Author's note: And we're back with Xander and the humor. I hope you like Corrin's ridiculousness in this chapter as much as I do.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fire Emblem.

Chapter nine: The Talk (Really)

If you want something done right, you must do it yourself. Xander thought. But he did not feel consoled. With each step towards Corrin's house and the awaiting "conversation" that he knew must take place, Xander's legs felt a little heavier, his whole body more burdened.

What I would give to have been born the younger brother! he thought. Of course, that means Leo would have to give Corrin the talk. … He fainted when I talked to him. Now that I think on it, did we ever finish that "discussion"?

Xander would have much rather spoken man-to-man with Leo than brother-to-sister with Corrin. But Leo was a bachelor who had at least an idea as to the subject. Corrin was a fiancée without a clue.

Too soon, Xander reached her door. He cleared his throat, combed back his hair, adjusted his scarf, cleared his throat again, and then slowly — so slowly! — knocked on the door.

There was no answer.

… Perhaps I should knock a little louder this time. Xander thought. He did so, and this time, Corrin promptly opened for him.

She smiled when she saw him. "Xander! Hah, it seems everyone wants to visit me today. Come in."

Xander had to stoop slightly to enter Corrin's house. Standing just inside the doorway, he took a quick glance about the room. Xander briefly wondered whether he would be about, but thankfully, the house seemed empty except for themselves. Then Xander noticed some broken cookies lying in a pile on the floor.

"Corrin, are you feeding the rats again?" he asked, frowning at the mess.

Corrin laughed. "No, brother, I promise! That… Actually, that is a bit of an embarrassing story. It happened right after Camilla left. No, wait, it happened after Camilla and Elise and Azura left. All three had some sort of secret to tell me, but they never got around to saying it. I was tired of being left in the dark, and so took out my frustration on my breakfast."

Corrin had her arms crossed and was glaring at the cookies. Xander smirked, despite his nervousness. She's still such a child. he realized. That thought finally consoled him.

Xander took a deep breath. "Corrin, you mentioned a secret which our sisters would not share with you. Tell me, would you like me to explain?"

Corrin's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yes. At this point in your life, it is a necessary conversation. And if your sisters will not tell you, then the duty falls to me."

"Duty?" Corrin repeated, frowning. "Why do you sound so serious? The way everyone was carrying on, I thought this might be a fun secret."

Xander cringed. "No. This is certainly not a 'fun' secret. I would trade-in my best shield if it would make this moment unnecessary."

"That's another word you keep using — necessary." Corrin chewed the word, seeming to taste it; she didn't immediately spit it out, but she did continue to look cautious. "You must tell me this, then?"

Xander nodded. "It is painful, but yes."

Xander was sure that Corrin was pleased; she tried to hide it by shrugging her shoulders and brushing back her hair, but her lips would not stop curling. She must have hated to be left out. Xander thought. She obviously doesn't care what I'm about to tell her, so long as she's let back into the circle.

Corrin was staring at him. "I'm ready." she prodded.

"Ah. Yes." Xander took another deep breath. "Well… We should sit down."

Corrin sighed but did as suggested. She flopped onto her bed and curled into a ball, so that her chin rested on her knees. Xander took the only other seat available — the only other seat that was ever available in the other rooms — a chair from Corrin's table. We really need some new furnishings in our quarters. he thought.

Corrin didn't say anything this time, but her eagerness was plain in her eyes. They were wide and slow to blink, staring at Xander with complete attentiveness. Xander flinched under the weight of such a look. Why must you look so enthralled! he whined.

"Ah. Corrin…" Xander began in a whisper. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Corrin…"

"I know my name." Corrin muttered.

"Right! Of course you do. Hah hah, very funny…" But Xander wasn't laughing. "Um, jokes aside — you must understand something. This secret we seem to have been keeping from you is a secret all people are kept from for at least some portion of their lives."

Corrin perked up again. "How strange!" she exclaimed.

"Not really. There are many other such secrets that older people keep from the young. They mean no harm in any of their fictional explanations or outright lies; they only want to protect the young from things they can not possibly understand yet."

Corrin frowned. "So I wasn't ready for this secret, but Elise was?"

Xander laughed nervously. Damn! She's quick.

"No." he said firmly. "Please believe me, Corrin, when I say that you are far more ready than Elise. And that is not only my opinion, but the opinion of all your siblings — well, besides Elise."

Corrin smiled. "Yes, I can understand that. But if I am ready, then why don't I know yet?"

"We thought you already knew!" Xander said in one breath. "It never crossed our minds that you didn't know about… the secret. I suppose it is because you were kept in the fortress while the rest of us were allowed to leave. So many familial duties were taken up at an early age by your caretakers and retainers; I'm sure a good many things were swept under the rug."

