Honestly I don't know whats got into me today, i'm loving all this coming to mind. My fingers are absolotly killing of writing it up first but it's worth it if your enjoying them :) thanks for the reviews. This is a pretty long one too ;) for the next couple of days I will be uploading quite a few chapters, I was up all last night and I will be completing a few more tonight so hope you enjoy. Leave a review tell me what you think good or bad? x
Chapter 14
Unexpectedly the day and night had gone really well back at Tillys. They had been enjoying one anothers company so much they hadn't even realised the ammount of time which had passed between them and again neither of them got board of the conversations. Not like it was with Tilly and Ester and Jen and Hellon.
Jen had returned back to Dianes and collected some things for College tomorrow before making her way back to Tillys to spend the night with her so she wasn't alone. Jen had got throught to her to much to just leave her now. Jen never knew, if she actually didn't stay Tilly could have got lonely again and started drinking again. So without a second thought Jen decided she was sleeping at Tillys house. Wrong or not, she didnt care. They'd agreed to be friends and nothing was stopping her staying over.
They'd agreed on Jen sleeping in the spare bedroom, which most definetly didn't go to plan what so ever. They'd changed into there nightwear and sat in Tillys room talking more. Both in there long t-shirts and both equally dying to make a move. But neither wanted to ruin it. Jen didn't know weather Tilly had moved on now because she hadn't said and Tilly didnt know if Jen had either.
They fell asleep together, it wasn't a mistake because they couldn't of ended up cuddled up together under the duvet. It was obviously planned to spend the night up close. Otheriwse they'd of fell asleep on top of the duvets.
Jen and Tilly both woke to the sound of there alarms. With Jen being by her side Tilly woke up with the biggest smile. She felt more alive today, more like herself. Not in need of alcohol, not angry with anyone, but much in love with the woman who was lay beside her.
Within minutes the two got themselves up, Tilly took a shower first then Jen took a shower after while Tilly made them breckfast. After eating Jen and Tilly went into the seperate bedrooms to get dressed before heading of to College together. Jen went back into Tillys room while Tilly was downstairs so she could collect her things from the night before and make the bed. Only to find a letter addressed to herself under the bottom pillow. She placed the letter in her bag and told herself she'd read it when she was alone in College.
Jen dropped Tilly of just a little down the road and carried on driving. While Tilly thought about what she could say to her General Studies teacher and Mr Keeler when she arrived.
Before entering the College doors Tilly took a deep breath and made her way straight to Mr Keelers office to apolizise to him for the way she went on the day before. She knocked quietly. Which was a quick relply to enter the room. She took a deep breath and entered the office where Mr Keeler stood up instantly.
''I am so sorry about yesterday, I dont think I can apolizise enough for the behaviour from me yesterday. I don't know what came over me'' said Tilly as soon as she entered.
''Tilly, don't worry about it. I understand what you have been through and I understand it has hit you real hard. I just don't want to see you putting yourself in danger'' replied Mr Keeler.
''It was no excuse for the way I behaved during College. I need to keep my personal problems away from my education so I am again really sorry for that'' said Tilly.
Mr Keeler just smiled. The real Tilly was back and he knew it. ''Well just forget about it now, this won't be mentioned again I am just glad to have you back'' said Keeler.
When Tilly returned from the office she was totally relieved. That went well she thought to herself. She was expecting fireworks when she entered. Today she felt better for herself. Spending the day and night with Jen really did sort her out. Why hadnt she just asked for her help at the beginning she did not know. But when your in so much pain it doesnt come over to you does it? Now it was time for her first lesson for General Studies. Tilly wanted to say sorry to her teacher but bringing Maddie into the situation put a end to saying sorry and after all Mr Keeler had told her to leave it there, so she wasnt going to bring it up again to get herself worked up.
Tilly entered the room along with the rest of the studants waiting for Hayleigh to arrive and get on with there work. Ester sitting away from Tilly with being so hurt and no one wanting to get in the way of her encase they ended up in the same situation Ester did yesterday. So Tilly was sat alone the way she wanted it.
''I'm not having you in my lesson Tilly! I will sort your work out and you can go next door with Miss Gilmore'' spat her teacher.
Tilly was shocked to her teachers outburst. Surly she should have been more mature about the whole situation. But Tilly didn't question it, she'd gladly spend the next hour with Jen. It would be so much more fun anyways. Tilly got up from her seat and arrived at the front desk and collected her work for yesterdays and todays lesson and went to leave.
''So your not apolizising then?'' her teacher stopped her in her tracks.
''No! I have nothing to say sorry for'' replied Tilly.
