I'm Just Tired

I open my eyes and lie awake on my bed. Outstretched, I rest comfortably, and rather uncomfortably, lays Komaeda, ontop of me. He does this every day. I'm surprised Komaru and my parents haven't noticed yet. Actually, I'm glad they haven't.

But something's different today. Everything feels…heavy. It's like I'm sore everywhere. I even have a slight headache.

I sit up, pushing the boy off of me.

"Get up."

"Hm? What?"

I shake him drearily.

"Get up."

As we eat breakfast, my mom talks about something and I can't hear anything she says. This headache just hurts that much. I want to vomit. Komaeda looks concernedly at me, but I don't know if it has to do with what she's saying, or the expression I'm making.

We walk to school. It seems slower than usual. Komaeda asks if I'm okay. I tell him that I'm just tired.

I sit down at my seat in class and look around the room. Normally, about half the class shows up. It varies who it is, day to day, but today, something's off. Everyone's here? I think? My ears are ringing and all I can hear is faint mutters. Maizono, who sits right next to me, smiles and says something. I can't understand her, so I don't respond. The whole class starts saying something over and over and over and over and over and—

The door just opened. It's Komaeda and Tsumiki. Why are they here? This is a first-year classroom. Why is everyone screaming? Why does everything hurt so much?

When I wake up, it's in my bed. At home. Komaeda sits in a chair, looking down at me.

"Ah, you're awake."

"...What happened?"

"You got sick and fainted in class. Luckily, I was walking by with Tsumiki-san, so she was able to get you some medicine quickly."

"What time is it?"

He checks the clock on my nightstand. I'm too much in pain to move.
"11:05"

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

"I came home to watch over you. Can't have the Ultimate Hope die from a sickness. That would just be pitiable."
"I wouldn't die from something small like this."

"Small? You should check your temperature."
He hands me a thermometer. I stick it in my mouth and wait for the beep.

102.2 degrees!? Shouldn't I be dead already!? My skin should be boiling off!

Oh, it was on Fahrenheit.

Beep!

39 degrees is still ridiculous.

"Are you hungry, Naegi-kun?"

"I could probably get myself something. I don't feel that bad."

I try to sit up, but Komaeda pushes me back down.

"Don't overwork yourself! I know you don't want to burden me, but please, just rest."

I lie back down, letting him get up and make me food. He comes back with a small bowl of chicken soup, something you'd find in a can. As I eat, he sits on the chair, staring right at me. It's a bit unnerving, but I just think he's worried.

"Are you cold? I can get you a warm towel."

"I'm fine, really."

"You're so strong, being able to fight through an illness like this. You must have such an amazing Hope to be able to bear through the shivering, the headaches, and that miserable feeling you get in your stomach. You must feel dirty. If you'd like me to give you a ba—"

"I'm fine. I'm fine."

Let's…get that image out of my head.

I wearily set the bowl onto the nightstand and lie back down.

"Do you get sick easily?"

"Where did you get that idea from?"

"Well…You're acting strangely."

"Strangely? How do you want me to act?"

"Just be…" I look at him in the eye. He smiles fakely. "…a better version of yourself."

"Of course, I'm not good enough yet."

He opens his mouth to continue, but stops, as if realizing like he shouldn't say what he was about to say.

"You never answered the question."

"Hm? Which one?"

He's avoiding it.

"About you getting sick. You've always been kinda…weak physically."

"I just got sick a lot when I was a little kid. There's not much to it."

"So you stayed at home, sick, all alone?"

"Naegi-kun. You need to focus on getting better. My life should be no concern of yours. I'm insignificant and worthless. A stepping stone for such wonderful Hope."

"That's wrong! You're a—Eaghahgh!"

I cough. He leans forward to try to cradle me, but stops himself for some reason. He looks down at his hands.

"I'm sorry. I riled you up. I should have kept my mouth shut. I…I should let you sleep."

If it weren't for this headache and fever, I would be up, giving some sort of motivational speech, but like this, it's too painful. Komaeda stands up and walks towards the door. He stops.

