is to save lives but her very first job as a doctor was a failure. She could not save a life. She could not save a family. She could not save herself from falling into despair.
Haku wiped her tears off her face with her coat and ran away. She went into the nearest restroom and washed her face. As she stared at the reflection of her own bloodshot eyes on the mirror, she questioned herself.
"Is this what I really wanted to be? Can I stand anymore people dying in front of me? Can I be a good doctor who can save lives? Saving lives is your initial goal, isn't it?"
Haku adjusted her coat and inhaled deeply. She had to be strong. A doctor could not be too emotional, she thought to herself. When she walked out of the restroom, she saw the young teen who was the son of the deceased sitting quietly on the chair outside the operation theatre. His mother was no longer with him. Haku went to a nearby vending machine and bought a cup of hot chocolate.
"Hey," she called out and headed towards the teen. "Here. For you."
She handed the cup of hot chocolate to the teen. The teen hesitantly took the cup and muttered a word of thanks.
Haku sat next to him and said, "Your father was a strong man. I can tell."
The teen looked down and muttered softly, "I know."
"He was struggling to live despite how much blood he lost. Even with a poor health, he still fought to live."
"Dad didn't tell us that he had liver cancer," the teen said with tears welling up in his eyes again. "He was so strong. He could lift four sacks of rice at one go. He looked fine yesterday. I had never thought Dad would be suffering."
"Because he loved you and your mother. He didn't want you to worry about him."
"Doctor..."
"Yes?"
The teen stood up and bowed to her. "Thank you for your hard work."
Haku's eyes widened. No, she should not deserve his thanks. She could not even save his father! Why was he even thanking her for her hard work? She was a failed doctor.
The teen added with a weak smile, "I'm sure Dad would say thank you to everyone who had tried to save him. He was this type of guy."
"Thank you..." Haku spoke in a soft voice and patted his head. "Your father was lucky to have a nice son like you."
"No, I'm the one who's so lucky to have a father like him. No matter how many times I have failed to meet his expectations, he still supported me and tried to lead me towards my dream. He worked so hard and finally bought me an expensive sketchbook last week. I could never feel any more blessed than this."
Curious about the teen's dream, she asked, "What's your dream?"
"To become a fashion designer."
"Ah... that's cool. You like to design clothes then."
The teen blushed and looked away. "Yeah."
"I wish I have a cool dream like yours."
"Becoming a doctor isn't your dream?"
"Not really," Haku answered with a weak laugh. "I actually don't know what I want to be in my life. All I want is to let my parents and myself be happy."
The teen did not say anything but just nodded.
"Are you still in middle school?"
He nodded again. "Yeah. I'm going to be fourteen soon."
"Studying hard and fight for your dream!" Haku stood up and smiled at him. "Make your father proud in heaven."
The teen bowed again and said, "Thank you, Doctor err..."
"Yowane."
"Thank you, Doctor Yowane!"
Haku chuckled. "I know it's a little too late to ask you... but what's your name?"
"Oh... I'm sorry. I'm Len..."
"Miss Yowane!"
Haku jerked awake and stared at the blonde whose face was so close to hers.
"Wake up. You have been sleeping in the living room for the whole night," Rin said.
Haku pulled herself up on the couch and yawned loudly. She noticed a cup of plain water and a plate of biscuits on the table, then she remembered that she had fallen asleep while having her midnight supper.
"What time is it now?" Haku asked in a raspy voice.
"Ten."
"Huh?"
"Ten o'clock."
"Oh shit!" Haku quickly stood up and dusted the biscuit crumbs off her blouse. "I'm late!"
She grabbed her handbag and files, and ran to the foyer to put on her shoes.
"Rin, help me to clear up those things on the table. I will be back after the meeting ends. See you later!"
"Take care, Miss Yowane!"
Haku opened the gate and ran out of the apartment. This feeling was the same as that time when she had woken up late for her very first day of her internship. And no, she knew that she was still not a habitual latecomer.
If only she hadn't meet up with Dell last night...
Hi everyone, thank you for reading up to Chapter 41. I would like to thank those who had reviewed Chapter 40. Thanks for all those encouragements. Hope to hear more from you again! :D
Here are the reviewers:
- Damn You Len
- SnowQueenStya
- mirrors02
- SVocaloids X Otaku Nekomimi
- Mimi02
Next, I would also like to thank those who had story alerted and favourited this story.
Preview of the next chapter:
Chapter 42: The World within her Eyes
Dell looked at the teen, feeling a little envy. The teen had a supportive father who did not even mind if his dream was so girly. Fashion designing... seriously?
"So unfair... if only your father were my father instead," Dell muttered softly to himself as he looked down staring at his bloodstained coat. "I wouldn't be wasting my time here wearing this bloody coat."
Suddenly, an evil thought struck him. He smirked. Perhaps he should thank this teen for sparking this great idea out of his not-so-creative mind.
He was going to be one carrying the coat of the black sheep...
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