''Tilly you called me and called me yesterday and were agressive towards me how can you think you have nothing to be sorry for?'' her teacher got worked up.
There was no way Tilly was getting into all this with her teacher now, she wasnt prepared to let anything get in her way of her first day of happiness in a long time so Tilly left walked into Jens room where she was teaching and explained Hayleigh didnt want her in her lesson and told her to come here. Of course Jen smiled and accepted and Tilly took a seat at the back of the class and got straight on with her work. Only until Hayleigh arrived to Jens classroom upset. Jen noticed first, she wondered why Hayleigh was coming to her lesson when she'd already gave Tilly her work and sent her away. Tilly got a shock when she heard her teachers voice at the front of the classroom again showing her up infront of Jens whole class.
''I was really upset yesterday Tilly, I cried myself to sleep and yet you think you have nothing to apolizise for. It was horrible the things you said to me and really hurt my feelings'' said the teacher.
''Come back when you want to be more mature about it. I am trying to get on with my work so if you dont mind'' said Tilly obviously getting angry which was one thing she didnt want to do.
She put her head back down and returned to her work again. Which obviously hurt the teacher more to the teen sitting egnoring her whilst waiting for an apolagy at the front of the class.
''Back in my room NOW!'' said the teacher.
''But you've just sent me in here'' Tilly said confused.
''And now I want you back in my room!'' shouted her teacher.
Jen seen Tilly tightening her fists again and gritting her teeth as she sat up and collected her papers. Tilly stood up and made her way towards her teacher. Jen also knew Hayleigh was taking things a lot to personally. Tilly walked out the room first followed by Hayleigh after.
When Tilly arrived back to her seat without giving Hayleigh an apologie it only made her take things worse. Tilly sat down and got straight on with her work without a word. This woman was really beginning to piss her off and she really didnt like the feeling. Not after having such an amazing day and night with Jen yesterday anyways.
''So everyone you don't like me huh? I am a snob? a bitch?'' started there teacher. Everyone instantly looked up shocked to her outburst. Yeah they did think those things about her but they wernt exactly going to admit it were they.
''No? So Tilly...You were lieing then were you?'' said Hayleigh.
Again Tilly felt like she did yesterday. This woman was really taking things to personally for being a mature teacher. Tilly egnored her as much as she possibly could, keeping her head down and trying her best to get on with her work but she just didnt stop going on. Tillys name was like a broken record. Getting louder and louder each time, disterbing her own studants from working. Most of them finding it pretty funny. She wasnt showing Tilly up like she intended she was just showing herself up.
Jen heard Tillys name being shouted over and over again in the next room and although she wanted to jump up and go find out what was going on she didnt have the responsibility to do so. So she sat, and gritted her teeth to the sound of the female teacher shouting towards Tilly for a further five minutes.
''What am I again Tilly? If I recal yesterday. I am a bitch, a snob and was I told to get on my high horse and go fuck off?'' Hayleigh carried on. It was like she was doing it to make Tilly outburst, like she actually wanted Tilly gone from the college for telling her straight. And thats exactly what she was doing. She now didnt like Tilly one little bit and she wasnt about to stop until she got what she wanted. Again she took it to the next step.
''Like I said, Maddie, your best friend would hate this side to you'' said her teacher causing everyone in the room to gasp loudly. That oversteppted the mark for everyone, not just Tilly.
Tilly instantly stood up and crashed her table onto the floor along with her chair. She wanted to run over and smash her straight in the face. ''Whats the matter Tilly? Hit a nerve have I? she smiled. ''Thats totally out of order that mind'' said one of the studants. Tilly was now crying. She barged her way through the studants and faced her teacher almost metres away from her face. ''What the hell would you know eh? your just a fucking teacher? you absolote horrible spiteful bitch'' shouted Tilly. ''Thats it come on now carry on girl what else you got huh?'' laughed there teacher. Not noticing one of the studants getting out of the classroom.
The young girl had went next door to get help from Jen and instantly told her there teacher was bulling Tilly infront of everyone talking about Maddie and Jen instantly stood up.
''What about Neil and Jono as well? I heard you had a argument with Maddie just before the accident you feel bad do you?'' said her teacher obviously acting childish and taking things to a whole knew level.
Tilly instantly grabbed Hayleigh by her jacket below her face and crashed her up against the back wall. ''Dont you dare mention that again honestly'' Tilly cried. ''Ahh Tilly bless you have I hit a nerve here?'' she laughed. Within an instant Tilly swung Halyleighs body around and crashed her against the desk and let go. Turning round to see Jen crashing through the classroom. Jen instantly looked around to everyones shocked but suprised faces, the desk and the chair on the floor and Hayleigh at the front on the floor acting all innocant.
