You're…

"So I was walking around the mall, because I have nothing better to do, and I remembered that I needed some new clothing after I destroyed my last pair of pants. Oil gets set on fire really quickly, okay?!"

"Did you get it?"

"No. I hadn't gotten it yet. I'm getting there, wait a sec'."

"Just hurry it up."

"Well, I was walking around, by the clothing store and I spot something out of the corner of my eye.

That white hair, it's unmistakable. It was Komaeda! He's terrifying, okay? He was laughing like it nothing, like he wasn't having disgusting thoughts about…Hope. Ugh. Well, first I saw him, then I kinda snuck around because, well, you don't see Komaeda outside school too often. Everything else he does usually ends in disaster, directly or not. Well, I'm sure you know."

"Get on with it!"

"I am getting on with it! When I finally got a good look at him, I noticed there was someone with him. I knew it had to me his b…brother! Komaeda had a brother, who knew? I didn't, obviously."

"No way he has a brother. I'm not falling for that bull-crap."

"C'mon! He had the antennae-hair thing, he was passive-looking. He was a bit shorter…Okay, a lot, but they looked alike, okay!"

"Could you say 'okay' a bit more?"

"Okay."

"…"

"AAAAA! I'm sorry! Won't do it again!"

"So what the hell were they doing if it's that important?"

"They were having a long, thoughtful discussion."

"About…"

"I heard the words 'luck' and 'Hope' a couple times throughout it."

"Predictable."

"Then, all of the sudden, Komaeda's brother grabbed his arm and started dragging him around the store. Then, he grabbed something off the shelves, I think it was a pair of shorts, and then shoved it into his jacket. I know what that means when I see it."

"Oh, and I forgot, you're the expert at shoplifting."

"Well I'm sorry I'm not the Ultimate Yakuza."

"We don't need to shoplift, you moron."

"Then how come you asked me to get-"

"Shut up! You owed me a favor! Just continue with whatever the hell they were doing."

"I thought that they were brothers, but then they started trying clothing on. I don't know brothers who'd do that with each other."

"What are you suggesting?"
"Um...You know…"
"Komaeda has a son?!"

"...You know, I didn't even consider that."

"Wait, wait wait. So then you're saying that Komaeda is…"

"Yeah."

"…"

"Well, they paid for some other stuff, then walked across the detector thing without any hesitation. It didn't go off, and they were scott free. I'm not surprised that Komaeda and his…'friend'...made it out of there without any repercussion. The monitor must have been broken. But then here's the weird part. The short guy who took the shorts went back through the scanner."

"Why the hell would he do that?"

"I have no frickin' idea! That's why I'm telling you this. It's creeping me out. When he realized that the alarms weren't going off, he got frustrated and then started waving the shorts up and down until one of the clerks came by and asked what he was doing. Luckily, I could hear what he was saying this time. He told them that their system was broken and that they needed to fix it. The clerk was very confused, and seemed to mistake him as one of those people who shoplifts for the company to check if the people working there are doing their jobs or something like that."

"You seem to doubt it."
"Well, he looked like he was ten years old. Definitely a kid, and definitely suspicious if he's hanging out with Komaeda. Don't get me wrong. No one hangs around Komaeda."

"And I wonder sometimes why I hang around you."

"Shut up!"

"So what were they doing?"
"I still don't know. But some weird stuff started happening after that. I followed them out of the store and they walked around the mall for a bit. Then, from out of nowhere, the police storm the building."

"You were in that mall?"

"You heard about it? Was it really that big?"

"When the police are involved, I am, too. It's not like I have much of a choice. And it's not like it wasn't publicized like crazy. When a guy pulls a gun out like that, something's bound to go wrong."

"Hey! You're ruining the suspense!"

"I already know what happens."

"Just listen."

"…"

"C'mon."

"Fine."

"Yes! Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, I was following Komaeda and his friend and then I see this guy bumping into all sorts of things like he's drunk. He stumbles around for a bit before approaching Komaeda's friend. He tries to help the guy, but being the drunk idiot he was, he took it as offense and pulled a gun on the poor sucker. You got your generic scream and the whole mall is silent. Now here's the strange part. Komaeda's reaction."

"What about it? Did he do a Hope monologue?"

"Um…Kinda? He made this terrifying expression. It's a bit hard to describe. Then, he started drooling and saying something about Hope. I didn't quite follow it. Anyways, the drunk guy had his gun at the friend, but now he switched it to Komaeda, who just laughed at him, stating that his luck would guide him through it."

"Typical."

"Well, at that exact moment, the cops showed up and jumped on him. Literally."

"Literally?"

"It was like a dogpile."

"Wow."

"Oh yeah, and that security guy was there."

"Security guy?"

"The one who storms around school all day. Grey hair, purple eyes? Saka…kata…something…"

"Oh, I know that guy. Why was he there?"

"He was angry about something, but when he made eye-contact with Komaeda, all hell broke loose. He kept yelling at the cops that it was his fault and threatened to punch him. He kept yelling insults at him. Komaeda's friend tried to restrain him, but that didn't end too well. In all the chaos, the drunk guy started to run away, ironically directly at Komaeda's friend, effectively tripping them both over. The police used this to capture him, leaving the security guy to just ramble away. I don't know what happened to him."

"So then what happened after that?"

"Komaeda recognized me."

"And…"

"I ran. After that, no waaaaaaaay I'm getting near him."

"So did you ever get them?"

"Well…You see…"

"If I don't have those magazines by Friday, I'm going to fu—"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Calm down, buddy."

"Buddy?"

"Yeah."

"What are you? A fifth grader?"

"You look like one."

"…Did you…"

"I'm sorry."

"This is why Sonia doesn't like you."

"Don't even say that!"

"Just the truth."

"WHAAAAA!"

I'm just going to pretend that I didn't hear this conversation.