"Naegi-kun. With a Hope like yours, I'm sure you can overcome any Despair. I say that a lot, and I assume it's lost its meaning."

He turns around and looks at me. He smiles.

"I really do love the Hope you share with the world. And I know you've shared some of that Hope with me."

When I wake up, I feel energized and excited. Ready to go, ready to do anything!

Gah! It's cold! Am I still sick?

I look around the room. Komaeda's passed out on the chair. He's still wearing his street clothing.

Oh, so that's why.

So then he came back to watch me sleep? That's kinda creepy, but I know it's because he must have been so worried.

I shake him to get up.

"Oh, hello, Naegi-kun. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah! C'mon, let's go to school."

I'm sitting in class, and Komaeda's words echo in the back of my head.

"I really do love the Hope you share with the world. And I know you've shared some of that Hope with me."

What does that mean? All I did was get sick. I didn't say all too much. Maybe, he wasn't just referring to yesterday. I mean, I was the only person to really get to know him. It makes sense that he would, 'Love my Hope'.

'Love my Hope', huh? Why does that sound like a…con...

No. Not a, you know. Impossible.

It's just an...admiration, right?

Right?

Right?

"Naegi-kun, are you alright?", Maizono says, with a concerned voice. My only repose is a shocked gaze and a yelp. "Your face is very red. Are you sure you're not still sick? After yesterday…"
"I'm fine. I think."

"Is there something you need to talk about?"

There is, but not with you, not with anyone.

She pats her fist onto her palm.

"You're tired, that must be it!"

"How did you...know?"

"I'm a psychic!"

Usually she's on point. Not today, I see. Actually, this gives me an idea. Maybe there is someone I could talk to. Someone good at figuring things out, someone I can trust.

Kirigiri.

I finally find Kirigiri resting on a bench in the garden. She has her head sunk into that journal she carries around everywhere. I sit down next to her. She scoots away.

"Hey…"

"I don't want to get sick. I have a case I'm researching."

Predictable.

"Kirigiri-san, I need to talk to you about something."
She perks her head up from the notebook.

"What is it?"

"I think someone said that they love me."

Shoot. That came out wrong.

Her mouth opens slightly, then closes.

"You think."

"It was hard to tell."

She places her hand on her chin, considering the situation. She sinks into the bench, becoming lost with the idea of someone telling me something like that. Despite that, she remains stoically calm.

"What do I do?"
"Communicate. Ask them."

"I'm not going to do that! No way!"

"You want me to figure out if they truly like you?"

"Well...Yeah."

She turn to me and leans in, very close to my face.

"Do you like them?"

"U-U-Umm...Ehhh…"
She returns to her former position.

"I see. I can help you out, then."

"I knew I could trust you."

She turns back to me.

"You're going to have to tell me who it is, though. I can't do an investigation without any clues."

I stare wide-eyed into the purple lavender of her own eyes. The way she stares, it's so demanding, so strong, so powerful. Without words, I begin to sweat, I begin to shake, and I fall off the bench screaming.

"Naegi-kun. There's no need to panic. It's not like you're recalling a traumatizing childhood incident."

I stand up quickly and surely.

"I wouldn't exactly rule that out."

She looks intensely at me, like I'm wasting her time. The pressure pushes onto me like a 40kg weight burdening my soul.

"It's…It's…"

I can't say it. I can't say it. I can't do this. I'm stupid. Why did I decide to do this? Why did I think that this was a good choice? Why did I—

"It's Komaeda Nagito, right?"

I sit back down, right next to Kirigiri. My motions are rigid and tense.

"Yeah."

"I see."

I look at her. She's scribbling something in her journal again.

"You're not going to question it?"

She pauses and looks back at me.

"I've been questioning it since day one."

She goes back to writing. Defeated, I stand back up. She stands up, along with me.

"I'll see what I can find."

"Really? You're actually going to help me?"

She giggles softly.

"I already said I was going to. I don't blame him, you're cute when you're flustered." What? What was that comment? "I'll get back to you tomorrow. By then, I think I'll have an answer."

I sigh a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, again, Kirigiri-san. I'm probably just overthinking things, but thanks to you, I'll have a peace of mind."