A/N: Sorry about the long wait! I had gone away for the weekend and was recovering yesterday. I hope this chapter lives up to everybody's expectations!
Neal trudged slowly across the street and up the walkway to Gold's house. The thought that his father was just beyond those walls sent his heart pounding and his stomach twisting until it felt like he'd throw up with every step he took. The small amount of alcohol did nothing for him except increase the headache he'd had since they got into Maine.
This moment was something he had dreaded for so long and for awhile it had been nothing but a nightmare. He let his new identity completely take over his life, Baelfire was nothing but a distant memory. For nearly twenty years he considered himself to be Neal Cassidy and he still considered himself to be Neal, regardless of the fact that his life as Baelfire was rearing its ugly head.
He stopped just in front of the door and stared at the wood in silence, breathing heavily. He wasn't ready for this. Why did he ever agree to this? He could still stay in Storybrooke without Rumplestiltskin knowing who he was, couldn't he? It had been twenty years, possibly even longer for his father, surely there was a chance he wouldn't recognize him. He could just be Neal Cassidy, Emma's old boyfriend and Henry's father. He could be no one special.
Despite every part of him telling him to turn around and run away, there was another part of him, the part of him that told him not to be the coward his father was. To face the danger ahead of him instead of running away.
So with that little bit of courage and determination he knocked on the door. The sound made his stomach plummet as he realized he was that much closer to seeing his father again.
He tightened his jaw and straightened his back, keeping a strong appearance even though he felt like he'd fall apart with each second that passed.
He could hear a shuffling from the other side of the door. He didn't think his heart rate could climb any higher but it had, to the point where it was now pounding painfully in his ears.
His breath caught as the door clicked and the door knob turned achingly slow until finally the door was pulled open.
Neal felt his whole world on the verge of crashing down around him as he stared at the man he had once known and loved. He looked - human. He was not covered in that scaly gold, his eyes were a normal brown, his hair fell naturally brown and grey around his head and his clothes, though more modern and expensive than his old farm clothes, were not the tight leather as he last remembered. He was almost the papa he knew but there was still a darkness in his eyes that reminded him he was still the man that abandoned him for magic.
With both hands rested on the cane in front of him, Gold stared curiously at the silent man at his doorstep. "Can I help you?"
Neal didn't know if he was relieved or only felt more betrayed that he didn't recognize him. He searched for his voice but it could not be found and the longer he stared at Rumplestiltskin, the longer he could see he was becoming impatient.
"If you're not going to say anything-" It was then that Gold trailed off and his brow creased as he noticed something past Neal's shoulder. He rose slightly onto his toes to see over the slightly taller man and his eyes widened slightly as he spotted Emma's yellow bug parked on the other side of the road, with Emma herself peering out of the passenger side window.
Gold's eyes slowly moved back to him, his face softening as he eyed Neal.
Neal curled his hands into tight fists and pressed them at his sides. The way he was looking at him, Neal knew he had realized who he was.
Gold brought a shaky hand to briefly cover his mouth and then it slipped back to his side as he leaned forward and asked in a desperate whisper, "Bae?"
Neal closed his eyes tightly for a moment. Baelfire was a name he hadn't heard in years, the affectionate nickname that only his father called him stung even more. Then he inhaled sharply, swallowed, opened his eyes and nodded.
Gold let out a soft gasp. "It's really you, son?" His voice shook and cracked with a vulnerability Neal was not expecting.
Neal narrowed his eyes slightly at the man in front of him. He knew that if there was one thing his father was good at, it was manipulating people.
Finally, Neal found his voice. "Yes." He answered coldly. "It's me."
"Oh..." Gold sighed, pain and tears flickering into his eyes. "Bae. My boy..." He reached out his hand but Neal let out a slight hiss through his nose and jumped back, fixing a glare on him.
Gold recoiled and only continued to stare at him with that pathetic look. Then he nodded, "I know you're upset son-"
Neal scoffed loudly and tightly crossed his arms over his chest, averting his gaze to the floor.
