Chapter 6
Jen hadnt been the same since Tilly admitting she was actually in a relationship with Ester. She knew she had no right what so ever to be mad, or jelous. But this was Tilly, it was her Tilly and she just felt like she was stupid enough to actually belive she'd actually found something so special with her. With Tilly everything seamed so different. Even though there relationship was moraly wrong in every possible way, it felt like the best thing that had ever happened to Jen. And if it was up to her, without Liam and Diane banging on in her head she proberly wouldn't of even taken the job in the first place. That way her and Tilly would still be together now, and she wouldn't of moved on to Ester. Jen knew Tilly was more than likely getting with Ester to try make her forget about how much she felt for Jen but she didnt think she'd of done it so soon. It hadn't been long after all. Jen needed to do exactly the same, find someone to hang around with, try to get to know better. Mabye that would help her forget about Tilly. It would be hard, really hard but wasn't it just worth a try?
During College hadn't been the same since Jen had found out, she couldn't look at Tilly the same way. It was different now the more she thought about Tilly and her relationship the more it made her angry. Someone else touching the woman she loved hurt her more than anything. And Ester as well, Jen didnt think she was a bad person; of course she didn't. It was just the amount of times Tilly had said over and over again that herself and Ester were just a little fling, that she never even liked her in that way, that she was sick and tired of Ester trying it on all the time. So what changed her mind?
Tilly had barly spoke to anyone since finding out about her friends deaths. She did go and speak to Ester after leaving Jens but she didn't stay very long. Tilly just explained she was in shock back at the hospitle and not to blame herself for the accidant. Tilly also told Ester she wanted a little space from everyone, not just her but everyone. Just to get her head sorted out a little. Try focus on her work. That wasn't the case either, Tilly couldn't seam to focus on anything. At home, at college! No one blamed her, because Maddie and Neil were her both best friends, she was the closest with the two than any of the friends. And she always got along with Jono, he always seamed to be there for her even when she didnt need him. But the thing that got to her the most was the fact of arguing with Maddie before her death. The thought of not been able to make up with her killed her. She just wished the argument didnt happen, the way she must of made Maddie feel before driving away. Tilly always knew Maddie was jelous of hers and Esters friendship, even if Maddie never did admit it, she was to strong of a person. But Tilly could always count on Maddie when she needed her and now, she was gone.
Tilly hadn't moved from the house since last meeting with Ester. She hadn't replied to any messages. She just seamed to lock herself away in her bedroom. Her parents tried to get through to her but she didnt care to what they had to say. The funral was Saturday coming, and it was already Thursday night. She hadn't even thought of preparing anything to say. All she could think about was going out, getting alcohol and forgetting about everything and everyone.
Tilly finally evacuated from her home, she just looked like a lost young girl with no hope and no one to talk to. But she did, she had a lot of people she could talk to about it. She just couldn't bring herself to talking about it to anyone. Well, other than Jen. Jen was always someone Tilly could talk to when she really needed to get something of her chest. But of course, Tilly was thinking about how Ester would feel about it all. If Ester found out Tilly was talking about her problems to Jen more than herself it would kill her. Even if Tilly didn't want to be with her, in the whole nearly two weeks Tilly has been together with Ester she'd only kissed her once. And that was when she was drunk. Tilly just needed to find the time and the place to break it to Ester.
Tilly slowly walked to the shops around the corner from her house and bought herself a bottle of Vodka. Thats what she needed to sort her head out. Mabye this would help her write something to Jen, and for the funeral. Becuase the way her head is now, without a drink is such a state. She couldn't even bare thinking about writing something to Jen right now. But she could see it in Jens eyes the other day when she found out about herself and Ester. And she knew how she'd feel if Jen done what she'd done. It was horrible for Tilly to do, but she only got with Ester because she didnt want to feel like she was using her when she was drunk, and she needed someone who she could just talk to and be there for her. And Ester was there for that. But now, she couldn't pull it over her own eyes any longer. She would only ever see Ester as a friend. Thats the reason she can't bring herself to kissing Ester or anything else for that matter.
Jen was back at Dianes, herself and Diane had decided to go to the Chez-Chez for a drink. At this moment everyone had a lot on there minds. Diane with Sinaed being pregnant, and Jen with missing Tilly so much. Sinaed and Bart decided on a night in to talk about there whole situation so thats why Diane came up with the idea of going out for a drink. So herself and Jen got themselves dressed up a little and left, leaving Bart and Sinaed in the living room talking.
Thats when they saw Tilly, walking with her head down. Bottle in hand. Tilly didn't wait to get home to drink it. She'd sat herself on the wall around the corner from her house. Her parents were in so it wasn't like she could just go in the house with a litre bottle of Vodka was it? She wasn't taking her time either. The first couple of shots were the worst. It didn't take the memories away, it just brought them back worse than they were before.