''What has happened?'' Jen asked.
Hayleigh jumped up. ''I don't know what has got into her, she just went mad'' she acted. You lier! Whatever! You provoced her! You started it! You called her! Came from the rest of the studants. Jen instantly knew Hayleigh was lieing and trying to get Tilly into trouble for the yesterday situation. Jen wanted to kill her, she had just got Tilly back to normal and yet she'd started her off again with the whole argument before death situation.
''Oh I need to get out of here'' Tilly blurted out before rushing out the classroom.
Jen instantly ran out of the class room and ran infront of Tilly to stop her from getting away and starting with the alcohol again. ''Look at me Tilly, Look at me your going to be fine, im here remeber'' said Jen. ''I can't, I can't do this! She mentioned the argument with Maddie infront of everyone'' Tilly cried pushing past Jen and running out of the college doors.
Jen instantly made her way back to Mr Keelers office and knocked on the door. Come in he shouted. Jen instantly barged through the door. ''Whats wrong? Whats happened?'' he instantly stood up worried. ''I wasn't there, but theres a situation which has occured with Tilly and Hayleigh in the classroom. Tilly has left she's going to drink again, she cant do it anymore'' said Jen. Herself and Keeler instantly rushed there ways down to the class room where the situation happened.
''What has happened? I will go round and ask you one by one and it better be the truth!'' Keeler said furiously.
Tilly was sat in the classroom, then she entered and told Tilly to get out straight away, then went back to collect her straight after. When Tilly sat back down to get on with her work Miss started telling us about how Tilly had called her yesterday and how Tilly had said we thought the same. Tilly was egnoring her and just getting on with her work. Then miss was shouting her name louder and louder each time. Then she mentioned Maddie and Tilly moved her desk away from her and told her she had no right to bring her up again. Then Miss asked Tilly what Maddie would think of her today? and Neil and Jono? Then she mentioned about Tilly having an argument with Maddie before she died so Tilly pushed her.
The answer was exactly the same from every single studant. Mr Keeler was satisfied with the studants answers and didn't even ask Hayleigh what her side of the story was. He told Hayleigh to meet him at his office in five minutes while himself and Jen rushed off to get to Tillys house before she started something stupid again. But just as they rushed down the corridor towards the doors. They stopped to see Tilly at the front breathing deeply to calm herself down without having to recal the situation of yesterday.
They both approached Tilly who was still crying. She was mad, really mad but didn't want it to get to her as much. She already regretted flinging her teacher on the floor.
''Tilly, i'm glad we got to you'' Mr Keeler said out of breath.
Tilly looked up and looked ashamed. ''I'm sorry, she was showing me up infront of everyone, and then she talked about Maddie and Jono and Neil'' Tilly sobbed.
''Look at me Tilly, she is in the wrong not you! Everyone has explained everything. Were just glad you didn't do the same as yesterday. Thats the main thing. Come on, down to my office so we can sort this out once and for all'' said Keeler.
Herself and Keeler walked along the corridor with Jen along side them. Just before Jen came to her door she squeezed Tillys hand tightly to let her ko now everything was going to be ok and entered her classroom while Tilly and Keeler met Hayleigh at the office.
The matter was resolved within minutes. Hayleigh was told if she couldn't be civil towards Tilly she would most definetly be out of a job. Hayleigh accepted and apolizied instantly and Tilly did the same. With that Tilly and Hayleigh were sent on there way back to class. Tilly was told to collect her things and finish the rest of her lesson next door with Jen and that was the end of it.
The walk back to the classroom was spend in silence. Tilly returned back to the classroom and picked up her work and headed straight out the door and into Jens classroom, to the back of the class and back to her distant self.
Looked like she needed Jen again. And thats just what Jen was prepared for.
Tilly had turned back into her usual self again, back to the old deprest distant teenager. Not wanting to let anyone in to help her and comfort her. She just sat at the back of Jens class her mind out of control. She tried and tried to complete her work but her mind just seamed to go blank. She was just totally oblivious to the surroundings of herself and there was nothing she could do about it.
Jen had been watching over Tilly as she just sat at the back of the lesson looking dumbounded and confused looking down at her work. Twiddling her fingers and placing her head in her hands. Jen could tell Tilly couldn't consentrate properly. She'd tried her best to make a little eye contact with Tilly to reasure her everything was going to be ok but Jen didnt seam to catch Tillys eye once.
Just before the end of the lesson Jen had told her studants to pack up and wait for the bell to go of so she could focus her attention on Tilly. She wanted to get this situation sorted out before the end of the week before the week holiday when she properly wouldn't see Tilly until returning back to College.