"You have every right to be." Gold continued and Neal narrowed his eyes further, casting a skeptical look up at his father. Gold moved to the side, pressing himself up against the door and opening his arm in welcome. "Won't you please come inside, Bae?"
Neal rolled his eyes slightly. He didn't know how much longer he could stand that name. "Why should I?" He spat back.
Gold leaned his head slightly forward, trying to catch his eye. "We have a lot to talk about."
"What makes you think I want to talk to you?" Neal retorted.
There was no smirk, no arrogance on his face, only a pleading and a slightly knowing look in his eyes. "If you hadn't, you wouldn't have came here with Miss Swan."
Damnit, he cursed silently. He knew the real reason he had returned with Emma but he was not about to let Rumplestiltskin know he had a history with Emma and that Henry was their son.
Gold's lips twitched up in a hesitant smile and he beckoned him in again. "Baelfire, please."
Neal tightened his arms against his chest and glared at the floor. Walking into his home, to be alone with him was so much different than being in a public eye. Neal didn't know what lay beyond those doors. Neal knew magic had come to this world through Emma and the means by which she found him. And if there was magic, there was no doubt his father had it.
But Neal had come this far, he wouldn't be turning back now. So he let out a little groan, flung his arms to his side and marched past his father and into the house.
Gold watched him walk into the house, relief flooding over his features and he quickly looked across the street to Emma and sent her a curt nod. Emma's face was unreadable from that distance but she lifted her hand in acknowledgement and Gold moved back into the house, closing the door behind him.
Neal stood in the middle of the hallway, his back facing Rumplestiltskin as he looked around at the house. It was much nicer than their home back in the other land but that was no doubt due to his position in the town.
"Bae..." Gold called out softly and Neal frowned, turning around to face him.
"First of all, it's Neal. I haven't been called Baelfire since I was fourteen and that is not going to change any time soon."
Gold's face fell but nodded. "Very well. Whatever you want to be called, son, that's what I will call you."
Neal resisted another eye-roll at the constant use of the word 'son'. It was something he did often back in their old world but now it only reminded him that he did not want to be associated with him, especially as his son.
"You wanted to talk, so talk." Neal jumped right into it. There was no sense in denying the inevitable any longer. Besides he was in no mood to make small talk.
Gold frowned, shifting weight to lean more on his cane as he gazed curiously at him. "Don't you want to say anything?"
Neal's jaw tensed. "Anything I have to say, you don't want to hear."
Gold visibly swallowed and nodded quietly and Neal narrowed his eyes. It was almost as if he was the cowardice man he used to be before he acquired the power of the Dark One. But Neal couldn't believe that he was. He learned very quickly in this world that appearances were deceiving.
"Alright." Gold extended his arm out, taking a few steps from what Neal could see was a living room. "Shall we sit down-"
"No." Neal cut him off roughly. He did not feel like getting comfortable, sitting down for a nice little chat with his dear old dad. He didn't gave a care in the world about his father's gimp leg.
His father appeared taken aback but moved back to his original position, almost directly across from him, several feet away in the center of the hallway.
Neal crossed his arms over his chest and raised his brow, daring him to continue.
He sighed heavily as he leaned on his cane, staring at the floor for a moment before looking back up to Neal. "I'm sorry, Bae." Neal's brow twitched and Gold sighed again and corrected himself. "Neal. I am so sorry."
"You're sorry." Neal echoed dryly. "You abandoned me and you think a little apology is going to fix that? You let me go because magic is apparently the most important thing to you."
"No!" Gold protested, his eyes widening slightly as he took a step forward and Neal instinctively took a step back. "It's not like that!"
"Like hell!" Neal snapped. "I came to this world because there was no magic. For the twenty years I've been here this world had no magic. And then I come here, to this tiny little town, and there's magic. I wonder why that is?" He growled.
Gold shook his head, staring back at him desperately. "You don't understand."
"No, I understand perfectly." Neal shot back. "You simply could not live in a world where there was no magic."
"I brought magic here so I could find you!" Gold said. "That's the only reason."
