Chapter 17

Tilly had been going through everything she'd been through quietly to herself in her bedroom, she often wondered what she'd done so wrong to have so much bad luck come her way. It was like it was just coming and coming. Neverending bad news and horrific accidants for her. Then after all that playing on her mind, there was the whole Jen situation. Jen obviously didn't want to be with her anymore and was just happy with being friends, well thats what Tilly thought. Because if Jen actually did want to be with Tilly she would of at the least tried to talk about it, but she hadn't/ There relationship hadn't even been brought up in all the time they'd spent together. The word 'friends' just kept popping into the conversation which was enough evidance for Tilly to now realise she was kidding herself to honestly think she'd have another chance with Jen.

Although Tilly had promised to wait until she'd finished College, she now realised she couldn't quite cope. Walking past Jen in the corridors and Jen acting like Tilly ment nothing to her, sometimes even acting like Tilly didn't even exist. Only taking the time to stop and talk to her when she felt like it. It was all being played by her rules. Tilly now realised, she didn't quite have the time to wait around, after everything she's been through now she belives you should live your day like the last, because you never know when its going to end. The thought of waiting for Jen for so long and Jen just suddenly getting board of the whole idea. Because she's been in love before, she knows exactly how it feels and it's possibly a lot easier for Jen to get board. Where Tilly has never felt anything like it, Jen had been the first woman she'd ever fallen for.

Tillys parents had tried to be there for Tilly through her tough time after the day at College and the police station, but right now Tilly just wanted a little time to herself. No one around to keep bothering her if she was ok, because the question was just plane stupid. Of course she wasn't ok. But at least if Tilly can take the time alone to think about it, it gives her a lot more chance of getting herself around it.

She wasn't even bothered about the teacher situation anymore, well she was but not right at this minute. It was Jen, Jens name that kept popping into her head, every second of every day. What am I going to do about it? she kept asking herself. She didn't want to belive that in herself she wanted to try and get over Jen once and for all. That way she could actually spend a little time with Jen without wanting to instantly rip her clothes off, without staring down at her lips at every chance she got. Maybe things could be different if Tilly actually took the time to get herself around it. It was only going to get harder for the both of them after so much time anyways.

Soon after becoming friends, and the starting to meet new people. The jelousy would kick in, and then the arguments and the fall outs. And Tilly is honestly just scared she can't have Jen in her life as a friend if not anything else. Its often herself who gets jelous of Jen with her being so perfect. Her long beautiful brown shiny hair blowing in the wind, her big inspiring brown eyes, her smile, well...her smile is just the most amazing thing Tillys ever seen. The way Jen smiles towards Tilly gives her butterflies each time.

In the time Tilly has spent with Jen, Tilly has noticed Jen has 6 different kinds of laughs. Its sweet, and its special to Tilly because it actually means she really does take the time in taking in every last bit of detail of Jen. One laugh when something is really funny, a laugh when she's just laughing to be polite, a laugh when she's teaching her studants with her huge passion for art, a laugh when she's scared of something, a laugh when she is really nervous and most of all a laugh when she's in the company of Tilly.

See Tilly isn't just some stupid kid with a crush on her teacher, because everyone knows we all have a crush on someone slightly older sometime in our lives. But the connection with Jen was incredible, the power of it was just so consuming, it amazed Tilly to actually feel something so strong for someone at her age. But she wasn't scared of the feeling, because once she finally talked to Jen properly she knew, deep down Jen could possibly be the one Tilly could fall in love with.

College was over for 9 days now for the half term holidays so Tillys parents recommended Tilly going to stay with her Nan for this period of time to give her some space away, try give her a little time to herself without themselves bugging her, because they knew thats all they were doing. They could see she didn't want to be bothered but simply because they cared so much couldn't help themselves. Tilly hadn't seen her Nan for a while, to long in fact so Tilly instantly agreed. Anything to get away from this place, and as a extra this would give her a little time without having to see Jen around to get over her.

Of course it was going to take a lot more time than 9 days to get over Jen, but it could help and it was definetly worth a try wasn't it? It couldn't hurt to get away for a little while, spend some time with her Nan, which she'd definetly missed. Her nan was a cranky little woman, always up for a laugh. She was different to most. Someone who had an amazing sence of humour, but also had that side to her where you could tell her anything about anyone and she'd always keep it between the two of them. She was good like that, its one of the main reasons herself and her nan were so close. Tilly didn't used to share her problems with her parents, never did. But her nan knew everything about anything and anyone in Tillys life and she always tried her best to get her only grandaughter through the hard times.

But would telling her nan about her secret relationship with Jen knock her over the edge? Maybe that was something that Tilly would definetly need to deal with alone.

So before long Tilly had packed her bags for her long stay over at her nans back in London. Her dad put her bags into the boot of the car before himself and her mother drove Tilly to the train station which dropped her off just five minutes away from her Nans house. Yes, that was the downfall to going to see her Nan, other than her Nan being so much more lively than herself there was trains ratteling by every so often. Her father bought her the ticket for the train and handed over plenty of money to get her by whilst away before walking her to the train enterance.

Tilly took one last look at the picture on her phone of herself and Jen, and smiled. That picture brought back so many good memories of the pair of them. Before leaving sending one last text message to Jen.

Jen, i'm going away for a few days, going to visit my nan. Thanks for everything you've done for me. I know I would never have got through it without you T x

''Give me a ring when you get there right darling?'' her mother said.

''I will, I will see yous later'' replied Tilly kissing both her mother and father.

Off she went, the train pulled away as she waved off her parents goodbye and relaxed herself for the journey she had ahead of her, it didn't help she had a huge suitcase she was holding onto as the train passed by.

This could really do me the world of good! I could actually enjoy myself! Tilly thought to herself. Only downfall being she wouldn't be able to see Jens beautiful smile to help her by. As soon as she come back, she could finally put everything behind her and get on with her own life.

When Jen received the text message from Tilly her heart sank, she knew Tilly was getting away to overcome everything that had happened to her, and she knew all she needed was time. So as soon as Tilly comes back. Jens mission is only to get her younger lover back in her life.

I'll miss you, look after yourself Tilly. Remember, always here to talk Jx