Everyone left and Tilly was left seated at the back of the class room looking just as confused. Jen sat herself down right infront of Tilly so she could again try and get some sort of communication from Tilly before her next lesson.
''Tilly, everything is going to be ok you know. Like we talked about it yesterday. Your teacher had no right saying those things about Maddie and your friends infront of everyone in the class and your friends agree with that. You've got to understand none, and I mean none of this is your fault'' explained Jen holding onto Tillys hands.
Tilly looked up and stared straight into Jens eyes, the touch of Jen instantly made Tilly feel alive, actually feel something which she hadn't felt in a while. Jen was right, she wasn't to blame for any of this. It was just an argument at the wrong time. Of course Maddie knew herself and Tilly would have made up in no time if they'd got the chance and Tilly just needed to realise that and stop kicking herself about it. She needed to move on from the argument and remember Maddie for what they really were. Best friends from the beginning till the end.
''I know, just got to me thats all'' replied Tilly with a tear. Jen instantly noticed the tear forming in Tillys eyes and wiped it away before making its way down her face. ''Look how about we chat tonight? We can talk like we did yesterday take your mind of things'' said Jen. ''I would really like that, but only if you don't mind. I just feel like i'm taking up all your time with this'' said Tilly. ''Tilly, like I said before I am always here, and there would be no place i'd rather be'' Jen smiled, causing Tilly to smile herself.
Tilly had left the room with her usual beautiful smile after her reasuring conversation with Jen, and finding out she'd be spending another couple of hours chatting to Jen later made her actually feel she had something to look forward to. Tilly felt like Jen was the only one she could talk to about the whole thing. Like Jen knew exactly what Tilly was going through. And Tilly loved the fact, after everything she had put Jen through, Jen was still there for her, to help her get by and sort herself out for the sake of herself and her future.
When Tilly left Jen felt like she'd done something right for once, she felt needed in some way, and it felt nice. Knowing Tilly could actually speak to her about anything just made her feel that little bit loved. She wished she could have actually built up the courage before now, to help her get through before the drinking, and the anger and everything else the poor girl put herself through.
Just before a her next lesson started Jen finally plucked up the courage to get the letter from Tillys room out of her bag to finally read it. Mabye this would let Jen know how Tilly really felt about her. Jen was terrified to what the letter might say, it could be bad or it could be good. Either way, Jen just wanted to know where she stood with Tilly. Slowly opening the letter Jen read the letter to herself. Taking her time to read every last little bit of detail which Tilly had wrote.
Jen
This letter I have wrote to tell you how I actually feel, what's been going on in my head. I just want you to know where you stand to me. Its not right for us to keep carrying on like this is it? its just messing both of us about either way. Its not fair on you having to choose between me and your job and it's not fair for me to have to go through it. Finding out you'd taken the job had came to a huge shock for me, I felt like I wasn't good enough for you and thats what hurt me the most.
But now I realise you didn't really have a choice did you? Its amazing that you had been offered a full time job as a studant teacher. I knew you'd be able to do it and I knew any school would be lucky to have someone like you. I just didn't want to belive that what was going on with us would have to end for real.
I just didn't know all this would hurt so much...
So thats why I thought hanging out with Ester would take my mind of you, I felt like I needed someone there who actually wanted me, who showed me they wanted me. But in the end all I realised was Ester was just someone I wanted to be with as a friend not a relationship. I thought being with her would take my mind of you, but it didn't. Not for a second. I was always wishing the time I was spending with her, I could have been with you.
Well I am just ranting here. Well all I want to say is I am going to wait for you. Wait until we can be together properly, out in the open. Because I just can't take the secrets anymore. It hurts to see you walking past me like I mean nothing to you.
Your an amazing person, perfect in every single way! I still can't get it in my head I even got the chance to spend my time with you never mind fall for you so deeply.
So there it is. I will wait. However long it takes. If what I am feeling is real, I will wait a lifetime just to be with you.
Love your Tilly x
Jen had read and re-read over the letter. Not even noticing her studants had arrived for her next lesson. She couldn't quite get her head around the whole situation. Tilly was willing to wait until she'd left College. That had to mean something right? If she really did think hers and Jens relationship was worth waiting for. That would be the best possible thing which could happen to Jen ever. Jen also re-read the part where Tilly had called herself 'your' Tilly. This made Jens heart flutter, she didn't realise how easy it was for her to be on rock bottom to read one letter and be on cloud nine seconds later.
Spending a couple of hours with Tilly tonight was definetly something to look forward to.