Neal let out a bitter laugh. "You really expect me to believe that?"
Gold looked down shamefully. "Perhaps not." He glanced back up at him. "But it is the truth."
Neal pressed his lips together and shook his head vigorously. "That's crap. You couldn't give up magic for your own son. You depend on it, it's like a damn drug to you."
Gold took another few steps forward and Neal took another few steps back, eyeing him icily.
"The second that portal closed I regretted it." Gold told him. "I wanted nothing more than to open it again and jump in after you. The blue fairy told me it was impossible."
"Yeah." Neal snapped sarcastically. "I think you might have missed the part where I told you it was the last bean of its kind."
Gold ignored his comment with a quick shake of his head. "I vowed from that day on to find someway to get to this world. And I tried everything I could for decades, for centuries I lived for nothing else than to find my way to you."
Neal narrowed his eyes. "I know the stories. I've read the stories. Imagine my surprise when I find there are children's books about Rumplestiltskin and the horrors he inflicted on people. So don't you dare try to feed me those lies."
Gold pressed his brow together. "Everything I've ever done was for you."
"Tell me, the story about the Miller's daughter and spinning straw into gold and you wanting her first born child, is that true?"
He frowned, clearing this throat. "In a manner."
Neal scoffed, throwing his hands against his sides. "And you are trying to tell me that that was for my sake? And if it was, you want me to forgive you for doing so?"
"I have made some mistakes." Gold admitted. "And yes, as time went on, the dark one's power began to take over my life and my rational thought. All I wanted was to find you and I was willing to do anything to do it."
"Well believe it or not, you killing in my name does not make me feel better." Neal hissed.
"It was all for this curse." Gold went on and Neal narrowed his eyes, eyeing him. "It was the only way to get to you."
Neal suddenly felt like he was hit by a truck. "You made the curse." He ground out. As if his father hadn't ruined his life enough, it was now his father's fault that Emma was orphaned, that Emma was forced into a life of crime, that he had to leave Emma, abandon her and send her to jail, and the reason he didn't know his son for ten years.
He curled his fists into his sides and could feel the anger rising up in him and suddenly he didn't care about boundaries. He flew towards his father, stopping just inches from him and staring menacingly down, feeling a sense of power that he was taller than him. Gold's eyes flew open wide but he didn't budge and just met Neal's stare head on.
"You did this?" Neal growled, thrusting his hand out, pointing out the window toward the town.
"I created it, but I did not cast it." Gold answered tensely, eyeing his son.
Neal ground his teeth together so hard he thought he might break his jaw and he let out a growl as he backed away from his father, storming to the other side of hallway and running his hand through his hair. "You are truly unbelievable, you know that?" He snapped as he whirled around to face him again. "You cursed all these people, destroyed lives, ripped apart families and for what? So you could make peace with the son you abandoned out of your own cowardice?" Neal threw his hands in the air. "What made you possibly think that this would ever get me to forgive you?"
Gold's eyes flickered over with regret, pain and shame. "I had to try. If I had the choice to go back and fix what I did to you that night, I would. You mean more to me than my power ever could and I am sorry that we both had to find that out the hard way."
Neal shook his head. "Both? As far as I'm concerned you are still that monster who left me."
Gold seemed physically pained by that statement, flinching as the word 'monster' escaped Neal's lips. He took a breath and nodded, slowly inching his way toward him. "You're right, son. I am a coward, I always have been. It's how I lost your mother and it's how I lost you. It's how I lost everything."
"Do you want me to pity you, because it's not going to work." Neal bit out, fixing a glare on him. "You're not the only one who lost everything. Because of you, because of this curse, I lost everything that I ever loved."
Gold creased his brow in confusion. "What..."
"Emma." Neal answered simply. "I loved her. I still love her but because of you and this stupid curse, I had to leave her so she could 'fulfill her destiny as the savior' because apparently staying in her life meant she wouldn't be able to. Now she thinks I abandoned her without a second thought and that hurts because she was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me."
Gold was staring at him wide-eyed, shock evident on his face at this new information. "You and Miss Swan...Bae, I had no idea."