"Oh," said Corrin softly, "I guess that does make sense. But you're going to correct that mistake now, right?"

Xander stared at the floor. He didn't want to answer.

"Right?" Corrin repeated more forcefully.

Xander clenched his teeth and nodded. "Yes, I suppose I must, now."

"You must." Corrin insisted.

"Very well. Uh, how to begin…?" Xander closed his eyes. He felt so strange — his face was so warm, his hands were shaking, and his chest felt tight. I don't have any experience in this field! he thought in despair. Why can't we talk about things I know — like how to successfully lead an army through the snow, or how to behead an enemy quickly. I'm good at that!

"Xander…" Corrin whined.

"Sorry." Xander sighed. "Okay, no more stalling. I'll just jump right in. Now, this secret — well, Corrin, do you… Do you remember how you and um, Niles," Xander hesitated to say his name, "first expressed affection for one another?"

Corrin nodded eagerly. "Oh yes!" Then, with some suspicion, "Why?"

"Because that's the beginning of the secret," Xander explained awkwardly. "Please, trust me and answer my questions. What was that expression?"

Corrin looked thoughtful. "Well, it was after he had admitted that he finally thought of me as a trustworthy ally and a friend. Soon after, I think, we were sitting outside one night, talking — we do that a lot — and he suddenly reached for my hand."

"I see." said Xander aloud. That subtle dastard! he screamed inside.

"And soon after that," Corrin continued, smiling, "he told me he really enjoyed spending time with me, and he would like it if we could become closer. I said of course, and we started spending every night together, sitting somewhere alone so we could talk and hold hands. A little while later, he told me he loved me."

Xander nodded his head. His chest was growing even tighter, now.

Corrin fluttered her lashes and blushed a little, but she was smiling wide enough to break her face. Xander wondered at her openness with him, especially after all he had said against Niles. It must have really hurt her to keep her courtship a secret. he realized. She's just relieved to be able to finally admit it to us.

"I told Niles I loved him, too," said Corrin shyly, smiling at her feet. "He explained that he didn't love me as a friend, and I sort of felt funny for a moment, because I thought that's what he meant — what I meant. But then he said he loved me like a man loves a woman, and I realized it was the same kind of love like in my favorite fairytales. Once I saw that, I knew that I loved him that same way, too."

Xander was slow to respond. Corrin raised her head to stare at him; she looked frightened, as if wondering whether she had said too much. Xander couldn't find enough hatred for Niles to hurt her feelings. "That's a lovely story, Corrin." he said softly.

Corrin beamed. "I think so."

"And, what happened then?"

"He kissed me."

Xander recoiled. I shouldn't have asked!

Corrin didn't seem to notice. "It was my first time, and it was so—"

"Ahem," Xander interrupted quickly, "we're getting off-topic here. Now, let's recap: You became friends with Niles, you held hands with Niles, and then you," he sighed, "kissed Niles."

"That was basically the order of events," Corrin agreed, "though sometime in between holding hands and kissing, I felt comfortable enough to embrace him."

Xander groaned silently. This conversation is more distressing than trying to explain the limits of diplomacy to Elise.

"Okay, fine — no more details, Corrin, please. But can you see how, as your relationship progressed, so did your physical intimacy?"

Corrin tilted her head to one side. "Hm. Now that you point it out, I do see it."

"And it hit a climax with kissing, right?" Xander stressed the question.

"Yes." Corrin answered simply. Xander took a deep breath, both in relief and in preparation.

"Corrin, there's another step that may be taken — a step that's even more advanced than kissing."

Corrin's eyes widened. "Really? But, they didn't mention anything else in my fairytale books. The couple always kissed, got married, and lived happily ever after. Oh! are you talking about marriage?"

Xander shook his head. "Corrin," he said, feeling exasperated, "you already know about marriage. You told us yourself that you plan to marry Niles. It's something that's not mentioned in your books, something you don't know, because it's a… secret."

"Oh yeah!" Corrin leaned forward, towards Xander. "Is it… Is it about the happily ever after?"

Xander stared at his shoes. "Uh… I suppose you could say that…?"

"So there is something after that part!" Corrin exclaimed. "I always suspected."

Xander closed his eyes. "Corrin."

"Um, yes?"

"If I'm going to explain this to you, you're going to need to shut up now. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but it's true."

Corrin let out a quiet hum in agreement. She wouldn't say another word.

Xander opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. He prayed for divine guidance and wisdom, that the right words would be put into his mouth, that he wouldn't babble like some perverted idiot. At that moment, he prayed for the perfection of a father.

He took another deep breath and dived in. "Corrin, when a man and woman get married, they…"

Ending note: Here's a fun teaser - the next chapter is titled The Fight.