''Is that Tilly over there?'' Diane looked again. Then Jen looked over and instantly noticed the beautiful figure was in fact Tilly, with a bottle in hand. ''Yeah'' replied Jen. ''I wonder what she's doing out?'' said Diane. ''I know, mabye we should see if she's okay'' replied Jen. Diane nodded and they walked straight into Tillys direction. It was a mirical Tilly didnt even sence the woman she loved walking towards her. She always knew. But she just wasnt interested in anything, from anyone anymore. Not when she had her bottle to keep her company. It was like a train could have passed her by and she wouldn't have known the difference. Diane called her name a couple of times but she got no reply. Diane walked closer and sat on the wall right beside her. Causing Tilly to jump and hide the bottle behind her.
''What you doing out love?'' asked Diane. ''Just needed a little space, parents are smuthering me'' replied Tilly. ''And you think thats going to help?'' Diane raised her eyebrows. Tilly didn't answer she just looked down. ''You didn't answer my question'' said Diane. ''I know it's not, but it's just taking my mind of everything for a while. I wasnt going to drink the whole bottle and I am going home now'' said Tilly. Jen smiled, the maturity was popping back up again. Even after everything she's been though the past couple of weeks she still knows when to stop. Tillys phone started to ring. It was Ester. Tilly apolizised and said she needed to take the call and Diane nodded.
Hello
Tilly? how you feeling? I havent heard from you in a while.
I know, sorry Es. Just need time to myself thats all
Where are you? It sounds like your outside shall I come see you?
No, No need to come see me, I'm just at my door. I just went to the shops. Talk later yeah? Bye.
Erm, Yeah bye.
Tilly put down the phone and put it away in her pocket straight away and sighed heavly. She almost forgot Diane and Jen were standing beside her. All this with Ester was getting to her head a little. It wasn't like Tilly, letting Ester get to her, but what could she do. She'd finally after ages of Ester being in love with her been stupid enough to lead her on. And now she felt bad turning her away again. ''I best be getting home, I will see yous'' said Tilly with a little smile. ''Alright then love, cya'' said Diane. Tilly felt a little stupid picking the bottle from behind her put she did anyways. She needed it and there was no way she was leaving it. She just gave Diane and Jen a gentle smile whist picking the bottle up and walked away straight away. No looking back. ''This has hit the poor girl hard huh?'' said Diane. ''I'm not suprised, she's had a lot to deal with hasnt she'' replied Jen. Diane nodded and the pair made there ways to the nightclub. How on earth was Jen suposed to enjoy herself now? seeing Tilly in that state. It was all she could think about, but Jen had to reasure herself. Tilly was no longer her problem, yeah she'd be there for her if she needed her but Tilly was Esters problem now. No matter how much it killed Jen to think it, she was right.
As soon as Jen and Diane entered the club it was pretty packed. So mabye this would take her mind of Tilly after all. Or not. Diane went and ordered the drinks while Jen found a little spot to sit for the two of them right beside a little group. Instantly reconizing one of the girls. And, the girl was smiling right in her direction. Jen politely smiled back and looked away. There was no way she was talking to anyone just yet, not before having a couple of drinks down herself that was for sure.
Half the bottle down and Tilly was feeling a little at ease, and a little drunk for that matter. Straight away she pulled out her earphones and her notebook. She ripped pages and pages out after not liking what she'd wrote to Jen. It would be so much easier if she hadn't deleted Jens number. She wondered what Jen was doing right now? If she was thinking about her on her night out? proberly not. Not after the way Tilly handled the situation about Ester. Ester always seamed to call or pop up when she was in the middle of speaking to Jen and it was really starting to bug her. Three quaters of the bottle down and Tilly was starting to feel light headed and tired, and quite drunk.
Diane was already drunk too, and flirting with the young fellas around hersef and Jen, where Jen had start chatting to the girl who was eyeing her up at the beginning of the night. It was a civil conversation but Jen enjoyed it. She was drunk so proberly was talking a load of patter but the other woman didn't seam to care. She also looked like she was enjoying the company of Jen. They sat and chatted for ages, about nothing but the conversation didnt seam boring, not at all. It just seamed like they had a lot to talk about. Diane kept looking over to Jen, it was getting on 2am and she really wanted to just get home. So she politely, but drunkly made her way over to Jen. ''Jen, are you staying I'm going to get off'' shouted Diane. ''No, I will come home. I'm a little tired as well'' replied Jen. Jen told the woman she was leaving with Diane and the woman suggested switching mobile numbers. Why not? Jen thought. She didn't have anything to loose anymore did she?
Finally Tilly was finished her letter to Jen, what she could slip her in after the funeral and also prepared a little speech for the funeral. Finally at 3am Tilly fell asleep. Hungover in the morning was a definate.
As well as Jen and Diane! Art lesson was totally going to be a mess that was for sure.