Neal ignored the name slip, he was too angry to even notice it. "Forget it." He snapped. "There is nothing you can say that will make this better."
His father said nothing, only stared back at him, hurt written in his eyes. Slowly he started to walk forward toward him and Neal tensed but this time did not back away.
Hesitantly, Gold reached out and gently placed his hand on Neal's arm. Even through the fabric of his shirt, his father's touch felt like a burning hot iron and he flinched, glaring down at him.
"Listen to me." Gold started and there was a tone he had only heard once before: when he was pleading with the guards to not take him away to the war. It sent a sliver of doubt to his heart but the anger he felt toward him quickly washed it away.
"Baelfire." Neal's upper lip twitched. He knew his father had called him that purposely. Perhaps trying to call back the little boy who still loved his papa. "I know what I have done was wrong, abandoning you, all the people I hurt, creating this curse but you have to know that I love you. My boy..." He gently squeezed Neal's arm and it took everything within Neal not to push him away. From the short distance they stood, Neal could see the tears beginning to form in his father's eyes and he rolled his eyes. "My beautiful boy...I have spent my whole life trying to find you. Now that I have...well, its all I ever wanted. To see your face again, even just to know you were alive. I know you're angry with me...but you are my son...and I hope in time, that may be enough."
It was those words that finally broke Neal out of his father's grasp. "I may be your son, but you are not my father."
The tears in his eyes increased, his face falling as his hand remained outstretched toward Neal. "Bae..."
"It's Neal!" He growled angrily. "Don't you understand that? I am not the same person I was back then because you dropped me into this strange land all on my own at fourteen years old. In this land, that's too young to be on your own! And I couldn't tell anyone my real name, I couldn't tell anyone where I was really from because they would think I was insane! I had no identity here. I was thrown into the foster system for two years until I ran away at sixteen because no one wanted a kid who was too afraid to speak. So my name is Neal Cassidy. And you," He threw a finger at him, "Are not my father for the simple fact that the man I called Papa would not have done all of this. Would not have caused any harm to anyone. Would not have everyone, including his own son, terrified of him!"
Neal only realized his words when he noticed his father's shamed face morph into a look of horror. Neal cursed under his breath and turned away from him, running a hand through his hair in frustration.
He never understood how his father never realized why everyone in their village was so afraid of him. And he certainly never realized how much Baelfire was terrified of him, to do something wrong and have the Dark One's wrath. Or to have someone make a mistake and do something wrong to him and have them suffer because of it.
"You were scared of me, Bae?" His voice sounded weak and lost and Neal turned back to him in exasperation.
"Everyone was scared of you. Do you not realize that? I lost all my friends because no one wanted to be seen with me in fear that you would kill them." He let out a deep sigh. "Yes, I was scared of you. I was scared of what you had become, the dark power that was taking over my father. And that's still in you. I'm not a fourteen year old boy anymore, I've grown up so I don't fear you anymore. But I still hate it and until you give that up, until I start seeing my Papa again...you can forget about forgiveness."
Gold shook his head slowly. "But I was such a coward...everyone shunned me."
Neal sighed. "That didn't matter to me. I didn't care what everyone else thought about you. You were my father...my best friend. I didn't care that you left the war, I didn't care that the village hated you and thought you were a coward, what I cared about was that you cared about me. And I'd have that coward back any day than the one who left me hanging in that portal."
Gold bowed his head, leaning against his cane. "I can't be that man again." He muttered. "I lacked the ability to stand up for myself, to stand up for you."
Neal scoffed bitterly. "You don't have to be a coward...you just have to be human."
Gold looked up at him, surprise written on his face.
"But you can't be that, can you?" Neal whispered, shaking his head. "You just can't give it up."
"Bae..."
Neal scoffed and turned his back to him, heading towards the door. He took a hold of the doorknob and paused, looking over his shoulder at the silent man standing pathetically at the end of the hallway. "Emma's debt is paid." With only those words, he pulled open the door, walked out and slammed the door behind him.